Pairing:Clark/Lois,someClanaandGabriel/Lois Spoilers: Plot: A/N:
Prologue
Grant Gabriel was looking out for the perfect double act for his latest expose, but no one could match up to his criteria for the assignment, until that one morning when he came across the mostly intensely bickering couple he had ever seen – Lois and Clark in the copy room.
Clark and Lois were seasoned bickerers and had been since the day she moved into the farm three years ago. Their fights were a daily occurrence, if not more often. That particular day, World War III had been triggered by the mystery of who had left the top of the toothpaste the night before.
"Lois, admit it. You came in drunk, decided to clean your teeth and forgot to put the top on. Is it so hard for you to be honest and own up?" Clark suggested.
"Clark, I was too drunk to clean my teeth so it must have been you. "
"It wasn't me." He held his hand up. "I still can't work out what you were doing at the farm anyway when you live at the Talon."
"I told you that I left my key in the taxi and Chloe was staying at Jimmy's apartment. What is the problem anyway? " she asked defensively.
"There is no problem." Clark replied.
"Maybe Lana popped home from Nell's to come and clean her teeth and then left."
Clark grimaced at her. "You are so hysterical, Lois."
Their spat was suddenly interrupted by a round of applause. They both turned to see Grant entering the room. "You two are hilarious."
Clark was just about to explain that he had come to see Chloe, but Grant stopped him. "Clark, have you ever thought about journalism?"
Clark looked at him, puzzled. "No way! It is not for me."
"Lois, I need you to go to LA this afternoon to investigate something which could lead to one of the most sensational exposes this paper has ever seen."
Her face lit. "Ok, I'll go and pack." She replied with enthusiasm.
Grant stopped her. "There is one condition. I need to send someone with you."
"Who?"
"Clark!" he replied.
"Mr Grant, April Fool's Day is not for a couple of months yet." Clark laughed nervously.
"I am not kidding. This could be one of the biggest breaks for Lois and could propel her into the big-time but she cannot do it without you."
Lois looked at him with her pleading expression which worked every time. "Please Clark. I would do it for you."
"I can't. What can I tell Lana?" he asked.
"She is not due back until tomorrow. Just tell her the truth. I am sure she will understand."
"It's not a good time to drop a bombshell like this." He explained.
Lois sighed. "Smallville, is it ever a good time with you and Lana."
Clark knew she was not going to take no for an answer. "Ok, but just for a few days."
Grant smiled. "Ok, that's great. I have to go and pull some strings. It is not that easy to get people on the most watched chat show in daytime TV." He smiled.
Clark panicked. "What did you say?"
"You two are going to be guests on LiesNeverPay" Grant explained. "I have sources who have told me it is fixed, and I want to expose the scandal. I will leave you to sort things out and I will book the flights. You leave at 3pm."
Lois started jumping up and down with excitement. "This is going to be so good."
On the other hand, Clark sank into the chair behind him. "Or maybe not!" he sighed.
Lois came out of Grant's office and readjusted her clothes after their quick fumble and found Clark talking to Jimmy. She was buzzing from this trip even though it was with Clark.
"Clark, we only have a few hours. Could you drive me back to the Talon on your way home to pack." Lois said excitedly.
"I have been thinking maybe this is not such a good idea." Clark replied nervously, knowing he was not going to get anywhere with Lois judging by the excitement on her face.
"Don't even bother trying to worm your way out of this one, Smallville. This means so much to me, would you want to disappoint me." Her eyes were pleading with this one. "Grant says we won't even make it on the show anyway. We are just there to go undercover and unearth the scandal before we tape ."
Clark knew he had no choice if he did not want the wrath of Lois for the next year. "Ok, but I am not going on the show."
Clark never really watched TV and had never seen daytime TV. "So what is this ' Lies Never Pay' all about."
"I have only seen it a few times but the premise of the show is to put the most dysfunctional couples face to face and attach them to a lie detector. They then get to ask each other five questions. If they do not set the lie detector off, they get $100,000. No one has ever won the show because they deliberately pick the most bickering couples in the world." Lois explained.
"We are perfect for the show." Clark managed a chuckle. "Why don't contestants just tell the truth and win the money."
"Because they are all confident that they can beat the machine and refuse to admit to their cheating."
"So does Grant think the machine is rigged?" Clark asked.
"No he thinks that they use actors to pose as contestants making the Jerry Springer Show look tame." Lois smiled.
"The ratings are through the roof because viewers love car-crash TV but they might not feel that way when they discover the contestants do not even know each other prior to the show." She continued.
"So what do we have to do?" Clark was puzzled.
"We are not using aliases, so if we can get on, it proves the show does not use real couples."
"But how do we avoid going on the show? Surely we need to go on as a couple in order to uncover the false contestants."
"Don't worry, even if we do, there is a 2 week gap between taping and airing of the show, due to the sheer volumes of litigations the show's producers have been faced with recently. The delay in airing gives them a chance to pull an episode if they need to. No one will ever see us."
"In that case let's get there and blow this wide open." He smiled.
Just then Clark's cell rang. "It's Lana. Excuse me." He gave a small sigh as if he was preparing for a battle and walked to the corner of the bullpen.
Lois could not help but hear some of what he was saying.
Lana,whyareyoublamingme?Youcouldn'thandlethem...Fine,ifthat'sthewayyoufeel,stayatNell's.Youpracticallylivethereanyway...Don'tturnthisaroundonme,youknewwhatthelimitationswerewhenyoumovedin.
She saw Clark hang up so she busied herself with her computer so he would not know she had overheard. Sometimes she wondered why he bothered with Lana. There was nothing Lois could put her finger on but whenever she was at the farm, there seemed to be an atmosphere between Lana and Clark.
"Are you ok?" she looked up, noticing the preoccupation on his face.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Lana said it is no problem me helping you." He put on a false smile. "Let's go and pack."
Lois and Clark drove to the Talon, and as she climbed out, he turned to her. "Lois, I'll pick you up in 45 mins. If you are not ready we will miss the flight."
"Ok, I'd better hurry."
Clark drove home and was packed in 10 seconds, but decided to slow down and have a drink before he left so not to make Lois suspicious. He thought it would be nice having someone to share his secret with and when Lana found out he was actually pleased. However it had made the gap between them wider.
It was as though Lana felt she had to compete with his powers when in actual fact, all Clark wanted to do with her was act normal and forget he was different. But Lana never let him forget especially it came to his refusal to have an intimate relationship with her for fear of hurting her.
As much as he tried to deny it to himself, the quiet voice of doubt in his head about his relationship with Lana was beginning to get louder and he knew he would have to face up to these feelings at some point soon.
He was snapped out of his thoughts by the ring of his cell. It was Lois asking where he was. He looked at his watch and almost keeled over.
"Lois, you have only had 30 mins." He announced in shock.
He went to pick her up and they headed to the airport. "Lois, I still cannot believe you are ready in half an hour."
"I told Chloe to go home and pack for me." She said as she pointed at the two suitcases for him to carry downstairs. He picked them up pretending they were heavy; in fact he wondered if a normal person would be able to carry them.
Clark and Lois drove off to see what was waiting for them in LA. Little did they realise how much their lives would change over the next few days...
Clark spent the next hour on the way to the airport hearing all about how fabulous journalism was, but instead of boring him, he was fascinated by Lois's enthusiasm. Even Chloe couldn't match her obsession.
Clark could not help but stare at Lois when she was in full flow. She was like a breath of fresh air, helping him keep his mind off his trouble with Lana. Even so his mind soon drifted back to the barn three nights ago when Lana told him she would kill to keep Clark safe. That idea did not sit well with Clark; in some ways her admission had freaked him out. He had trouble working out where the super powered Lana had started and where the real Lana had finished.
It had been after his refusal to tell Lana that he would love her no matter what, that she had fled to Nell's for a few days although this had now turned into a week.
"Penny for your thoughts." Lois snapped him out of his thoughts.
"I was just thinking. Sorry Lois, I was listening to you, well most of the time anyway."
"Let me guess, you were thinking about Lana and her recent dabbling with diesel fumes." Lois joked trying to make light of the situation.
"That is not funny, Lois." Clark glared at her.
"Neither was being thrown through a window but even I can see the funny side of it." Lois replied.
"I know, how are you now?" he asked concerned.
"My ego is more bruised than my body. What was up with Lana anyway? Chloe said it was some kind of temporary effects of meteor rocks on the farm."
"Yeah, that's true. We found some when we were out riding." Clark replied honestly even though it was not the whole truth.
"So why is she at Nell's?" Lois asked.
Clark looked pensive. "She needed time out."
"She seems to need a lot of time out since she moved in with you. I mean I have lived with you and it was not so bad, well apart from the fact you can be strange at times." Her mouth was engaging before her brain.
Clark looked at her. "We are going through a rough patch at the moment, but nothing we won't survive."
"Ok..." Lois smiled. "Let's get booked in for this flight."
An hour later, they were in-flight on their way to LA. "Have you been to LA before?" Lois asked.
"Nope, but I have always wanted to. You?"
"I went when I was about 12 years old with an aunt. It was one of the few times dad let me have some fun. No doubt it has changed in the past 10 years."
"No doubt. Where are we staying?" Clark asked.
"I don't know yet. Grant says all the info will be contained in the welcome pack we get when we are picked up."
"We're getting picked up in a limo." Clark asked.
"No, probably just a taxi. There should be a driver waiting in the arrival hall."
"What do you make of Grant? There is something about him I cannot put my finger on." Clark commented.
"He is a great guy if you get to know him." Lois stated.
"Just how well do you know him?" Clark probed, his interest sparked by the way she answered the previous question, as though he was hiding something.
She looked exasperated. "What are you suggesting?"
"Nothing, it is just the way you talk about him. Are you interested in him?"
"What are you, my dad? If you must know, I do find him very cute." She smiled.
He looked at her. "You're seeing him, aren't you?"
"Clark, yes I see him...as do all the employees at the Daily Planet. Can we please talk about something else?" She asked.
"Ok, if that is what you want. Please don't get hurt. There is something about him I don't like." He replied.
"You can talk. Lana hurts you every day and you let her because you are so blind."
"What are you talking about? We love each other." Clark defended his relationship. "She would never hurt me."
Lois smiled. "Why do you sound like you are trying to convince yourself?"
"I won't mention Grant again if you don't bring up me and Lana again." He offered his hand.
She shook it. "Ok, I promise. It is not like either of us care what the other one does with their private life."
He knew he shouldn't, but for some reason he did care...a lot.
They arrived and were met by a man holding up a sign saying Kent/Lane. He drove them to a small but pleasant looking hotel on the outskirts of LA.
Approaching the desk, Lois smiled at the woman behind it. "Hi, I am Lois Lane. I believe we have a reservation."
"Do you want a one or two rooms?" the lady asked.
"Two, if you don't mind. He snores dreadfully." She dug her elbow in his side to get him to play along.
The woman looked up and smiled. "Do you know I hear that same excuse from 90% of LNP contestants? I don't think anyone will ever win that show. They pick the most incompatible couples."
Lois smiled. "Clark and I should do well."
They headed to their respective rooms which were at opposite ends of the corridor.
He showed her to her room. "Are you going to meet me for dinner in an hour?" he asked.
"We might as well since the Network are picking up the tab." Lois smiled.
Two hours later, there was a knock at Clark's door. He assumed it would be Lois.
He opened the door to see a young man standing at the door, looking nervous. "Mr Kent, can we talk for a moment. There has been a huge mistake..."