He smiles at the vast sky feeling the crisp wind blowing gently on the Autumn night. The wind, he thinks, if it only blew a little harder could tip his balance. He flexes his feet loving the feel of the wood grain beneath his bare feet, the first time he'd stood on the wooden barrier he'd marveled how old it must be yet retaining its strength to hold children from falling off the astronomy tower. It doesn't stop him from climbing on it and balancing, he finds calm in knowing at a moment's notice he could plummet to his death. His shoes rest on the cold stone floor along with his outer robe, cloak, and wand. He wonders how long it would take for them to find them if he fell. He looks down the tall tower and wonders if he could summon his broom before he hit bottom, he wonders if he'd really try. The world is vast and empty, his purpose in life already done by the time he reaches manhood. He lived, he died, lived again and killed. The deaths he couldn't prevent make sleep cruel. He is barely surviving making use of the few things that make him feel whole, it's a half existence but it's his. He stretches looking back skyward eyes seeking something "Draco, you're shining quite bright tonight. Why don't you come look instead of hiding in the shadows" the other is always there, watching. This is the first time either speaks in the tower at night.
Draco does step forward his feet pulling him to stand beside Harry's shoes. He refuses to climb up. His eyes spy his namesake and hums a note of agreement, it was shining bright tonight. It's a long moment filled with only their breathing and the far-off sound of crickets on the ground, they stare at the stars watching them twinkle both thinking of a certain headmaster but neither wanting to spend time on the memories. "Why do you stand on the edge like that?" His voice is soft like he is afraid the question will be what causes the other to sway, and maybe he is afraid. Silver eyes of the blond train in the Raven haired boy that towers over him.
Harry turns his body slightly but keeps his feet steady, balanced and smiles at the blond but doesn't meet his eyes "There are few things that make me feel alive, three that I have found. This is one of them, the thrill and adrenaline of will I die or survive. The world may think me a hero but I'm just a boy who's fate is finished, I feel like a ghost, I exist but it is not a full existence. I don't regret it though. Killing Tom, that is. When he died though he took with him the part of his soul that has always been on mine. I wonder if that's why I feel this way..." He trailed off his smile fading into a frown. He turns back to the stars.
Draco is quiet. He stares openly at the raven trying to process what he has been told. There is a tingle of emotion that fans through him, he does not care what it is but he knows it's because his longtime rival is talking to him so openly like they're friends or that Draco is someone who just happens to be there, someone to tell and never see again. He doesn't like the second one. "What are the other two?" He asks before he even realizes he spoke.
Harry doesn't mind the question, glad it isn't about Tom. He bends at the knees and slides his legs forward off the barrier his hands being what keeps him steady as he sits on the barrier. "Flying," he says not caring that the blond is tense his arm half reaching for Harry. The arm doesn't drop, nor does it grab Harry but it does grab the barrier knuckles white.
Draco doesn't understand why he moved automatically when Harry moved on the barrier. Was he trying to stop him from falling? Push him off? This was his rival. Wasn't it? Draco frowns to himself resolving to think more about it later, right now his curiosity toward Harry wants answers only the raven could give. "What's the last one? You said there are three, the adrenaline, flying, and something else" Draco wonders briefly why he cares but the thought is swept away. Silver eyes study the figure before him, taking in the visage of a raven that was like a god before his people, a shadow clad god who shows nothing but kindness and forgiveness.
Harry doesn't respond to the question or acknowledge the stare. It's a silent moment save their breaths, even the crickets seem content to sleep now. Harry closes his eyes and sighs. "I was here, in the tower that night. Albus had me in a full body bind the moment you showed up, I was stuck under my cloak unable to even scream as I watch the events. You were forced to fight a man's war to keep your family safe, you never wanted to join him, Albus knew, even if I didn't understand until later Albus knew because he told Severus to kill him. It was never supposed to be you" Harry swings his legs over the barrier and climbs down. He grabs his things and leaves not putting his shoes back on.
They meet in the astronomy tower every night after, often without words. Harry is usually on the ground instead of the barrier when Draco arrives, unless Draco is running behind or it was a bad day. Bad days are worst because Draco can see Harry standing on the barrier pondering the distance between him and the ground like the plunge wouldn't be that bad. Draco hates bad days and after suffering two of them tries to watch out for him during the school day rather than their game of ignoring each other. Students notice and accuse Draco of wanting to hurt Harry. That was a bad day for both of them. September and October and even November seem to fly past them. Bad days are less frequent now and people question their odd friendship less. They still spend part of their nights on the tower sometimes they talk mostly they don't. Draco hasn't forgotten about the third thing that makes Harry feel alive and whole, after the third time of asking and Harry leaving he doesn't ask again.
Christmas holiday comes all too quickly in Draco's mind. He's not going home for the first time in his schooling. As part of his punishment for being a death eater in the war, he and his mother must serve house arrest, aside from him going to school. He's not eager to go back to where he'll spend at least three years, plus Harry is staying.
Harry smiles when the other students leave. Somehow he convinced the Aurors to let him take Draco into Hogsmead without breaking his probation. The only stipulation is that Draco cannot carry his wand but he allows Harry to have it for the day without fuss just glad to go somewhere that wasn't the manor or the school. Draco is blown away when they enter Rosemetta's shop and sees his mother with two Aurors. Christmas isn't for a few more days but Harry pulled some major strings for this to be allowed and it feels like Christmas to Draco as they laugh and talk and enjoy the day even with two Aurors following them and Draco not having his wand.
Harry smiles a lot that day, seeing Draco act like a child glowing with the love of his mother. When they return to the castle Draco is dead on his feet so Harry carries him to the lion's den. Harry smiles as he tucks Draco into his bed, enjoying the sight of the blond covered by red sheets. He leaves both their wands in Draco's hands and goes to the tower alone.
Draco is furious the next morning. He woke alone in Harry's bed with both their wands and no sign of the raven. The common room held the few who stayed but no Harry. Fear settles in the pit of his stomach as he marches toward the Great Hall wands still in hand. The doors are open as he approaches but with each step, he knows that Harry isn't there. He swallows nervously as he stops in the doorway eyes sweeping the room hoping he's wrong.
He's running before he realizes where he's going, his brain on autopilot as he races toward the tower. He swears under his breath cursing himself for being so stupid of course he'd be in the fucking tower. He just better be alive for both their sakes. Anyone he passes gets out of his way quickly and stare at him in wonder. They've never seen Draco act like this before.
Draco's heart stopped for a second when he entered the room before it started again seeming to beat double time. His eyes narrow taking in the sight of a lanky teenage body, raven hair messed by the breeze. He stalks forward fear giving way to anger "Harry James Potter get down from that ledge this instance!" His voice is pitched but he doesn't care. He does care when he clearly startles the raven causing him to lose his balance for a second. That tiny second in which it looks like Harry is really going to fall is all it takes for Draco to sprint across the room and yank the back of Harry's clothes effectively pulling the slightly smaller boy onto of him knocking them both to the floor. Draco doesn't care about that. He wraps his arms around Harry hugging him tight as if to reassure himself that the raven is alive. If Harry is in pain by this he doesn't show. Green eyes search out silver and they hold not looking away. They blink almost at the same time.
Draco let go of Harry's body to roughly grab the other's face. His eyes narrow and he frowns "what the fuck were you thinking" the words are calm, too calm in Harry's opinion, he knows he fucked up. Draco doesn't waste time waiting for an answer, he growls using his weight to flip them so he has Harry pinned between the floor and him. "Do you know how scared I was when I woke up and you weren't there? You left me your wand for fuck's sake!" Anger seeped into his voice, silver never lost sight of green "you weren't in the Great Hall either and I was filled with dread. I- I fucking ran up here from the Great Hall thinking I was going to be too late that I'd lost you do you even care you prick?" Anger caved into sorrow as tears filled the blond's eyes.
Harry listened, watched flabbergasted. He brought his hands up and gently cupped Draco's face wiping away a tear before it could fall "I do care" he whispered "I didn't mean to scare you Draco, I left my wand as a promise to return to you, that I trust you just as you trusted me with yours, I just needed to think that was all." He sighed "I came up here to think and by the time I was ready to come down it was sunrise so I stayed to watch it, had a house elf bring me food" he lifts his head bringing it toward Darco's letting their foreheads touch and as quick as they connect they are separated because Draco is gone in a flurry. The only evidence that he actually came at all is the tear on Harry's hand. He steels himself, not caring that Draco has his wand and spends his day in the library making sure to go to lunch and dinner. People assumed they got in a fight.
They don't speak to each other until Christmas Eve. Draco is rightfully angry and Harry is holding back his own emotions. They don't go to the tower even. Christmas Eve though they return to the tower. Two days of silence between them set the castle on edge, Draco had been whispered to have hexed someone with a wand that wasn't his own, but as no one knew how he could have a wand other than his own it quickly died. Harry knew. Whispers reached Draco's ears that Harry Potter could be found in the library from sunrise until curfew leaving only for meals that weren't breakfast. He took breakfast in the common room supplied a first-year. The part that set Draco feeling ill was that it seemed like Harry was barely eating or sleeping if the way he played with his food and the bags already starting to show even if it has only been two days. Draco frowned realization dawning on him.
Harry hadn't even thought about using the map to find Draco, he just let his feet carry him for the first time in two days. He was unsurprised to find himself in the tower, this is where it started and where it came crashing down. Harry shook his head at the thought. He didn't climb up, not after the scare he gave Draco. His chest felt tight to even think his name. Harry considered summoning his broom, but Draco still held his wand. He didn't want to consider the third thing that made him whole. He sighed and leaned against the barrier.
That was how Draco found him moments later. Leaned casually against the barrier face displaying sorrow. He frowned and crossed the room thrusting a hawthorn wand before the young lion. Harry quirked a small smile and took it. Draco watched as his wand performed wonderfully in Harry's hand. Draco smiled at it in thought about when he used Harry's wand to cast a bat bouggy hex. Harry smiled like he knew all along, and maybe he did. It would be weeks before someone would notice they were using each other's wand, McGonagall being the first to notice, but as it didn't seem to affect their work she just smiled and let it continue. That Christmas Eve though Harry stood there facing Draco content not to say anything lest he send the blond running. Draco seemed to realize this after a moment and stepped forward till there was no space between their bodies, he pushed Harry against the wall to prevent escape, Draco wanted answers today. "What is the third thing you said that makes you feel whole" slipped from his tongue first, Draco silently berated himself for not letting it go. He almost missed when Harry's lips twitch into a small smile.
Draco shakes his head of thoughts and gazes into emeralds. Harry didn't hesitate this time to cup Draco's face. He smiles and brings their foreheads to rest against one another. Harry is quiet for a moment then he sighs still content in the way he has Draco right here. Silver meets emerald "you, you are the only person who makes me feel whole, and even if you want nothing to do with me now that's okay" Harry let the blond go and tried to get away. Draco didn't allow it moving his arms from blocking Harry to holding Harry pinning him not against the wall but his own chest. Silver met emerald and then they both closed as they kissed unaware they stood underneath a spring of mistletoe.
AN: 2,598 words note for writers: writing fanfiction on facebook messenger at 3 am is a bad idea, also messenger has a character limit on mobile if you didn't know that