A/N: Hello, this is my first story for FF [unbeated so all mistakes are sorely mine and I take full responsibility for its badness]. It's an AU of Chuck Vs The Angel of Death, where the last 5 minutes [Capt. Awesome being taken by the ring, the Orange Orange Charah scene] didn't happen. Awesome is home safe and sound. Chuck and Sarah went their separate ways for the night. Comments are immensely enjoyed and criticism is badly needed. Hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Chuck. I have a conspiracy theory that Subway does, but no-one wants to hear about that.
January 12, 2010 0200
Surveillance Camera #316 CIA
Echo Park, Burbank CA
Code Level: Confidential
////Noise///
Scanning Database for information on threat level
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Anonymous Noise identified: iPhone 3G Serial Number 9290008
Purchaser: Charles Irving Bartowski; Charles Charmical.
Codename: Moron
Clearance: Confidential
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MORON: He-hello? Sarah?
Unknown Threat: Chuck?
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Scanning Database for information on threat level
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///////10001101Voice Recognition Software 101010010////
…..
Tracing other line
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Tracking Chip on Phone
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Match Confirmed.
Central Intelligence Agency Agent Sarah Walker
Codename: Skirt
Clearance: Confidential
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MORON: Sarah, its 2 AM! What are you doing up?
SKIRT: I couldn't sleep. Decided to go to a bar.
MORON: At 2 AM in the morning? SKIRT: No. 11. Is Morgan there?
MORON: No, he got challenged to a Rock Band Tournament by a 13-year-old yesterday. Haven't seen him since
MORON: … How much have you had to drink, by the way?
SKIRT: A couple of beers. Some shots. Why?
SKIRT: Why?
MORON: ..It's just kind of odd, you never seemed like an alcoholic type to me.
SKIRT: Am not!
...
SKIRT: It's just the last few days have been kinda crazy. A drink or two never hurts.
MORON: Fair enough.
....
MORON: So, why did you decided to wake me up at 2 am?
SKIRT: A shot of vodka
MORON: Oh.
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January 12, 2010 0300
SKIRT: Chuck?
MORON: Okay so this would be her 12th. Yes Sarah?
SKIRT: What happens to coconut's milk when it decomposes?
MORON: I have no idea Sarah.
SKIRT: Well then you should find out.
MORON: Why?
SKIRT: This is bound to be useful information later on.
MORON: With my life, yeah.
MORON: So, in about, 5 hours from now, I'll go stop off at LargeMart and get a coconut and..
SKIRT: No.
Moron: What?
SKIRT: No.
MORON: Why?
SKIRT: Get the Coconut tree seeds.
MORON: But its simpler and easier to just..
SKIRT: And what's the fun of that?
SKIRT: Oh sure, you could try to kill James Bond without the laser beam. But what fun is that?
SKIRT: I'll tell you, none. No style whatsoever.
MORON: Alright alright, I'll go get the coconut.. Palm tree seeds.
MORON: Ah-ha! I knew I'd eventually rub off on you.
SKIRT: Too bad it isn't in more ways than one.
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January 12, 2010 0400
SKIRT: ..Ah, Uggh. at' as' some good 'ard whiskey.
MORON: …Sarah, did you just have a Car Bomb.
SKIRT: Maybe.
SKIRT: Chuuuck?
MORON: Yes?
SKIRT: If a penguin and a dodo got in a fight, who would win?
MORON: Well, a dodo might have the upper hand because of its height differences but if this match was in Antarctica and they were…
SKIRT: A giraffe. Who'd turn into Chuck Norris.
MORON: An interesting theory. But if..
SKIRT: Chuck?
MORON: Yes Sarah?
SKIRT: Shut up.
...........
January 12, 2010 0500
SKIRT: Moe-Hee-Toes
SKIRT: Mooee-Heee-Toes
SKIRT: Moo*umph* Heee*umph* Toes *umph!*
MORON: Sarah?
SKIRT: Ch.. ch.. …Cuk?
MORON: Isn't this your 15th.
MORON: Mojito.
SKIRT: 'pears. So.
SKIRT: 'nother round, bartender!
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January 12, 2010 0530
MORON: Sarah, I think you should stop now, I feel..
SKIRT: 'ts all about your feelings huh Chuck?
SKIRT: Like that train station in Prague.
SKIRT: Damn it, I'm always the one who inanities the kiss.
SKIRT: Is it because you don't love me? Is it one of those brunette bitches?
Moron: No, ..
SKIRT: That's it! When I become Supreme Overlord Amazing Super Special Awesome Master President of the World!, I will issue a degree that all Woman who are Brunettes must shave their hair bald or dye their hair.
SKIRT: Oh, and men too, if you're into that thing.
SKIRT: Except you of course. You and Ellie. Hmm, maybe not Ellie. I've been reading way to many fanfics..
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January 12, 2010 0550
SKIRT: Grow some Batosik! Batroki! Bartowkia! !
MORON: Sarah..?
//Loud Violent Sounds Can Be Heard From The Phone//
MORON: Hey, Are you all right Sarah? I heard some loud noises like crashing..
SKIRT: I'm , I'm fine. But the brunette next to me? Not so much.
MORON: Sarah..?
SKIRT: CHUCKMEUHCKMECKMECHU..CUKMECHUCKME*umph!* *ughmp!*CHUCKMEMEME..!!!
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///Signal Blanked///
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//Searching Databanks for information///
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////The Signal Disappearance seems to be from a Chip Deficit//
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///Liquid 99.9% Probability///
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///Searching Databanks////
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///Chemical Match:///
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///H20////
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///End Transmission///
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Sending Report…
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..
Send complete.
Arrived to Agent Shaw at 0600
"Interesting…"