Her words gnaw at my mind, tendrils ripping my sanity apart. You promised you wouldn't leave me. Then…this. Now. I'm sorry. Goodbye. She had never said goodbye before. Not during vid calls or messages. Always a "Talk later, Skipper" or "See you then!" The first and last goodbye that ever fell from those rose-colored lips.
In that moment, I couldn't breathe. I felt like all the air had been vacuumed out of me, stored away somewhere never to be found again. Ashley, the light of my life, had left me. She told me she was trying to rebound after my…untimely departure. She had found someone new. Someone that could care for her much easier than I. That someone wasn't risking life and limb for the sake of the galaxy. They were normal.
Rage rises within me. I couldn't give her stability, a haven, a home. My love isn't enough for her and that thought burnt fire through my veins. My already red scars glow brighter in my dark cabin restroom as I stare at the reflection of a broken woman trying to regain control. Glass cuts my knuckles as my fist connects with the mirror, yet even then the reflection mocks me still. I watch as it laughs at me, hateful words spilling from chapped, crooked lips.
You don't deserve her. You never have. She is pure where you are nothing but an empty sac of lies and broken promises. You should be thankful she left, not selfish. Your love will never be enough for her. For anyone.
The laughter vanishes as the reflection morphs into my crying figure leaning onto the sink, shoulders shaking as sob after sob struck me. The voice is right. I want Ashley, but I am not worthy of someone so beautiful. I hurt her in the worst of ways: breaking promises.
This is a suicide mission. If I die fighting, I won't have to worry about hurting someone like that again. Storms won't be caused by my selfish heart any longer. I hope I don't survive this mission. I have nothing to come back to, and no one to continue hurting.