A.N: They deleted this story because it had song lyrics in it. Hopefully I've 'fixed' it now. Since I'm not allowed the lyrics in here the song is Big Girls Don't Cry – Glee cover. ( watch?v=djM45ad4XTk)

That last hug still haunts me. One armed of course, you still can't really use your right side, but what really hit me was the smell. You smelt all wrong. Not like you. Too clean, like disinfectant and plasters. Like a hospital. They're taking you down to the specialist one on Earth. I could go with you, we both know they'd let me.

I want to be with you, of course I do. But I'm scared. I know, I know, Lieutenant Taz is never scared! Well this time I am. I tell myself that the distance will be good for me. That getting back to fighting will help clear my head, take my mind off of you.

I told you that it's not because of you. I said I wanted to help round up the last of the robots. I lied. I'm afraid that you'll never be the man I knew and I'm afraid that I won't be able to do this without you. I need to prove myself wrong.

It's always been in my head that I rely on you too much. Like a child with a security blanket. I need to be able to get along without you, I could still have a career at the league. As your pod launches I can see you look back at me through the window. I try, unsuccessfully, to swallow the lump in my throat. I can't let you see me cry.

I walk slowly back to my room. My bag is half packed, bed made. I have to leave here today too. Back to fighting the robots. Getting back up, just like you taught me. The only thing you never told me was how far you could fall, or how much of a fight it can be to stand back on my own two feet.

I lift the last of my few possessions into the League issue backpack. The book of Mexican folk tales that you got me for my birthday all those years ago. If only real life could be as simple. If only I could be as brave as the knights in the book. I know you need saving, but instead of storming the castle and slaying the beast, I cower from my problems and run away.

I shove the book in my bag and zip it away. Staring at it won't help me forget about you. Not that I want to forget. Do I?

I want to remember us. I can't just erase it, I'd have to forget the last five years of my life. All the joy from my life since the age of fifteen came from you. How can I give that up? I could just as easily survive without my head.

I love you. Of course I do. You are my best friend. You picked me up and set me back on my feet when all I wanted to do was fall over. You gave up so much to help me when all I did was yell at you. I was always too quick tempered.

I shouldn't have left you. I should go down and help you, just like you helped me. You held my hand and guided me through thick and thin. I should return the favor. I wish I had all the answers.

I get up, half of me wants to order a pod down to Earth but the truthful voice in the corner of my mind knows I won't. I have to get back to fighting. I need the control and focus, even if it drags me away from you.

I tell myself it's for the best, the phrase becoming almost a mantra, echoing through my head.

It's for the best… It's for the best… It's for the best… It's for the best… It's for the best…

Trying to make myself believe it. No matter what I force myself to think, as the drop pod door hisses shut it still feels like betrayal.

There is a rumour at the G.L.E.E. that I had my tear ducts removed, or else they shrivelled up due to lack of use. As I feel a tell-tale prickle in the corner of my eye I almost wish it were so. At least I manage to hold them in until the pod launches. In space, no-one can hear you cry.