Road Trip Gone Wrong

by SnipsSkywalker

Anakin, Ahsoka, Yoda, Darth Sidious, Luke, and Obi-Wan cooped up in a minivan for hours...Nothing good can come of that

Okay, I wrote this like two years ago, so don't judge! I'm a little ashamed of the writing style, and don't even talk to me about canon. I personally think its pretty funny though…but I am the author, so you'll just have to see for yourself ;)

Anakin Skywalker, Obi wan Kenobi, Luke Skywalker, Darth Sidious, Ahsoka Tano and Yoda were all crammed up in Obi-Wan's purple minivan. They were trying to take a road trip, and had been on the road to Arizona for hours. Everyone was completely bored out of their mind.
"Are we there yet?" Anakin (who was sitting in the back seat with Luke and Ahsoka) asked, for what seemed like the millionth time in the past few minutes.
"We get there when we get there!" Obi-Wan (Who was at the wheel) yelled at him.
"But Luke and Ahsoka are driving me crazy" Anakin whined loudly.
"Deal with it, my apprentice" Darth Sidious snapped at him.
"For the last time, he is NOT your apprentice!" Obi-wan shouted at him, narrowly avoiding crashing into another car.
"Bad driver, you are, Kenobi!" Yoda (Who was sharing the middle seat with Sidious) stated.
"Be quiet, my apprentice!" Sidious said crossly.
"Your apprentice, I am not!" Yoda shrieked "No one in this car, your apprentice, they are!"
Luke and Ahsoka started having a slapping fight.
"Master Kenobiiiiii! Ahsoka touched me!" Luke whined at Obi-Wan.
"DID NOT!"
"DID TOO!"
"DID NOT!"
"DID TOO!"
"Come back there do I have to?" Yoda asked grumpily.
"I want Cheese-its!" Luke suddenly yelled.
"Cheese-its are grosssssss!" Ahsoka screeched.
"ARE NOT!"
"ARE TOO!"
"ARE NOT!"
As they kept arguing, Darth Sidious decided it was time to turn Anakin to the dark side.
"Good, Anakin goooood! Hahahaha become my Sith apprentice! MWAHAHAHA!"
But Anakin wasn't paying any attention. He was listening to his iPod with the volume so high, obi-wan could hear it all the way in the front.
"ANAKIN! TURN THAT DOWN!" he yelled.
"WHAT?" Anakin shouted at the top of his lungs "SORRY MASTER, I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER ALL THIS LOUD MUSIC!"
Ahsoka rolled her eyes, and pulled off his headphones.
Darth Sidious was now happily playing with explosives.
"GAH!" Obi-Wan yelled "Where did you get those?"
"In my pocket, of course. MWAHAHAHAHA!" Darth Sidious explained.
"You keep EXPLOSIVES in your pocket?" Obi-Wan practically screamed.
"Yes, I like to do evil things." He said, as if that explained everything.
"Proceed!" Yoda said, approving of explosive fun.
"We're all gonna DIE!" Luke screamed hysterically. That caused Ahsoka to freak out as well.
Anakin wasn't paying much attention to anyone else in the car. He was trying to cut open the window with his lightsaber, for some unapparent reason.
"Anakin, what the heck are you doing?" Obi-wan screamed.
"Good my apprentice!" Darth Sidious said encouragingly. The glass shattered.
"YAY! It's raining glass!" Luke said joyfully.
Ahsoka started putting pieces of broken glass in Anakin's hair, just to be annoying.
"HAHA, good comedy show this is!" Yoda said.
"THIS IS NOT FUNNY!" Obi-Wan yelled. "AND PALPITINE, STOP PLAYING WITH EXPLOSIVES!" He snatched the explosives and threw them out the window, causing part of the freeway to blow up.
"Er, I hope nobody saw that…" Obi-wan muttered.
"Hey look Master Kenobi! We're in a police chase!" Ahsoka said excitedly. Luke began making some interesting siren noises, as obi-wan, cursing under his breath, pulled over to the side of the freeway.
The cop walked over to obi-Wan's car.
"Um…hello!" Obi-Wan said, as cheerfully as he possibly could.
"Did you blow up the right lane?" The police man asked.
"Err no, not really. Technically it was that crazy sith lord in the back seat, he's the one who decided to play with explosives,"
Darth Sidious waved at the police man.
"Hello! I have a permit! My apprentice is holding it!"
Anakin quickly scribbled "Purmet" on a piece of paper and handed it to the cop, who scratched his head.
"Well…it looks authentic enough. I suppose you're free to go."
Obi-Wan breathed a sigh of relief, wiped the sweat off his brow, and started the engine again.
"HAHA, spelled permit wrong, Skywalker did!" Yoda laughed "Funny that is!"
Luke started singing an annoying song.
"LALALA Ahsoka smells like yuck!"
Ahsoka slapped him. He slapped her back.
"I hafta go to the bathroooooooom!" Anakin whined.
"Okay, we'll stop at the next gas station." Obi-Wan assured him.
"But I hafta go reeeeeeeeally bad!"
"Hold It, my apprentice!" Darth Sidious snapped at Anakin.
A few minutes later, Obi-Wan pulled over at a gas station.
"I need to use the bathroom!" Anakin told the cashier at the desk. She looked at him funny, than pointed him to the restroom.
"So, would you like to buy anything?" She asked Obi-Wan.
"Um, no thank you. We have quite enough luggage—" He was interrupted by Darth Sidious, dangling a Darth Vader keychain in his face.
"It's my other apprentice, Darth Vader! You must buy me this, my apprentice!"
"Hmm, no, I don't think so. We have enough junk as it is."
Sidious mumbled something inaudible and put the keychain away.
"Buy me chips, you must, Kenobi!" Yoda shrieked.
"NO! WE ARE NOT BUYING ANYTHING!" Obi-Wan shouted "UG, LUKE, AHSOKA, DO NOT EAT THAT CANDY OR I WILL HAVE TO PAY FOR IT!"
Luke and Ahsoka disappointedly put their candy bars away. Soon Anakin was out of the restroom, and they hopped back in the car. Unfortunately, the second they were all buckled up, Luke decided that he needed to go to. So they all got back out again. After about 15 minutes, they were finally back on the road again. For once, everyone was quiet. Luke and Ahsoka were happily playing with Star Wars legos, Anakin was pretending to be a doggie, Yoda was sucking on something and Darth Sidious was making toast. Obi-Wan was getting a little tired, (It was 8:00 or so) so he decided to drink some coffee. The moment he finished the cup, he became extremely hyper.
"HO HOLLY HO!" He sang happily, and accidentally swerved off the road into the forest.
"I AM THE AWESOME KITTY-CAT MAN, OH YEAH!"
The car ran into a tree, with a loud crashing noise.
"Driving, Kenobi should not be." Yoda said.
"Tell me about it, my apprentice!" Lord Sidious agreed.
"YOUR APPRENTICE, I AM NOT! AND ALREADY TOLD YOU ABOUT IT, I DID!"
"It's kinda dark and we're in the forest…" Luke said nervously.
"We can make a campfire!" Ahsoka said enthusiastically.
Anakin ripped open a bag of marshmallows and shoved a handful into his mouth.
"No master! We have to toast the marshmallows!" Ahsoka said, attempting to snatch the bag.
"Ding!" The toast popped out of Darth Sidious' toaster.
"YAY!" Darth Sidious screamed, positively elated "My toast is done!"
The effect of the caffeine had worn off, and Obi-Wan was now trying to fix the car.
"UG, it's no use!" He banged on the trunk "The hyperdrive is completely fried!" He hopped into the car. "Hey Anakin, will you call triple A for me while I drink some more coffee?"
"Okay!" Anakin agreed.
"Drink coffee, you should not!" Yoda told Obi-Wan "Very bad idea, that is!"
Anakin was now "calling triple A" which, to him, meant pushing random buttons on his cell phone.
"Hello?" he said into his phone "is this triple A?"
"No, this is steamer's coffee shop, can I help you?" The voice on the other line said.
"Um, no thank you!' Anakin hung up. "Obi-Wan, triple A is broken!" he announced.
Obi-Wan was too busy rapidly drinking every cup of coffee they had to respond.
Then, Luke decided to drink a juice box, but he poked the straw in too hard, and the juice went splashing all over everyone in the back seat.
"Oh, wonderful." Anakin said sarcastically.
"Way to go, Luke! Now we have to be sticky until we get there!" Ahsoka complained.
"Everything is not going as I have foreseen it!" Sidious moped.
"YIPPIE, NOW IT'S TIME TO CALL TRIPLE A!" Obi-Wan screamed. He dialed the triple A number.
"Hello?" The triple A operator said.
"HELLO! HOW ARE YOU DOING TODAY! HERE'S A SONG I JUST MADE UP!"
Obi-Wan burst into song.
"WE ARE STUCK IN THE FOREST AND WE NEEEED SOME HEEEEEELLPPPP! OH YEAH, UH HUH! TIME FOR YOU TO COME TOW OUR CAR!"
"Okay, okay, we'll be there in a sec!" The operator said hurriedly, then hung up, because he didn't like Obi-Wan's song much.
"Getting out of this minivan, I am!" Yoda said. He got out of the minivan, and everyone else followed.
"I'm the Zillow beast!" Anakin yelled, and started chasing Luke and Ahsoka around.
"I will make FIRE!" Darth Sidious cackled, and shot sith lightning at some wood.
"Impressive." Obi-Wan said, the caffeine rush beginning to wear off.
"Thank you, my apprentice!"
"You're really obsessed with that apprentice thing, aren't you?"
"Yes, my apprentice!" Sidious replied.
Meanwhile, Anakin, Luke and Ahsoka had tired of playing the Zillow beast game.
"Don't let the bears get the peanut butter…" Ahsoka mumbled sleepily. Then she fell asleep standing up and plopped onto the ground. Anakin and Luke, however, were not in the least bit tired. Luke had found some peanut butter in the trunk, and was smearing it in his hair, and Anakin's too, so that now Anakin had broken glass and peanut butter in his hair. Luke picked some flowers and leaves and added them to Anakin's hair arrangement.
"PERFECT! It is my masterpiece!"
"That is a lame masterpiece, my apprentice." Darth Sidious remarked.
"Up, shut!" Yoda told him "Good masterpiece, that is!"
Any further commentary on Luke's "masterpiece" was prevented by the arrival of the triple A guy in his truck.
"Hello. What's wrong with your car?"
"The hyperdrive is broken!" Obi-Wan explained.
The triple A guy looked at him funny, then checked the engine.
"Well, your engine is fine…" He told them, and drove the car around in circles a few times to demonstrate.
"HAHA, working the hyperdrive is! A fool, young Kenobi is!" Yoda said smugly.
Obi-Wan ignored him.
"Well thank you very much, byebye!" Anakin pushed the man back in his truck, and he drove away.
"Aw, but I didn't even get to arrange his hair!" Luke complained.
Soon, they were back on the road, and everyone except Obi-Wan fell asleep.
A few hours later...
Ahsoka and Luke both woke up at sunrise the next morning.
"Lets be an alarm clock!" Ahsoka giggled. So everyone woke up to the sound of Luke and Ahsoka pretending to be an alarm clock.
"BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEEEP!"
"Do not wake me up early in the morning, my apprentice!" Darth Sidious said, trying to hit s snooze button on Luke's head.
Yoda covered his ears and sang : "LA LA LA, LISTINING I AM NOT!" at the top of his lungs.
Obi-Wan was not happy about all the noise.
"If you guys can be quiet, I'll drive though McDonalds!"
"YAY!" Anakin yelled "1,2,3 quiet game!"
Two seconds later, Yoda loudly announced that he was winning. Everyone pointed at him, because he just lost.
"BAD GAME THIS IS!" he screamed.
"Alright, let's just start over then." Obi-Wan suggested. Amazingly, they managed to be quiet until Obi-Wan drove up to the McDonalds drive thru.
"Okay, what does everyone want?" he asked.
"Chicken nuggets!" "PIE!" "Ice cream!" "Ranch dressing, I want!" "Give me fish, my apprentice!"
"Hello and welcome to McDonald's, how can I help you?" The speaker said.
"Hi, I'll have a McFish sandwich, a Big Mac, an apple pie, an ice cream and…12 packets of ranch dressing." Obi-Wan ordered.
"I'm sorry we're only serving breakfast right now." The speaker said. All of a sudden, chaos erupted in the car.
"NO! THAT'S NOT TRUE! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!" Luke screamed.
"Give me fish, my apprentice!" Darth Sidious said crossly.
Nobody wanted to change their order.
"GIVE ME FISH OR I WILL UNLEASH THE FULL POWER OF THE DARK SIDE!" Darth Sidious yelled as loud as he could.
"Look, I really need a McFish sandwich…" Obi-Wan told the speaker.
"Sir, we're only serving breakfast right now, and besides, there is no such thing as the McFish sandwich." The speaker said.
"I want piiiiiiiiiieeeeeee!" Luke whined.
"I want ice cream!" Ahsoka shouted.
"Don't forget my chicken nuggets!" Anakin reminded him.
"And my dressing, ranch!"
"FISH FISH FISH FISH FISH!" Sidious screamed.
"Just please give me a fish sandwich, before the crazy sith lord in the back destroys the building."
Obi-Wan said pleadingly.
"Well, okay, that'll be $20.25 at the first window."
When they finally got their food, Obi-Wan let out a deep breath.
"Wow, that was stressful! I really hate this road trip."
"HAHA, love this road trip I do!" Yoda shouted, sipping his ranch dressing.
Obi-Wan made a face at him, then decided to ignore the people in the back for awhile and just drive. For the next few hours, the Jedi (And Sith lord) entertained themselves by breaking more windows, telling their "apprentices" about leaf blowers and canteens, arranging people's hair, and various other things until they finally reached Arizona.
"That was so much fun!" Anakin, Luke and Ahsoka said, all at the same time.
"Agree, I do!" Yoda agreed joyfully. Darth Sidious was too busy eating chocolate he found in the trunk to voice his opinion.
"Let's never do that again!" Obi-Wan said. Then he fainted. But they did do it again. The next week, everyone hopped in the car to drive back home. Obi-Wan prepared himself for hours of torture.