From the Ashes
Burning. That's the only thing her mind knew. It was the type of burning that one would snatch their hand away from, wiggling off the licks of flames on the nerves. She couldn't move her arm though, someone was forcing her hand over the most intense fire. Maker, please, make it stop. She was trapped, her mind was a slave to her own skull. My arm, my arm is on fire, someone put it out. Sounds were rushed, blurred together. The scene above her was chaos and she couldn't seem to focus on anything. She was back in the Winter Palace, the Eluvian above her dim, shattered, no longer usable.
There was a high-pitched screeching sound; one that could have been birthed from a banshee or even a dragon that called in the distance. It was so loud, her ears clamored at the noise. The flames continued to scrape between her fingers and through the veins of her arm. The screams intensified until she recognized her voice, agonized, begging, mad. "SOMEONE PUT IT OUT. MY ARM IS ON FIRE" she sounded hoarse, crazed. It scared her. The ceiling had gotten closer and was moving; someone had picked her up. Why couldn't they just through a blanket or water on her? What was going on? Maker, just put it out.
A new burst of pain surged again, and she screamed louder. She tried to control her eyes to look at her arm and the memory hit her; the anchor, growing more and more unstable, Solas' cool fingers on her and then blank, nothing but pain and darkness. The anchor was the flames she was screaming about. Small green explosions burst forth from her finger tips. She could cause mass pandemonium if she didn't release its reins.
She was in a new room; her arm was being tied off -as well as the rest of her body- to a table. She writhed against the surface, the agony was past unbearable, her body convulsed to rid itself of the awful sensation. A heart wrenchingly familiar face came into view, the person who had been carrying her. Tears streaked down his cheeks. "We're going to make it go away," Cullen croaked, "We're going to make it go away, Evelyn." His usual steel face demeanor broken by her screams of agony. Despite the madness they were surrounded with, all she wanted was the reach out and comfort him. Before she could worry anymore for those around her, the pressure kept getting worse in her palm, one of the tells she had began noticing in her recent battles with the Qun. The whole winter Palace could go up in smoke, everyone in the immediate area could die.
"IT'S GOING TO RELEASE A BLAST, SOMEONE DO SOMETHING" she begged through ragged breaths and gritted teeth.
"Inquisitor, it has to come off-" someone said above her screams.
"-I DON'T CARE" she heard herself scream, "JUST DO IT"
A knife was cut through her thin armor, ripping it open completely on the side of the anchor. Cold air was passing over her stomach, chest, and arm. She heard a sword being unsheathed and knew what was coming.
Just as her head turned to the sound, "Don't look, Evelyn" an order barked out of Cullen's mouth. Her heart jumped in her chest, it was the same voice he used with his recruits. He shook his head vehemently, "Don't" the next word sounded of begging.
Her eyes didn't leave Cullen's and he refused to look at the scene as well. She began to gaze at his expression; one she had never seen before. Eyebrows furrowed in, teeth visibly clenched, jaw set. His usual fiery amber eyes were red rimmed, tears falling where they would. He looked both furious and heart broken. He was clutching her free hand, and she could feel his pulse racing through his gloves.
A cloth was pushed into her nostrils and her eyes found those of her chosen Divine. Leliana was calm and her grip strong. "Inquisitor, breathe" she commanded in a hushed tone. Without protest, she obeyed, the scent on the cloth was herbal, not strong enough to identify though. "two more deep breaths, that's it" she encouraged. Evelyn could almost hear her saying "it's going to be alright." Of course, she would be the peace amongst the chaos, if only she could thank her.
Without noticing too hard, Evelyn's vice grip on consciousness was beginning to loosen. Leliana sensed her panic and smoothed out her friend's hair. Evelyn did not realize she had begun whimpering anxious protests until she was shushing her. The world began to blur out as quickly as it had blurred in. Leliana and Cullen both began to smudge into her environments, their colors becoming simple blobs; like raindrops on fresh ink. Her eyes rolled back into her head and she embraced the peace that had been thrust upon her.
Dark blue was the first color she saw. The blue that came with nightfall and the promise of a full moon. She was laying on her side, an ornate dresser was against the extravagant wallpaper of the winter palace. The splash of nighttime environment creating an extra glow in the room; soft and peaceful. She didn't even remember opening her eyes, but she knew she wasn't dreaming. However, she was afraid to move, afraid to see what had come of the day before.
Her eyes slowly moved from the wall and down farther on the bed. A messy mop of blonde hair was laying at by her hip, turned away from her, his arms cradling himself to sleep. She smiled despite the intense feeling of dread as the events previous began to rear its ugly head; Solas was gone, and Bull. Her people betrayed her, and her inquisition was about to change forever. She took her hand and gently ran her fingers through his hair. That dread was so much less with him there though.
With the feeling of her husband in one hand she looked over and nearly jumped at the sight of her arm. Her left hand was gone, bandages wrapped around where her forearm was supposed to begin; so, they really gave her the ol' chop? She knew it was coming but it felt so odd to see it. Her brain commanded her left hand to move but it was for naught. The fact that the pain was gone made the loss of her hand less tragic than it could have been.
A deep breath from Cullen made her eyes shoot back over to him. He had simply turned his head to face her now, eyes still closed. He was peaceful now, no angry wrinkles or stress lines. He was almost childlike besides the dark purple bruises under his eyes. Her fingers moved to caress his cheeks; the stubble scratching her knuckles.
His eyes were slits and she hadn't realized she had woken him. He blinked a few times and she did not cease her movements, only smiled when his eyes fully opened. He was indifferent and silent.
"Good evening" She whispered, keeping her voice low; wishing not to jostle the peace that had been created. His fingers found hers, twining together perfectly, his wedding band the only coolness in their connected hands. He kept the same stoic expression on his face, somber. His golden eyes were bloodshot, a cooler amber. The first time she had ever seen Cullen completely and utterly broken. The fact that she caused that made her chest feel hollow. "I'm…" she took a deep breath in, "I'm so sorry" she whispered.
He came more to life then, eyebrows furrowing the slightest, "You're sorry? For what, dare I ask?" his voice was hoarse and quiet. He was also trying not to disrupt their peace.
"I never meant for you to see that"
His lip quirked up, almost a smile that did not react with the rest of his features, "for better or for worse, remember?" While Cullen had finally seen Evelyn at her worst, she remembers seeing him at his; on the brink of his lyrium withdrawal, his mind nearly wasting away. Two little words kept him from succumbing to his addiction; You can, she had said. His nostrils were flaring, madness danced around his pupils. She could feel the strength of his own headache as they argued. All right, he said with all his breath. Relief conjured in her as she held him in the end, stroking his hair, calming him in the only way she knew how.
"Cassandra told me about Bull," he finally had lifted his head up. Evelyn felt her heart break at the mention of Bull, and even worse when she thought of Solas. Two men she thought she could call comrades, friends. Betrayal ripped a whole in her chest, hot tears spilled out over her unexpecting eyes. "Maker, no," his hands were on her cheeks, "you don't have to talk about it. Please don't cry, love" He pulled her into his chest, a sob croaked out of her throat. The emotions of the previous down came crashing down on her; the realization that the fate of the world hung on her shoulders once again; they had to find Solas and the inquisition was dying. He kissed the top of her head, whispering small notes of comfort, slowly rocking them. Her thoughts were a jumbled mess, muddled with emotions that were entirely too raw.
Moments passed but time was still funny to her. The world had gone on, but she was still stuck in that moment with Solas; the realization of the enormous burden he had placed on her; a lie. She was trapped under and she needed to take a breath of fresh air. She couldn't do that at the winter palace, not with the exalted council still in progress. She needed to decide the fate of the Inquisition. She knew what she had to do, and it tore her apart.
"The inquisition…" she hiccupped. She shook her head, another tear falling. He was already shushing her, stroking through her hair. Everything they had worked on, the organization her, Cassandra, Leliana, Josie, and Cullen had built from nothing was to be disbanded. That thought was more agonizing than the flames of the anchor. "There must be another way," she croaked.
Cullen gave her a few more moments before turning her face to his, "another way is possible…it would include a lot of downsizing; our power and voice would be severely diminished. Leliana, Josephine, and I all spoke about it" his business tone was setting in. He had easily slunk into his role of commander. Still he wiped her tears as he explained, "the Inquisition would be transitioned into a small peace keeping force that answered directly to the Divine." She blinked, so the Inquisition wouldn't have to die. What was the point of it though? They would only be a small force, nothing compared to what Solas could unleash on the world. Was it even worth it?
She felt warm fingers smooth out the dent in her brow. She looked to him, he was calm, the same expression he would wear at the war councils. "What do you think I should do?" she asked quietly.
"As your general, I would recommend the peacekeeping force. It puts the Inquisition in less of a compromising state and we'd probably earn trust from both Ferelden and Orlais. As in, they'd finally leave us alone" she could hear the relief in his voice. There was something underneath his professional tone.
"But?" she edged, afraid of what else could be said.
He took a deep breath and leaned against her forehead, "as your husband, I can't bear to watch you go through this again" her heart was in her throat as his words cracked. Pain crossed his features; mouth in a thin line, eyes solemn. "This was one of the worst nights of my life, watching you struggle and scream in agony, knowing there was nothing I could do" he whispered as evenly as he could.
"Cullen…" she took him into her arms. He rested his face between her neck and shoulder. He took a few shuttered breaths against her, his hands caging around her back and waist.
Once he composed himself, he took her face in his hands again, kissing her once "I love you, Inquisitor Trevelyan" he whispered against her lips, "I will stand by whatever decision you make," he smiled ever so slightly, "but I want you to think for yourself as well. You, above all others, deserve peace. Let the world take care of itself for once. You have done your job as I have done mine," he nodded against her.
He was right, she realized. The Inquisition had fulfilled its duties. The world was safe. But how long would it be safe for? What of the future that Solas spoke of? She bit her lip. Her adventuring days were done but not before she found him and put an end to his plans. The world wasn't hers to save this time, but it doesn't mean she wouldn't help. While she knew the Inquisition would be disbanded, her journey was far from over. Cullen saw the decision in her eyes and sweet relief crossed his features; he read her perfectly. She whispered that she loved him, his smile finally reached his eyes. He held her until they let the Fade take them; some peace was exactly what she needed.