Cause you never think the last time is the last time. You think there will be more. You think you have forever. But you don't.
She places the carseat containing her infant son on the grass in front of her and kneels down beside it.
'Hi, babe... It's me again, I brought you a little visitor today. How did we manage to make something so beautiful ey?' She says as she leans down and lifts the newborn into her arms.
'Meet Kyson Nicholas Tilsley. Born 16th December weighing 6lbs exactly. He looks like you, although he does have my eyes... I wish you could be here to see him, to hold him, to be the brilliant father I knew you would be. This isn't fair.' She continues, a tear falling down her cheek.
'We should've been planning our son's first Christmas but here I am having to it all on my own. Your mum said we could stay with her but I want to be in our house, the house we bought and decorated with so many hopes, so many dreams... Tomorrow is going to be hard without you. I don't want to do this on my own. I shouldn't have to do this on my own. You should be here. We're having Christmas dinner at your mum's. She's been amazing. I finally feel like I've got a family, even if they are a little bit crazy. Your mum was there when Kyson was born, Chelle was too... I don't know what I would've done without them both. Do you know who's really been amazing? Bethany, she's not that spoilt little brat anymore. She loves spending time with Kyson, in fact she's been staying on a Saturday night. She's amazing, you'd be so proud.' She admits glancing down at the baby.
'I miss you... I miss you a lot and I don't think I'll ever stop missing you but Kyson, he makes everything hurt a little bit less. The day he was born was the first time I'd smiled in months. I don't know if I told you but I changed my name. I'm officially Carla Tilsley, even if we didn't get a chance to get married I wanted to be a Tilsley.' She continues.
'I know you're up there looking after us and I promise I'm going to do everything we had planned to do. I'll take Kyson to Disneyland, LA, Lapland... Everything we ever spoke about I'm going to do with him.' She says leaning forward to trace the words on the headstone.
Nicholas Paul Tilsley.
1980 - 2017.
Gone but never forgotten.
'I'm gonna go now cause it's cold and I don't want Kyson getting ill... I love you, Nicky Tilsley.' She says blowing a kiss towards the headstone. She places Kyson back in his carseat and straps him in before tucking the blanket around his little body.
'We'll be back soon... Merry Christmas, baby.' She whispers as she stands up. She lifts the carseat and smiles slightly as it begins to lightly snow.
'Let's go see grandma, will we?' She says glancing back at the headstone one last time before heading to her car.