Once upon a time, there was a young mercenary named Scout. A lively and movement-happy boy, but who could quickly become bored and then the most unabashed ideas came to his mind.
One fine day in 2Fort, Scout walks up and down in the intelligence room, deep in the base of his team. He has the thankless task of taking care of the secret material. Usually the job of Engineer and Pyro, but Soldier had suddenly again one of his phases and commanded Scout to do this job. Taking care of the intelligence is an important task and the boy should finally learn to take responsibility.
"Blah blah blah…"etches Scout and sits down on the chair behind the table, placing his feet crossed on the table top; bored, looking at the red suitcase.
"Pfah! My job is to steal the opposing intelligence! Instead, I'm sitting around here. It's like getting the job of a catcher in baseball instead of the batsman's. My job is to steal the enemy base! What's so hard to understand?" Scout crosses his arms in insult. "Great, they're all out there in the fresh air, they're having fun and I have to face the underground haze."
"Hudda!"
Pyro emerges behind one of the corners and beckons to him; give him a sign that everything is alright.
Well, Scout is not all alone down here. Pyro guards the two entrances leading down to the Intelligence Room and tells him every few minutes that there are no suspicious activities.
"Yeah, yeah…" Scout makes a gesture of refusal. Nothing will happen here anyway. Pure boredom.
Unless he spices it up a bit. And he already knows how...
He jumps up from the chair, runs over to the intercom, holds the button and screams:
"Help! Spy! BLU Spy in the base!"
The boy's voice echoes by the speakers scattered throughout the base, terrifying the rest of the mercenaries. Engineer, Demoman, Spy, and Sniper drop everything and run down to the Intelligence room, while Heavy, Medic, and Soldier continue to hold the line to stop any enemies who seek to nourish their base.
They rush down from both sides into the Intelligence room to come to Scout's help, and to catch the enemy's spy, who will flee, alarmed because of Scout's shout. But nobody encounters them.
Down there, they first meet Pyro, who guards the passage. However, it doesn't seem likely that an enemy is nearby. He seems rather irritated to see them down here.
The Mercs hurry into the intelligence room. The secret material is still in place, but Scout lies motionless on the ground.
"Oh no, Scout!"
The boy lies on his back, his tongue hanging out. Spy let drops himself to the floor next to Scout and raises his head.
"Jeremy… Pyro!"
"Hmpf?"
"Quick! Spy Check!"
"Hudda!"
Pyro activates the flamethrower and runs once in a circle in the room.
"Hey, watch out! Do that without lighting us, okay?" Demo shouts angry. Pyro extends his search to the corridor.
"Engineer, go get Medic!"
"Pardner, I'm so sorry to say that, but ya know best of all of us that a stab in the back is deadly."
Mundy, Tavish and Dell standing around Spy, who holds Scout in his arms.
"What should I say to 'is mother?"
"Hey, don't blame yourself, Spook…"
"I'm such a miserable father…"
"You are my father!?"
Miraculously, Scout comes to life again.
"What the…? Why are you not dead?"
With a big grin Scout answers:
"I hoaxed you."
Spy drops Scout's head to the ground.
"Ow!"
Disappointed and angry, feelings that Spy still subtly conceals, moves away from him.
"Pah! I would 'ave thought something was wrong. The victim always falls forward when stabbed from behind. Why are you doing this?"
"I was bored. What of it?"
"Just wait until we tell Soldier, son!"
Scout is left alone.
"You are real geeks, you know that?" Scout calls after them.
A few days later, when it was time to defend the intelligence one more time, Scout was again condemned by Soldier to take care of it. After the philippic by Soldier a few days ago, he had to sit here again and pay attention to the intelligence all the more.
"I cannot believe they really finked on me... Those wretched rats."
Pyro pokes his head around the corner to signal Scout that everything is okay.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah…" dismisses Jeremy and continues to staring bored against the wall in front of him.
At some point his gaze wanders to the red suitcase next to him.
The secret material. Scout has no idea what's in it. A secret, definitely. On the case is stands also "Top Secret".
But what secret? One about their team? That must be so, after all, there is also a suitcase in the opposing BLU base.
Whether the BLU scout also has the thankless task to take care of their suitcases…?
After a moment's hesitation, Jeremy pulls the suitcase onto his lap and inspects the metallic snap-on buckles. Two red and one green button. In the middle and on the surface a combination lock. Double secured.
"Hmmm… One…one…one…"
Wrong combination. The suitcase remains tight.
Scout sighs. He would like to peek inside. Why not? He is part of this team and it's his right to understand the secrets of his team. But it is 1: 100000000, that he enters, with two combination locks, the right combination. So what are you doing there? You try it by force! It's absurdity that the administrator has secrets from them, so she should not complain afterwards.
Scout takes the butterfly knife out of his pocket, which he borrowed from Spy (without his knowledge, of course). It lay in a casket lined with velvet. That means it has to be something special. The narrow blade is serrated and black roses are shining on the surface.
Cheesy, but it will do its job.
He pops the buckles and pushes the blade into the narrow slot to break open the case, but the damned thing withstands the pressure.
If Scout is honest, he's a little scared that the blade could break off. Not because of Spy. For years, everything he says goes in one ear and out the other. But he could tell that to his Ma. And although he is already of age, his mother still likes to punish him today. He hates it. But at the same time he knows that she only does that because she loves him. After all, he is the family's nestling and, in her eyes, her little boy. Therefore, the penalties are always particularly hard.
But it's worth to him if he can solve this mystery!
But as hard as he tries, the case remains closed. There were cars in Boston that were easier to crack…
Jeremy is about to give up. His arm is already starting to hurt. After a last attempt Scout suddenly slips off with the blade and injures his other hand.
"Ow! Damnit…"
Scout looks at the mishap. A red line lies across the back of his hand, from which blood easily emerges. And then he has an idea. The last time he played this trick on his team was pretty cool. He wants to screws them with the same trick. And this time he will make it more realistic.
"Help! Spy! BLU Spy in the base!" it echoes from the speakers.
Without hesitation, Engineer, Demoman, Spy and Sniper drop everything and rush down to the Intelligence Room. Meanwhile, Medic, Heavy and Soldier stay behind to secure the defense.
They discover Scout lying on the ground. There is blood at the corner of his mouth.
"Oh no, Scout!" Spy drops himself to the floor beside him and raises his head. "Pyro!"
"Hmpf?"
"Spy Check!"
"Hudda!"
Pyro activates the flamethrower.
"Without lighting us, lad! How many times should I tell ya this?"
Spy mournfully holds Scout in his arms.
"Oh Jeremy. I'm so sorry…"
"Spook…"
"Don't blame yourself, pardner. You can't always protect him."
"The boy was old enough to take care of himself."
"He cannot take it up with a spy! They are sneaky and cunning. They sneak up and stab you from behind."
"Pff…ffff…ahahahaha!"
"What the…?"
Scout wriggles with laughter in Spy's arms. And then they realize that they have once again been stupidly pranked by him.
"Hahaha! Stabbed behind! Hahahaha!"
Spy lets Scout fall to the ground in disgust.
"Ow!"
The Frenchman moves away from him.
"You damned brat! What's the point of that?"
Scout bobs up and wipes the blood from his mouth.
"What do you think? I have pranked you."
"Where does the blood come from? Did you 'urt yourself just to play a trick on us?"
"No, that was an accident…"
"And 'ow did that 'appen?"
"Never mind…"
"I've 'ad enough! Just wait until I tell Soldier about that!"
"Aw, c'mon! Geez…"
"What's that nonsense, lad? Ya call for help, although that is completely unnecessary and keep us from doing our job!"
"I just wanted to loosen you old, stiff bones a bit."
"How about we beat the living daylights out of ya? A beating is long overdue!" Demoman is already rolling up his sleeves.
"Just leave it be, Tavish. Let's go back."
Spy is going. Demoman and Sniper follow him outside.
Engie shakes his head. "That just ain't right, boy." Then he goes too and Scout stays alone.
"Pff!"
Some time later, Scout is standing at the panoramic window in the Intel room, looking at the room behind it. 2 hours have passed since his prank. And while Jeremy dwells his bored thoughts, he suddenly notices that Pyro has not been giving him any signs for a long time that there is no Spy around. Is he go to the bathroom? If this guy ever feels this kind of need. After all, they never see him eating or drinking, let alone going to the bathroom.
"…"
Scout gets a bad feeling, that's why he's looking for him now.
"Pyro?" He enters the corridor, which Pyro always watches over. "Py- Oh shit."
He lies motionless on the ground, on his stomach. Scout kneels down to him.
"Pyro? Pyro!" He shakes him, but he just does not move. Only then does Jeremy see the little hole in Pyro's suit.
He was killed with a knife…
Paniced, Scout jumps up and turns to all sides. He's all alone down here with a spy. He is now the main character, as in one of these psycho-thrillers. And he is in the middle of a wide field!
He urgently needs to inform his team! And it's best not to be stabbed from behind. So, Jeremy presses his back against the wall and cautiously moves along it back to the Intel room.
The intercom is located opposite the wall on which he is pressed.
Scout takes a deep breath - and sprints forward.
Done! Now he has to press the button and call for help. But without to make his back to a target. For that he has to sprain himself a bit.
"Help! Spy! BLU Spy in the base!" it echoes from the speakers.
Engineer irritated twists his eyes behind his goggles. Does the boy really dare to bring the same trick twice in one day?
"Help! Help me! Pyro is already dead!"
Can that really be true?
Angrily, Engie gets up from his lounger and stomps over to the intercom.
"Shut up, boy!"
"Engie please! I admit I lied out of boredom the last two times, but this time I'm telling the truth!"
"Nope."
"Don't think we fall for it a third time, Scout!"
Suddenly Spy stands next to Dell and yells into the intercom.
"Just stop and do your job!" And the conversation ends for Spy.
Jeremy stares in disbelief at the intercom.
"Fuck you, Spy…"
"Hinhonhon!"
"!" Scout discovers BLU Spy on the other side of the room.
"And the moral of the story - A liar will not be believed even when 'e speaks the truth. If you 'ad not been so naughty, your team would immediately set out to 'elp you. But you 'ave repeatedly misused their trust and I will take advantage of this circumstance of things."
"I will protect this Intel with the questionable content with my life!" Jeremy positions himself protectively in front of the table with the suitcase.
"Of course you will. I 'ave no doubt about that."
"Then fuck off from here!"
"Now, now... Not such verbalisms, if you please. Don't you enjoy my company?"
"You killed Pyro, but I will not be your next victim!"
"I make it short and painless. Promised."
"Fuck you."
"I see. Well, I guess the whole thing would be less appealing if there was not a little resistance."
With these words, Spy goes poof in front of Scout. The boy is panicking. He grabs the suitcase and looks around in all directions. The most dangerous enemy is the one you cannot see.
He has to break his reserve...
"You miserable coward. You can always hide. Are you so scared to face me in a fight? Coward dog."
A slight breeze behind him paralyzes Scout. When the blade penetrates him, it's freezing cold, but inside it burns hot as fire.
"The real strength is not to 'ead 'eadlong into a fight. Mark my words!"
"What's up, Spy? Ya walk up and down here all the time. What is wrong? Is it because of Scout?"
"Yes… It keeps preying on my mind what 'e said."
"Don't ya think that was one of his jokes again?"
"And what if not, Engineer? If 'e's really in trouble this time?"
"I will look for 'im."
"I come with you."
The Frenchman and the Texan are on their way down. Pyro is nowhere to be seen.
"Didn't Scout said that Pyro was killed?"
"If that is true, it's quite possible that 'e is already respawned. And I think it's the truth. Although Pyro does not look that way, 'e takes his job very seriously. Without Soldier's permission, 'e would never 'ave left 'is position."
"Ya sure? I mean, we're talking about Pyro..."
"Why are you so suspicious Engineer? If anyone knows 'ow clever spies are, then you."
"Ya mean, apart from you?"
"Yes, apart from me."
The two hurry on to the Intel room. And there Scout is lying on the ground. Motionless. And this time, Spy knows exactly that he's dead. This time he was really visited by the BLU Spy. Another indication is the absence of the secret material.
"Darn…"
Spy turns to Scout and looks down at him, emotionless.
"Silly boy…"
His body begins to dissolve. He will respawn every moment.
"You've failed. The enemy has secured our intelligence. Now die!"
Soldier, Medic and Heavy, who had previously fought bravely at the front, suffer a shock as the Administrator's voice echoes through 2Fort. They need a moment to understand the meaning of her words.
They had the perfect defense! Spy, Engineer, Demoman and Sniper near Respawn, Pyro in the Passage and Scout...
"Scout…" Soldier growls angrily before he, Heavy and Medic get torn into pieces by a crit rocket.
The way is now clear for the opposing team to storm the RED base.
Freshly respawned, Scout steps out of the small room through the glass sliding door.
He feels ashamed and humiliated.
"Damn Spy. I'll get you for that!"
Suddenly the gate opens in front of him and some of the BLU team stand in front of him. At the top the Soldier. His rocket launcher shines brightly and crackles loudly, as if it hyped up.
Crit. So they lost.
On BLU Soldier's face spread a winning smile.
"Oh c'mon! I'm just respa-"
BOOM!
And the moral of the story - for the maximum fun the crit rocket directly into the face.
And crits are fair and balanced.
- Wisdom from the mercenary poems
"Amen, maggots!"