One sided Rockstar. Hmm. I've never tried that before. What do you think, PR, Originals143, Andy and Guestcandy?
Sorry for the delay! I'm having my weekly Sunday tests on different subjects, so I was caught up on my studies.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. *puts on shades, falls and breaks shades*
Dear notebook,
I'm confused. I've felt a lot of familiar emotions like distrust, hurt, hatred, betrayal, sadness…but this one takes the cake. That's right notebook, I think I'm in love.
Today evening was really a new experience for me. And it all began with a conversation.
So, I was walking down to the garage where the cars were parked. All the other officers had got back home at this point so really, there were only three cars left there. And this time there was that forensic doctor in the third car. Not the guy, the lady.
"Abhijeet!" She called out at me, getting out of the car and looking at me with relief. I got confused for a second and then remembered that I was impersonating Mr. Goody two shoes.
"What are you doing here…Tarika?" I asked her, a bit unsure which was ridiculous as I, Rocky Vardan, never get unsure. She just looked at me strangely before asking, "Whatever happened to 'Tarika ji?'"
I didn't know what to say to that. So he called her nicknames in affection. Stupid me, I already have the door breaker growing suspicious of me as it is. "I guess a change was in order." I said. "Car problems?"
"Exactly." Tarika said. "I was hoping if you could drop me off at my house today. That is, if it's not too inconvenient?"
"No, not at all! I'll do it!" I blurted out before she could change her mind. I didn't get it; why was I so eager to do something for a lady who could be a potential risk to my plans?
Even she seemed a bit suspicious at my change in behavior, as when we were driving out of the garage, she told me, "You've been behaving quite differently in the past few days." I looked at her in surprise and shock.
"How different?"
"For one thing, there seems to be an emotional wall between you and Daya nowadays." That is because of the fact he suspects I'm not his BFFL, true. "And another thing, earlier there used to be a lot of flirting in the lab. Now you don't flirt that much, but outside when we're alone…it's different. It's like you're a lot more open and caring."
Me? Open? Caring? How?
"I-I di-didn't notice." I stammered. "I don't g-get you though."
"Well," She thought deeply, "When you and hang out, you seem to listen more to me. You're more…loving in that sense. You don't just offer up opinions, you hear me out more. And the fact that you're a lot less critical of Salunkhe sir seems to be an added bonus."
Well, I couldn't be critical of that doctor now, couldn't I? For one thing, he and Tarika share a close bond and another thing, he's damn smart. So Mr. Perfection isn't that perfect now, is he?
I was quiet for a bit, and then I said, "I'm a horrible person, aren't I?"
She looked at me in shock, and then said, "Never say that, Abhijeet. You are not a horrible person."
I could see her house, it was a five minute drive to her home. "I had a crappy childhood, I'm not that great a personality to the Doctor or any of the others and I-I-" By this point, I was close to breaking into tears, "I'm flawed. I'm too flawed for an amazing woman like you. I don't know what this senior inspector has done to deserve you."
It was true. I mean, what the hell has Abhijeet Srivastava ever done to deserve her? Tarika, with her tough-as-nails and down-to-earth nature (is that the right expression, notebook?), deserved someone better. Not the CID inspector with his 'Duty pehle, sentiments baad mein' phrase, who seemed to be a good officer but a crappy persona. Not the criminal (AKA me) impersonating as the said officer, who's childhood was pathetic, who had to kill people at the age of seventeen to survive, and who's too broken now to be fixed. She deserved better.
I hate myself.
We had reached by her house by then. She didn't get out though, but brought my face to hers and spoke. "We're all flawed, Abhijeet. No one is perfect. I don't care how flawed you are. I love you and I will love you till I die, and if there is life after that, I will love you then."
Love me? I'm incapable of being loved. In school, I was the odd one out, just because I was more bookish and quiet. I couldn't carry a single conversation with anyone without getting the feeling that the person thought that I was weird and stupid and insane…
"It's more of the fact that I don't deserve to be with you." Tarika said, softly and sadly. "If I fret over you, I'm considered clingy. If I try not to worry about you for every two seconds audibly, then I'm considered unloving. All those fangirls can attest to that."
"Don't listen to them." I firmly said. "I don't care what they say about you. You're brilliant and beautiful and amazing…and I love you for that." It sounded so weird and yet…so natural, as though I told this to her every day. She looked at me lovingly, and with a slight hesitation, she leaned over and kissed me.
I've had thousands of kisses from thousands of girls. This one was different. I don't know what came to me, but next second I knew, I was kissing her back. And it felt perfect and right, even though the fact was that she is in love with him and not me. And the more ironical fact was that she thought she was kissing her boyfriend. It was painful for me.
Before she left for her home, she gave me a kiss on the cheek and said, "I love this side of yours more. I hope it stays."
As I drove back home, I put on this English song 'Don't deserve you' by this singer 'Plumb'. I think it applies to me since:
You're the first face that I see
And the last thing I think about
She is the first and last thing on my mind.
You're the reason that I'm alive
You're what I can't live without
You're what I can't live without
It's the first time I've truly wanted to stay alive for someone in particular and not due to hatred.
You never give up
When I'm falling apart
Your arms are always open wide
And you're quick to forgive
When I make a mistake
You love me in the blink of an eye
She didn't give up on me. She didn't.
I don't deserve your love
But you give it to me anyway
Can't get enough
You're everything I need
And when I walk away
Take off running and come right after me
It's what you do
And I don't deserve you
The odds are not in my favor. One day, she'll figure out who I am. And then she'll leave me. And I know that it'll shatter my heart. But somehow, it may be okay. As long as she's happy in the end, as long as she's okay, I'm fine. I really believe I'm in love with her.
See you later notebook.
Yours,
Rocky
Added at a later date:
I had a premonition today morning. I think something fatal is going to happen to me. I don't know. I'm just penning this so that if something goes wrong in my plans and Mr. Perfection and the other officers survive and I don't, they get my message:
Abhijeet Srivastava. You hurt Tarika physically or mentally and I'll haunt you until the end of your days.
Tarika. I love you. If he hurts you, then I'll be there for you, watching over you from above (and no I do not mean that I'll stalk you). Remain happy. Okay?
Before people start flaming me, let me tell you something; this is a one sided ship. Tarika loves Abhijeet and at this point she is not aware that Rocky is pretending to be Abhijeet. Abhijeet is one of my favorites and I ship Abhirika. And let's be honest, Rocky hates Abhijeet and vice versa. You really think he's gonna praise his enemy?
I think some authors will be asking me, "In Ze cliché, you stated not to use cheesy romantic songs. So why are you doing this?" Well, the song Don't deserve you is kind of apt for this fic, don't you think? It's not cheesy; it's a rather beautiful love song. This story is one where Rocky writes down what he feels in a diary which he entitles 'notebook', so I think he would pen down the lyrics of the song to compare his situation to it.
And Rocky's feelings about himself are almost the same feelings which I had earlier about myself. Honestly, if I hadn't liked that guy before, then I love him now.
Review! R-E-V-I-E-W-!