Delia knew.
She knew from the minute that Patsy crept into her room that night, that the troubled red-head had finally made her decision. The tell-tale signs of 'troubled Pats' were there. The slight hunch to her shoulders - a vain attempt to make herself shorter, the lack of spark in those puppy dog eyes and the downturn of her lips also gave her away. The biggest giveaway though? The moment their eyes connected and the words spoken through silence as Patsy crawled onto the bed, curling into Delia, her back pressed tight against the Welshwoman's chest, hands gripping Delia's on her stomach.
"You're going aren't you?" Delia asked quietly, pressing a kiss to her girlfriend's temple. For a few moments there was no response but for a jagged intake of breath. Delia pressed another kiss to Patsy's temple in reassurance.
"I have to." Came Patsy's tight, barely audible response.
Delia pressed yet another kiss to the same spot she had a moment ago. Her heart was breaking - the thought of weeks possibly months without Patsy hurt her more than she could ever articulate - but it was temporary and it was important the brisk midwife went. Delia had told her she wouldn't push her either way earlier in the day, but she'd hoped that Patsy might consider Hong Kong. As painful as it was for their relationship, she didn't want Patsy to have any regrets a couple of years down the line and end up resenting her decision not to see her Father. Delia inwardly hoped this might give Patsy some closure on the horrors of her youth.
"Say something." Patsy croaked, turning to face Delia. Silent tears tracking steadily down her face, falling from red, swollen eyes. "Please… say something."
"Oh Cariad." Delia breathed, her hand tucking a stray strand of hair back behind Patsy's ear, remaining lightly on the side of her face. "Of course you must go. I understand."
The pair fell into silence. Patsy's tears were falling freely as Delia tried her best to bat hers away. Neither woman felt the need to speak as both tried to come to terms with what the next few months would mean for them. Patsy was clinging to Delia with a vice like grip, her head buried into the shorter woman's chest.
"When are you going?"
"I don't know. I suppose it depends on my job."
"Your job?"
"Well, if they keep it open for me. With Sister Julienne there'd have been no doubt but-"
"They won't want to lose you Patsy." Delia promised, kissing her girlfriend's forehead gently, "But all being well?"
"I'll leave as soon as arrangements can be made."
That statement punched Delia straight in the gut, winded her, as a tear fought it's way past her barriers. For some reason she'd expected Patsy to put the trip off for a couple of weeks, give them chance to say goodbye, this felt like it was much closer, much sooner. Delia found herself nodding numbly.
"We'll be alright? Won't we Deels?" Patsy's quiet voice broke Delia's reverie. It shook with fear and heartbreak, the hopeful tone causing Delia's heart to break. "This isn't… it?"
"No Cariad, this isn't it." Delia promised, voice cracking as she finally let her tears fall, "I'm not going to pretend it doesn't hurt Patsy - it does. It hurts to be away from you for a few hours never mind a few months but… I love you Patience Mount and it's going to take more than you being on the other side of the world to change that."
"I'm going to miss you so much." Patsy finally broke down into huge, ugly sobs, her arms clutching Delia tightly as she too gave in.
"I'll miss you too but we can write. You could even call now and again and just so you know…" Delia paused to clear her throat, "I'll be here, waiting…" She paused again as she lifted Patsy's chin to meet her eyes, "I'm not going anywhere."
The words Patsy had once spoken to her, not long after the accident seemed to change the air in the room, a spark igniting. Within moments Patsy's lips were on Delia's as the pair urgently kissed - all tongues and teeth - desperation and despair mixing seamlessly as the pair devoured one another. Hands were grappling to touch every part of their partner's body, tears melting into sweat, heartache turning into something altogether more beautiful and worthwhile. For Delia's part, this was as much about comfort and love as it was about reassuring her lover that she would wait for her for as long as it took but for Patsy this was a promise. A promise that she would return. A promise that no matter what distance, it would always, always be Delia.
"I love you so very much." Patsy whispered as they lay together afterwards, chests rising and falling in sync.
Delia said nothing. Simply smiled and pressed her lips to Patsy's. The next few months would be hard that was for certain but for Patsy? Anything.