I just have to write this down before I forget about this story in my head or before I loose the feelings I feel in my heart. With my mixed feelings about Maxoline and how things are going in season 6, I just have to let it flow it all out on screen and save it here forever.
XXXXX
Caroline looked out her Manhattan penthouse, she was finally back. She had worked her way up the business world with Max's cupcake and built her own name. 7 years ago, Caroline Channing had lost her name, her name was hidden under her father, Martin Channing's ponzi scheme, that very night she had not just lost her name, her assets, or even her father; she had lost herself. Caroline had moved all the way to Brooklyn where she knew nobody from her upscale world will go.
She had met Max Black that night, with her kindness hidden snug behind her rough exterior, Max had saved her.
Max Black had got her everything.
Caroline had never met anyone who gets her like Max, they were two completely different people from two completely different world but somehow the universe had a plan for them. They were two complete different puzzle pieces that were not supposed to fit together, but after so many years of setbacks and hopes and tiny moments of success, they had struggled together and their edges had worn off until they fit together perfectly as if they were always met to be together.
Max Black never believed in her own dream, she had a fear of success and even love, but Caroline believed in her; in them. 7 years later, Max's homemade cupcakes finally succeeded, with their original window shop in Williamsburg, Brooklyn and a new budding shop in Manhattan, they were no longer the 2 broke girls. At this rate, Caroline thinks that they can open another shop in New York in 2 years or less.
Caroline had gained back her wealth, but somehow part of her knew she had lost everything.
Caroline had lost Max.
Max was now on a one year wedding anniversary trip with Randy Walsh in Paris, living her life to the fullest while Caroline was left alone in Manhattan penthouse drinking a glass of expensive scotch. But no matter how many drinks, no matter how beautiful the city night view was, Caroline couldn't drink away the pain in her heart. How could she? Having loved Max ever since she met her for almost 7 years now but never had the courage to tell Max, and now Max Walsh is married and celebrating her first year anniversary, it won't be long before she starts a family with Randy. Caroline's heart clenched again at the thought, she gripped her glass tighter and did not realize the tears on her cheeks.
From full blown crying secretly when Max started dating Randy and seeing how wonderfully happy Max genuinely is, Caroline never ever said anything. The words in her heart never managed passed her throat, and after she saw how happy Max was with Randy, Caroline was filled with regret that she would never have the chance to confess her feelings. Now her cries were silenced into quiet tears, her heart was simply in constant pain. Caroline threw herself into work when Max got proposed, when Max showed her her engagement ring, Caroline felt like her world was falling apart. On her wedding where Caroline was the bridesmaid, it was the most painful thing to do standing on the wrong side of Max.
Deep down, Caroline knew she needed to do something with her pitiful situation. Everything was so empty and painful and lonely and god, so depressing, Caroline didn't even know how she even survived til now. She could survive loosing billions, she could survive countless failures and humiliation but this, she didn't know how long she could take it. She is only human after all, when the day comes where Max excitedly tells her she's pregnant and wants her to be godmother is the day she knows she going to just die. Caroline couldn't let that happen, she needed to leave before that.
Caroline did not know how to tell Max that, they have always been a team, even though they were not really a team anymore when Max started dating Randy officially. She never felt needed after that, she just seemed to be the third wheel, and that killed her. She had been dreading for this day, and when Max left her to Paris with her husband for a week, she knew she just had to tell Max after she returns, she could wait no longer.
She looked around the big penthouse that did not even feel like home to her: this is it, it was time to leave for good. There was nothing left for her here anyway, Chestnut has his own personal barn, her boy was taken care of. Caroline did not know if she was ever returning, she squeezed her eyes at the thought of coming back a few years later just to see Max and Randy and their children running around happily, her heart clenched painfully at the thought.
I will never come back here again, this is no longer my home.
A week later, Caroline had already packed her bag, turned out she did not have much to pack in her luggage, and she had a strange Deja Vu to the night 7 years ago where she had to pack her luggage and realized she did not have anything. She did not cry nor let a tear drop, she had completely resigned to her situation. The psychic was right so many years ago, she was promised success but not love.
It was a Saturday evening when Max came back to her. Max still has long curly black hair and after a week in Paris, has worked on a tan.
"Caroline I'm back!!! " Max yelled as she entered the penthouse, while she obviously did not live with Caroline anymore but with her husband, Caroline had given her an extra key nontheless.
Caroline turned around and forced a smile on her face, her heart tightening at the thought that she would never see Max again.
"Hey Max! How was your vacation?" Caroline asked casually as Max ploped down on her couch with her legs on the table. Max took off her sunglasses and sighed happily.
"It was so perfect and Randy was a hopeless romantic, he brought me to fancy dinners and we have city walks at night and when we returned to the hotel, there were always rose petals and all that jazz!" Caroline cringed inside but had since long perfected her facial expressions. She smiled happily and sat next to Max.
"Aww, he's so sweet."
"Uh huh, he brought me to the Eiffel Tower and we even brought a padlock for the love bridge! Silly right? I told Randy you would be so jealous if you heard this! I know you are a romantic too!" Max ranted on, and did not noticed Caroline biting her nails into her fist.
"Yeah, haha..."Caroline dry laughed, she did not know how to break the news to Max with how happy Max was being, but then again Caroline knew she had to say it, she needed to do something for her heart and stop protecting Max's happiness over her own.
"What's up with you? Ooh, is there food? " Max asked at Caroline's forced laugh but was quickly side tracked. Caroline bit her lips, these day Caroline felt that heart is just completely dried up with how many times it had been broken and bled and clenched and tightened into itself.
"Max..." Caroline whispered, and slightly gripped Max's wrist just as she was about to get back to the kitchen. Max turned back and frowned at Caroline's serious tone. Caroline was hardly ever serious, in Max's eyes Caroline was always chipper and positive and determined, but she seemed a bit off tonight.
The night had arrived, filling the windows with brilliant city lights behind Caroline, and the table lamp beside them is the only light illuminating their faces. Suddenly, the air around them changed. It was no longer filled with excitement and happiness emoting from Max, but an almost sad tone to it, Max didn't understand why.
"Hey, what's wrong Caroline?" Max sat back down, holding Caroline's hand in her. Caroline kept quiet for a while mustering the courage in her heart. For once in a very, very long time Max looked at Caroline's face, Max never ever really noticed that Caroline's face looked so sad.
That's weird, since when has Caroline looked so sad?
Max thought, since when had Caroline have dark circles under her eyes, since when had Caroline's shoulders started to slouch as if defeated? Since when was the last time Max really looked at her best friend?
"Caroline? What happened? Did something happened while I was gone?" Max asked worriedly, her heart beating a bit faster at the sudden thought she had not really, properly been with Caroline besides business matters, and she had not noticed the changes in Caroline.
Caroline took a shuddering, deep breath and finally looked into Max's eyes. Max jumped slightly at the blonde's intense look.
"Max, I'm leaving." Caroline breathed out and Max felt like all of a sudden, her world stopped momentarily.This time, her hand jerked back.
"What?? What do you mean you're leaving? Where - When,why?" Max raised her voice, her mind couldn't even comprehend the statement.
"I'm not sure where I'm heading yet. " Caroline lied.
"Wait, wait, wait. You are going for a vacation right? You'll be back in a few days?" Max panicked, somehow deep down she knew the meaning behind the statement but she didn't want to believe it, she refused to.
Caroline kept quiet, and that worsen Max's fear.
"Caroline? Talk to me! I don't understand!" Max yells, and stood up abruptly. She felt like she needed air to breath with how tense the air was around them, but there was more pressing matter here.
"I don't think I'm ever coming back, Max." Caroline said at last and Max's heart dropped to the pit.
"What? Why? I mean, what's this all of a sudden, Caroline? Why would you even think that?" Max felt like her heart was going to thump out of her chest. "Tell me what's wrong, was it something I did?"
Caroline shook her head, "I'm lonely, Max. " Caroline looked into her eyes, and the look in her eyes was going to haunt Max for the rest of her life. Max had never seen such sad and resigned eyes, at least not one directed her before. Her own heart clenched in pain.
"Caroline... "Max whispered, she wanted to comfort her best friend that she would have someone in her life soon, she would not be alone forever, but Caroline cut her off.
"I'm rich again but everyday I come home to this dark and empty penthouse. I'm rich again but I felt like I have lost everything."
"Caroline, you won't be alone forever! I'm sure someone out there is waiting for you-" Max sat back down and held Caroline's hand but frowned when Caroline pulled back and shooked her head.
"You don't understand, that someone is taken by somebody else." Caroline said, looking into Max's confused eyes.
"I still don't-"
"I lost you, Max." And it all dawned on Max, her heart started racing all over again.
"Oh." Max stared back helplessly as tears started to pool in Caroline's eyes. Caroline looked upwards to prevent her tears from falling.
"I have loved you for seven whole years, Max."Caroline looked back to Max, and the tears fell. Caroline's eyes spoke of pain, sadness and regret and once again Max thought she had never seen another pair of saddest eyes.
"Caroline, I-" Max was speechless. Caroline shook her head that silently told her to just listen.
"I have loved you for many years, Max but I never dared to tell you because I didn't want to ruin our friendship. I kept quiet and I kept my feelings tucked inside because I told myself as long as I have you as my best friend, it would be enough for me." Caroline took a shuddering breath, and smiled sadly as Max. "But it wasn't, when you started dating Randy, I knew he was different, you were no longer just playing, you were serious about him. There were so many times I could tell you when you two were on and off, but I just couldn't say anything because of you were so focused on Randy. It was always Randy this and Randy that, and slowly I felt as if I was starting to loose you."
Caroline paused and looked forward, "And I thought, it's okay, I still got you by my side, it would be enough." Caroline chuckled darkly. "And of course it wasn't enough."
"Caroline... I don't know what to say..." Max replies weakly, her heart hurting as she listened to her best friend's pain. Why did she never notice anything?
Caroline shook her head, "You don't have to say anything Max. I just have to let you know all of these before I go."
"Stop saying you're leaving, you're not going anywhere!"
"I've lost everything here, there's nothing left for me here." Caroline said weakly.
"You have not lost me, Caroline. I'm here, I'm right here! What are you talking about??" Caroline turned to her.
"Oh yeah? When was the last time we really talked? And it's not business related?"
Max opened her mouth and froze, oh my god, she thought and tried as she might, she couldn't find the answer. Was it last month ago, or two months, or three..? Has it been that long? It was just that their business was blooming and she was so happy Randy was moving here to her and their wedding and moving in together. She stared back at Caroline in shock. Caroline smiled weakly.
"When was the last time we went out together, just you and me?" Max opened her mouth again and once again found herself staring at Caroline in fear.
"When was the last time we were just us? When was the last time it was just Max and Caroline?" Max froze, and pain filled her heart. Had she been so selfish and self involved she totally forgotten about her best friend?
"Oh my god... Caroline I'm so-"
"Don't apologize, Max. " Caroline chuckled darkly. "I knew things were going to change, I knew I was going to loose you once I saw how serious you were with Randy. I just didn't know it was going to hurt this much." Caroline sniffed. Then she turned back to Max.
"Do you know when things really started to change?" Max kept quiet.
"It started with you hanging most of your time with Randy, cancelling our plans. It was a change to me since God knows we do everything together, but it was completely normal, you two were in a relationship after all, I didn't mind too much. Well then you were staying with Randy most nights, and well I knew then you won't need me anymore. We were no longer a team. You were in a relationship, I get it."
"Caroline, I never said I don't need you, you're my best friend!" Caroline smiles readily, but her eyes showed resignation.
"But I truly felt I lost you when you told me you were moving in with Randy. " Max remembered that day as clear as it was just yesterday, Max was packing her clothes and garden gnomes, she couldn't believe she was moving out of a place she called home for as long as she could remember, and Caroline was either really quiet or rambling about her and Randy's new place. There was an awkward moment when Randy was ready to pick her up to their new place, and they stood in front of each other, not knowing what to say or what to do; then there were promises that she would always come back here, and things would be back to normal once she settled in with Randy. But the fact was she broke the promise after the first few months, Max thought back in horror, she stopped coming back after the first few months to the point where Caroline did not even ask anymore, and then she hardly went back as if she had completely cut ties with it, and in a way with Caroline. The place was their home, they had countless memories in that apartment. Max's eyes started to pool.
"Caroline, I didn't mean to, you know I didn't mean to break my promise. It was just we were both busy and-" Max desperately searched for excuses but there seemed none, some parts of them drifted apart. Max felt as if she was at the edge of breaking down, desperation was clawing at her heart.
"Caroline, please, tell me that's anything I can do to remedy this!" Max said loudly.
Caroline shook her head and cried while looking into Max's eyes.
"The night you moved out, the apartment had never been more quiet. You know I tried to sleep in my Murphy bed but I couldn't stop thinking that your bedroom was empty, I tried so hard not to cry but when I stupidly knocked on your door and the door was already ajar and your bed was empty, I just couldn't help it." Caroline choked on her sobs and put her head in her hands. Tears flow down Max's face like a loose tap as she imagined Caroline doing just that while she was snuggled with Randy in her fancy bed, her heart twisting into a pain she couldn't describe.
"That night," Caroline took a deep breath and looked into Max's eyes.
"That night I knew I lost my Max Black." Max choked on her sobs but refused to wipe away her tears, she looked upwards, biting on her trembling lips to stop whatever whimper threatening to get out. Caroline tried to breathe deeply, trying to get her voice steady but she failed.
"Randy proposed to you not long after, do you know that was the night I was going to tell you I love you? " Caroline forced out a soft laughter, " I got to the diner, having rehearsed that in my mind the entire night, but there you were with the happiest smile on your face and a beautiful ring on your finger. I couldn't say anything." Carline pulled her knees to her chest, as if trying to protect her heart from falling apart but her heart had been so badly broken it seemed nothing would make her happy again.
"I'm just a stupid girl with her stupid naivety, I even secretly kept a engagement ring for you 5 years ago." Caroline's shoulder shook violently, she was crying so hard. She wished she could just die to escape this pain in her heart.
"Don't say that, Caroline, please don't call yourself that." Max cried, she never felt more helpless in her life, she had never hated herself as much as right now. She is Caroline's best friend for Christ's sake! How could she not notice any of this before?
"You're Max Walsh now, Max. I have completely lost you." Caroline cried and Max couldn't help as she whimpered at the sight. Caroline looked so little, so lost, and so sad. Max felt frozen at her spot, she didn't what to do or what to say and that made her hate herself more.
"Caroline, don't cry, please don't cry." Max whimpered. "I can fix this, I know I can fix this. Please don't cry anymore, I'm right here."
Caroline only cried louder. "How are you going to fix it, Max? I couldn't asked you to say no the day I stood at the wrong side on the aisle. I can't stop you from your own happiness, Max. I need to leave."
"No! You're not leaving! You hear me, Caroline? You're not leaving me!" Max yelled desperately.
"And what?!" Caroline yelled back. "Watch you get pregnant and ask me to be you and Randy's child's godmother?"
Words got stucked in Max's throat,she opened her mouth but nothing came out. All she could taste was her own tears as they dripped between her lips. For a moment, there were only the sound of cries in the dark penthouse.
Max couldn't stop herself, "Please don't leave, Caroline, please don't leave me." She cried desperately, "I don't think I can live without you. Please."
"I love you, Max." Caroline said softly, looking into Max's eyes and that only made both women cry harder than ever.
"But I can't stay here, you know that." Caroline wiped her tears away. Randy would be here soon to fetch Max home, she had texted Randy in the afternoon that Max could not stay the night with her and to pick her up before ten. She had a plane to catch.
Max only cried harder, her heart breaking. Caroline couldn't leave, but she couldn't stay either. Caroline stood up on gingery legs and held her hand to Max, Max looked up, slightly puzzled but took her hand and stood up as well.
"You have to go soon, Randy is going to pick you up." Caroline whispered and slowly lead Max to the door. As if in trance in her weakened state, Max followed.
"What do you mean?" Max wiped her tears but they wouldn't stop.
"You can't stay the night Max." As if the universe had it timed perfectly, the doorbell rang. Caroline held Max's face in her hands and leaned in to kiss her at the corner of her lips. "Goodbye, Max, I love you." Caroline whispered into her lips, her left hand stretching to open the door behind Max's back.
Max panicked and held onto Caroline's wrists.
"You won't leave without telling me right? Caroline? "Caroline pried her wrists away and opened the door, Randy was right there just about to greet her but was interrupted by Max's plea just as Caroline gently pushed her out.
"Caroline, answer me! You won't leave without telling me right? Right?!" Caroline only smiled weakly at her, closing the door.
"Goodbye Max." Max presses her had onto the door, trying her might to keep it from closing but her weakened state lost. She caught the last glance of Caroline's sad eyes before the door slammed in her face. She knocked and slapped onto the door desperately, ignoring Randy calling her name.
"Caroline! Caroline!! Promise me you won't leave without telling me! CAROLINE!! "Max was now straight up screaming incoherently, her cries muffling some of her words. She continued to slap on the door until her palm is red and tingling, her lips only repeating pleas.
"Caroline! Caroline! please! Caroline, promise me!! Open the door, Caroline... "Her words were soon swallowed by her cries and her knees weakened and brought her to the floor. Before she could completely fall, Randy was there to catch her, prying her away from the door. Hugging her and saying soothing words and taking her to the car, but all Max could do was slap weakly against Randy's chest and repeating Caroline's name.
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The journey back to her home was a complete blur. Max's body was just wrecked with sobs as she looked out the car window, curling into a ball. Randy threw worried glace to her time to time but only kept quiet as he completely had no idea what was happening. He carried Max bridal style back into their house as Max was completely unresponsive, he had never seen Max acting this depressed before. Upon entering the house, he laid Max in their bed and Max went straight to sleep the moment her head touched the pillow. Her body completely spent emotionally. Randy watched her worriedly and tried to call Caroline but failed. Caroline had changed her number entirely.
It was only nine but Randy went to get Max early because he didn't want to bother Caroline as she seemed busy that night, or else she wouldn't have asked him to get Max before ten. Max seemed completely knocked out so Randy went on with his night, and fell asleep next to Max around eleven thirty.
It was almost four in the morning when Max jerked awake, her body in overdrive. She sat up immediately and as if possessed, quickly dashed out of the apartment. A dull pain in her chest, that could be from crying too much or instinctively, Max knew was something else.
Ranch was awoken by the commotion and woke up confused at his bedside empty.
"Max? " He got up quickly and found the apartment door open. He grabbed his coat and ran after Max. He caught Max just in time for the elevator.
"Max! This is crazy, what are you doing? It's 4 the morning!"
Max looked relief at Randy's appearance and desperately yelled.
"Randy, please send me to Caroline's place, please!"
"Why? Did anything happen to Caroline?" Max ran to the parking lot to their car, anxious to get in. Randy started the car and drove to the blonde's penthouse.
"I got a feeling she's gone, Randy. I need to check, I just have to."
"You do know it's 4 in the morning right?" Max didn't reply but waited anxiously in the car as they reached the place, thank goodness they lived near each other. Max pressed repeatly and aggressively on the elevator button, the feeling in her heart growing worse, her heart was beating insanely fast and she felt like any moment now, her heart would free fall to the pit of her stomach again.
When she arrived at penthouse, she didn't even realized she had been muttering "please, please, please, please... " like a mantra. Max opened the penthouse door and swinged it open, her heart racing.
Nothing.
Max's world started to fall apart piece by piece, no, this couldn't be happening.
"Caroline?" her voice wavered but it only echoed back in the huge dark penthouse.
"Caroline! Caroline! " Max dashed to every room in the penthouse, her heart racing and she could feel her heart breaking all over again each time she found the room empty.
"She's gone..." Max whispered as she got back to the living room where Randy was looking at her as if she was crazy.
"Caroline? What do you mean."
"Caroline's gone. She left me. " Max fell to her knees, her vision blurring before the tears fell to the marble floor beneath her hands.
Caroline Channing had left her.