Legend of the Hyrule Bro Squad

Chapter 1:

Adventure Start

The flurries of wind rushing across the mountainside were crisp and cool, carrying with it the smell of rain and pine trees. Distantly, the roar of tremendous amounts of water pouring from the sky reached my ears. My clammy skin, still soaked and shivering from the cold rain we'd just escaped, stuck to my heavy tunic and greaves, which made moving difficult.

Unfortunately for me, I needed a lot of easy movement for the task at hand.

"HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT, WE SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE THIS!" I cried, tears streaming down my face as I raced as fast as I could away from the lynel, which was currently bearing down on me like a freaking bullet train. It was easily over two thousand pounds of lean, mean, horse body and lion head, with a thick and knotty mane of red hair covering the back of its head and neck. Its two angry, beady eyes stared daggers at me as it charged, sword raised high above its head.

My brown hair blew behind me as I dove to the right and rolled behind a huge rock outcropping. "ESCAAAAAPE!" I shouted as hooves hammered into the ground past the rock, and the beast's massive sword cleaved through the air where I'd been moments before.

"HYAAAAH!" The iconic shout came with a glint of metal as a smaller sword arced downwards through the air towards the lynel, who had skidded to a stop and was now shaking his head in confusion. Link had climbed up a tree and leapt off the top, paragliding to where the lynel stood, and was now falling down towards it with his Zora Sword pointed straight down at the crown of its head.

Its sharp tip buried itself in the lynel's head as Link collided with the damn thing's back. He winced and grunted at the pain of straddling it upon landing but bore through it and rode the thing like a horse. As I watched in awe, it bucked furiously, disgusting black-and-red Calamity pouring from its new head wound and dissipating in the air. Link held on with all his might, shoving his newest acquired weapon (thank you, whoever would leave a sword lying around on a pathway in a city) deeper into its skull. It howled angrily and gave another mighty buck; Link lost his grip with his legs and hand and was tossed off of it haphazardly.

He tumbled to the ground and rolled for several meters before finally stopping. The poor guy groaned painfully.

"Need... food…" he grunted, reaching into his pouch. "Eve, distract that thing…"

I started. "How am I supposed to distract that!?" I shrieked, pointing at the lynel with a trembling finger. "It's the ultimate horror child of Epona and Simba; all kinds of nope!"

"Well, unless you want Sidon to wait for us for eternity…" Link got snappy when annoyed.

I gulped and turned to the lynel, who was now glaring at me again and pawing at the ground. The arrows lodged into its skull, courtesy of the steel bow that I had "borrowed" from an unfortunate lizalfos, only made it look all the more badass. Every inch of its body rippled with muscle, except for its hooves and two horns. It was kind of hard to make hooves and horns muscley.

I looked down at myself, a 5'5" girl with a generous cup size and a slim figure. I had some muscle from weeks spent fucking around in the wild.

I was so screwed.

"You better make me the best goddamn fruitcake in the world after we get back!" I said decisively, reaching back for the bow strapped on my back. Quickly, I notched an arrow and pulled back the bowstring. My arm, unused to the strength of this particular brand of bow, shook for a few moments before I took a deep breath and steadied it. "Come on, come on, you've accidentally hit harder shots than this before."

I released the arrow, and it whistled through the air, nicking the monster's ear.

"...Could be better, but at least I hit it," I muttered. "Wasted so many damn arrows today. Stupid bow. Game didn't say how hard it was to pull back..."

Hooves pounded against the still-wet grass like thunder, and I yelped before charging away from the speeding lynel again. I skirted around its side, hoping that I could gain some distance from it this way. To my chagrin, however, it took only a few seconds to stop, and turned back around to me, only about two meters from me.

"Really?" I groaned. I put my bow back on my back and unsheathed a Knight's Broadsword. After a very brief pause, I took out my dinged up Traveller's Shield as well.

With a roar, the lynel stepped forward and swiped its sword diagonally at me. The shock of its connection with my shield sent painful vibrations throughout my entire arm. I stumbled backwards, nearly losing my footing on the damp grass.

"Liiiink?" I called out worriedly, not daring to take my eyes off of my enormous opponent as it rose its sword up for another attack. "You healed up yet?"

"I just need a few more apples, hang in there!" Link's voice was slightly distorted through what I could only assume was a mouthful of apples.

"Dammit, dammit, dammit," I cursed, biting my lower lip as the sword came crashing down on me again. I managed to block it a second time, but the power behind it was truly insane. It felt like a bus falling on my arm. I cried out in pain and fell backwards.

"And done!" my Hylian friend shouted at last, scrambling to his feet. He gave a huge battle cry as he ran towards us, beautiful white sword clutched tightly in his hand. I rolled under another swipe of the lynel's sword and dealt a blow of my own to its leg as I went underneath it. It roared and tried to get in a position to return the favor, but Link jumped up in front of it and, faster than I could quite make out, sliced its face open several times.

The Zora Sword broke on the last hit.

"Well, that one didn't last too long," the hooded man in the Champion's Tunic deadpanned. He pulled out a Knight's Claymore from his Small Pouch of Holding, as I'd named it, and backflipped away from a furious swipe of a Lynel Sword.

Time seemed to slow down as Link rushed forward and delivered an impressive flurry of attacks to its chest. It roared and kicked him aside.

I blinked and scrambled out from beneath it. "It didn't do that in the game," I muttered.

"Ow," said Link, on the ground once more.

He got to his feet again, a little woozily this time, and again leaped into action. Between the both of us attacking it at once, the lynel grew increasingly frustrated and got several more nasty looking cuts on its leathery skin. It eventually decided these tactics weren't working, apparently, because it sheathed its Lynel Sword and Shield and instead pulled out its Lynel Bow, notching three shock arrows.

"Oh fuck, it has the arrows again!" I screamed, turning tail and running like my life depended on it. "Get to cover! And avoid the puddles everywhere!"

"R-Right!" Link gulped. He scurried away, shield clanking on his back.

The shock arrows on its bow sparked behind us. A few tense moments hung in time… then, as I tried to duck behind a tree, the lynel released its arrows.

I saw them fly through the air out of the corner of my eye. One sang through the wind in my direction; one headed for Link; the electricity-tipped arrow in the middle flew safely between us. Link, who had apparently ate some Speedy fruit and gained more distance than I had, was able to duck under the arrow aimed at him. But I didn't have that advantage.

The arrow flying on a collision course with my chest seemed to fly in slow motion. My eyes widened as I realized that it was coming right at me. I tried to move away, since there was no time to duck, but it was a meter away - mere centimeters now -

Then time sped up again, I saw one long, thin wood shaft piercing out of my side.

I didn't feel any pain.

Link froze and turned to me, face ashen. "E-Eve?" he called out hesitantly. Strangely, it sounded much further away than he actually was.

"I… I feel fine…" I murmured, touching the arrow in both fearful awe and confusion.

"Eve, your hearts…" Link swallowed, staring at me with wide, horrified eyes. "Your hearts… that arrow brought you down to a… a q-qah…"

That was weird… why was the world getting so fuzzy? I was having a lot of trouble hearing Link now, too, especially with the snorting of the lynel as it stared at me. "What?" I swayed, suddenly feeling terribly weak. I only barely managed to plant my feet on the ground and stopped myself from falling over.

This… this felt familiar…

This weak feeling…

Like all the strength was draining from me…

"EVE!" Link shouted, eyes widening even further. He rushed to my side, reaching for me desperately. He looked so scared. Why was he so scared?

I yanked the arrow from my side and dropped it on the ground; touched my wound; was dimly surprised to find blood on my fingers when I brought them up to my fingers.

"It's… so red…" I said slowly, fascinated by the sight of it even though I'd seen my own blood before. I'd never seen quite so much of my own blood, though…

I swayed again, and was distantly shocked that I was unable to support myself this time. I collapsed to my knees, stopping my fall with just my right hand, my incredibly shaking right hand.

"Eve, hang in there!" Link pleaded, kneeling next to me and putting a hand on my back. He dug in his Small Pouch of Holding. "Come on, come on, I need some good food… don't I have any major healing meals left!?"

"Evan! Come on, answer me! This can't be happening, this can't be happening… open your eyes! Open your eyes!"

This felt…

"He's close, but he's still not gone yet! You should be proud, ma'am. Your son has an impressive will to live."

So familiar…

"The surgery… edibly dangerou…" I drifted in and out of consciousness, only vaguely aware that there were other people in the far-too-bright room. The blinding light hurt my eyes, which were only opened by a sliver. Pain, pain everywhere. Everything hurt, and at the same time, I felt incredibly numb. Something was beeping steadily. People were arguing. I wanted to go back to sleep.

I gasped as the first waves of pain swept through me, and suddenly I realized that since the shock arrow had hit me, I had, darkly amusingly, been in shock. Bolts of electric, burning pain sparked throughout my body, especially around my side. My heart hammered intensely in my chest.

"Ev… t this…!" Link was saying, even as my vision swam in front of my eyes. "Thi… ill hel…"

A terrible roar drowned out everything else, and the lynel, that damned monster that was terrorizing our dear Zora friends, charged forward, its sword held skyward. Link gritted his teeth and was forced to drop whatever he'd been holding, grab his sword, and howl as he ran into battle, sword flashing furiously with the soft mid-evening sunlight.

I was awake again, I realized with some surprise. I had been dreaming a quite wonderful dream that I didn't remember. Funny, that, how the best dreams seem to always be the ones you forget.

"How is… urger… will he sur… How his condition?"

That was my dad. He sounded so worried.

"The surgery was shaky… ultimately a success… but he lost… lot of blood… it's all u… to him now until we can get a transfusion…"

But I was so sleepy again… and I was so tired of waking up only to be in pain. The burning agony was gone now, mostly, but I still felt so exhausted.

My eyes fluttered shut again. Maybe this time… I could finally…

The machine that was beeping gave one long, final beep, and that day was the day that I died.

As Link continued to fight with an outraged roar, I found myself drifting off to a weak dream, a memory of how my adventures in this world began.

~o~

SEVERAL WEEKS AGO

I woke up with a bleary groan, my eyes fluttering open weakly before shutting again. I felt as though for the past week or so, I'd been in intense pain, the likes of which I'd never felt before. The last thing I remembered clearly was walking down the sidewalk towards my car in the town near my home. There was a kid playing ball in a yard on the opposite side of the street, and the ball bounced out into the street. He ran out onto the road to pick it up, and a car came around the curve, some drunken bastard behind the wheel going easily forty miles per hour in an urban zone. I had dashed as hard as I could out to the kid to push him away, screaming for him to run…

Then there'd been pain, pain and a lot of sleeping and waking. There'd been hospital lights and doctors rushing me through halls on a stretcher. There'd been a surgery… I remembered waking up enough to talk about what needed to be done and to give my consent for it. I remembered the surgery being a success…

And that was the last thing I remembered.

Where was I now? Was I back in my hospital room, recovering from the surgery, or was I back in my rural house on the hill? Wherever it was, the floor felt hard, cold, and distinctly stiff and uncomfortable. My head was fuzzy and my arms tingly, as though filled with some strange kind of energy. I weakly raised my hand to my head and rubbed it as I rolled onto my stomach.

My eyes widened. I laid on gray stone, and my chest felt like it had two large orbs attached to it. Wide awake now, I hurried to my feet, looking down.

I had tits.

What the hell?

I groped them in a mix of fascination and confusion, surprised at the spark of… something that raced through my nerves. That had felt… good. Blushing deeply, I immediately quit, fearing what might happen if I continued that. What exactly was going on? I'd never had boobs before. I was a dude, and a 140-pound dude at that. Guys weren't supposed to have melons unless they were obese, and even then, they didn't have the same kind of… plump to them that these ones did.

My hair was also longer, I suddenly realized as a strand of it fell over my shoulder, and with a nervous swallow, I slowly reached down to touch the Place Where Sun Doesn't Shine.

My cheeks grew even pinker and a shriek rose up in my lips. A decidedly feminine shriek.

"Oh," I squeaked, blushing at the realization that I was now 100% girl. "Oh."

How exactly did this happen? I had no idea, so I supposed the answer would have to wait.

More importantly, where exactly was I? Now that the issue of my own body had been addressed and tabled, I stared at my surroundings, getting more and more confused and concerned the more I saw. I was in a small, squarish chamber with cold, stale air, as well as roughly textured gray walls with orange constellations on them. Weird pillars shoved into the walls held up the roof, which had a machine that almost looked like an upside-down flower hanging from the top of it, covered in glowing blue dots. I couldn't tell the machine's function, but it looked at once both extremely futuristic and ancient.

And underneath said machine… was a sort of tub containing draining, glowing light blue liquid and a blond boy who was naked except for his shorts.

I blinked in shock. I recognized this boy. Moreover, I recognized this scene. The boy was Link, the Hero of Hyrule, and the scene was the opening of a game I'd just bought and had been playing the hell out of, Breath of the Wild.

Holy Hell.

Was this real?

I pinched my body (definitely not one of my new, and apparently sensitive, nipples. Why would I do that?) to confirm this. It was indeed real.

As the Resurrection liquid finished draining and Link finally opened his eyes, standing up to his full height, I stared in horror. I had died and been reincarnated in the Shrine of Resurrection at the start of Link's adventures in a wild world overrun with enemies and monsters, hadn't I? And not only that, but as a girl.

...I was so fucked.