A/N: I don't own Smurfs, obviously. This is a mature work of fiction and may contain dirty jokes, sexual situations, actual sex, violence, gore, horrible puns, real consequences to actions, and characters who are not infallible.
I found out that won't let me use tildes for a scene break, so I'm reposting all the chapters with the scene break of five dashes. Grrr. Wish I'd noticed it sooner.
Chapter 1: Girl Crazy
Papa Smurf jerked awake, wondering what woke him from a sound sleep. He listened, but heard nothing. The elder smurf was just about to drift back off to sleep when there was a distinct sound of knocking at his door. He glanced at the clock as he got out of bed, it was nearly dawn.
"My Smurfness, who could be awake at this hour? Coming!" Papa called as the knock came again to the door.
He opened the door to see two long avian legs, with a small basket set between them. The stork lowered it's head again, tilting so that one eye could focus on the little blue man.
"My stars! A baby smurf! Why thank you for waking me up my friend. Oh won't the other smurfs be surprised!" He strode out the door, scooping up the basket and pulling down the blanket that had helped shield the little smurfling from the windchill. The baby smurf was sleeping peacefully, gripping an edge of another blanket that swaddled the smurfling.
The stork clicked it's beak, catching Papa's attention. The elder smurf realized it was making sure the little one would be taken care of. "Yes, yes, I'll take good care of this little smurf, you have my word!" Papa answered. The bird dipped it's head in acknowledgement, and walked to a clearer part of the village so it could flap its large wings and took off into the slowly lightening sky.
Papa began to catalog things that the little baby would need; dideys, baby food, milk, bottles, toys, a place to sleep (did he keep that old crib and bassinet?), blankets, and most importantly, love.
Hefty was usually one of the first smurfs up, aside from Chef and Baker who were starting on breakfast. The strong smurf would do stretches and then his morning run. By the time he was done washing up from that, it would be breakfast time. Stepping outside his door and ready to face the day, he started at a slow pace to get him to the edge of the village where his usual trail was.
Only a little way into the run he saw Papa heading his way with a bundle of clothes in his arms. Probably heading to Tailor's to get something mended, Hefty decided. He waved as he got within earshot. "Mornin Papa Smurf! You're up early."
"What a splendid morning Hefty! Just look at what was delivered a few moments ago!" Papa held up the bundle and it squirmed! Hefty was almost past the Elder, looking at the blankets and seeing a tiny smurf face blinking in the dawning light.
The strong smurf skidded to a halt and backed up a bit to look at the bundle in his leader's hands. "That's a baby smurf!" Hefty got close to the baby, leaning in and staring in amazement. The little smurfling reached out and grabbed Hefty's nose, giving it a squeeze.
The tattooed smurf jerked back in surprise before amusement washed over him. "Well, what a little squeezer!" He laughed. "But. Where did the baby come from?"
"A stork delivered the baby just before dawn. Now there's lots and lots of preparations to make!" Papa explained excitedly as he rocked the smurfling a bit.
The window to the nearest house opened, and out popped Jokey's head. "Preparations? Are we planning a surprise?" The jovial smurf chuckled.
Hefty relayed the news. "There was a baby smurf delivered early this morning Jokey! Just look!" He motioned to Papa, and the leader smurf let the swaddling down from around the baby's head so the little one was easily seen.
"Now that's a surprise!" Jokey cried, ducking into his house and coming out the front door, still dressed in his nightgown. Around them the village was waking up, some smurfs opening windows and noticing the curious sight. Handy was the next smurf to give in to curiosity, though he came out of his home fully dressed. Before the overall clad smurf had made it to the group, Greedy, Vanity, and Painter were making their way over. Each smurf making exclamations of surprise as they saw the tiny smurfling.
Before too large of a crowd could gather, Papa called their attention. "Now, now my little smurfs, I promise everyone will get to meet the new baby soon. But right now, this little one needs clothes, milk, and bottles. Handy, if you and Glassmaker can get smurfing on some bottles, and Hefty, if you and Greedy can find our goat friend to smurf some milk. We've got lots to smurf to get this baby settled in! I'm off to Tailor's to see about clothes." The smurfs dispersed, talking excitedly about the new baby.
Most of the smurfs were enamored with the little one from the moment they heard a coo. Things seemed to change quickly around the village, within hours many of the smurfs had incorporated their new fascination with the baby into their own hobbies. Handy made a bassinet in record time, Painter had already finished his latest 'masterpizza' featuring the smurfling, and the list went on.
A few, however, had other things on their mind.
Snappy was sitting in the grass with his best friend Slouchy, both smurfs in discussion. Snappy was currently on a rant about females.
"It just makes no sense! If we can fall in love, and feel feelings for females, then why are there no females?" Snappy all but shouted.
"It's like some cruel joke." Slouchy agreed.
"Two smurfettes between a hundred smurfs. And we wouldn't even have those two if it wasn't for Gargamel smurfing them!" The hotheaded smurf snapped.
"Well what can we smurf about it? It's not like we can make our own smurfettes." Slouchy pointed out as he raised a hand to cover a yawn.
Snappy jerked himself around to face his friend. "That's it!" He grabbed Slouchy's shoulders. "We can make our own Smurfettes!"
"What?" Slouchy managed as his friend shook his shoulders in excitement.
"It's simple! We smurf Gargamel's formula for making naughties, then make girls, then smurf them into real smurfs! The whole village wouldn't have to fight over just two females." Snappy jumped to his feet, an impulsive plan already forming in his head.
"I don't think that's a very good idea. Hey, wait up!" Slouchy had to get up and head off after the other smurf, grumbling about never being listened to.
It didn't take the two long to gather up supplies, Slouchy at least made Snappy grab a small bag and put some rope inside in addition to the paper, quills, and ink. The impulsive smurf pulled his sluggard friend along, practically dragging him from the village. Just outside the barrier, the duo encountered Natural smurf.
"Hey guys, where are you smurfing today? Smurfberry picking?" The naturalist asked.
"Yes." "No." The two answered at the same time. Snappy glared at Slouchy for his honesty.
Natrual raised an eyebrow skeptically. "What are you two hickory nuts up to?"
Snappy looked around before answering. "We're going to Gargamels to smurf his naughtie making formula. He shouldn't be the only one able to make female smurfs!"
"What?! Are you Crazy?!" Nat cried.
"No, Crazy's in the watchtower as usual." Slouchy joked.
"Agh." Natural growled, annoyed. "You know what I mean. You can't smurf things from Gargamel! What if he catches you? It could mean the end of us all, or you could get smurfed!"
Snappy waved his hand, "It won't be a problem. We're going to watch the place and wait for him to leave or sleep, then we'll smurf in, copy the formula, and be out before he even smurfs we're there."
The nature smurf started to speak but the impulsive smurf continued. "Think about it, Nat. Do you really think you've got any chance at all with Smurfette or Vexy? Even if it was just the three of us one would be smurfed out! Nevermind all of us."
Slouchy could see something else in Snappy's eyes, and wondered if the smurf wasn't enamored with one of the two smurfettes. The silence lasted for a few moments, each deep in thought.
Natural finally spoke. "It's still not a smurfy idea. Not only is Gargamel dangerous, it just doesn't seem right to try and smurf naughties just turn them into Smurfettes to fall in love with. Who's to say the new smurfettes would even like us?"
Stubbornly, the hotheaded smurf shook his head. "We won't know unless we try."
Nat sighed, looking at Slouchy. "This is like the apple orchard incident all over again. Well. Smurf on. I'll come with you." He didn't voice that it was to help keep them out of trouble.
"Smurftastic! Let's go!" Snappy led the way to their most dangerous enemy.
They traveled in silence, arriving at the creepy domicile mid-afternoon. The trio looked cautiously around the area, listening intently.
"Flutterby." Nat whispered, "Go look inside and come back and tell us if Gargamel's home." The smurf's pet butterfly flitted off, floating across the bare area towards the place as only a butterfly can fly. The smurfs waited for what seemed like ages, until the butterfly came flitting back to rest on Natural's finger. The little insect wiggled it's antennae, speaking to the smurf in it's own language.
"Flutterby says it's empty." The naturalist smurf relayed.
"Good. Let's smurf!" Snappy was off like a shot, leaving the other two smurfs to catch up.
The trio squeezed through a gap in the door, looking around the lair of their enemy with fear. After a few moments, the smurfs shook off their trepidation and began searching the bookshelves and scrolls. Stage whispers seemed to echo across the stone room as they looked. Finally Slouchy managed to climb up a pedestal and look through the book there.
"I found it!" The other two smurfs rushed to climber up to the book. Once there, Snappy took the writing supplies out of the side bag and started writing. Natural and Slouchy kept lookout, looking between the door and their companion.
"Done!" The impulsive smurf soon announced, checking the next page to make sure it was the end of the spell.
"Good, let's smurf out of here before Gargamel comes back." Nat said worriedly as he packed up the quill and ink. Snappy took the copied spell carefully in hand and waved the parchment a bit, hoping to get the ink to dry faster. Spying a close table, Slouchy hopped down onto it, his two companions following soon after. From there they spotted a sack of something that would be easy for them to jump down off of and reach the ground.
Then the door opened.
Gargamel swept into the room, followed closely by Azrael. He tossed a net and several steel traps into a corner and slammed the door before walking over to a cabinet. The trio of smurfs got over their shock and dove behind assorted pots. Snappy stuffed the copied spell into his hat.
"I tell you Azrael, once I get my hands on those smurfs, we'll be able to destroy them. Then it will only be a matter of time before I rule the world. Step one. Catch smurfs. Step two. Drain them of their essence. Step three. ... Well I haven't worked that part out yet. But step four is rule the world!"
"Reah, reah, reah." Azrael dismissed. She sniffed the air. Smurfs? Here? Following her nose, the feline began studying the trails of smell that crisscrossed the floor.
Nat spotted Azrael moving, and motioned to the other two smurfs making cat ears and then tapping his nose. Snappy responded by pointing to the three of them and holding up his hand, motioning to the door. Both Slouchy and Natural nodded their understanding. The countdown began from 3.
On two, Azrael hopped up on the table, nose touching the book they were standing on earlier. Slouchy was the closest to the cat, and tried to ease around the dark colored beaker he was hiding behind.
Azrael noticed the movement and yowled.
"3! 3! Go!" Slouchy hollered, bolting with the other two smurfs and leaping off the table onto the sack. Which turned out to be full of sharp instruments when Snappy landed wrong and cut his arm above the elbow.
"Smurfs! Azrael get them!" The feline was way ahead of her master, knocking bottles off the table as she charged after her prey. Gargamel was after them as well, but the three smurfs were up and running just as fast as they were down.
Snappy was the last smurf to squeeze through the gap in the door, just before Azrael pounced and rattled the door with her miss. The wizard shoved the cat out of the doorway so he could pull it open, letting his familiar race out after them into the twilight.
"If you don't bring a smurf back you might as well catch some mice because it'll be no supper for you!" Gargamel called after the feline. Slamming the door, the evil wizard began to look for what his little enemies had been searching for.
He noticed several books had been moved, and there were a number of disturbed scrolls. He grinned his snaggle toothed grin. "So they were after a spell, eh? I thought those little blue rats would have learned their lesson after the first time." He looked at the table, then his eyes rested on the pedestal. The book was open to the page containing the formula he'd used for Smurfette!
"Could they be trying to create an army?" He wondered aloud. "No. No. Those goody two-shoes wouldn't dream of going on the offensive. They're so hung up on peace and love and-" He stopped as the last word clicked in his mind.
"Love! That's it. Those little rodents want to fall in love! Ah-haha! Well, if it's women they want..." The wizard's mind began to work up a few possible traps, and he pulled out quill and parchment to jot a few down.
Scratching his head to think of more ideas, the evil wizard's eyes roamed the room. He noticed a spot on his sack of potion tools that he hadn't seen before. Leaning closer, he saw that it was blood. He scanned around, if his cat had nicked her paw, the blood would be tracked out the door and he'd see prints. But there was only that droplet, and one smear along the gap in the door.
"Smurf blood." He said gleefully. The little beasts had given him just what he needed...
00000
Natural, Snappy, and Slouchy fled through the forest, a yowling Azrael on their heels. Suddenly the three smurfs split up, going in different directions and forcing the feline to choose one. Skidding to the right, the cat's instincts had her automatically choosing the wounded one -Snappy.
Nat ducked around a tree and gulped at air long enough to put a hand to his mouth and hoot out a call. Nearby, an owl answered. Nat explained his situation, pleading for help, and the avian hooted a positive response. The bird took wing, flying silently and searching for the orange cat.
Nearby, Slouchy had doubled around and was trying to catch up to Snappy and Azrael, hoping he wasn't too late. Around twigs and through bushes he wove, and finally came upon a sight that made his heart nearly stop.
Azrael was standing over a bloody Snappy, raising one paw with claws extended.
"Stop! You stupid cat!" Slouchy snarled, picking up a smurfball sized rock and throwing it as hard as he could. It didn't hit the feline's head like he intended, but did hit the front paw she was standing on. On reflex, the cat jerked back, looking at the standing smurf.
Suddenly a shadow blotted out the night sky around the cat and she looked up. Just in time to dodge what would have been a painful impaling on barn owl talons. The feline hissed at her attacker, and the owl clicked it's beak, the two predators standing off for a moment before the cat thought the better of it and ran. The owl took off, flying in pursuit of it's prey.
Slouchy rushed to Snappy, picking the smurf up and cradling him. "Snappy, Snappy, wake up!" A quick look showed the mellow smurf the cut on his brother's arm was the source of the blood, and that Snappy was still breathing.
"Slouchy? Snappy?" Nat's voice called out in the distance as Slouchy opened the bag and pulled out the rope.
"Over here, Nat! Snappy's hurt!" He wrapped it tightly about the wound, helping to stop the bleeding, then looped it a few times into a makeshift sling. He heard the sound of Natural approaching before he actually saw the nature lover, and breathed a sigh of relief when he did.
It didn't take long for the naturalist smurf to access the situation. "We'd better find cover for the night. We can take Snappy back to the village in the morning."
Natural scouted around, soon finding a comfortable looking abandoned den in a hollow, standing dead tree. By the time Snappy was dragged to safety, both awake smurfs were exhausted. They quickly fell asleep, using leaves for blankets and with their injured friend nestled between them protectively.
They had no idea what had happened in the village in their absence.
00000
It had only been a few hours after baby had arrived, when a small group of smurfs were watching the little tyke. Baby lay in a brand new bassinet, and Smurfette rocked him.
"He's so adorable." The blond cooed.
The smurfling started to wriggle, looking a bit uncomfortable. Hefty rocked the child, thinking the baby wanted a ride. Baby started to whimper, kicking frantically.
"Huh. What's wrong with the little squeezer?" Hefty asked, concerned. Right after his question, the baby started to cry.
The group of smurfs tried to soothe the baby, Clumsy offered a bottle, denied. Smurfette picked the baby up and rocked gently, more crying. Vanity even showed the child his mirror. Nothing. It seemed everything the five smurfs tried did nothing to soothe the child.
Finally, Hefty gave up. He scooped the smurfling back up from the bassinet and started for the door. "Let's see if Papa Smurf knows what's wrong."
The group headed quickly to their leader's house, having to answer that they didn't know why the baby was crying so when passers by asked in concern.
"Papa Smurf! Baby won't stop crying!" Hefty held up the wailing child. Their elder took the child from the strong smurf's hands.
"Is it serious?" Brainy asked worriedly.
"Oh no. What this baby needs is a didey change." Papa Smurf chuckled.
"What on earth is a didey?" Vanity asked, admiring his elegantly raised brow in his mirror.
The elder smurf decided to show instead of tell, motioning for the other smurfs to follow him. He pulled the onesie off the child, revealing the diaper the child had come to the village wearing. He recognized the style, it was the same that all the other smurfs had come in. With only a few fumbles as his memory jogged, he removed the wet diaper.
All the smurfs at the table gasped.
"Oh no Papa Smurf, the baby's horribly deformed!" Brainy cried out.
"Brainy Smurf, that baby isn't deformed! That baby's a girl!" Smurfette snapped.
"A girl?!" The younger male smurfs in the room exclaimed in surprise.
"I'll be." Papa said in awe. "Smurfette's right. Baby is a girl."
Baby simply kicked her feet in the air, oblivious to the shock of the adults. Papa smurf sponged the child gently and put a new diaper on the smurfling. He worried momentarily about being new to taking care of a little girl, but reassured himself that he didn't know how to take care of little boys either, and he learned that just fine.
"Papa." Smurfette started quietly. "What does this mean? I thought there weren't any female smurfs before me."
"Well, Papa had a Mama Smurf. But she disappeared, right?" The muscled smurf looked at the elder.
"Yes. I was a smurfling back then, only forty years old. There was a terrible shadowy bird that smurfed Mama away. We never smurfed her again, though my own Papa went out smurfing the world for her. Papa... er, well I guess he'd be Grandpa to you, has yet to return."
"Ah..." Clumsy looked from the baby to Papa. "So are smurfs delivered by stork or um..." The klutzy smurf blushed and trailed off.
Brainy pushed up his glasses and tried to ignore his flaming cheeks. "I think the words you're looking for are sexually reproduce."
Papa chuckled to try and shake a bit of nerves. He'd had the birds and the bees talk with his sons before, but it never made the subject any less awkward for him. "Well, my little smurfs, I really don't know. I can't remember how I was born, I never asked my own Papa or Mama before they were both gone. Then when each of you came along by stork, I guess I just assumed that it was a smurf's natural process to be smurfed on Blue Moon nights."
Vanity hummed thoughtfully. "But where on earth do those babies come from?"
Papa looked sheepishly at the floor. "I don't know that either. I've often wondered it, especially when I was smurfing about two smurflings a year, but the question always slipped my mind when the stork came."
"Oooh! What a mystery!" Vanity gushed. "Are we some sort of kindly wizard's experiment? If so they smurfed the mold when they made me." The vain smurf smiled into his mirror.
"Well, if another baby gets delivered, we ought to ask." Hefty said, ignoring his brother's antics. Papa suddenly had a horrified thought of another round of about two babies a year, this time all girls.
"Papa, are you ok?" Smurfette asked, seeing his blue skin lighten a bit.
The elder snapped back to attention. "Ah, uh. Fine, I'm just smurfy Smurfette. I guess I forgot for a second that I have my little smurfs to smurf out if we start smurfing any more smurflings."
Hefty started chuckling. "No worries there, Papa. We'll all smurf in to help out with any new siblings."
"Absosmurfly." Brainy agreed.
Papa could only smile.
It didn't take long for news to spread about the little baby being a girl. By evening, the village's hot topic was where exactly they came from. Theories abounded, from the practical (that they were orphans of other smurfs) to the absurd (like Suspicious's pet theory that they were all created by Gargamel just so the crazy Wizard would have something to hunt for sport). None of the smurfs seemed to notice the absence of Snappy, Slouchy, or Natural as they bedded down for sleep.
00000
The three smurfs woke up, though Snappy was more groggy than usual. He groaned as he struggled to sit up, rousing both his friends. He wondered why his arm was wrapped up shortly before the events of the previous evening came back to him. With his good arm he reached into his hat, pulling out the spell and reading the ingredients.
"What are you smurfing?" Natural asked. Slouchy had a good idea and kept his mouth shut.
"Reading over the ingredients. We gotta smurf these-" Snappy began.
"Oh no! No more adventures until you get back to the Village and smurf that wound!" Nat ordered.
"Before I was unsmurfily interrupted," The smurf snapped, "I was saying that we smurf the ingredients as we head back. I don't like having my arm smurfed up any more than you like to see me bleeding, Nat." The nature smurf looked away.
"Only one problem with that. We'd be going out of our way to smurf that blue clay." Slouchy pointed out.
"We could smurf by the river and smurf regular clay. It smurfs here he smurfed it to make Vexy and Hackus." Snappy pointed to where he'd copied the annotations along the margin of the page.
"Yeah, but it also smurfs that non-magical clay needs an infusion of smurf essence, and then more periodically after creation for survival. We don't know how to smurf our essence out of anything." Slouchy argued.
"So let's smurf the blue clay." The answer seemed obvious to Snappy.
"Look. I'll go smurf the blue clay." Natural interrupted. "If. And I mean only if! You two smurf straight back to the village smurfing the other ingredients on your way."
"Great!" Snappy grinned. "We'll all smurf back behind Papa's house and get into his lab. We really only need a cauldron, so maybe we can just smurf one right quick."
The three smurfs started down the tree, being extra careful with their injured companion. Once on the ground, they prepared to split up.
"Ok, so all you need to do is smurf a bucket of blue clay, Nat. We'll smurf the rest." The impulsive smurf reminded.
"Got it. And remember-" The nature smurf started in a lecturing tone.
"Smurf right back to the village after we get all the ingredients, we know!" Snappy grumbled.
They parted ways, heading out to gather their ingredients. Luckily both trips were uneventful. Nat wrapped up the smurf bucket sized lump of blue clay in a leaf, carrying it back to the village. The nature lover only breathed a sigh of relief when the mushroom shaped houses shimmered into view. Quickly, he hurried towards their elder's house, hoping that Slouchy and Snappy were there.
The backyard was empty, and Natural looked about for a place to stash his package. He was considering heading to Dabbler's to see if the duo were still getting Snappy's arm bandaged when he heard a hissing sound. Casting about, he spotted a blue hand beckoning from a bush. Nat dove in, coming face to face with Slouchy. To his relief, Snappy was there too, now sporting a white bandage on his arm instead of the bloody rope. The impulsive smurf was standing over the cauldron, a small fire going underneath it.
"Good, you're here. The clay is the first ingredient." The smurf took the leaf wrapped package and dumped it in.
"Blue clay for the body." Snappy intoned.
"We made a few adjustments to the formula, you wouldn't believe what smurfette was made of!" Slouchy whispered to Natural. The smurf at the cauldron glared to shut them up. He had the two other smurfs stand so they created a triangle around the cauldron.
"Sugar and spice, and everything nice." Snappy dumped a cup of powder in, adding in a nice bird feather they'd found, some flowers -roots and all, smurfberries, a lily pad shaped like a heart, and a sarsaparilla leaf.
"A dram of sincere tears and one crocodile tear." Nat was handed a bottled and he poured it in. The nature smurf wondered where the heck they found that on the way, then glared at Snappy for swiping from Papa's stores.
"The wisdom of an owl." More swiping of stores, no doubt. Slouchy opened a box, letting a light float down into the bubbling brew.
"Some silver for her tongue." In went one of Greedy's forks. Nat wondered if it was a bad thing that it still had some cake on it.
"A dozen little white lies." Snappy was rather proud of keeping that part in, everybody had to lie sometime, what if they made a smurfette that always told the truth? Gargamel only had to get a hold of her and every secret she held would be out!
"The slyness of a fox." Slouchy peppered that in. Nat wondered how Papa put that into a shaker.
"The curiosity of a cat." It was a glowing ball this time. Nat dumped it in. Slouchy inwardly groaned. That really, really wouldn't end well.
"The song of a sparrow." Snappy hoped this worked, cupping his hands and whistling the song into the cauldron. It changed color, so it seemed to work.
"The loyalty of a dog." Really, thought Nat. How does that get into a shaker? Powdered dog loyalty? He blanched. Was it just powdered dog?
"And we're letting her form her own disposition." Snappy intoned, just in case the spell needed to know. He wondered if he should've done the same for the replacement of the magpie chatter too. Ah well, too late.
"Some warm brass for her heart." Slouchy dropped in a nick-nack that was likely swiped from Smurfette. ...Or Vanity. He ignored Natural's raised eyebrow.
"I thought it was supposed to be a heart of gold, if you're going by the saying?" Nat asked Slouchy.
"We couldn't find any, figured this would be close enough. At least she'll be warm hearted." Another glare from Snappy shut them up.
The impulsive smurf had them link hands, jerking his head at the spell. Three nods and the trio intoned together. "Arise new smurfette!"
The cauldron blew up with the force of two of Jokey's prank presents at once, knocking all three back on their tails.
Snappy rubbed his head. "Ugh. Did we... Did it work?" He looked up.
There stood a smurfling with red hair and pink overalls.
"A smurfling!" Slouchy cried.
Nat only huffed a woosh of air as the little smurfette jumped off the cauldron edge and onto his chest, bounding out of the brush with a, "You can't catch me!"
The smurfs scrambled to their feet, running after the little redhead. They stopped in front of Papa's house, looking around to see where the smurfling went.
"We are so smurfed." Slouchy groaned.
"Slouchy, smurf that way, Nat, head towards the village center, I'll smurf that way. We've got to find her!" Snappy barked the order and didn't wait for acknowledgement before he was running off towards the east end of the village. Natural and Slouchy headed off as well, looking for the new smurfette.
The little smurfling had jumped into a nearby window, hiding from the smurfs she saw. She giggled gleefully before turning and looking around. The room was lined with weights of all shapes and sizes, a treadmill and stationary bicycle situated neatly off in one corner.
"Oooh." She said as she saw the trophy case with several awards. How to get at those, she wondered. It became apparent soon enough that she could climb the wall rack of weights to get at the shelf. The little smurfette impulsively started climbing.
Hefty walked through the door to see a little redheaded smurfette half way up his weight rack. Fear shot adrenaline into his system.
"That rack's not attached to the wall!" He cried out as he charged into the room, just as the rack tipped. The strong smurf managed to pull the smurfling away, only to have one of his largest dumbbells smash into his foot. He howled and dropped the little redhead.
"Agh, who are you, you little runt?" Hefty growled, trying to balance on his uninjured foot.
"I'd tell you, but I don't have a name." The little smurfling grinned cheekily before bolting out the door. She watched the door behind her as she fled, making sure the large smurf wasn't coming after her.
Not paying attention to where she was going caused her to crash into Painter, who was just finishing another painting of Baby. The two tumbled forward, Painter's outstretched arm going through the canvas followed by his head.
The artistic smurf was horrified into silence for a moment. Then he started ranting. "My Masterpissa!" He whirled, spotting the little smurfette. "Vous, ma petite fille, qu'est-ce que vous pensez que vous faites?!"
"You talk funny. See ya!" The little smurfling darted down the path, weaving past startled smurfs on her way.
Painter gave chase snarling words in french that, given the meaning, it was good the smurfling couldn't understand them. She fled through the village, but crashed into Tailor as she looked back to see that the disgruntled artist was gaining on her. The red head hopped up off of the smurf, tripping on the entangled measuring tape around her feet. Suddenly, she was being lifted into the air by her overalls.
"Got you." Slouchy grinned.
"Who is that, Slouchy?" Tailor started.
"Great you got her!" Snappy came running up, Natural hot on his heels.
"What did you two mooks do?" Hefty growled as he limped up. Slouchy wisely stayed silent.
"Well, that is. We just. Uh. ..." Snappy started, looking nervously around at the gathered smurfs. Painter looked ready to hang them all up by their heels.
"We smurfed Gargamel's spell to create smurfettes and tried to make one of our own but we didn't smurf enough blue clay and that's why she's a smurfling!" Snappy explained in a rush.
"We?" Slouchy moaned. They were so smurfed. Nat tapped his index fingers together nervously.
"I was supposed to be a grown up? Pffft. That's boring." The little redhead quipped.
"Heh. You're a sassy little thing." Hefty chuckled. "Hey! Gutsy! You wanna help me escort these mooks to Papa?"
The adventurous smurf made his way through the crowd. "Aye, lad." He scooped the smurfling out of Slouchy's grasp, putting the smurfette up on his shoulders. The redhead looked thrilled with this.
Slouchy rather thought it was like a death march. Natural pulled his hat down over his ears.
"It IS like the apple orchard incident all over again." He moaned.
The group approached the mess hall, where Papa was sitting with Baby, bouncing her on his knee. He looked up with interest at the group coming, his eyes widening with surprise at the sight of the little redheaded smurfette.
"My Smurfness! Where did she come from?" Papa asked.
Gutsy shoved Snappy forward. "You can tell him or we can."
Snappy swallowed nervously before he began. "We. Well, it was my idea. I pulled Nat and Slouchy along to Gargamel's," He ignored the collective gasp. "And we smurfed the spell he used to make Smurfette, Vexy, and Hackus. Then we gathered all the ingredients and, well..."
"Here I am!" The little smurfling shouted.
"We kind of made a mistake with the size of the bucket of clay, that's why she's little." Natural supplied.
"Why?" Papa looked at Snappy, concerned.
The smurfs cheeks reddened. "I figured I'd just solve the problem of so many Smurfs getting their hearts broken when Smurfette and Vexy finally pick one of us." He took a breath, repeating some of his earlier rant to Slouchy. "It's not fair to them our us the way when we get Spring Fever every year."
Snappy was quiet for a moment, contemplating. "I guess this is kind of me going nuts in a different way, come to think of it."
The elder smurf nodded, understanding where his son was coming from. Why, the first year Smurfette was in the village he let Spring Fever go to his head. It still embarrassed him and he was glad none of the other smurfs thought less of him for it. But still... what they did was extremely dangerous.
"I think, it's best that you three not be punished for creating little... ah..." Papa looked at the smurfling, who shrugged.
"I like what 'Efty said earlier, that she is a little sassette." Painter grouched, still annoyed about his painting being demolished.
"I said sassy, not sassette." Hefty pointed out.
"But I like Sassette!" The little redhead pointed out. She bounced on Gutsy's shoulders and the scotsmurf had to stagger a bit to rebalance himself. Baby mimicked her, jiggling her little legs from her perch on Papa's hip.
"Well. Sassette then." Papa nodded at the smurfling, who cheered. "I'll have to smurf the final spell to turn her into a full smurf, and then we'll welcome our newest little sister."
The older smurf took a deep breath as he turned back to his three little smurfs. "But you did smurf to Gargamel's and you know that is forbidden. I think, in addition to your regular chores, you should smurf out Farmer for the rest of the planting season." The trio winced. Two solid months of extra chores.
Slouchy considered that at least this punishment wasn't as bad as what happened to him and Snappy for the orchard incident.
"Now. If you three will smurf to farmer's fields, I believe I have a spell to prepare." Papa turned to the crowd of onlookers and spotted one Smurf who'd been avoiding meeting Baby.
Papa grinned, taking a few steps over to Grouchy. "Grouchy, if you'll be so smurfy as to watch Baby for a bit while I perform Sassette's spell." Without waiting to hear a no, he passed the child off.
Grouchy started to protest, scowling at the baby. Baby scowled back at him, even crossing her arms. "Must. Resist. Cute." Grouchy tried. Oh how he tried.
His usual cold exterior melted when the child snuggled into his arms and gave a happy coo. "Oh my smurf. She's adorable." He whispered.
"Hey tough guy." Vexy's velvet tones seemed to short out Grouchy's brain momentarily before the smurf fought down his instincts. He would not make a fool of himself like the other smurfs did around Smurfette.
"Yeah?" The grumpy smurf rumbled.
"What was that Spring Fever they were talking about?" The dark haired smurfette asked.
Oh smurf, why me? Grouchy internally lamented. "You should probably go ask Smurfette."
"I could. But you're right here." Vexy grinned as she sat down near him.
Focus. Focus. Focus. The grumpy smurf kept up his internal mantra, letting the baby smurf play with his hand. "I really hate explaining." He growled.
"Is it something so terribly horrible that you've been sworn to secrecy?" The smurfette swiped her blue streaked bangs out of her eyes.
"No." He ground out. He glanced at her. "Okay! Fine!"
Grouchy took a deep breath. "Every spring smurfs start wanting to fall in love, get married, that kind of thing. If you want to hear ramblings about it being some sort of 'mild sentient variation on rut' then you should go ask Brainy. But that's it. Spring time makes a smurf lose their heads and they do stupid things all in the name of love. ...I hate Spring Fever." By now his cheeks were red, he was sure. Baby grabbed his nose, surprising him.
"Ugh! So that's why I keep getting flowers and presents and all of these really awkward pickup lines." Vexy slid her hand over her face. "And that will happen every year?" Grouchy could only nod. He bounced the smurfling a bit, making sure he wasn't making that same goofy face that the other smurfs did when they played with the baby.
"And what about you? No silly flowers? Marriage proposals?" Vexy teased.
The grumpy smurf scowled. "I'm Grouchy. I don't do all those... those... I've got more willpower than the rest of the smurfs." He decided. He did have a crush on Smurfette at one point. What smurf in the village didn't? But after meeting Vexy for the first time, he hadn't given Smurfette another thought. The urge to do something he termed stupid was strong. Ugh. Did he just claim he had more willpower than the other smurfs due to those blasted urges?
"Can I hold her?" He was almost unsure that the hesitant question came from Vexy.
The smurf shrugged. "Sure." He carefully deposited the child into the Smurfette's arms. Unbidden his mind conjured up a vision of her holding a child they called their own. Stop it. You stupid brain, or hormones, or whatever it is! The smurf took a deep breath and let it out.
"It's pretty crazy seeing a real smurfette." Vexy muttered, using her fingers to tickle under the child's chin.
"You're a real smurfette." Grouchy pointed out.
"I mean a real born smurfette. I wasn't born." The former naughtie snarked.
"Does it really matter?" The grump asked gruffly.
Vexy narrowed her eyes. "It matters to me." Well, he'd stepped in that, didn't he?
Grouchy ground his teeth in frustration. Dentist would be after him again, no doubt. "That's not what I meant. I mean it doesn't make Baby any more or less important than you. You're here. You're a smurf. And none of the other smurfs really care about the difference. Smurf, Snappy even tried to make himself a girl just like you and Smurfette." He was suddenly too, too amused by that. He snorted, trying not to laugh. Vexy did laugh, to Baby's delight. A guffaw that started Grouchy cracking up until they were both clutching at their sides.
Grouchy was happy the crowd had long since dispersed. He hated when people saw him laugh. As their chuckles wound down, Vexy silently offered baby back to the smurf.
The dark haired smurfette stood up, brushing off the backside of her skirt. "You should laugh more often, Grouchy." The way she said it had the smurf's brain shorting out again, and he almost said something stupid. Instead, the grumpy smurf was quiet until Vexy walked off, leaving him to take care of Baby. He picked up the kid, holding her close to his face and looking into blue eyes so similar to his own.
"I hate being in love and not telling her, Baby." The grouch whispered.
Baby cooed at him and grabbed his nose again.