DARA THUH EXPLORA
BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION
This iz dedicated 2 mi Supr - Kewl Awesome Friend . GET WELL SOON PLEAZ BCAUZ U KNO THATZ WAT KEWL GIRLZ DOJ
{Bella stands behind the narrator and holds a boxcutter to his throat} Bella - Say it!
Narrator - I can't. This is a children's show.
Bella - Say it or your next thought will be your last!
Narrator - You are now about to witness the danger of insanity … Hey no! You prois …..
{The narrator slumps to the ground dead as Bella slits his throat with the boxcutter and Bella then runs to the opening of the forest where the camera now shows her with a red flying demon as Bella runs and dances with the demon.}
Be - be - be Bella! Be- be- be- be- Bella! Be - be - be - be - Bella! Be - be - be - be - Bella! Bella Bella Bella thuh Explora! Who es Super - Kewl with Sakura Explora Bella! Dedicate your soul! Follow us! Jump in! We will lead the way! Ivaminos! Hey! Hey! Be - be - Bella! Be - be - Bella! Sasuke no Swiping! Sasuke no Swiping! Awww shit! Bella Thuh Explora!
Bella- Hola amigos and welcome to Dara's birthday celebration. I'm Bella and this is my friend Samora from the Grudge. Today we're going to help celebrate Dara's birthday by going on pointless adventures and singing stupid songs while Dara recovers in the hospital.
You - What's wrong with Dara?
Bella - She got stoned off of crack and heroin at the pre - party last night so she leaped out of my bedroom window. She's now in intensive care and she's going to rehab if she recovers.
Cameraman - Shut up! You can't say that … the sponsors can't know and this is a children's show for Christ's sakes!
Bella- Fuck off! I get paid more to yawn on Twilight then you will in your entire lifetime so shut up and where's my Diet Coke! I can't work without Diet Coke! It's in my contract! Where's my agent?
{The cameraman runs onto the set and hands Bella a Diet Coke during a 30 second commercial. Bella sips the Diet Coke and then stares at the camera.}
Bella - Welcome back! Samora … maybe you can help me. I'm thinking of someone who is very special to me … she's 5'4 with pinkish - black hair and she's basically a demented bi - polar psychotic Japanese loony.
Samora - With a mind sicker then the ass of a homeless man who's been a whore for the last 30 years…who is she?
You - Sakura!
Bella - But first we need to wake up Sakura. It's 10 o clock and Sakura normally doesn't wake up this early. Yawns} neither do I … Samora this is no time for a nap! Get off that golf cart! Let's go find Sakura!
Samora - I'm too tired to walk across these woods. Get in the cart because I'm not walking n that is that.
Bella - Fine you do have your point. I'd probably mess up my clothes anyways. What's with the caged cart in back? {Bella gets into golf cart and points to a caged trailer attached to the golf cart before they start driving in search of Sakura.}
Samora - That's for our prisoners so they can do our dirty work. We're stars … why should we get our hands dirty?
Bella - Seriously.
Cameraman - You have to sing.
Samora - Fuck off you bra - wearin trannie! It's not in the contract!
Cameraman - Actually it is and don't judge … mom said this makes me look cute.
Bella - Do we work at 411? Cause that was too much information. C'mon Samora … let's sing.
Get up! Vamonos! I said get up! Let's go! I don't care if you'd rather watch TV … Get up and move! Let's get to it! I know that we can do it! Where are we going? To find Sakura! What are we going to do? Find Sakura! Who is that? It's Sakura! What's she doing? Sakura's sleeping! Hahahahahahaha Hahahahahahaha … Wake up Sakura!
{Sakura opens her eyes slowly and looks up in a daze at Bella and Samora who are wearing Camp Dara hoodies before Sakura walks groggily to the golf cart,} Sakura - Morning Bella - Chan {kisses Bella on the check and Bella smiles before she points to the camera which Sakura now notices}
Sakura - {picks up rock and hurls it at cameraman's face before Sakura charges the cameraman in anger} Sakura - Get that camera out of here! I'll teach you to spy on me!
{Bella grabs Sakura around the waist and restrains Sakura as Samora laughs at the cameraman's black eye.} Bella - Calm down Sakura - Chan, it's not the press. We're on Dara's birthday special to wish Dara a Happy Birthday.
Sakura - Am I trying to spell tiger? Then why would I care about er? But I'll do it for you Bella - Chan, How much do we get for this anyways?
Samora - We each have three million reasons to wish Dara a happy birthday. {Samora waves handfuls of hundred dollar bills as Sakura smiles.} Sakura - oh yeah … our love nest money Bella - Chan. Happy Birthday Dara. {Sakura waves to the camera and smiles.}
Cameraman - You're not supposed to say that! Kids think you work for free!
Sakura {tosses rock at cameraman} - I said shut up! So what are we supposed to do?
{Samora laughs harder at cameraman's bloody nose as Samora stuffs apples into a paintball gun}
Bella - We're supposed to deliver a basket of apples to Dara for her birthday but Sasuke takes them from us right now I think.
{Sasuke jumps out from behind bushes and smiles as he looks for the apples.} Sasuke - Now I have you my pretties. And I'm going to take your apples and hide them where you can never find them. Hey where are the apples?
{Sakura stands and smiles as she aims the paintball gun at Sasuke} Sakura - oh so it's apples you seek. Well how do you like these apples! Sasuke no Swiping! Sasuke no Swiping! Sasuke no Swiping! {Sakura fires the paintball gun repeatedly and pelts a running Sasuke with apples before he collapses on the ground and Sakura walks up to him and aims the paintball gun at his head as Bella and Samora clap in approval,} Sakura - I may be playing God but the way I see it … you have two choices. Get in the cart in back or the next apple will splatter your brains.
{Sasuke reluctantly gets into the cage and Bella laughs as she tosses the empty basket into the air.}
Bella - We have no apples now so what do we do?
Samora - Well at this point we're supposed to find our way to Dara's home using map quest but Dara's in the hospital so maybe we can find out if the legend of Hanako - San is true but you broke our map quest Sakura when you shot all those apples.
Sakura {looks at cameraman} - I know who can tell us where to find a bathroom.
Cameraman - You're supposed to yell say map quest first then do the map quest song before I tell you.
Sakura - {Takes machete out of her backpack and approaches cameraman} How about if I yell that you better tell us where the fuckin bathroom is or I swear to Satan I will kill you!
Cameraman - Through those bushes right there. It has four stalls but be careful … the fourth stall is haunted.
Sakura - Then why don't you go prove to us if it is or not?
Cameraman - I can't go in there … I'm a guy.
Sakura - Go or I will fuckin kill you I swear {Cameraman runs in the bathroom as Sakura grabs the camera and Bella starts to explain the legend of Hanako - San}
Bella - Okay I think that Hanako - San was a beautiful girl who died young in school and she haunts the fourth stall of every girl's bathroom because she's angry that she had to die so young. You have to knock on the stall door four times and after each time you must ask if Hanako - San is in there. After the fourth knock … Hanako -San will answer and ask if you like pink or blue then she kills you. Let's go to the camera and see what happens.
Cameraman {knocks on stall} - Hanako - San are you in there? {No response so knocks again} Hanako - San are you in there? {No response so knocks again} Hanako - San are you in there? {No response so knocks again} Hanako - San are you in there? {The door swings open and reveals the ghost of a young Japanese girl who smiles}
Hanako - San - Do you like pink or blue?
Cameraman - Uh … blue.
Hanako - San - Sexist pig! For that you die! {Hanako - San proceeds to rip open the cameraman's lips making a gusher of blood flow from his mouth before she rips his chest open and begins to shove his bodily organs down his throat. Hanako - San then notices the camera and smiles as she and waves.}
Hanako - San - I'm real kiddies so never use the fourth stall if you want to stay alive. Oh and Happy Birthday Dara!
{Bella, Sakura and Samora stand in the middle of a field and smile.}
Bella- Well I guess this is it.
Samora - Yea we proved Hanako - San's real and now to collect our three million dollars.
Bella - Hey we're supposed to work for free remember?
Sakura - Like I would ever. Now it's time to pick out our love - nest Bella but first let's sing!
We did it! We did it! We did it! Hooray! Lo hicimos! We did it! Bella killed the cameraman for being too slow and then we found Sakura and woke her then Sakura beat the cameraman up! Yay! We did it! Sasuke tried to steal our apples but Sakura pelted him instead … now he's a prisoner with dirt for a bed! We did it! Sakura broke our map quest so we proved Hanako - San's real and she killed the cameraman for liking blue best. We get three million each for completing this quest! We did it! Yay!
Bella - What was your favorite part of the show?
You - Watching Sakura pelt Sasuke with apples!
Bella - I liked that too. My favorite part was when I killed the cameraman for being too slow.
Sakura - My favorite part was when Hanako - San killed the second cameraman.
Samora - My favorite part was when I got my three million dollars! Happy Birthday Dara!
{Bella, Sakura and Samora wave goodbye to the camera before it cuts to the closing credits.}