They were all walking on pins and needles. Afraid. They were afraid of talking, of fighting, they all realized that they were so fragile. Afraid to breathe. Each breath was sharp, stinging, and fresh; it was a remembrance that they were still alive. Robin's death was something they were all unprepared for, even for being superheroes. It came, swift as it likes to be, and stole his life away.
The Titans were not even fighting someone terrible, hard, or dangerous. Just a misguided ruffian with mediocre powers who was getting a power trip from tearing up the business district. Robin was confident that he could take the man down single-handedly, and so was everyone else until they saw the gun. In a split second, their leader was on the ground, bleeding out. Then time froze. Of course, that is to say it went on after that, but none of the Titans can nor care to remember what happened after that point onwards. Cyborg chased after the criminal, not knowing how serious the wound was. Starfire cradled Robin's head in her lap, as Raven swooped down to attempt to heal him. Beast Boy ran off after Cyborg without a second thought himself.
But they stopped dead in their tracks when Starfire screamed.
--
Starfire was hardly able to dress herself. She felt so numb, all of her limbs were weak. Slowly brushing her hair, she stared out her large window, into the pouring rain. There was never a nice day for a funeral. Pouring rain or cruel sunshine, the weather always seemed to be mourning or mocking. Standing up, she checked her face in the mirror. To her, it seemed she had aged very quickly in the few days that had passed. Her eyes were dim, dull even. The bags under her eyes were prominent, but she did not care. Closing her eyes, she looked away, then shut off her lights, black dress rustling softly as she left the room.
When Starfire entered the common room, nobody bothered to look up. Raven looked odd, not wearing her usual blue, the long black cloak almost out of place on her. Beast Boy was not to be found. Cyborg was in the kitchen, making food nobody felt like eating. Starfire parted her lips, intending to break the silence, but she could not bring herself to shatter it.
All three jumped when the doors burst open and Beast boy came in, looking very undone. His suit was unbuttoned, his shirt not tucked in, hair uncombed, and his tie was hanging, not knotted, over his neck, flapping angrily across his arm. Shaking his un-gelled hair, he looks up to them with fierce eyes.
"Friend Beast Boy," Starfire was surprised when she spoke, her voice sounded strange and distant. "Are you sure you're all right?"
"Fine." Beast Boy forced a grin that almost looked real onto his face. "I've never liked suits."
Starfire was about to speak when Raven's cold voice ripped through the heavy air.
"We need to leave." Raven said, after getting to her feet.
Then, she disappeared in the dark form of a raven. Cyborg stepped out of the kitchen and headed for the garage, to get the T-Car running.
--
Raven wished she was not here, walking in the rain alongside Robin's casket, led through the streets by gleaming horses. Despite the umbrella given to her, she was still soaking wet. Starfire stepped solemnly in front of her, while Beast Boy and Cyborg were on the other side. Behind her person, she could hear the steps of the other Titans, holding candles close to their chests to keep the flame alight.
The solemn song barely reached her ears, as did the sound of the crowd. She looked across over at Beast Boy and Cyborg. Cyborg glanced over, catching her eye, the corner of his mouth twitching, like it wanted to form a smile but could not. Raven just turned her head and fixed her eyes upon the back of Starfire's head.
She could not stand the guilt weighted at the bottom of her stomach, it just sat there, bubbling, churning, gnawing away like acid. The thought that she could have done something, if she had just been faster, she could have healed the wound enough. Enough that he could have hung on… Raven pulled the hood farther over her head to hide herself as a black ripple of her power ran through the concrete, leaving a long, wide, and streaking crack. Azarath… Metrion… Zinthos, she repeated silently, letting her mind leave the funeral and her guilt, if only for a little while.
Cyborg could not breathe. It was not physically strenuous to breathe, but just the act would make him feel the catch in his chest; the tightness of it. It was a shriek, a rip, it felt like breaking. He also hated the fact that he was using a hologram. The feeling of the rain pounding against him, not phasing the perfect image of a suit was an odd one, one he could not get used to. The mud caked heavy upon his feet as he stood upon the grass. His lone human eye travelled up to the man speaking. Words that were unfamiliar and foreign to his concept of Robin drifted past his ears, as lazily as the cold breeze, in the hazy voice of the man.
The only thing warm was Starfire in his arms, big, pearly tears leaking out of her eyes. The casket was lying over the grave where it would be lowered. Cyborg just stared down at Starfire's straggly, wet hair. Raven stood like a sentinel next to him, all of her face hidden except for her lips, moving slowly, soundlessly, to some unknown mantra. Beast Boy was next to her, rivalling her in height. His bright hair was stuck to his face, hiding his eyes. With his sleeves rolled up and his hands in his pocket, he looked indifferent.
Stupid… arrogant son of a bitch… Beast Boy chewed on his lip fiercely. He was angry. At what, he could not tell, but for the past couple days all he felt was anger, hot, boiling, and raging. It pulsed in his veins like some Godforsaken virus. It kept him from sleeping, from thinking, he wondered how he even got dressed for the funeral.
Robin was so stupid, so complacent, so weak… a gun. It was a gun that was the end of it. Beast Boy furrowed his brow as the casket was lowered into the ground, flowers wavering precariously on the rounded top, some slipping off from the force of the rain. He closed his eyes, letting his thoughts overtake him, the physical world shifting and spiralling away as he let the rain pound on his shoulders. Then he heard a swish of fabric, a soft squelch of shoes in mud and he turned to see Raven striding away. With a quick glance around, he discerned the service was over. Giving the dark hole housing Robin's body one last look, he turned to follow the other Titans out and back to the tower.
--
"Raven," Beast Boy slams the video game controller onto the coffee table after loosing the seventeenth time in a row and kicks his feet up. "want to hear a joke?"
"No."
"Okay, okay, so why did the chicken cross the road?"
"You're kidding," comes the clipped reply.
"Nope." Beast Boy giggles, and suddenly he cannot stop laughing. "He, he doesn't cross at all," he giggles a giggle that transforms into a big, hearty laugh. "because there's nothing, nothing on the other side. Nothing at all. There's nothing any more." he keeps on laughing.
Raven simply gets up and leaves the common room, leaving her book behind. Beast Boy just sits on the couch and laughs until he wipes tears from his eyes and looks over at Cyborg, who is staring at him. Cyborg looks away when he meets Beast Boy's eyes, then leaves the room right after Raven.
"Friend Beast Boy, are the laughter of hysterics done now?" Starfire peers over the kitchen counter at the bewildered looking teen.
"No, uh, I don't know, Star." Beast Boy stands up, staring at his hands.
"Oh, uh, okay dear Beast Boy." Starfire walks out from behind the counter, then out of the common room, with a watery smile at Beast Boy.
Beast Boy's ears drop. Later, in the garage, Cyborg's giving the T-Car a major work over. He has already replaced the undercarriage, with a new, stronger, yet more flexible one; changed the tires, brakes, and shocks; and was now giving the car's engine an upgrade. He needed to do something constructive with his time until tomorrow, when the Titans East would go back home, and they could return to crime fighting.
He was looking forward to it. He needed something — anything — to occupy his mind. There was so much silence he could barely stand it. Cyborg needed to have music on, constantly. Right now he had his stereo blasting so loud he could not hear himself think, just how he wanted it.
The only time he had seen Raven was hours ago, after Beast Boy's giggle fit. He could not be around Starfire, the forced note of happiness in her voice made him angry. The giggle fit of Beast Boy was nothing new. He would be silent for hours on end, loosing again and again to the computer on the Game Station, then burst out laughing suddenly for no apparent reason. Cyborg would then yell at him to shut up, anger boiling over at the sheer stupidity of it, of everything. Starfire would then beg them to stop fighting, although it often ended in tears for her.
Cyborg had decided that it was not worth the stress, and that staying away from the common room would be better for everyone. Spending time with his baby was much more worthwhile. She would still be here for him. His baby would not leave him. Cyborg pats the car's hood affectionately. A sudden chill sweeps over him and he looks up to see Raven.
"Hi." he says as she steps delicately over a wrench. "What's up li'l lady?"
She does not answer. He did not expect her to. Raven has a mug of tea in her hands, steam spiralling up from the cup. Cyborg cannot help but notice how delicate her hands look, wrapped around the large mug.
"Just working on the T-Car," he explains, gesturing with his hands, even though it needs no explaining.
Raven nods, then sets her mug down on the lone clean spot of his work bench. She backtracks and picks up the wrench she stepped over. She obviously wants to help, so he decides against saying anything, and to treat it like a normal occurrence. Cyborg tells Raven what he has done so far, and what he plans to do. He lets her service the current engine as he works on the new one he plans to put in.
Cyborg scarcely notices the passage of time until his music gets shut off. Looking up, he sees Raven standing next to his stereo, hood hiding her face. Stepping back from his unfinished work, he wipes off his dirtied hands.
"Too loud." Raven speaks finally, turning her head to look at him. Her whole face is hidden behind the dark of her hood.
Cyborg shrugs, going over to the T-Car to look it over. With a soft cloth, he starts to buff off fingerprints left upon the shiny hood. He needs to do something, he cannot think about it, about the reality he needs to face. They stand there in silence for several minutes, Cyborg breathing in a controlled manner, the quiet ripping at his ears, worming its way inside like an infection. He cannot stand it. No more silence, no more quiet. No more!
"GodDAMNIT!" Cyborg steps back and throws the cloth to the ground.
It does not make a very satisfying sound. Cyborg grabs a wrench and slams it to the ground. It shrieks against the concrete floor, then clatters to a stop several feet away. The silence creeps up again, the ring of the wrench fading.
"Why'd he hafto? Jesus…" Cyborg clenches his hand into his fist. "Fuck."
--
Starfire looks around the room. It is not unfamiliar to her, she has been in here before, but it feels strange to be in it alone. The bed is neatly made, without a wrinkle on the covers. The curtains are open, letting in a all-too bright beam of sunshine. Starfire looks out the large window into the bay, the light glinting off the water leaving sun-spots in her eyes. Then she has to turn away. Once the sun-spots disappear, she realizes how unsure she is of doing this, cleaning out Robin's room. But it had to be done sometime. There was so much to be done now in the wake of disaster, Starfire felt exhausted.
Catching her eye, is sunlight glinting off the glass of a photograph frame. Slowly moving over to it, Starfire picks it up and feels her heart slow down, then beat rapidly. Robin beams up at her, his smile wide. The minute, picture version of herself has her arms wrapped around Robin and must be flying, as Robin's feet are several metres off the ground. There is a greyish smudge near the bottom of the picture; that must be Beast Boy's finger. The boy could not take a picture to save his life.
Starfire has to put the picture down, she can't bear to see his face again so soon. The shock of seeing him so happy was in dark contrast to how she had last seen him, deathly pale and still; it clutched at the heart that she had barely managed to bandage up. Deciding to ignore the picture for now, she goes to his closet to fold his clothes.
His smell was still in his clothes, and she could almost feel him around her when she opened the door. It was a warm smell, woody, spicy, and just a little bit bitter to her nose. There was also the overly perfumey smell of is his hair gel mixed in. Starfire just reaches in and starts to pull down his jumpsuit, folding them up carefully, then placing them in a box. She half expects Robin to come into the room and ask her what the hell she's doing to his clothes, all with a grin. That small, childish hope dies when she places the last top upon the last box. It settles down comfortably, but with finality, and she knows he will not return.
The fact that he is not coming back hits her like a tonne of bricks. Starfire falls to the bed, tears streaming down her face. Grabbing the top of one of the boxes, she tears out his uniform and holds it to her face, starting to cry heavily. It felt like she could not breathe, could not live. She wanted him here with her so badly, she was hurting so much. So much pain, this was unreal. This could not be real.
Nothing she had been though before could even touch how she was feeling now.
--
Beast Boy sits against his dresser, the handles digging into his back painfully. He did not care, he almost liked it. He is tossing a ball up against the wall. Back and forth, back and forth, it goes as his eyes follow it. He has been doing this for hours. Right now he did not even want to do anything. He has to keep smashing this stupid little ball against the wall. He has to! A white-hot flash of anger pulses through him and he looses concentration, throwing the ball hard and letting it smash into his nose as it travels back.
Wiping off the trail of blood onto his hand, he lets the pain run through him, electrifying. It makes him feel good in a way he knows it should not. He should not be feeling so calm, so relaxed, as his nose throbs angrily. The ball rolls to a stop several feet in front of him.
Standing up, Beast Boy goes to his bathroom to stop the blood. On his way, he turns on the radio. After the announcer stops talking in a smooth, oiled voice, a piano begins to tap out a melody. Beast Boy looks down at the smear of blood across the white wash cloth as a man begins to sing.
"I don't know how else to put this. It's taken me so long to do this. I'm falling asleep and I can't see straight."
--
Raven glances over at Cyborg, then turns up the music again, to hear the raspy voice of the same song Beast Boy is listening to.
"I'm only here for a while, but patience is not my style. And I'm so tired that I gotta go. Where am I supposed to hide now? What am I suppose to do? Did you really think I wouldn't see this through?"
Raven is tired. She is so tired, now, as she thinks about it. She is just exhausted. This is more than just a physical tiredness, it is a mental one. The kind where you want to sleep, and just sleep, forever, and you do not care if you wake up or not. She realizes she is still staring blankly at Cyborg, so she quickly looks away.
Cyborg lowers his eyes and walks back to his baby. He did not care anymore.
--
Starfire is slowly walking back to her room. She passes by Beast Boy's room and can hear a song through his door. It is that music of the rocks and bread rolls. She did not care for it herself, but the music caught her attention.
"Where am I supposed to hide now? What am I suppose to do? You still don't think I'm going to see this through? Tell me I'm a part of history. Tell me I can have it all. I'm still to tired to care and I gotta go."
She waits outside his door to hear the rest of the song.
Still to tired to care and I gotta go.
--
Ha ha wow unsatisfying end or what? I've been working on this for weeks and thought that I'd give this piece of shit an end finally.
Zzyzx Rd. by Stone Sour
I don't listen to them much more since my music tastes have changed but they're good for a pop once in a while.
Tee hee. Not good writing. I was just in a shit mood and wanted to write and then I had to finish this lol.
Didn't try all that hard to be in-character or whatever.