(Originally posted on AO3 March 29, 2014. Crossposted here due to the latest events at the AO3 board.)
i.
She goes to Europe to make herself a new identity and sort her thoughts out. Seeing the Winter Soldier again - trying to kill Steve, nonetheless - was unexpected, and with everything that has happened, she didn't have the time to compartmentalize.
But she does now.
And the Red Room lurks around.
ii.
She hasn't told Steve the entire truth about the Winter Soldier and how she knew him, of course. He knows that she worked for the Reds before and then turned around, to work for Fury. He doesn't know about her training, how young she started (there are no children here, Natalia) and who made her in what she used to be.
No one knows the Winter Soldier trained her.
Fury and Clint know about the Red Room, but nothing more. Some parts of her past are better left alone - especially when it won't bring any advantage to those knowing them.
iii.
She creates herself, once again. Europe is the best place for that, and Budapest is beautiful at this time of the year. Natasha Romanoff only disappears to reappear somewhere else, unexpected.
She kills five assassins sent to kill her in the first three weeks and is then left alone.
The message is understood for those living in the shadows.
iv.
Bucky Barnes, she thinks, watching the rain falls in London. He is on the loose now, and there is a price on his head.
Steve might end up in the crossfire.
v.
(Clint calls her and seems terrified.)
The Winter Soldier is open game and there is no care for collateral damages.
She has to go back.
vi.
Steve is a mess. The Falcon - Sam - has been trying to keep him together, but she knows how easily the past can tear people apart. The two of them are not difficult to find, and seem even relieved when they come across her in a restaurant in New-Orleans.
"I keep losing his track," Steve admits, and she nods, slowly, Sam looking at the two of them with a frown, worry written all over his face. "I hear rumors, I tail him and he is gone again once I arrive."
His hands are shaking, until she holds them - he has a strong grip.
"I don't know what to do anymore," he whispers, and she smiles, gently.
"You let me do the job," she tells him.
vii.
It doesn't take long to explain how the Winter Soldier - Bucky, as Steve insists to call him, and she smiles, a bit sadly - is on the run to protect his life from those trying to kill him. This is best for his safety, no one can reach him for now (and best for those looking after him, Sam adds, and she nods, glad he understands). Steve doesn't like it but seems a bit reassured now that a specialist is at his side.
She always has had the best timing.
viii.
James B. Barnes must be falling apart now, according to her estimations. He is going to make mistakes, lost in his head as he is, with no one to look after him while he is trying to break from the programming of H.Y.D.R.A.
All that matters now is to be the first to find him - and she has a clear idea where to start.
ix.
New-York is a nest of spies, but she knows the city, and so does Steve.
Steve.
He is more confident now that they have a plan - now that there is someone talented helping him tracking down his best friend. All they need is to get there on time, and there will be some kind of solace for another weapon of the Red Room.
x.
It is a close call, but they make it eventually. They arrive in the middle of an assassination attempt - not the first one, obviously, because the Winter Soldier has made plenty of enemies since he first killed - but Bucky Barnes is in the middle of deprogramming, is lost in his own head and sometimes, sometimes, all you need is a little backup.
There is something exhilarating in fighting side by side with him again, reflexes taking over – and there is a reason why the world of the shadows always feared the Red Room's assets so much.
The Black Widow reputation is made once again.
xi.
They find a safe place not so far away - Maria has everything prepared, and Fury gets a report - and Bucky Barnes locks himself in a room, blood all over his clothes.
She knows the feeling.
Steve doesn't, though, and she has to make him sit down before he breaks the lock while trying to open the door. He just needs to wait a bit more, she explains to him, and he looks at her with piercing eyes, searching for something on her face.
Something he must have found, because his face crumbles and his shoulders fall down. Sam quietly leaves, heading for a shower, leaving the two of them in the kitchen, a bottle of whisky on the table.
"You know what's happening," Steve says, and he looks defeated, powerlessness written all over him. "You went through it too."
And it's barely a question. She nods and he sighs, before looking at the door behind which Bucky is. She takes his hand.
"All he needs is time, Steve. And to be somewhere safe." She hesitates a bit, and he looks at her, trusting.
"When I joined the S.H.I.E.L.D., Clint was with me all the time, and not only to make sure I wouldn't betray them," she explains in a low voice. "The Red Room training is… it is very difficult to break. Even when you have someone looking after you."
"I understand," Steve says, and smiles at her, a bit hesitantly, before holding her hand a bit tighter.
She isn't sure he really understands, but at least he has a basic grasp of what is happening.
xii.
Bucky avoids him. Sam stays for a few days, before leaving - probably doesn't help that I am here, he says, and looks at her in such a way that she is certain he knows she has had some kind of relationship with the Winter Soldier. He is smart.
Bucky doesn't leave his room, won't talk to them, but at least eats the food she brings him. He thanks her in Russian after a week, and she has to keep Steve on the other side of the flat after that.
All hell breaks loose when the nightmares begin. Well, the screaming during the nightmares, more like it, meaning that Bucky is starting to feel comfortable enough for his subconscious to drop its guard a little. Steve breaks the door in trying to open it, and she keeps her gun in her hand while he pins Bucky to the bed, trying to get him to calm down.
She knocks him out.
"We will talk to him in the morning," she says to Steve, who looks at her like she has kicked his puppy.
It's probably not that far from the truth.
xiii.
The atmosphere that morning in gloomy and they all eat breakfast in the kitchen. Steve is in charge of preparing it while she fetches Bucky. She is sitting between the two, very calm, with her gun next to her plate, and Bucky keeps his eyes fixed on it, deliberately not looking at Steve.
This is going to take a long time.
She explains to Bucky what is happening exactly, why the three of them are staying in this particular place and asks him if he understands everything she is saying.
He nods and calls her Natalia, then goes back to his room, closing the door as much as he can.
Steve looks like he is going to cry and she feels sorry for him.
No one who knew her before she went to the Red Room was still alive when she joined the S.H.I.E.L.D.
xiv.
Days go by, turn into weeks, and Bucky still doesn't ask any questions, locked in his room with old papers (his file, she knows, Steve pushed it under the door, with a bunch of additional remarks along the ones she wrote).
But Steve is persistent, if nothing else, and sits on the other side of the door, telling Bucky of their lives together, before the war (before the fall), and she listens to his voice. It doesn't keep the nightmares at bay, and he only accepts her at his side when they all wake up in the middle of the night, but it's better than nothing.
And she could swear there is some kind of amelioration.
She mostly looks after them, making a few phone calls here and there, especially to Clint.
They usually don't talk of her first months at the S.H.I.E.L.D. but he wants to help too, and gives away a few tips.
The weight of the arrow on her necklace is comforting.
xv.
One night they end up on the couch rather than on Bucky's bed, Steve sitting in the corridor while she is curled up next to Bucky, the street lamps the only source of light in the room. He is looking at his hand and she knows he sees blood on them.
"Do you remember?" he asks in a hoarse voice, not looking at her. "Before the Red Room?"
"Not much," she answers, and Steve is shuffling a few feet away. "But I was a child when they took me. You remember?"
He nods and Steve takes a short intake of breath. They will have to talk about it, eventually.
"So it's just a few memories… but I'm not sure I would have a lot more if they hadn't taken me."
There is a long pause. Steve stirs.
"So they come back, eventually," Bucky says slowly, looking at her - and yes, he is scared.
She smiles and nods. His eyes move a bit and she feels her smile becoming gentler as she realizes he is looking at Steve, who has his head between his hands.
This is difficult for all of them.
They stay in this position for a long time, until Bucky finally rises and walks to Steve before sitting next to him, shoulders almost touching. He looks extremely hesitant and she remembers what he was screaming in Russian during one of his nightmares - don't hurt the Captain, don't hurt him - not knowing if it was a dream or a memory. Steve has raised his head and looks at Bucky, who keeps his eyes on the wall opposed to them, before settling in the same position. They both keep their head held high, Steve's gaze merely fluttering to her before going back to the face, a pensive expression on his face.
She watches them until the sun rises, and sees how their shoulders, merely inches apart at first, are now one against the other, and the contact doesn't seem to disturb them. They are too asleep for that, she considers with a little smile, satisfied.
Dawn always comes after the dark.