I remember how it all started, as if it were yesterday:
The hot summer sun is beating down on my skin. Although I can't feel it. All I feel is utter confusion; my brain,racing to figure out ifwhat I'm thinking is reallypossible. I mean how could I reach this point in my life, and just be
realising now. I have never had feelings for another girl in my entire life. I mean sure, once and a while I see a beautiful girl walk by and I'm struck for a second, kinda like an "oh wow" moment I guess you could call it. But having real tangible
/feelings for a girl, let alone my best friend, my partner in crime. Sure I could play out the scenario where I tell her and she is encouraging and thoughtful and all of the above that a friend should be when you tell them something
/that's hard
for you to understand even from your point of view. But then there's also the scenario where I tell her and she thinks I'm completely nuts and I lose my best friend; that can't happen. I decided it was time to head back for the studio, we were supposed
/to finish recording this morning...that didn't happen, we really need to update our computer system, it all crashed right before break. I made a beeline back to the studio so the girls wouldn't lecture me for the 20 billionth time about being late,
/I do tend to do that quite often. I mean it's just so easy to get distracted. Okay, well back to the task at hand; telling Camila. I just need more time to figu- "Lauren!" Camila proceeded to run over to me and grab my hand to drag me inside. "You're
/late again! We've been waiting for you!" I didn't know what to say to her, I was in awe just from looking at her, damn, I really overestimated my ability to see past her extremely distracting face...and body when I came up with my scenarios. She
/just kept dragging me not even noticing my lack of a response. "Listen before we start recording again, I want to talk to you about something". Oh god here it comes, she knows, HOW DID SHE FIGURE IT OUT SO DAMN QUICK. "Laur, I've been meaning to
talk
/to you about this for a few weeks now and I just couldn't figure out how to say it". Oh my god, this can't be happening, she can't know, this ruins everything, she'll hate me now..."Lauren I-" John turned the corner as she began and she abruptly
stopped
/speaking. "Ladies what are we doing back here! We were supposed to be back 5 minutes ago! The other three are already in there getting ready! "Okay we'll be there in a minute John!" Thank god she replied because I'm still at a loss for words. The
/beautiful latina looked me in the eyes, and with some softness ive never seen in them before she said "We can have this conversation after we get this over with, I promise".
I sang my lines as if I were a robot, I mean of course, I sang as best I could, but it's kind of hard to do that when you're worried about your best friend the whole time. The recording passed slow and fast. Too fast because I didn't want her to tell
/me she knew about my feelings, too slow because what if that's not what she was going to tell me back there. We finally finished and I headed back to my dressing room. I sat down and I let myself plunge deep into thought. This was a mistake, I instantly
/started crying, tears started streaming down my cheeks uncontrollably. Suddenly the door opened, I quickly tried to gather myself needless to say I failed. There she was, in her complete beauty and awe. "Laur what's wrong?! Why are you crying?
/Did something happen?!" She immediately embraced me and it made me feel instantly better. Then the guilt kicked in, I pushed her away, gently, but quickly. She looked me in the eyes and just stared.I just looked at her, unable to make words come
out
of my throat. Finally I gathered the only courage I had and said "Camila, you're my best friend, I wouldn't want anything to ever ruin that, ever. I don't know how to tell you this, and I'm not sure I'll like the outcome of telling you. But I
can't keep it from you any longer" I tried hard to choke out the last words without crying again, I knew as soon as I began crying I wouldn't be able to stop. I gathered one last breath as she let me take my time, she could tell I needed a second.
/"The past few months have been difficult for me to be around you. I so desperately want to be, more than you can imaging, but it's for all the wrong reasons. I want to be around you because I love your smile, I love your laugh, and the way you
/bite your lip when you're deep in thought. I want to hold you, I want you to be mine. I love you Camila, but not that best friend kind of love. The kind of lovethat makes me stare at you until I know every single freckle, every single scar,
and every wrinkle
in your skin. The kind that makes you the first thing in my head in the morning and the last thing at night. I know this is out of the ordinary, and I know this might weird you out. But please just try to understand, you're the last thing I need to
/lose." She looked at me with utter confusion, a loss for words. Then she did something very, very unexpected. She grabbed me and pulled me close, then she proceeded to lean in and brush her lips ever so slightly against mine, I don't think I've
/ever felt a rush such as this one. I was so surprised I couldn't react. She pulled back and looked at me and said "I think I understand".