A/N: This is a fic that runs parallel to another one I wrote. It began with a dream. IBWD is from Kurt's perspective, while this one is from Dave's. I have so many ideas running around in my head that I have to get them all out. I hope you enjoy both of my fics and remember that reviews are like candy for the soul. and they help me to know that You guys like what I am writing.

I do not own Glee because If I did, things would be done a lot differently!

Chapter 1: Finally

I cannot believe I just did that.

I just kissed a guy for the first time.

I just kissed Kurt Freaking Hummel.

Why did I kiss him? What was I thinking? Now he knows. He knows that I am…

How could I have done that? All I remember is him storming into the locker room, and then he was yelling at me. And his words hurt. They were true, but they hurt none the less.

Something must have snapped in. I never would have done that, let my guard down so easily. I don't know what it is about him but I just can't stop thinking about him.

He was my first kiss. And I took it in fear. What the hell am I going to do now?

That night when I get home I am a mess. I go straight to my room bypassing my mom in the kitchen. Once there I close the door and I start pacing back and fourth.

After about ten minutes there is a knock on the door. "Yeah?"

"Honey, it me. Can I come in?"

I go over and sit at my desk and make it look like I was working on some homework. "Sure, come in ma."

She walks in, comes over to me and kisses the back of my head. "Everything alright sweetie?"

"Yup, everything's fine."

I think she can hear my clipped tone and she knows that I am lying through my teeth, but she doesn't push it any further. "Okay, well you know that if you need to talk, I am here."

I just nod my head, fearful that if I open my mouth to say anything at this moment I will spill everything to her and I am nowhere near ready to do that.

She starts walking back out the door and right as she steps over the threshold, I turn and barely above a whisper, "Mom?"

She turns, "Yes?"

And I just walk over and give her a hug. She is quite a bit shorter than my 6' 1", but she is the one who tightens the hug and makes it so I can't breath. This is exactly what I need. She doesn't know, but she is making this a lot easier to deal with.

"Are you sure you're okay sweetie?"

"Yeah, mom, I will be just fine."

"Okay, well dinner will be ready at five, make sure you wash up and do your homework."

"Yes, mom."

I haven't been able to think straight since yesterday. I have so much running through my head. I just don't know what to do. So I cover it with being extra scary today. No one can know what is going on. No one can know that I kissed the only gay kid at McKinley yesterday.

That is when Kurt and some prep school kid come walking up the stairs as I am walking down. All I can think is oh great, they are going to try and give me an intervention. Well that ain't happing.

The prep school kid walks up to me and says, "Excuse me?'

Of course I have to keep playing it cool. I can't let them shake me and loose face. I still have a reputation to uphold after all. "Hey, lady boys. This your boyfriend Kurt?"

It looks like prep school is going to be doing all the talking. "Kurt and I would like to talk to you about something."

Of course you would. I know exactly what is running through your heads. It was has been running through mine for the last twenty-four hours. "I gotta go to class."

"Kurt told me what you did."

"Oh yeah, what's that?"

That is when Kurt finally says something instead of just standing there looking like… well, "You kissed me."

"I don't know what you're talking about." I have to feign ignorance. How can I admit what I did to him, if I can't even admit what I am to myself?

"It seems like you might be a little confused, and that's totally normal." This has caught my interest. I am confused. I mean I know what I am. I just can't accept it. How could I? If I did then I would end up just like Kurt. Taking slushie facials, and getting kicked around by the same people I call my friends. I can't deal with it, so instead of facing my problems, I just keep walking. "This is a… a very hard thing to come to terms with, and you should just know that you're not alone."

I can't deal with it. I don't know if I will ever be able to. But I can't right now. "I… I still have no clue what you are talking about."

I turn and keep walking down the stairs and through the corridors. I go to one of the only places in the school where I don't have to worry about any of the drama. Where It can all fade away. It's the control box for the auditorium. No one ever goes up there in the middle of the school day. I found it once when I was wandering and it has become a hid-a-way for me. Not even Az knows about it. My secret. One of them.

I wish I could have the courage that Kurt has. He walks around this school like he owns it and that we are all just meaningless pawns that should be groveling at his feet. Even though he is the one on the bottom of the food chain.

He knows who he is, and he isn't afraid to show it. I want to have that kind of courage, to have that strength. But I don't. Instead I have become the school bully. The one who picks on others for being different. If they only knew that I pick on them because they can be what I can't. They would all laugh at me.

The tears start to fall from my eyes before I even know they were there. I quickly wipe them away and compose myself. I can't go out into the hallways with tears stains and red puffy eyes. I have to keep up the façade. No one can know. No one.

The next day I am down the hallways looking for any potential 'victims'. I have to keep any suspicion off of me and throw it on to anyone else I can. I know that I have to make Kurt keep my secret. Maybe if I confront him about it I can scare him into it.

But I don't want to scare him. To be honest I don't want to keep hurting him. But I don't know what else to do. If I don't go after him the guys will think that I am becoming a 'fairy' and then I will start getting harassed.

So when I see him standing at his locker staring at something he has put up on the door, I really am left with no choice but to push him again. Some of my football friends walk up and join me so I shove him and I turn my head to watch him fall and see the look on his face.

Later, my insides will twist with guilt. And I wont be able to stand myself. But for now I high five one of my buddies and make some lewd remarks about fags and how hot that cheerio is in her uniform. The conversation goes down from there and I say what is needed to keep up appearances. But really all I want to do is to go back and help Kurt off the floor and apologize to him. To tell him how amazing I think he is and that I wish I could make up for all the wrong I have done to him.

But that wont happen. Not for a long time. Because I have a secret and no one can know…