Memory
Cosmic Era 76
(3 years after the end of the Bloody Valentine Wars)
"Hey Kira, remember that time when we were fighting? And I self-destructed onto your GUNDAM?" Athrun asked a little self-consciously. He had never talked to Kira about the time several years ago when he had almost killed his best friend. It just wasn't the kind of thing one brought up in conversation even though the explosion had been etched into his memory like the light of a flashbulb, illuminating all the details of that stressful moment: Kira's pained face, his damaged mechanical weapon, and even the faint sounds of the ocean waves lapping the shore behind him.
"Huh? You self-destructed? I don't remember you ever doing that," Kira said thoughtfully.
"Wait, you don't remember? But I thought I killed you at that time! And then you stayed with Lacus and she helped heal you," Athrun said, completely shocked. "Well," he started again, a little unsure of how to salvage the situation, "I suppose you must have hit your head pretty hard."
"You think I have amnesia?" Kiar questioned. He looked a little doubtful, but was still considering the idea.
"Yeah, must be anterograde—wait, no, that's if you can't learn anything new. It's retrograde amnesia because you can't remember a past event. Or maybe it's… oh, what's it called…." Athrun felt a little stupid, knowing he knew term, but just couldn't reach it. "I think it starts with a 'd,'" he finished lamely.
"Tip of the tongue phenomenon?" Kira said snarkily, smirking a little.
"No, shut up. It's… uh, dissociative. Dissociative amnesia," Athrun explained, seeing Kira's incomprehension visible on his face, "Is when you've had some kind of really traumatic experience and so those memories have kind of 'split off' from the rest of your mind."
Kira looked pensive, probably encoding the new information into storage so he could retrieve it at a later date to puzzle over it some more. Unless of course he had some sort of degenerative brain disease that was accountable for his inexplicable memory loss. Athrun pushed the stray thought aside. Kira had been genetically engineered to be as perfect as a person could be, so the possibility of faulty genes was low.
"I guess you could be repressing those memories," Athrun mused, "You know, motivated forgetting? I guess it makes sense that you wouldn't want to remember that…."
Again, Athrun was reminded about how awkward a subject he was bringing up.
"Maybe I just have a bad memory," Kira said, smiling a little sheepishly. "I don't think I'm really the kind of person to purposely forget things. I mean, I still remember when Tolle and Fllay died. All the important things, even if they're sad… I still remember that."
"…I know what you mean. Those are things we have a responsibility to remember," Athrun replied gravely. He suddenly felt himself weighed down a little by the deaths of Rusty, Miguel, and Nicol.
"Athrun?" Kira asked, his voice taking on a worried tone. "Now that I really think about, it seems like my memories of that time are less and less defined… you don't think I really have some kind of brain disease, do you?"
"No, that should be normal, Kira. It just sounds like time is causing your memories to gradually decay. That happens to everyone… I guess you are just like the rest of us, Mr. Ultimate Genetic Material," Athrun said, trying to lighten the mood. Athrun got the impression that thinking about his brain decaying didn't really make Kira feel better.
"Is there anything else it could be?" Kira asked hopefully.
"Sure, lots of stuff. Like, it's possible that you didn't remember it properly—you were a little berserk at the time—or that you can't retrieve your memory of it because you don't have the right cue for it. That's called retrieval theory actually."
Kira looked a little dumbfounded. "How do you know all this stuff, Athrun? They don't teach you that in the ZAFT military, do they?" Judging by his facial expression, Kira was clearly impressed and stunned by the amount of knowledge Athrun had on the subject. More than a little proud about it, Athrun decided he could show off a little more. It wasn't often that he could show up the younger Coordinator.
"ZAFT? Well, yes and no. Taking a couple of psychology courses is required for all officers. It's good to know if you want to control your subordinates."
"Like a puppet master?"
Athrun smiled. "Exactly."
Kira sighed. "You know, I'm going to have to study psychology now. I don't want you to become my puppet master."
Athrun snorted, unable to help himself. "Next time you see your old school books, you'll have to use it as a visual cue to remind yourself to look into taking some classes."
"How come you remember all this stuff from before the war?" That was what… six, seven years ago? And there are so many ways to forget things," Kira asked, sounding a little miffed.
Athrun thought for a moment. It was true that he hadn't even refreshed his memory on the subject recently, so it certainly wasn't sitting in his short-term memory inbox. It'd taken a lot of hard work during his days at the Academy.
"I used mnemonic devices to remember it all," Athrun lied, smirking a little. Kira would have no way of knowing the time he had spent studying to consolidate it into his long-term memory. He and Nicol had quizzed each other endlessly, beyond the point necessary, to overlearn the material. This was mostly Nicol's idea because he was so excited about becoming an officer. Athrun had spaced out his study session effiecinetly with Nicol and had retained the information better than their Yzak and Dearka, who had both crammed the night before the exam. Yzak had never forgiven Athrun for becoming his superior officer.
Getting back to the subject and away from his own memories, Athrun faced Kira, intent on keeping his face straight.
"Mnemonic devices can help you remember anything," Athrun said, "I remember everything that way."
Kira looked doubtful.
"Give me an example," he said.
"Okay… chunking things together. Like your girlfriend's hone number. It's easiest to remember if it's in separate parts, the six-seven-one, then the dash, and then the eight-two-six-two," Athrun explained.
"How do you know Lacus' new number?!" Kira asked, glowering a little and clearly embarrassed. Athrun figured the brunette hadn't had time to memorize it yet.
"Your sister told me," Athrun said, before hurrying back to their subject, "There's also… popular sayings, like 'spring forward, fall back.' Hmmm, not that we even use Daylight Savings Time on ZAFT in space. How about an acrostic? When Nicol was teaching me how to play the piano, he said the notes on the lines in the treble clef are E, G, B, D, F. 'Every good bird does fly.'"
"Um, I'm having a little trouble trying to visualize that one," Kira said truthfully. Athurn could see him trying, but Kira had never been very musically inclined. There had been that karaoke incident.
"Here's something for you then. You've got to know what GUNDAM means. We pilot them."
"Of course, I came up with the term GUNDAM for the Strike: General Unilateral Nuclear Drive Assault Module."
"ZAFT?"
"Zodiac Alliance of Freedom Treaty"
"PLANT?"
"Production Location Alley on Nexus Technology."*
"See? You've memorized a lot using acronyms too. Unless it's just that your genes that regulate your memory proteins were manipulated so your learning na dmemory capacity is better," Athrun mused.
"Erm, I'm pretty sure they were," Kira replied, looking away, his cheeks turning pink, "I mean, I am supposed to be the best example of the human race, right? I bet even you had your memory capacity modified."
"Well, yeah, but fifty years ago? A hundred? They didn't have this technology for humans. I think I read something once about how the first Coordinator was a fruit fly," Athrun laughed.
"You do have a good memory."
"Well, no, I mean, yes, I do. It's just that that was one of the first things I learned about genetics. The serial position effect and all, primacy effect," Athrun said nonchalantly, hoping Kira wouldn't know the terms and he could show off again.
"Does that mean you remember the things you learned first best?"—Athrun mentally cursed as Kira continued obliviously—"Why not the last thing? It makes sense that you remember better what you learn later and closer to now, right?" Kira asked, looking as interested in what Athrun was saying as he did when he was messing around with engineering problems.
"Well, you remember the last thing in a list pretty well, too. That's the recency effect because it's the most recent. However, you were probably thinking of interference," Athrun said. He was enjoying knowing more than Kira.
"What's that?"
Yes, he was definitely enjoying it.
"Okay, so you learned a bunch of stuff when we were studying on the Lunar Colony. But then, I went off to PLANT to join ZAFT and you went to Heliopolis to study engineering. Well, interference theory works two ways: either things you learned on the moon interfered with the new information you were learning in your engineering classes—that's proactive—or everything you learned on Heliopolis interferes with you trying to remember what you learned on the moon. That's retroactive interference," Athrun explained, realizing a little belatedly he sounded like he had eaten a textbook for lunch.
"So… if that's how much you do remember about psychology and memories, then how much do you suppose you don't—"
"ATHRUN!!" shouted a loud, angry, feminine voice, Kira and Athrun glanced at each other, Athrun becoming paler and paler as the foot-stomps drew closer and closer.
A blond haired girl suddenly turned the corner, eyes narrowing as she focused in on Athrun's cheesy smile. From the corner of his eye, he could see Kira begin to slowly edge away.
"Um, hey Cagalli," Athrun began tentatively, "How can I help you?"
"You were supposed to be in my office fifteen minutes ago!" Cagalli cut him off angrily, "You have a job, remember?! I pay for that job, remember? And instead, you're here, chatting away with Kira!"
"Were we going somewhere? Doing something?" Athrun asked, confused.
"Yes, of course! To jail, Athrun! I can't go there without my bodyguard!!" Cagalli looked as if she were about to strangle her blue-haired bodyguard, whether he was her boyfriend or not.
"Erm, I know I don't keep up to date on your political work, Cagalli, but why would you go to jail?" Kira asked his sister, a small frown forming on his face.
"Yeah," Athrun tried joking, attempting to lighten the mood, "What'd you do, princess?"
"Nothing! I'm going to interview an inmate, that's all! But I can't go without you or else the other council member will be mad. Something about young, defenseless women…" Cagalli grumbled. Kira and Athrun looked at each other, attempting to stifle their laughter. Cagalli was anything but defenseless.
Suddenly, the Orb princess grabbed Athrun's wrist and without further ado, dragged him off. Kira waved goodbye, a smile plastered onto his face, and Athrun could only hope that Cagalli's temper didn't get them both into trouble.
Athrun and Cagalli climbed into the backseat of the limousine. The vehicle gently rumbled into motion, driving out smoothly. There were a few moments of awkward silence before Athrun broke it by looking to his right, towards Cagalli's face.
"Alright. So, what are my duties today?"
Cagalli glared. "Don't you ever check your mail?" she said scathingly.
"Um, sorry?"
He must have looked apologetic enough, because Cagalli switched easily into briefing mode. "Alright, I'm questioning a criminal. It's possible that he had ties to the Sarans and those 'merchants of death,' the Logos, as well as Blue Cosmos," she said, referring to two terrorist organizations.
"Whew, hefty stuff," Athrun commented, growing more serious and a little more protective. "Why do you need to interview a criminal like that?"
"We need to know if he had been to their headquarters before it was destroyed, who he may have seen there, and any other information that may be important. It's a matter of international security," Cagalli answered, making Athrun remember that she was one of the smartest Naturals he had ever met.
"So, is there anything specific I need to do? Or should I just watch your back?" Athrun queried, expecting he would be more or less tagging along. The car turned, causing Cagalli to slide a few inches closer on the leather seats.
"Well," she began and Athrun got the distinct impression she was about to ask for not just any favor, but a big one, "If you could play bad cop to my good cop, I'm sure things would go faster," she finished, smiling brightly. However, coupled with the words she had just spoken, the effect seemed rather demonic to Athrun.
"I guess I could, but—"
"Oh thanks, Athrun. I knew I could count on you," Cagalli beamed.
"But that may not be the greatest idea. You know about the misinformation effect, right?" Athrun asked carefully. He didn't want Cagalli to think he was sabotaging her plan.
"Of course I know," she retorted, "I'm no asking you to plant false memories, Athrun. Well, maybe a few leading questions, but keep them mostly open-ended. I'd be correct in assuming you know how to accurately judge eyewitness testimony?"
"Yes, you'd be right," Athrun replied to confirm her suspicions, "Some Loftus woman made them up."
"She didn't 'make them up,' Athrun, " Cagalli said in defense of her gender, "She studied and created experiments which proved her theories about how memories can be flawed. That's called science, not 'making things up.'"
"I know. Ease of recall, degree of confidence, racial identification, facial characteristics, and the types of questions all contribute to eyewitness accuracy when you're asking questions. I know this stuff, Cagalli," Athrun told her, a little exasperated.
"Really? Because you forgot 'general knowledge of the subject,' Mr. I-Know-Everything," Cagalli teased. She was relieved to know that Athrun did know what he was talking about. Athrun rolled his eyes to the roof of the car.
"Can we talk about something else now?" he asked hopefully. He had gone straight from besting Kira to losing to Cagalli. It seemed like everything had to do with psychology, however.
"How about your brain?" Cagalli asked slyly, full of sarcasm. "Your neuronal networks holding up there, Mr. Remember-It-All?"
"Ha, ha," Athrun began, but then paused, remembering his earlier conversation with Kira. "Although, funny you should ask that, because Kira was having problems remember some stuff. I think he has some kind of amnesia or is repressing memories," he said seriously; it was her brother's mental health they were discussing.
"Amnesia? Kira? Maybe he just has a different kind of wiring for his neuronal networks. It could just be his biological differences in being the, well, Ultimate Coordinator." Cagalli said it lightheartedly, but Athrun could tell from the pensive look in her gold eyes that she was worried about her twin.
"I hadn't thought of that. Maybe you're right." Cagalli usually felt more secure when Athrun said she was right.
"Well, what can't he remember? If it's facts or something that happened to him, then it's probably his hippocampus."
"That's sorta what I thought, too, because he doesn't remember the fight we had where the Aegis and Strike GUNDAMs were destroyed. I mean, my hippocampus must have been especially active, but he doesn't remember it," said Athrun, sighing.
"Well, if it's a past event, I guess it's possible especially because he was severely hurt, although damage to the hippocampus usually leads to—"
"Anterograde amnesia, I know "Athrun interjected.
"Yes, so it may be his thalimus, not his hippocampus," Cagalli finished.
"That's thal-a-mus, Cagalli."
"Whatever, you see my point," she said, a little miffed that he had ruined her argument, "The hippocampus converts short-term memory into long-term memory, so it holds a lot of short-term memories. But in what stage is Kira having problems remembering?"
"Well, it's not his sensory memory," Athrun said, "That would be if he couldn't remember things seven seconds later or so, plus Kira has eidectic memory."
"Really? I didn't know he has a photographic memory," Cagalli said, surprised.
"At least he did when we were kids." He paused for a moment before continuing with his previous train of thought. "Probably not his short term memory. That would interfere with normal conversation and recognizing people."
"Plus his math skills are still really good," Cagalli added, only slightly joking, "No problems with the number seven."
Both of them sat in silence for a moment as the limousine stopped at a red light.
"I guess that leaves his long term memory then, huh?" Athrun said, more to the empty space in the car, than to Cagalli in particular.
"Yes, but I suppose if we just tell him everything he doesn't remember, it would be close, right? After all, according to the constructionist theory, no one really remembers events exactly as they happened. Our memories are simply a replication of what we think happened," Cagalli explained.
"Now you want to plant false memories into Kira's head?"
"No, I'm just saying that it's information he should probably have. We ought to tell him, but there's no way to know afterwards if his 'recovered' memories are genuine or false."
"I guess if we keep telling Kira the truth, perhaps his long term potentiation will increase, and it will seem really familiar to him," Athrun hazarded, "Unless of course, Kira's got weird biology at the synaptic level."
Cagalli laughed as the limousine slowed in front of the prison facility. "I think I'm getting the impression that you simply like to make fun of my brother. You like saying he's weird. What, will you electrocute him to stimulate his brain cells for that?"
"Yeah, after I grill this terrorist for you," Athrun said, grinning and stepping out of the backseat. He gave Cagalli his hand and led her out into the sunlight.
*Another GUNDAM nut tells me this is supposed to be 'Productive...' but in the explanatory summary for the GBA game, it was listed as 'Production.'
So yeah, that was written for a psychology class I took a few years ago. The assignment was to write a story that included definitions for a list of vocabulary words. I fixed some typos and made it clearly from Athrun's pov, but other than, this is more or less the first fanfiction I ever wrote (and it was entirely retyped within forty-five minutes while rping, lol). Awwww. No, actually, that should explain for how crappy it is. *snort* Anyway, leave comments if you learned anything about psychology or perhaps how many things you picked up on. Or if you have taken/are taking psych, tell me whether you laughed at my obvious ploys to get the definitions in there.