A Multiverse Mischief Story
"Test of Strength"
"I'm getting sick of this stupid turf war on contracts." Travis Touchdown complained as he and Eddie Riggs walked along the streets in Central Base Prime. It was a slow day for missions, and the two Heart of Steel agents were simply walking about and chatting, most of it being Travis whining about his part-time job with the IDA. "It's stupid! We're both completely the same, it's just the Inter-Dimensional Assassin's Association has higher standards for recruitment than the Bounty Hunter's Guild, but still!"
"Yeah, I don't get the point of it all, but you can still see it coming." Eddie admitted with a shrug of his shoulders. "There are so many groups in the IDA, you're bound to have two groups with conflicting ideas and going up against each other. I mean, Ironheade doesn't have anything like that, but you hear stuff all the time." They passed by a woman wearing white robes bearing holy symbols getting into a heated argument with a large and burly demon. "There's a prime example over there: Cathedral of Heaven and Occultist Works. Two radically different groups are forced to co-exist for Zedekiah's belief in equilibrium and all that shit. But you get two people who hate what the other believes…" Almost on cue, the woman in robes kicked the demon in the groin and walked away, while the demon appeared mildly pissed. "Someone's going to get hit in the face for it."
"I get ya, Eddie." Travis said, watching the demon limp off. "The whole IDA is like it. Good and Evil, Order and Chaos, hell, Base Prime is one big powder-keg waiting to go off." The pair came across one of the parks, where a sizeable number of people were gathered about, watching some sort of spectacle. "Huh, wonder what's got everyone gawking?" Shrugging, Travis and Eddie waded their way through the crowd of Agents, Officials, and what have you until coming to the front. What they saw was a long line of burly and intimidating looking Agents standing with fierce looks on their faces… and none other than Zedekiah Strong, Founder of the IDA, standing at the end with an incredibly smug look on his face and a metal briefcase at his side.
"The hell is going on here?" Eddie asked, checking out the people in line.
"Test of Strength." Travis and Eddie turned to their side and saw Jack Cayman standing next to them, an irritated look on his face with his arms folded across his chest. "Zedekiah issued a challenge to all the big 'hitters' in the IDA, promising whoever won would get a briefcase full of money." A man in a blue racers outfit with a red helmet stepped in front of Zedekiah, the two bowed while the helmeted man clenched his yellow-gloved fist.
"What's the challenge, then?" Travis asked. He recognized the man as Captain Falcon, a veteran Agent and member of the Heroes of Light, watching in awe has he took up a fighting stance.
"He said whoever can punch him in the face and actually affect him is a winner." Jack said. Captain Falcon reeled back a fist, the hand glowing ablaze with intense flames, while Zedekiah appeared to be slightly tired.
"FALCON PUNCH!" Captain Falcon shouted. His fist shot forward, the intensity of the punch combined with the flames formed a barrier around the racer Agent, leaving behind a bright trail reminisce of a burning phoenix assaulting its prey, landing dead center in Zedekiah's face. Everyone let out an awed cheer at the spectacle, but when the flames faded, Zedekiah appeared completely unharmed, and Captain Falcon fell to his knees, clutching his hand.
"An incredibly flashy and powerful move, Captain." Zedekiah calmly complimented, getting down on a single knee to address Falcon face-to-face. "But it wasn't enough to do much to me. Work on speed a bit more, if you can." He helped Captain Falcon to his feet and patted him on the back. "Better luck next time." Captain Falcon walked along his way, Travis catching sight of the blood staining his glove in just the briefest of instances, while the next contender took his spot.
"Holy shit." Travis muttered. "I knew Zedekiah was touch, but fuck me." The sound of cracking bones and pained yowls followed after the newest competitor went, and Travis glanced at Jack with a curious face. "Did you try it, Jack?"
"Mmm…" Jack grunted, narrowing his brow. "I… thought I could give it a shot with my reinforced arm, but…" He unfolded his arms and showed the roadie and assassin his mechanical hand. The fingers were dented and bent in different directions, as though Jack tried to punch a bullet train head-on. Travis and Eddie shared a nervous gulp as Jack folded his arms again. "I'm on so many fuckin' painkillers right now, but I still feel how much that hurt." Several audience members moaned in disgust after the next competitor's hand completely bent backwards from his punch.
"That money's gotta be worth it if people are dumb enough to put themselves through this kind of torture." Eddie commented, watching a pair of Watchers haul off the severely wounded competitor. Zedekiah removed his hat and dusted it off a bit.
"I'll have to send Shao Kahn a get-well card to his room at the hospital." Zedekiah muttered as he put his hat back on. "Alright, next in line?" A stern-looking and very tall young Japanese man wearing a black jacket and hat stepped forward, both hands tucked in his pockets as he glared Zedekiah down. "Ah, Josuke Kujo, good to see you, son!"
"Nice to see you, too, Strong." Jotaro said, his voice low and even. "Let's skip the pleasantries and get things over with, okay?" Zedekiah teasingly shook his head and idly kicked at the floor.
"Ah, there's that classic Joestar stubbornness." Zedekiah said. "Right to the point on everything. Well," Zedekiah flourished his cape and stood with his arms spread open in embrace. "Let's see if Star Platinum was capable to everything." Jotaro allowed himself a smirk, clenched his fist, and uttered a single word.
"ORA!" To those unable to see the spiritual or supernatural without aid, what seemed to happen was some invisible object broke the sound barrier and smashed against Zedekiah's face in a single blow, the aftershock knocking a few of the closer audience members over from the blast. Once everyone got their bearings, Jotaro examined his right hand and saw a large bruise encompassing his knuckles, and Zedekiah looking no worse for the wear.
"Hah ha…" Zedekiah pleasantly chuckled. "I expected no less from the strongest fighter of the Joestar Family. My praise to you, son, but be careful when it comes to telegraphing your attacks, as fast as they may be." He bowed, with Jotaro returning in turn before turning away. "Oh, by the way, your grandfather came by earlier and… Tell him I'll pay for the hospital bill if need be." Jotaro nodded with a smirk before heading off. Eddie moaned slightly, having missed probably the best part of that bout.
"Man, I wish I could see supernatural stuff like Stands…" Eddie moaned, while Travis barked a laugh.
"Good thing I picked up that weird after effect from Akashic Points," Travis proudly laughed. "Because seeing Star Platinum in action was awesome!" In response to the attitude, Jack punched Travis in the shoulder with his good arm. "Ow, fuck that hurt…"
"Shut up and watch," Jack snapped, gesturing to the makeshift arena. "An Executioner's going up." On cue, a massive man garbed in green futuristic military armor stepped forward, standing a full foot taller than Zedekiah himself, bearing down upon him with a look possibly filled with malice.
"Well now, I've called upon the wrath of the Doom Marine." Zedekiah said, a slight hint of surprise in his voice. "Alright, give it your best, but remember, you only get one punch. No need to… go completely psychopathic." The Doom Marine needed no further goading, but instead of a stationary attack like his previous competitors, the Slayer of Hell did something else. The green-armored menace turned around and held a single hand up, gesturing that everyone in line step back. With a few grumbles of irritation, the line complied and stepped back, but the Doom Marine continued gesturing. After a little while, there was a sizeable distance between the line and Doom Marine. Satisfied, the Doom Marine walked towards the line and stood in his original spot, taking up a springing position. Everyone was silent, waiting for what one of the highest ranked Executioners had planned. Then he ran, kicking off the ground so hard, a crater impact was left in its place, the Doom Marine sprinted towards Zedekiah with a fist reeled back for an attack. Once he got in range, the Doom Marine leapt high into the air, and amidst his descent, prepped his punch. Finally, fist and face connected in a glorious display… but the outcome was unexpected to some. When the Doom Marine's body passed by Zedekiah, his fist still was stuck to Zedekiah's face, and in an odd turn of events, the Doom Marine's body flipped around, missed the landing ground completely, and ended up flying off behind Zedekiah, ending up lying on his back with a possibly dislocated shoulder.
"Oh, I felt that one." Travis winced, watching the Watchers help the Doom Marine onto his feet while Zedekiah went on to talk to him. "Weird how he's praising people who lost his challenge."
"He's not just praising." Jack interjected. "He's giving advice, too." Jack looked at his dented hand in contemplation. "When I went up against him, I smashed my hand and he told me that I shouldn't rely on just my arm and augments to get stuff done." Eddie snapped his fingers in realization.
"I get it!" Eddie proclaimed. "He's doing one of his Learning Via Experience things again. Remember when he did that whole lesson on the dangers of having too much power a few months ago?" The three men reflected on that little disaster of a lesson.
"Yeah, a game of Tag that had whoever was It become Head of the IDA for two days." Travis recounted. "Somehow, Mask's lunatic of a daughter got involved and ended up taking over." Several horrid memories flashed by in their minds. "I still don't think they finished putting out the fires in the Nature Reserves and the Metalworks…" There was a loud metallic clang, followed by the crowd letting out a collective wince and moan as the recent competitor dropped to his knees, examining the spot that once had a metal arm attached to it.
"Asura, I know rage is your specialty," Zedekiah said, looking at the partially flattened metal arm in his hands. "But rely too much on it and your attacks lose aim and focus. Try Tai Chi some time, it does wonders." Grumbling, Asura took his destroyed arm and walked off.
"Jesus, not even Asura could do anything." Travis commented. He turned to Jack with a quizzical expression. "How long has this been going on?"
"I think it's been a solid hour." Jack said. "First person who tried was that Goku guy. A single punch, ended up dislocating two fingers in his right hand." Travis cringed at the mental image.
"Isn't that guy able to bench press a planet?" Eddie asked. Jack responded with a nod.
"A lot of the IDA's heavy hitters and Way of the Fist members have been going at him." Jack explained. "I've seen shitloads of people trying to knock Zedekiah on his ass with a punch. Son Goku, the martial artist Ryu, that walking-talking disease Alex Mercer, Straw Hat Luffy the Pirate Captain, that fire wizard kid Natsu Dragneel, the Hulk, Lu Bu the Flying General…"
"One of the Dynasty Warriors tried?" Travis interjected.
"Four of them tried and lost." Jack continued. "Who else? Bowser, Ganondorf, that fish woman Undyne, the Ghost of Sparta, Thunder God Raiden, Bang Shishigami, Superman, fucking Superman couldn't do shit…" Another competitor was hauled off on a stretcher. "Those are just off the top of my head. I think I saw Overlord walking away with a smashed-up arm when I first showed up." Travis and Eddie let out a low whistle, knowing that their second strongest teammate tried and failed. "My point being, lot of people got hurt, and Zedekiah's not gonna get a winner for this."
Zedekiah sighed, checking the clock off to the side. "Well, my break's almost over, so I've got one last chance for someone to see if they can win my prize." He scanned the crowd of people, like a hawk over a salmon stream. "Who would like to end the day off?" For the first time in a while, the crowd was dead silent. After what felt like hours of watching people come up and smash their hands to pieces, nobody felt like they had the guts to walk forward and accept the offer. It was slightly disappointing, but better that nobody else get hurt for an indeterminate amount of money.
"I'll give it a shot." The crowd parted and out stepped a man wearing a yellow jumpsuit, red gloves and boots, and sporting a flat look and an incredibly bald head. Murmurs ran through the crowd as he stepped forward. The guy was smaller than most of the people who tried to compete, he barely looked strong enough to hurt someone with a normal punch, and he was going to try and beat Zedekiah's challenge? Absurd!
"Hey, who the hell is chrome dome over there?" Travis asked in a whisper.
Eddie shrugged. "Beats me, haven't seen him around before."
"I… think he's with that Hero's Association that got brought in to the IDA a couple of months back." Jack mused, rubbing the scruff of his chin. "They got some ridiculously strong fighters amongst them…" The bald man walked up to Zedekiah and locked eyes with him (or rather, locked with one eye).
"So, the Caped Baldy Saitama wants to take the challenge?" Zedekiah said, a slightly bored look on his face. "You know, several other Heroes of the Association tried earlier, they didn't do well."
"Yeah, well, I'm pretty strong, though." Saitama said in an emotionally even tone, almost as if he was in an eternal state of boredom. Zedekiah let off a lighthearted chuckle and stepped back.
"Well, never let it be said I wasn't an equal opportunist." Zedekiah said, tucking his hands in his pockets. "Alright, you know the deal: One punch only to my face." Saitama nodded, and almost instantly, the look on his face went from bored to dead serious. Clenching his fist tightly, the bald superhero stepped back, reeling his fist back. Everyone watched in silence and intrigue, waiting to see what manner of hell Zedekiah had unleashed. When he threw the punch, Saitama's face bore an intensity so powerful it could crack a diamond. The instant it connected, all hell broke loose. A powerful rush of wind blasted out from in front of Saitama, bowling people over for miles away just from standing in the area. Office buildings titled, trees were stripped of their leaves, paint was peeled off of the walls, some poor woman's skirt was uplifted, and if someone were to look up at the sky, they would see that the clouds themselves had parted in a single narrow straight. When the dust had settled, the audience and former competitors looked and saw something that nobody, not even the greatest fortune teller alive could have predicted.
Zedekiah Strong staggered and bled.
The dark garbed man stepped back a few steps, shocked from the sheer amount of power he felt in a single punch. He touched the tip of his lip, feeling blood trickle down from his nose and stain his moustache a dark red. Everyone was in a state of surprise and shock, jaws had dropped, eyes had popped, and breath was lost. Someone actually beat Zedekiah Strong's Test of Strength, and gave the Founder of the IDA a nosebleed. Saitama's face went to his normal, smooth and bored look, as he stared at the stunned crowd.
"So… did I win?" Saitama asked. Without any words, Zedekiah picked up the metal briefcase and handed it to Saitama, while a Watcher immediately moved in and placed a white handkerchief in front of Zedekiah's bleeding nose. "Oh, thanks. Catch you later." And without another word, he left. Slowly, the crowd began to disburse, because what the hell are you supposed to do when something that stupidly insane and awesome just happened? Once Eddie put his jaw back in place, he turned around and started walking off.
"Hey, Eddie, where are you going?" Travis asked.
"Going to Finnegan's and getting completely shitfaced." Eddie said nonchalantly.
"It's two in the afternoon." Jack said, searching around if he still had a cigarette on him to calm his nerves.
"I know, and honestly, after seeing something like THAT," Eddie shouted, pointing at Saitama's fading form in the distance. "I need to drink enough to forget that a monster like that is in the IDA." As the Roadie took off, Travis and Jack shared a single glance, not a word spoken between the two as a consensus was reached.
"Hold up, Eddie, I'm with ya." Travis said, Jack following in suit. In the infinite possibility of the Multiverse and the Universal Nexus, you are bound to come across something that defies expectations and logic, and the only way to cope with that moment is to get completely wasted and forget it happened. Such is the cycle of ignorance and alcoholism in the IDA.
Author's Note: I'm going to be very honest, this was written in an attempt to kick a rather obnoxious case of writer's block. This idea popped up in my head after rewatching One Punch Man for the third time, and decided why the hell not? Anyway, this little Multiverse Mischief story is set long after IDA Ultimate Tournament (or possibly non-canon, whatever works with you). Characters belong to their owners, I own nobody except for Zedekiah Strong and the Watchers, and HOPEFULLY this update is what I needed to get back into the swing of things! So, enjoy and have a pleasant day to you all.
~Mal Masque