It started with 7%.
Just enough to dull the roar. He needed something, anything to keep his mind from rotting. And it did. It took the edge off his boredom. It helped him focus when he was on a case.
He didn't understand how ordinary people did it. He envied them sometimes. They were not constantly inundated with information. How did they not see the facts, details, secrets that jumped out at him wherever he looked? How was his mind, superior though it may be, supposed to cope with this flood?
And then he found it. 7%. The perfect solution. He no longer envied ordinary people. Now he simply pitied them.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
It didn't last, though. Of course, it could never last. Soon 7% wasn't enough. It didn't quite take the edge off that he needed. His mind continued to race, out of control, and he was forced to increase the strength of the mixture.
But 8% soon became 10, and that soon became 15. The clarity wasn't lasting near as long as it used to.
He was desperate. He would have given anything to get back his perfect focus. But no matter how hard he tried, it eluded him. He was craving the escape more and more frequently; the moments of clarity became forgotten evenings, hours lost even to his mind. He couldn't stop.
He thought about calling his brother, but never did. He undoubtedly already knew about it. He was just waiting in the wings, ready to swoop in when things reached absolute bottom, never willing to put in the effort to actually fix anything. Besides, even if he had wanted his brother's help, he doubted even Mycroft could save him this time.
He just had to try harder. Someday, he would find it. He could bring back the focus, just enough to take the edge off the boredom. He just needed to keep trying.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
He knew what he had done as soon as he had done it. He collapsed to the floor, shaking, but unable to move. He wanted to call for help, but he knew, even if he'd had anyone to call, he had no way of doing so. His body lay still as darkness crept into the corners of his vision. Finally, he heard footsteps and a familiar condescending sigh. He was struggling to determine whether or not they were real when the last of the heavy darkness overtook him.