I swear I am a serious writing. This is just not a serious story in any way, shape, or form. In fact, it is the exact opposite of serious. It's like... a weird twist of Wonderland with some weird even more nonsensical stuff than Wonderland thrown into the mix. I don't even know what it is. That's how screwed up and not serious this is. It's just completely weird and, dare I say it, utterly fucked up in some ways.

Anyways, I don't own Ouran High School Host Club. That belongs to our dear Bisco Hatori. I'm only responsible for the plotline that has no plot.

The Stuff Of Nightmares

"Haruhi-kun!" Renge ran over to the natural host, all cheery and peppy, just like usually. "I'm so happy for you!"

"Uh… why Renge-san?"

"Oh… you don't know?" Haruhi shook her head and began wondering what it was that was so happy. Why was the Host Club Manager so happy for her? This didn't make any sense. "There's a giant statue of you in the courtyard!"

"Why?" This question also seemed to confuse Renge, because she frowned.

"I don't know. But it's made out of chocolate cake!" Chocolate cake statues? That made even less sense than being happy for Haruhi for no reason. Haruhi looked out the window and saw a giant statue of herself in the courtyard, but there was no way of telling that it was made of chocolate cake. If it was, then whoever made it did a fantastic job of icing it.

This was just too confusing, even for the weird rich people she was stuck going to school with. Why would they make a cake-statue of her? And how did Renge know that it was cake?

"Haru-chan! There's a cake-statue of you in the courtyard!" So even Honey-senpai knew about the cake-statue of her. Was she just the last person to know about everything going on here? "I taste-tested it when I heard it was cake! Sorry it's missing your nose."

"Haruhi!"

"What Tamaki-senpai?!"

"Did you know that-"

"There's a cake-statue of me? Yes." Tamaki looked confused by this. What was he going to say? Because all that seemed to be going around the school as news was that there was a cake-statue of her.

"No. That's old news. I was going to ask if you knew that Kyoya was going into the suit modeling business! He's going to be even more of a superstar now! I can't let that happen! He'll leave us all by ourselves! What will we do without out Mommy?!" So the statue was old news, and Kyoya-senpai was going into the suit modeling business? This was making less and less sense as time went on.

"Tamaki-san!" Renge shouted joyously. "Did you know that Haruhi has a statue of her in the courtyard made out of cake?!"

"Who cares about that Renge?! Kyoya is going to be in the suit modeling business! He's going to leave us all!"

"Ootori-san is in the suit modeling business? That's fantastic! He'll look absolutely fabulous!"

"That may be true, but he's going to leave us to go to some obscure city to model suits! We will be left behind! Cast to the streets like an old glove no longer capable of being used!" At that moment, both Tamaki and Renge began to cry over the loss of Kyoya. What was going on? Maybe they wouldn't notice if Haruhi left and went grocery shopping for dinner.

But she couldn't skip any classes. How would she graduate if she missed class? She would fail if she missed class.

"Haru-chan, do you want some strawberry cake?" At least that was normal. Honey-senpai was offering her cake like usual. "But I'm out of strawberry cake. Good thing I have this extra cake that I made myself!"

"Wow, you really made that yourself Honey-senpai? It must have been really difficult."

"It was! But I got to use my own special recipe for this special cake! It took a really special secret ingredient!"

"What was the secret ingredient?" Naturally, Haruhi only asked because she figured that Honey-senpai would tell her whether she asked or not.

"The blood of angry men. And their hearts and intestines." The dark look on the boy's face would make even the strongest of people in the world fear for their lives. So of course, Haruhi ran away as fast as she could. Anything would be better than sticking around to be killed and baked into a cake for Honey-senpai's delight.

"Ha-!"

"-ru-!"

"-hi!" The twins ran over to her as fast as possible. They looked winded and tired, as if they had been running for hours.

"What?"

"Whatever you do, don't let Honey-senpai get you!" they both shouted at the same time. "We saw him kill Mori-senpai and remove his heart and intestines!"

"He killed Mori-senpai?" The twins nodded. That meant that Honey-senpai killed Mori-senpai and used his heart, intestines, and blood to make the 'special cake'. This was getting out of hand, going insane. "Well, did you hear that Kyoya-senpai's going into the modeling business?"

"Really?" Kaoru asked.

"Wow, he's going to look fantastic," Hikaru stated like this was predicted to happen. "Renge-san owes us a trip to the beach. We better go find her."

With that, they ran off to find Renge. The whole world was going insane. And there wasn't a single thing that Haruhi could do to stop it. What was going to happen next? Was the apocalypse going to happen now?

"Haruhi, my precious flower blooming despite the adversity you face here at Ouran, where the male pigs force you to pretend to be one of them!" Of course, Benibara would show up at a time like this. She didn't have time for this. Haruhi had to prepare for the apocalypse. "I have wonderful news!"

"O-Okay, Benibara-san. What's your news?" Benibara spun for a good five minutes without answering, but then she stopped and took Haruhi's hand.

"Tomorrow, we shall be wed!" This was times worse than the apocalypse! Haruhi wasn't ready to get married! She would have to plan! Good thing there was a giant cake-statue outside. They could just use that.

Wait.

She didn't want to get married, let alone married to Benibara!

"That's really nice, but I don't think I'm ready."

"Then why, dear Haruhi, my precious flower, have you accepted the ring I offered you?" What ring? Haruhi didn't accept a ring. She looked at her finger. Sure enough, there was a ring on it. She didn't remember accepting any marriage proposals. Did she absentmindedly say yes when she wasn't paying attention?

"Oh. I guess I did."

"Tomorrow, it is! Tomorrow we shall be happily united for all eternity! And don't worry; I've already created a guest list. I even invited all your friends." She spun around for another five minutes, this time hugging Haruhi tightly. "We shall be the best dressed couple in the world!"

"R-Right." After all that spinning, Haruhi felt quite nauseous. And she had to go shopping for dinner still. Maybe she would just buy some leeks and make leek soup. "I need to go shopping though."

"Don't worry! I shall have all the fancy tuna you want immediately delivered to you whenever you want it!" Benibara snapped her fingers, and Haruhi began drowning in a sea of fancy tuna.

Haruhi sat up quickly as the thunder boomed. Thunder? Wait, she was home. Oh, thunder was better than marrying Benibara! Thunder was now Haruhi's best friend! Haruhi quickly disregarded this as another peal of thunder boomed. Maybe thunder wasn't her best friend. At least it was all just a really, really weird dream.