Note: Yea, yea, Gintama doesn't belong to me.

Deja vu

"ORIYOU-CHAAAAAAN! I HAVE RETURNED TO SEE YOUUUU!"

"You…I told you…TO NEVER COME BACK HERE!" roared Oriyou as she threw a fist up into Sakamoto's face, something that her fellow employee Otae-san had taught her.

The punch sent Sakamoto flying straight across the foyer of the hostess bar. He lay unmoving for a few moments. Have I over done it? Oriyou thought. She immediately pushed the thought out and scowled as Sakamoto sat straight up, throwing his head back and laughing in the process.

"Hahahahaha! Ori-chan, you haven't changed a bit since I left! You'd think I'd give up after a while, but I, Sakamoto Tatsuma, am not one to quit!" exclaimed Sakamoto, with the unwavering smile that never left his face. He hopped to his feet and leapt towards Oriyou with his arms outstretched.

Luckily, he wasn't able to lay a hand on her.

"Ah, Oriyou-chan, is this fellow back to bother you? Is he causing you trouble again? Hm?"

Pulling him by the ear, Otae dragged a yelping, and laughing, Sakamoto towards the door. "Shall I throw him out? Shall I?" she added with a smile and vein popping on her forehead.

"No, no!" Oriyou quickly exclaimed. She knew that Otae was at her limit with injuries this month. One more crippled man leaving the bar on a stretcher would have her fired, as the boss put it.

"I'll just tend to him myself, Otae-chan! It'll be fine. You should take care of that Gorilla-san, right? Get rid of him once and for all, like you said." Oriyou added, letting out a nervous laugh.

"That's right, Oriyou-chan! An excellent idea!" Otae replied, pushing up her sleeves. Her pulsing vein popped even more as a distinct "OTAE-SAAAAAAAN!" rang through the air.

After carefully tying his hands and legs together so that he couldn't make any 'moves', Oriyou brought out Dom Perignon and poured it into a glass for Sakamoto-san. After all, he was a customer, and she needed the money.

"Hahahaha! How did you know Dom Perignon was my favourite? Hahahaha, I knew we were meant to be, Ori-chan! Even after months in space, you still remember!" Sakamoto cried, tears of emotion springing into his eyes.

That stupid bastard, doesn't he realize it's because Dom Perignon is the priciest drink we sell here? It's impossible to understand what a lovesick man is thinking. Oriyou thought, shaking her head.

"It's like God made us for each other! It must be a sign that God wants you to go out with me, hahaha! And you can't ignore a sign from God, can you? This must be the best day of my life!" Sakamoto continued, "We'll spend the rest our lives together! Hahaha, this is great!"

As he droned on and on about their nonexistent love, laughing in between, Oriyou's aura grew visibly darker and darker.

"...and we'll have tons of children, won't we, Ori-chan? We could name them Sakayou, or Orimoto! Hahaha! They could have your silky golden-brown hair! And you beautiful face! Wouldn't it be wonderful, Ori-chan? Wouldn't it?"

Oriyou lifted her darkened face. Her eyes were narrowed and her knuckles were bone-white from gripping the Dom Perignon bottle. The crazed look in her eyes contradicted her broad smile.

"No, Sakamoto-san, it would not be wonderful. It most definitely would not."

She lifted the transparent green bottle with a trembling hand, and said,

"Let the Heavens' wrath descend to eliminate the monsters…"

A look of shock, then horror, crossed Sakamoto's face.

"Ah, Ori-chan? What are you doing? Hahaha, is this some kind of lover's ritual? Hahahahaha, you are so sweet, Ori-chan! Hahaha. Ah? Ori-chan? Ori-chan?"

Oriyou slammed the bottle down onto Sakamoto's head, breaking the bottle on impact. Sakamoto's face became somewhat distorted and squished before falling unconscious altogether.

And for the second time that night, Oriyou thought, Have I over done it?

A/N: If you were attentive :3, you'd notice that Sakamoto does indeed have stalkerish tendencies towards Oriyou, who is the girl with the cropped blondish-brownish hair who works with Otae-san at the hostess bar…which means the Gintama Stalker-Count is three! Not two! Pahahahaha :D