Family Guy Comes to Toronto
I do not own any of the following characters and none of them are from my own ideas.
"We are about to go live to the Ontario Science Centre in Toronto where Asian reporter Trisha Takanawa is at the scene, Trisha."
"Yes Dian, there is a hostage situation here at the Science Centre where a fat man by the name of Peter Griffin had pulled off a turban of a man who was sitting in front of him during an Omni Max Movie. The man who had his turban pulled off was Osama Bin Laden. At the current moment in time the Griffin Family is being held hostage by Al-Kaida until Bin Laden gets to safety. Right now there is a team of police men outside the building waiting for a clutch time to enter. They are known as Rainbow Six, a team of elite officers who are trained under the utmost pressure and are ready for any situation"
"Thank you Trisha but I have information that there is an Asian with a gun on that team, is that correct?"
"Yes it is Tom, wait one moment he just winked at me, I think I can get an interview, excuse me, excuse me you fine piece of meat"
"Yes ma'am, can I help you"
"I wanted to know what your plan of entry is going to be"
"It depends on where you want me to enter, through the back or through the front"
"You can get in me any which way you want"
"No, no I was talking about the building. I'm married and have two kids … not bad though"
"O my Looks like Trisha still doesn't have any luck"
"You can say that again Dian, Ha ha ha"
Now with the soldiers
"Jung, get your ass over here"
"Right away Sir"
"Alright listen boys were going in as a team and were coming out as a team. Our mission is to rescue the fat guy and his family and clean sweep the whole place and defuse the bomb. Jung has set up schematics for the whole place on our com units. Gabriel what's the estimated time before the bomb goes off?"
"We have about 48 minutes before it goes into a final lockdown state. After that, 2 minutes later the bomb blows.
"Besides the family are there any other hostages?"
"Good question Michael, but there isn't anybody else except for those bastards so-"
"So we shoot to kill"
"You got that right Khan. For every bullet fired I want a terrorist dead. Just remember boys these guys are the same people who knocked down the world trade centre, the same people who have killed thousands of others and the same people who shot down our plane back in Qatar. We go in and kill every single one of those mother–"
"LOGAN, LOGAN get your asses in there, they just shot Peter in the leg because he tried to steal one of their Twinkies. They're not lying they called us, listen to peter on the phone"
"Hshhhh ahhhhh hshhhh ahhhhh hshhhh ahhhhh hshhhh ahhhhh hshhhh ahhhhh hshhhh ahhhhh"
"Damn let's get in there boys, we don't have much time"
"Right away boss"
"Let's start the body count sir"
Now with the family
" So now do you understand why you should NEVER touch a man's turban?"
"No Mr Bin Laden"
"Well now you do, and you know, I was really thinking of letting you guys go but now that you pulled that Twinkie incident, YOU WILL DIE!"
"Well guess what you lousy Terrorist, ill try and get that Twinkie one more time Then well see who's boss."
"PETER"
"Listen Lois by the time I die he'll have wasted all his bullets and then you can eat the Twinkie. Easy as pie"
"SHUT UP FAT MAN. You're making me hungry"
"Oh Stewie you must be starving, I've forgotten to feed you this whole day"
"FINALLY YOU VILE WOMAN I CAN'T WAIT TILL YOU- What the deuce! Mmm that's good"
"Meg what the hell are you doing?"
"Well Brian I figure that if I strip for the guards then they will let us go"
"I bet they would rather see Rosie O'Donald strip…. Chris stop drooling that's a bad thing"
"Sorry"
"Peter what's all that noise"
"Well I haven't used a bathroom all day and after that chilli dog I kind of had some gas–"
"No Peter, listen there is gunshots! Do you think someone is coming to save us?"
"Well they're Probably dead now. Stupid Canaidians always tryna' be helpful, didn't they realize they're messing with frikken Al Kaida"
"Finally a not so stupid American"
Now with the soldiers
"Move, move, move!"
"We're on it"
"Hold position, Take cover. Gabriel, Michael cover me, I'm going to the left door. Jung and Khan go to the right door. Tony you're with me. Move"
"Open and clear"
"Watch out! Flash grenade"
"Aaah! My eyes"
"Keep firing boys! Your eyes are moving, not your guns"
"Boss I'm down"
"Tony go patch Khan up, I'll cover you"
"Boss I see the bomb"
"Alright Jung, I want you to go defuse it and make sure u don't screw up, If you do it will explode. Michael and Gabriel go with him and watch his back, I know there are more of those bastards in this room but just in case"
"Yes Sir, Michael & Gabriel, follow me."
"Alright boss Khan is good to go"
"Thanks Tony"
"No problem playa"
"Alright you two, were going to go upstairs. There is four guys on the other side of the door, put the silencers on your guns, open and clear"
"Got it boss"
"Sir I have defused the bomb"
"Good, Tony and Khan are about to clear the stairs, then we have to rescue that family. Bin Laden is at the top with 12 guards and the family is behind him. It is crucial that they don't die. The fat guy upped his family insurance to ten billion dollars and I heard the president talking about making some cut backs if we lose any more money.'
(silence)
"Just don't kill them and we will keep our jobs"
"Alright boss"
"Alright boys, open and clear"
"Area is secure"
"Alright boys lets move in"
Now with the Family and Osama Bin Laden
"Okay listen you fat man. The police are outside that door and they are coming in and I would just like to say goodbye. I'm going to miss your funny antics, but I was a big fan of the show. Um, I was wondering if you could give this to my sister in Houston and if you get a chance could you call this number and tell her I can't pay child support because I'm dead. This is getting really emotional, I'm starting to tear up and-"
"Don't worry about a thing Mr. Bin Laden"
"Please call me Osama"
"It's alright Osama you don't have to cry. Trust me no hard feelings"
"But what about the bullet in your foot and me sexually harassing your wife"
"Don't worry about it me and the boys shoot each other all the time and we always share everything. Quagmire is always asking to borrow Lois."
"Oh my I feel so relieved, come Peter give me a hug"
"Come here kids get in on this"
"Umm Osama, could you get your hand off my breast"
"You weren't complaining before, gosh you American women and your mood swings."
"Hey boss they are about to enter"
"Give me my gun Omar, it is time for sacrifice. Good-bye Peter. Good-bye Brian. Good-bye Lois. Good bye-"
"Okay, okay we get it; you damn Arabs and your good byes. Never know when to shut up"
Now with the soldiers
"Alright boys let's open and clear"
"Yes sir"
"Let's do it boss"
"Open and Clear"
"Shoot those bastards"
"Watch your back Khan"
"I got a head shot"
"Good Job Michael"
"Gabriel Take out the guys beside Osama"
"I got a clear shot at them"
"Take them out"
"Okay boys, Osama is Dead"
"Nice shot boss"
"So Mr Bin Laden it looks like you're dead and America wins. Now that I've killed you the president will let me sleep with his daughter."
"Boss what about your wife?"
"You really now how to kill the moment, don't you Khan? Go patch up the fat guy, then we'll get out of here"
"Excuse me Mr. Police Officer sir, I'm Meg. I could give you pleasure if you want?"
"You see that Jung, that is just impolite, we save her and now she is trying to torture us. In America we call her a B-"
"I-T-C-H"
"Chris, watch your mouth"
"No mom I really have an itch"
"And now do you see why I do stupid things. I practically saved the world by pulling Bin Laden's turban"
"Who the hell are you talking to Peter"
"I don't know but lets get out of here Brian we did a good days work."
THE END