Hey guys It's me again! Yes I am working on my other story. This little thing just popped into my head. I wrote this at 3 am. I hope it's okay. Thank you for reading.
While I was 13 my thoughts where in the clouds. People had friends they "loved" had emotions for others. For me, I only felt a numbness to everything. Relationships where manipulated to make the other person feel a connection. There was none though nothing to connect my thoughts and feelings to them.
By the age of 16 I knew love wasn't for me. People in relationships and others having sex as a pass time. Though I know of people now who are still together.
6 years past. I slept my way through college. A pass time to consume my true emotions. I ended up getting the job of my dreams. I worked, studied and fought for all that I could! I was ruthless and stepped on others. They survived I scraped at what I wanted to be. Though there was always that empty throb coercing through my veins. Telling me now or never. I could face what I truly felt or run away. It ended with never.
As I entered my thirties I was almost where I wanted to be. I found myself reminiscing about the last few years of high school and the only one I ever felt some sort of emotion for. I thought of him and how his smile would get me through bad days. His touch elated my heart and I squashed it down. He was dense and didn't catch all the touches and words I told only him. During my last year I asked him to go to homecoming with me. I was scared and added in the words, as a friend. It was too fast and rushed. He said, "Sure as friends".
I still remember the heart break as I saw him with a petite girl holding hands. I only knew them as best friends. According to him, he had been pining over this girl for a long time. Longer than he could remember. That was the only time I cried over a guy, over a relationship, over the jealousy pumping through my head.
I suppose when I think about it now that was the time I ever loved someone.
They broke up 3 weeks later. She told him childhood friends should stay just that and nothing more.
He came to me after that. He told me all that happened. Months passed.
There was a week left of school and he told me he liked me. I couldn't take the idea of him ever rejecting me, like she rejected him. I cried softly. He probably thought it was sadness. I told him no and goodbye. I ignored him and never spoke to him again.
That will always be my biggest regret; not telling him the truth. The truth of my longing for him.
Nearing 50 I was still sleeping around and thinking about him, about me messing up. About the eventual rejection I would never be able to face. I climbed to the highest in my career thinking about the wealth I could share with a person. Him. I crashed and burned.
20 years passed and it was the same.
The longing that never ceased.
I was nearing 80 and one day I had gotten a phone call. A young woman was on the phone. She gave me an address to visit. She only had to say his name.
I got there as fast as I could, but it was too late. His last request was for the nurse to contact and give me a letter. Inside the letter there was an old photograph attached of me and him at the age of 18. It was crinkled, but very well taken care of. The letter told of how he could never get over me. How he had gotten a private investigator to search until he found me. His report told him that I had seemed to have moved on and I was doing well in my life.
I was starting to cry over him again. By body shuddered. He tried and tried. He wanted to love only me.
I asked the lady where he was at. She gave me an address of a cemetery.
I asked the lady where he was and she gave me an address of a cemetery. The stone at his grave had my name on it next to his. I fell to my knees reading the next line:
I will love only you.
I cried over love three times in my life.
My voice was barely above a whisper, "Goodbye and I loved you, Takumi."
So what did you think? Please leave a review if you liked it or even if you think I could do better!
Love y'all so much!
Punkerjj27 out. Peace.