"Why does she always get to run away and make the decisions in this partnership? All I've ever wanted to do is make her happy, but when it comes to us, she never even thinks twice to what I want. Yeah I could have let on how I felt a little more but even if I had, I knew it wouldn't do any good, she's so damn stubborn sometimes. It gets me so aggravated because well…because she knows how I feel about her, I'm almost sure of it. The look on her face when I asked if she remembered anything from the shooting, said it all. She knew that I, that I.. she knew that I loved her! How do you just push someone away, after finding something like that out?
Why couldn't she just tell me 'Hey Rick I don't feel the same way'?
No she always had to do things the hard way, making me question her feelings for me. does she want to break my heart? Does she like the watch me in pain every single day? Every other minute just wanting to hug her, or hold her just for a split second, just embrace her for damn moment, just ONE moment! I could feel my heart ach every minute of everyday, I mean how much more can my heart take before it breaks completely.
Over the summer after the shooting I thought my heart was done for sure, taking in those three dreadful months alone at the precinct, at least till Gates kicked me out; waiting for her to just call me, the thing she said she would do after she was "ready" to talk to me. What was that all about anyway, I understand she was trying to get away from everything that was happening to her, but what good did it do if I wasn't around? She said she didn't remember the shooting so she had no reason to push me away, that's another reason I could tell she remembered, anytime I would bring up the subject about the shooting and if she recalled anything from it she would drop it like it was nothing and change the topic to something else. The way she quickly shifted her eyes away from mine, like she couldn't make eye contact when I asked. Something told me she was lying…"
As Rick sat in his office slouched leaning on his desk, his faces weight in his hands looking at his computer screen, reading over what he had just written down he began to erase everything, what was the use he thought to himself, he was too scared to actually ask Beckett if she was lying about remembering the tragedy or not. He was completely sucked into his own mind when a low humming sound came from the right of his desk, he looked at the electronic vibrating and picked it up answering "Castle".