~+~Author's Note~+~
This is the first writing I really feel like is worth publishing! I wanted it to be a one-shot, but my fingers got away with me, so I think I'm going to write at least one more chapter-depending on reviews, I may make additional chapters. I actually have her writing in her diary as a different font in my document, but there aren't multiple fonts I can use here; therefore, when there are quotes without anything specifying speech afterward, it's part of her writing in her diary. And I don't own The Walking Dead or any of the characters; I'm just writing out a concept based on some of the things that happened in the story. And any lines that are like what happens in the story, I'm writing from memory, so if it's wrong, I'm sorry! Hope you enjoy!
Beth Greene, a beautiful, blue-eyed young blonde, tread slowly to her room and glanced around a bit at the place she called home. It was nice to have her own little space, even though it was technically a prison cell.
It was hard to imagine that outside the confines of the prison were disfigured, dead human bodies, walking around as though they still belonged on earth; but this was the world she lived in. She stretched her slender limbs before taking her diary in hand and settling herself on her bed.
She hated thinking of who could have previously been living there just for the factor of using a bed that who-knows-how-many people before had used, but she loved entertaining the idea of what their lives might have been like. Often, she day-dreamed about this concept when she had to hang out with Judith, her little baby roommate. Tonight, though, Judith was being handled by someone else, so she could catch up on some quality time with her diary. Before now, there was hardly any opportunity for her to write in it, so there were plenty of things on her mind by the time she sat down to write.
"Dear diary, while I'm writing this, my cheeks might just burst on fire from all that I've been through already this week. I seriously feel so stupid and just downright clumsy! I guess I should let you in on what's happened so far. I haven't written you in a little while, so I figured I might as well—even though part of me doesn't even want to admit what's happened.
If I've been keeping track of the date right, then it was Monday that my first, awful embarrassment took place.
I was on my way from taking Judith to Carol when one of Judith's toys placed clumsily in the hall tripped me—I hadn't even noticed it was there. I reacted by moving so my backside would hit the floor first (goodness knows I wouldn't want Judith to get hurt! She's just a baby), but my fall was broken by a sweaty, somewhat grimy grip, and when I looked up, I saw a flash of baby blue eyes and genuine concern on an otherwise rugged face. My heart thumped so loudly in my chest as my own eyes widened in shock; I probably looked like a deer in the headlights.
It was Daryl Dixon! That man, I swear, is gonna be the death of me. I mean, I know he saved me from hitting the floor, but my first instinct was to jump away, and I cautiously watched him collect the baby toy from the ground.
"Don't want nobody else trippin'," he mumbled in his gravelly voice.
Part of me felt like he was annoyed, but he kept glancing at me to like check me and the baby over—probably more Judy than me, really. But when I saw his glance moving over my body, I got chills and goosebumps, and they really showed. I was scared, with how perceptive he is, that he'd catch them, so I just meekly accepted the toy from him and walked as quickly as I could away. I didn't want him to know just how mortified I was.
"Careful," he warned after me.
I'm sure he thought I was being stupid. Like, I almost tripped, and there I was nearly galloping away from the scene. It was just so embarrassing, though!
On Tuesday, Judith was raising a huge fuss over nap-time, so I went to go get Carol to see if she could get the girl to calm down. As I dashed around the corner, I felt my body slam into someone whose first instinct was to keep me aright by grabbing my shoulders—it was the same feel and smell as last time, and I couldn't bear to look him in the eye.
"Whatcha runnin' around for like a chicken witchyur head cut off?" he asked, seeming amused by my flushed complexion.
I was so irritated at myself that I pulled away and ran off, again—well, kind of. Last time was more of a quick walk, and now it was seriously a run. After round of embarrassment #1, the second round seemed to just augment the level of shame I was feeling. Mr. Dixon probably thinks I'm such a silly child, and I'd hate to admit that's how he thinks of me—it's probably how everyone thinks of me. I always want to feel like a bigger part of the group, but I'm just the babysitter... Ugh! Sorry, I keep telling you that. But I won't tell anyone else, so you may have to just deal with it!
Moving on. Wednesday was, I guess, not as awful as days one and two...kind of. I was hanging out with Judy in the library early in the morning, reading a little book to her, and I had just gotten up to grab another one, but when I turned around, I almost walked right into him. I didn't even realize he was standing there, and I jumped to the side a little and gave a quick apology.
"S'all right. Seem to like bumpin' into me lately," he gave a small smirk as he said that before he cooed at Judy a little bit, crouching down to pick her up.
Honestly, he seems like such a natural with kids! No one would really expect that out of gruff, hardcore Daryl Dixon. I mean, if anyone survives out of all this, it's going to be him. And here I am rambling again. Sorry! But yeah, it was actually pretty cute to see them juxtaposed together—a clean, young, white baby next to a kind of dirty, older, tanned man. But their smiles looked really similar; it was sweet.
He handed the baby off to me before he left and gently tugged my ponytail as he walked away. I still don't really know why he did that...but I turned around and watched him as he strode off.
Thursday was somewhat uneventful, but I did catch a glance of him before I tucked Judy away for bed. He had just come back from a run—he'd been out with the boys since the day before (I guess why he visited Judy real quick in the morning), so he looked even more dirt- and grime-covered than usual. I actually jumped up to go see him—not really sure why. I mean, it's not like we've been such good friends or anything, but I still just ambled up to him and asked how the run went.
"Didn' really get all we need, so we're goin' back out tomorrow. 'N your boy Zach said he's goin'," he just said casually. Kind of surprised he said that much, though; he hardly talks.
For some reason, I hadn't really been thinking about Zach at all with this week's drudgeries—my babysitting Judy and his helping with the farm work with Rick, Carl, and them. We hadn't seen each other much lately, so I made a mental note to see him off before he left. We really aren't much more than just friends—if that, really. I mean, I like him, and he's cute, but we haven't known each other very long at all. Still, saying I'm with him keeps other guys from staring at me for too long. I hate that uncomfortable feeling of someone just staring at me like that. It's not like I'm all that pretty or anything, either. To say I'm emotionally attached would be a bit of a reach, I think.
Yesterday, Friday, the boys all left. I threw in a little kiss for Zach before he left, since no one really knows what's going to happen on a run. I didn't say good-bye, though—I refuse to do that. It's like closing a chapter of a book, and if something really does happen to him, I guess it would feel like I had something to do with it. Anyway, as I was walking off, the truck's door that I was closing in on suddenly opened, and I almost got hit by it.
I didn't have any time to react, so I just closed my eyes, but then I felt my elbow getting pulled on and my body embraced by strong arms. That same, familiar smell stirred up some kind of warmth in me, and I felt a little dizzy. I dunno why it is I feel that way around him—Mr. Dixon, I mean. I think it's because I feel so dang embarrassed! But he quickly let go, and it kind of left a pit in my stomach. It's still kind of bothering me now, really.
I wish I could will this feeling away! I don't think I've felt this flustered this long in all my life. Maybe if I could just pretend it didn't happen...?
Anyway, today is Saturday, and the boys should be coming back from their run any time now. I can't wait to see them come back!"
A little smile suffused her features, and a small blush occupied her cheeks before her eyes widened in shock.
"Oh no! I was thinking about getting to see Daryl Dixon! I don't know why that happened—I'm excited to see Zach, really. I mean, I think so..."
She sighed and chewed on the end of her writing instrument.
"I guess I really haven't had the chance to entertain the idea, but Daryl is pretty handsome underneath all that dirt. I mean, there's no way it could happen; he's way older than me. He'd hardly consider being with someone like me."
Her gaze shot into the distance a little as she felt someone's stare. Even though it seemed like he was trying to make them audible, his footsteps were barely heard.
"Hey, Daryl," she said, trying to sound as casual as her voice would let her.
Honestly, she felt like she had been caught red-handed, but she hoped he wouldn't notice. He seemed to be mulling over something else, though, and her heart caught for a moment.
"Is it Zach?" she asked bluntly.
His eyes barely met hers when he mumbled, "Yeah."
"Is he dead?" she continued, sounding almost as though she had no concern in the issue.
Not wanting to skirt the issue but still not wanting to tell her, he looked away and back before giving a little nod. After hopping up and putting the counter back down to zero for number of days without incident, she lay back down and jotted in her diary again.
"Looks like Zach didn't make it. That's the second boyfriend I've lost to these things. Maybe I'm just not supposed to be with anyone at all."
She glanced back up to see Daryl still standing there, eying her carefully.
"What, Daryl? I'm not going to bust out in tears; I don't cry any more," she stated firmly.
She didn't really feel sorry for Zach. For starters, he didn't have to deal with what was left of the world any longer; he didn't have to feel the worry and pain any more that every single survivor left was forced to face. Honestly, she envied him a little.
The look on Daryl's face caught her off guard, however. She couldn't quite read his emotions still, but he seemed kind of lonely.
"Are you okay?" she asked more tenderly now.
Shrugging, he turned his head to her a little, leaning against the door.
"Just tired of losin' people... That's all," he answered openly.
Maybe he really was lonely. With that thought, she lay aside her diary and walked up to him. As though asking permission, she glanced at him before giving him a soft hug. She hoped that the compassion she felt would leach into her hug and embrace his heart; those eyes he showed her hurt her more than knowing that Zach was dead. She felt him softly hold her at her elbows as though slowly giving in to her touch. Glancing up to see if it had any effect on him, she grimaced a little and pulled her sleeve up further on her shoulder; it almost looked like he was lonelier now than when she first embraced him.
Before she could walk back over to her bed, he reached out and gently took her arm just above the elbow.
A few moments' pause came before he muttered, "Ya sure you're all right?"
Turning her face a little so her gaze could meet his, she nodded slowly. "Are you, though?" she asked hesitantly.
He glanced between her eyes and, for a moment, she felt her heart leap in her chest. Maybe it was the way his half-closed eyes were staring at her or the way he was still holding onto her arm or the fact that they were standing so close, but she thought for a second that he wanted to kiss her. Letting go, he nodded and then shook his head a little before he walked away just as silently as he came in.
Flopping down onto her bed once she was sure he was out of earshot, she stared dazedly at the empty doorway. What just happened?