'Wake up Homer, wake up' said the mouth of the beer. Homer was sitting down in a chair fit for a king in a large room which was filled with junk food, predominately donuts. There was also a pint glass that refilled itself with Duff beer every time it was empty. Homer felt like he was in heaven. A TV sat directly in front of the chair.
'But I don't wanna wake up, I want to drink you'. Before Homer could get the beer all the way to his lips, Homer felt two hands touching his shoulders and shaking him. Homer quickly turned around and saw to his horror a disgusting, revolting, decaying zombie. Homer screamed.
The zombie had dark empty eye sockets, disfigured lips, a shrunken nose and an extremely gaunt face to the point you cannot tell if it is a man or woman. White shoulder length hair hung from a blue trucker hat which had a picture of a beer with a red cross on it.
'Wake up Homer' the hideous body repeated. Filthy saliva spat from the zombie's mouth and onto Homer's face as it said the words. Homer is in so much fear he is paralysed, unable to move and in total shock. All he can do is scream and he does with ever increasing volume. Suddenly everything faded to complete darkness, and Homer's mind temporarily went completely mindless.
After a few seconds, Homer felt conscious again and slowly and lazily opened his eyes. He is in his office at the Nuclear Power Plant, the bright lights that illuminated from the ceiling strained his eyes from directly looking at them. Green fluid oozed from the ceiling. Everyone the fluid splattered onto the floor it sounded like a tap dripping. The ceiling's been leaking with the substance for at least 10 years, ever since Homer has been working at the Power Plant.
Homer has no idea what the substance is. Homer puts buckets in the places where the ceiling leaks so the green fluid goes in the buckets and not the floor. At the end of work, once every two days Homer empties the buckets out of his office window. From there most of it ends up on what used to be grass outside the power plant. Over the years the grass has stopped growing in the spot Homer empties the buckets, sometimes the fluid gets on other windows in the Power Plant on the way down to the ground by accident.
Donuts were scattered everywhere in Homer's office, the bulk of them resting on Homer's lap, a half eaten box. Homer had taken a nap during work which he very often finds himself doing. Homer has been sleeping and drinking more than he used to, the world to him has got a harsher and more sinister place compared to when he was a youth. For the past 5 years, Homer has slept and drank more than he ever has before, in order to escape the horrible reality.
Homer spins around in his chair, the hands that were touching his shoulders from both his dream and now had come off. Not to Homer's surprise stood Lenny, Homer's mate at work. A few footsteps behind him stood Homer's other mate and Lenny's best friend, Carl. Lenny spoke frantically, as if he was in a great hurry. 'Homer! Oh thank God you're awake I've been trying to wake you for ages you sure are a heavy sleeper'!
'I'm as heavy as they come Lenny, I'm heavy at everything and I'm damn proud of it'. Homer said with utmost pride and confidence, his mouth distorted into a slight smile. Lenny's expression is serious, he clearly isn't in any mood for jokes, small talk or gibberish from idiots.
'Homer, World War III is here! Kim Jawa In or whatever his flipping name is shot down a US bomber that was flying over it's country, Trump has sent nukes to North Korea and declared war and North Korea has done the same! Mr. Burns has ordered every worker in the plant to quadruple their work efforts'!
Homer's slight smile turned upside down, his eyebrows lowered. 'How dare you ruin my moment of uh, greatness with depressing news'! Homer is annoyed. Carl took a few footsteps forward, his expression unconcerned. 'Calm down Homer, we're only doing this because Mr. Burns ordered us to be his informers of his ordere'. Lenny pipes in. 'Yeah, if he hadn't we wouldn't of bothered telling you, we would've just parties like it's 1999'.
Lenny flew his arms up in sarcastic surprise. 'Oh, there's one more thing we need to inform our Homer but on second thought we'll keep it to ourselves, we don't wanna ruin your precious moment furthermore' Lenny said rather sarcastically. Homer sensed the sarcasm that had emerged from Lenny's tone of voice. 'What was the other thing you were forced to tell me Lenny'?
Homer is even more annoyed now. Lenny, who was walking towards the exit turned around and tutted, making direct eye contact with Homer. 'Ah, it's nothing important Homer, really. Russia, Vietnam, Iran, Belarus and Takestan or whatever it's called have also joined forces with North Korea to fight America. Essentially all of America's enemies have teamed up with Kim, uh, Jackabox In. But I have faith in this country Homer. Even against all those America is a million times stronger than those idiot nations. It'll be nice if little Britain joins us in our victory celebration, I think it'll be over by tomorrow. It's the least the British can do, after all we saved their asses in World War II'.
'Yeah'! Carl let out a yell of triumph. 'We'll own all these nations'! 'The lengthy speech by Lenny and Carl made Homer forget about Lenny's sarcasm. Leaving Homer to seriously think about what had just transpired, Lenny and Carl walker out of the door and Homer is alone once again. 'That cheeky faced hamster declared war'! Homer mean't to say this to Lenny but was too late. Homer laughed at the thought of the cheeky faced hamster waging war on America.
'Some mate of mine hey' Homer said sarcastically to himself. Homer proceeded to finish his box of pink iced donuts. The delicious icing melted in his mouth as he chewed. Homer finished one very few seconds. Homer chewed with his mouth wide open, chewing as fast and as hard as possible, like a beast. Tiny chunks of wet donuts and spit escaped his mouth as he chewed. The bits that escaped spilled onto the floor, ruining the once clean floor. Homer's work office resembled hat a floor would look like after a toddler had been eating.
Sweat poured from Homer's body after he finished. Except walking a few yards from his car to his work office, spinning on office chair and walking around his house, Homer's tenacious eating was his most exercising activity he usually does as part of his daily routine. For an oversight couch potato like Homer eating donuts as fast as possible is a strainous activity, but certainly worth the effort. Homer smacked his lips together when he finished the last donut. '
'Well, I suppose I better get back to work' Homer said cheerfully. Homer spun his chair round in circles, whilst still seated on it. Homer's work chair is one that spins. Homer laughs like a child would on a fairground ride. His body twisted slightly towards the direction he wants the chair to spin. Homer's airborne legs came crashing back to ground every 5 seconds to swing the chair in the spinning direction, shoving the floor at an angle for a split second before pulling his legs up again which made the chair spin in the right direction.
After about 60 seconds, Homer stopped, out of breath and exhausted. Homer was so sweaty now sweat poured from his armpits making the part of his T-shirt covering his armpits wet. Homer began to play with some pencils, chewing them playfully and putting them in his nostrils and ears. The pencils were already heavily worn with severe bite marks on them after years of chewing.
The next few hours of work were uneventful. 'Mindless drones, you are free to feed your feeble bodies until 1pm'. Mr. Burns's voice is powerful and croakely, spoken with strict authority. Lunch break is Homer's favourite time during work. Hundreds of workers shoes slapped repeatedly off the many floors of the plant. The sounds are as loud as a stampede. Hundreds of sounds of laughter and yells merged into one distinctive sound, the noise is somewhat similar to a stationary turned on engine.
The workers destroyed what little professionalism they had in seconds. Homer burst into life. Homer can't get out of his chair. After a few seconds Homer manages to squeeze his backside out of the chair. Homer jogged to the cafeteria, he is too lazy to run or sprint. Still jogging, Lenny and Carl appeared, walking along the corridor. Homer sighed in the corridor leading up to the cafeteria. 'The better have at least 20 donuts for me in the cafeteria today, I've only had 5 donuts so far today'! Homer's head turned towards them as he jogged towards them, clearly in anticipation for their response.
Lenny and Carl ignored Homer and continued walking. Homer jogged right past them and didn't look back. I don't need Carl and Lenny, Homer thought to himself. I have TV and now a SpongeBob prank call app in which I can talk to SpongeBob! They don't wanna talk to me that's their problem not mine!
Finally Homer pushed open the cheap doors of the cafeteria and entered. Inside workers were eating compulsively and wildly, chatting playing cards and in the far corner a group of 12 workers were having a food fight amongst themselves. Food was everywhere over there, on the walls, on the ceiling, on the floor and all of the 12 workers clothes and faces. One particularly well known morbidly obese man nicknamed the Cheeseman because of his love of cheese was eating all of the spilled food and even licking up spilled sauce off the walls and floor.
'Well done Cheeseman'! said a cleaner. 'You should be our new Hoover' he added? Cheeseman' got up slowly from off the floor, where he was lying flat on his massive stomach eating sauce and solid food off the ground. Cheeseman' got to his feet after 10 seconds. 'It's free food, can't argue with it. No one else will eat food off the floor or the walls because their idiots, so I help myself to the food they've paid for and chucked onto so called unhygienic surfaces. I'm a lucky guy right now'. Cheeseman' grinned. 'You sure are Fathead replied the cleaner in a sarcastic tone.
The cleaner walked away, out of view by going to the cafeteria kitchens. Cheeseman' frowned. 'I got up from the delicious floor, used my energy to get up just for a 4 letter reply'! Cheeseman' grunted and proceeded to mop the floor with his mouth. Lenny and Carl entered the cafeteria. Their attentions quickly drew to the food fight. Lenny pointed his finger at the food fight. Lenny's lips transformed into a mischievous grin. 'Some children never grow up'. Carl laughed. 'They sure don't'.
Carl then reached his arm out and tapped Lenny on the shoulder. 'Tag, you're it'! Carl ran off, smiling and Lenny is shocked. 'Carl, I didn't mean we all are'. Carl now looked even more shocked than Lenny. 'Oh, I uh, it, it was a joke'. Carl walked fastly back to Lenny and gave him a friendly smile. Lenny eyed him suspiciously. After all the exercise Homer had done so far, sweat drenched his clothes, making it appear he had taken a shower with his clothes on.
Homer panted, out of breath. Homer put both hands on his knees and kneeled his back down, hyperventilating as he did. After a minute and a half, Homer finally stood up straight. Donuts stood directly across on the opposite side of the cafeteria. Homer sprinted as fast as he could towards them, his stomach jiggling excessively.
'Donuts'! Homer yelled. Homer knocked over several workers as he sprinted and fought his way through the packed cafeteria. 'Donuts'! Gimme gimme gimme'! Homer reached the donuts, which were perched on a counter. There are 15 chocolate donuts, 15 white icing donuts, 15 jam filled donuts and 25 pink donuts.
Homer made a start on the pink donuts, rushing his chewing at a rather dangerous level. 'Jeez, has that man not eaten in three days or what' said a worker. Within 2 minutes, Homer had consumed 20 donuts, all of them pink. 'Why did you have to hog all the pink ones' asked another worker. Half the people in the room had their eyes and ears focused on Homer.
Homer realised and gave a defiant shrug. 'What? It's not my fault pink donuts are the best. They're the most delicious things on Earth and if you had the guts to of got them off of me you should of! I even have a pink car as a tribute to pink donuts' Homer said defiantly loudly, allowing everyone to hear him. Everyone laughed except Homer.
Homer didn't care. Carl who was on the opposite end of the room opened his mouth to speak. 'Homer always eats a lot of donuts at work, but I've never seen him run to lunch like that'. 'I only had 5 donuts before work' Homer replied pitifully. The crowd laughed again. The only people who weren't paying attention to Homer we're the 12 food fighters. Sounds of food being thrown on the floor dominated the noise. Homer realised practically everyone had turned up their noses in disgust, their noses wrinkled? Some were actually holding their nostrils in and breathing through their mouth.
Cheeseman' wobbled into action walking through the crowd. Several meters further towards Homer. 'You stink' the Cheeseman exclaimed. Cheeseman' sniffed the air. 'It's actually doesn't smell too dissimilar to cheese. Cheeseman' began to walk towards Homer. Before Homer could speak, some sushi hit Cheeseman' in the face. Cheeseman' extended his tongue everywhere it could possibly go outside his mouth. More seconds later a pie connected with Lenny's face, thrown by one of the food fighters.
Cherry pie is all over Lenny's hair is absolutely covered in cherry pie. Cherry dropped from his nostrils like a cherry pie tap and the food made his half beard recoloured and sticky. The cherry pie covered his eyes, blinding him. Lenny wiped some of the pie off his face with the palm of his hand and fingers. The pie remains in his hair and beard. Lenny looks furious. His mouth turned into a vicious snarl his eyes glaring at the gang of food fighters. Lenny rubbed his eyes, as if specks of cherry pie were in them. Once he finished, his eyes resumed their menacing glare at the food fighters.
The food fighters aren't paying attention to Lenny, after striking both Lenny and Cheeseman they had immediately resumed their beloved food fighting game. Lenny grabbed a bit of fried chicken Carl was eating. 'Take this you lunatics'! Lenny tossed the hot chicken at one of the food fighters. The chicken collided with one of the food fighter eyes and nose.
The food fighter let out a sudden squeel of pain, the freshly cooked chicken burned the man's left eye. Lenny threw his arms up in the air, over his head, his hands in fists as a gesture of victory. 'I hope that the lunatic that threw the pie at me got that chicken's! Lenny yelled. Within seconds a massive food fight erupted in the cafeteria.
Homer is dumbstruck. 'Food fight eh, hmm...' Homer raised his hand to his chin, lost in deep thought. After 10 seconds Homer opened his mouth to speak. 'The donuts are in trouble! I won't let them waste those donuts'! Homer ran to the donuts which remained on the counter. Within seconds Homer had eaten the remaining 5 pink donuts and put the rest of the donuts in his trousers.
The food fight is out of control, all workers are covered in food, except Homer who thought protecting donuts is more important. On the counter next to the donuts, there is a small old fashioned TV. An advert on the TV shows a very attractive woman standing up with long brown hair who appeared to be in her early 30s. Another figure stood on her left. In the background of the two figures is a cloudy blue sky.
Her curvaceous hips were covered by a very thin tight fitting red costume, as tight as yoga pants. The costume ended just below her breasts. Her breasts which looked 38G size were covered by a skimpy red bra which has the Duff logo on them, her breasts jiggled slightly in what can only be the wind. The woman smiled showing perfectly clean white teeth.
Next to her stood Duff Man, his posture strong and straight, a confident smile on his face. Both have a can of beer in each of their hands. 'It's is my honour to proudly introduce to you Miss Duff'! Miss Duff opened the can of beer she had in her right hand and drank. Miss Duff moaned gracefully after she stopped drinking momentarily. 'So good'! exclaimed Miss Duff'. Miss Duff began dancing, shaking her buttocks and twisting and spinning.
'You see folks, Duff beer isn't just for men it's for women too'! Duff Man stepped forward a few times, closer to the camera. Miss Duff stared flirtatiously at the camera as she continued dancing. 'Now let's see what other women have to say about Duff'. A new scene emerged.
A lady in her 40s with black hair was on screen with a microphone near her mouth. 'Since I've been drinking Duff I don't worry about cleaning anymore'! Another woman appeared in a new scene. The woman had short blonde hair, was obese and looks around 50. 'Duff makes me think more clearly' she said with a strong Texas accent. The next scene showed a woman who looked about 20 years old with brown hair. 'I love Duff so much! Sometimes I just wish I could use my breasts to breastfeed me some lovely Duff instead of milk' she said proudly.
The advert went back to showing Duffman and Miss Duff'. 'Well what are you waiting for! Get Duff beer now at all major American supermarkets! You can get a 4 pack of Duff for only $3'! The advert finished and on came a different one. Homer drooled, saliva dribbled down his already wet T-shirt. His crotch pressed against the counter to ensure none of the donuts fell out of his trousers. Homer began to daydream.
It is a sunny, warm day, warm enough to be perfectly comfortable without clothes on but not too hot so one didn't get sunburned. The clear blue sky is filled with singing blackbirds. It rained, except not water instead it rained donuts, mostly pink donuts. Homer is lying down on his swing chair with sunglasses on, completely relaxed and at peace with the world. Miss Duff is outside in Homer's garden, she is lying on her back on a white plastic recliner chair with a stuffed pink mat. Her entire body is covered in donuts on top of her.
The only piece of clothing she has on is a skimpy red Duff beer bra just like the one in the advert, which had 2 cans of Duff beer in each breast holder, therefore her bra is bulging more than usual. Without even thinking Homer leapt off his swing and ran to where she was. Miss Duff notices him and giggles. 'So Homie boy do you wanna see what's underneath these donuts'? 'Yeah'! Homer screamed over excitedly.
Homer munched away on the donuts as eagerly as a starving tiger chewing it's prey. Homer felt like he is in Heaven. Starting from the feet upwards, Homer consumed all the donuts on Miss Duff' in no time. Miss Duff had moaned sexually the whole time Homer ate donuts off her. Homer finished the donuts, Miss Duff' clapped her hands, giving Homer a big round of applause. 'Whooo! Yeah baby, you're a star'! 'Thanks Miss Duff' Homer said lovingly. 'You're a tasty woman'. Miss Duff laughed. She was completely naked now except her bra was still on.
'You should be a comedian honey' Miss Duff' replied. 'Correction: adult comedian. I don't want to be compared to that stupid clown and that stupid cartoon' Homer replied. Miss Duff smiled at Homer's answer and began to bite softly on her lower lip. Without asking, Homer took a can of Duff beer out of her bra and started drinking. '
'That was brave of you, not asking permission to take a Duff out of my bra. I love brave, confident men'. Miss Duff rose from her chair and sat in an upright position, directly in front of Homer who stood. 'Stay here with me honey and you'll see a lot more bravery'. Homer grinned at her. Miss Duff moved forwards slightly and then stood up facing Homer. She took off her bra allowing the three remaining Duff beers to fall into the grass unceremoniously.
She grasped Homer's neck with one hand and with the other groped at Homer's crotch. Miss Duff leaned her head forward and Homer and Miss Duff' began snogging. Their tongues twisted, hugged, licked and stroked each others. Homer used his left hand to squeeze and fondle her breasts and used his right hand to caress, rub and squeeze her plump buttocks. Her buttocks are large, round, smooth and soft.
Suddenly something hot, soft and soggy hit Homer on the back of his head. Homer snapped back to reality. The cafeteria is 10 times messier now than what it was before Homer started daydreaming. On the floor near Homer's feet lay a big slice of meat loaf with gravy on it. Most of the gravy has come off the meat loaf and isolated on the floor. And just to think tonight is Thursday, meat loaf night ha what a coincidence Homer thought to himself.
Homer picked the meat loaf up and ate it. Homer enjoyed the meat loaf almost as much as the donuts. They should all be arrested for trying to waste such great food Homer thought. The back of Homer's head was now filled and stunk of gravy. Homer wiped all of it off the back of his head with his hands and licked the gravy off his fingers.
Suddenly an alarm went off, lasting 5 seconds. 'Mindless drones, lunch is over. Return your lazy butts to your work stations at once'. Homer feels proud as he is the only one who has retained clean clothes. 'Argh well I guess that's lunch over. At least I won't get punished for dirty clothes. Hmm, maybe I'll even get a reward'! Homer said to himself. Homer proceeded to walk fastly back to his work office, with both hands clenching the donuts that were bulging out his trousers as he did. 'Reward here I come'! Homer said to himself loudly just as he exited the cafeteria through the doors.