Remus sat down next to James at the final tutor meeting before their Math Miserables show up. There were about twenty tutors, all talking amongst themselves, anticipating the arrival of their new tutees – whom they had rightfully deemed Math Miserables, since they all had one thing in common: they were all horrible at math, and they were all miserable while they were here.
Remus worked at a two-week summer camp for high school students who needed extra help in math. They ran four sessions a summer, tutoring one student for two full weeks, getting a week off, then returning for another two weeks to work with a new one. While their Miserables were here, they ate, slept, studied and spent all of their free time with them. It was exhausting work that took up a large chunk of the summer, but the pay was good and Remus was entering his second year of university in the fall. He needed the money.
"How do you think your Miserable will be this time around?" Remus asked James, thinking back to the last student he'd had to tutor. His name had been Arthur… something. He felt bad for not remembering, since the kid had been nice enough and it had only been a week ago that the kid had left, but two weeks solely in one person's company can really affect your opinions of them.
James shrugged. "Can't be any worse than that fucking toerag I had last session. I won't forget that snivelly brat for the rest of my goddamn life." Remus joined him in a grimace as he thought back to Severus Snape, the arrogant, better-than-everyone know-it-all who thought he didn't need to be here. Obviously, someone thought differently, and his dismal progress only furthered the truth in that.
"At least he's gone now," Remus said, trying to wipe the thought of Snape from his mind. It was making his mouth taste bad. "And I'm certain he won't be coming back."
James nodded, sending up a silent praise to God for that.
Their director entered the room and the tutors all fell into silence.
"Hello again, tutors!" Albus Dumbledore said jovially, looking around the staff room. "Today begins our final session of the summer!" Everyone sent up a quiet cheer, and Dumbledore laughed. "Nice to see you're all full of anticipation!"
Having sat through three of these meetings already this summer, Remus tuned the director out. He knew his duties and he knew the rules. He knew the kids they tutored were underage and off limits. He knew they were off limits to each other as well, since this is a coed overnight camp housing hormonal teenagers. He knew the tutors were largely responsible for their Miserables, and he knew that any discomfort, distress or misbehavior, whether yours, your Miserable's or someone else's, should be immediately reported to Dumbledore himself.
Instead of listening to their charismatic director, Remus spent the hour thinking about the novel he had almost finished on his week off while trying to avoid Fabian Prewett's gaze. Fabian was the only tutor, aside from Remus himself and their director, who was openly gay. Considering Dumbledore was well out of his age range, Fabian assumed that it was his duty to make Remus want him or some rubbish like that. In all honesty, Remus thought Fabian was a nice enough bloke, but he really wasn't interested in dating him, and he really, really wished he would lay off with the knowing looks and seductive smiles. They weren't working and they never would. He wasn't sure how Fabians 'moves' worked on anyone, but if you believed him, they'd certainly worked on a lot of people. Remus had no desire to be added to that list.
Finally, Dumbledore passed around their individualized planner schedules with all of the information they would need to know about their Miserable. Remus took his and stood up, shooting an eye roll in Fabian's direction before stepping out of the staff room with James. They headed outside and across the green to the cabin they would be sharing with each other and their Miserables.
The cabins were actually quite nice. They had no bug infestations and they had electricity and computers and running water. Remus really couldn't complain. Each cabin had two dorm-like bedrooms, one for each tutor-tutee pair, a communal bathroom with stalls for showering, and an entry room. Remus was glad he would never have to share this space with Severus Snape again, and hoped desperately for a better Miserable this session, for both himself and James.
Remus went into his room and made sure the place was sufficiently tidy. He wanted his Miserable to know immediately that Remus kept his space neat, and he expected the same from whomever he would be tutoring for the next two weeks. He sat on the edge of the bottom bunk, the one he would be sleeping in, and took a look at his schedule. At the top of the sheet was the name of his Miserable. Sirius Black. Odd name, Remus thought briefly before scanning the rest of the sheet. He had just finished up his final year of high school and had been put on the waitlist for Cambridge partly because of his dismal Calculus grades.
Cambridge waitlist, huh? So this Sirius Black was one of the rich kids whose parents poured a buttload of money into their educations. Okay, Remus could deal with that. And he could certainly help the kid out in Calculus. Remus had just aced a course in that himself.
"James," he called towards the other room, as he walked back out into the entry room, the schedule left on bed. "We should get out on the green. The Miserables should be showing up soon."
The Miserables came to the camp on a communal bus, each allowed only one bag of personal items. Remus always felt a mean spark of amusement at the first sight of the Miserables as they towed their bags off the bus and into the dirt. A lot of the kids who came to this camp came from wealthier families. It was nice to see them knocked down a peg. There were no butlers, no waiters, no luxuries for them here. Remus thought that might teach them a lesson just as important as any math skills they pick up here.
James came out of his room with a disgruntled look on his face. "Have I told you how much I hate working here?" he said.
Remus laughed because, yes, James had told him many times. "Your Miserable not looking too good already?"
James puffed out a long breath. "Well, apparently he's shite at every form of math known to man," he said, and Remus didn't think he was being sarcastic if the look on his face meant anything. "I've got my work cut out for me, that's for sure. Let's go already."
They got out to the green and lined up with the other tutors, James sliding next to Lily Evans, the brilliant redhead he'd been trying to chat up all summer. Remus followed him with a roll of his eyes and an apologetic glance at Lily. Remus understood her exasperation with James; it was the same way he felt about Fabian's advances. But James wouldn't listen, convinced as he was that Lily was only pretending to despise him. Remus had given up trying to get him to leave her alone a long time ago.
The bus pulled up into the dirt parking lot at the far edge of the green near the building with the staffroom not long after James and Remus entered the queue. Dumbledore rushed to meet the teenagers as they filed off the bus. Remus watched with amusement, cataloguing their scowls and struggles in terms of rich and really rich.
Dumbledore paraded them out in front of the tutors, lining them up with their bags by their sides. He set off on his customary welcome speech, giving a rundown of their objectives, how they operate and what rules they will be expected to follow. He then asked the teenagers to introduce themselves, at which time their tutor would raise a hand to claim them for the next two weeks.
James' Miserable was a large boy named Peter who stumbled on his words as he attempted to introduce himself. Remus was proud of James for refraining from rolling his eyes. Instead he sighed, raised his hand to let the boy know who his tutor was and whispered under his breath, "At least we know he's not an arrogant toerag," before leading Peter away to their cabin.
There were only a few tutors and Miserables left to be paired, and considering Remus was the only male tutor left, he knew exactly which Miserable was his. The boy was tall, perhaps as tall as Remus, with black hair grown down past his shoulders. He stood straight like he'd been coached on how to best present himself his entire life. But the kicker, the thing that got Remus' attention was his cheekbones. Good God, they were perfect. Plain and simple, he was gorgeous.
And Remus wasn't quite sure what to do with that. Miserables were off limits. It was in the rules. That Remus knew like the back of his hand. So, why did he already feel like jumping this kid's bones?
He raised his hand dutifully when Sirius Black's name was called and made sure to walk at least three paces ahead of him as he led him off the green and towards their cabin. At least in there, he had James and James' Miserable as a buffer against whatever ridiculous urges were surfacing in him right now.
When they entered the cabin, Remus led Sirius into their room, turning to face him for the first time since the green. God, he was even more attractive up close.
"You can put your things anywhere in here," Remus said, looking down at Sirius' trunk (his very nice trunk, by the way. Definitely a really rich) rather than his face. "This is our room, and this is your bed," he continued, pointing up at the top bunk.
"And who are you?" the boy interrupted, leaving his trunk by the door and sitting on Remus' bed.
Remus froze. He'd been in such a hurry to get a decent distance from the boy that he had forgotten to introduce himself. He laughed nervously. "Sorry about that." He held out his hand, trying to at least seem normal. "I'm Remus Lupin."
The boy took his hand. "Sirius Black."
Remus nodded because obviously, he knew that. And now they were touching. And the boy was sitting on his bed. And he really couldn't handle this. What he needed was to get a fucking grip. He dropped Sirius' hand and picked up the schedule Sirius had almost sat on.
"This is our schedule for the next two weeks," he said, handing it to Sirius. "It says here you're having trouble with calculus."
Sirius raised and lowered a shoulder noncommittally, causing Remus to raise an eyebrow in response. Satisfied with the schedule, Sirius looked up at Remus, noticing the puzzlement on his face.
"I'm not really having any trouble with Calculus," he said with another shrug. "I just failed the class to piss off my mum. And it obviously worked because she sent me here. Like this is a punishment compared to the hellhole I call a home," Sirius finished with a laugh.
Remus continued to stare. He had no fucking idea what he was supposed to say to that. Or what he was supposed to do with a Miserable who wasn't miserable. At math or at camp. This was… going to be an interesting two weeks.
After the silence reached the approximate length of awkward, Remus cleared his throat. "Well then," he said. "Come, ah, come meet James and his Mis – tutee."
Sirius nodded and followed Remus out of their room. James and Peter were in the entry room sitting on two separate couches awkwardly. When Remus entered, James jumped up from his couch like he'd been waiting for him. "Hi, Remus, meet Peter," he said in a rush, pushing Remus in Peter's direction.
The other boy stood from his seat and shook Remus' hand with a somewhat garbled greeting. "Hi, Peter," Remus said kindly, wishing he'd gotten the awkward Miserable instead of the gorgeous one.
He released Peter's hand and stepped back closer to Sirius. "James, Peter, this is Sirius."
Sirius dutifully stuck out a hand to shake with James, then Peter. His gaze rested on James, his eyes squinting in thought. "Do I know you?" he asked.
James sounded surprised. "I… I don't think so. Maybe our parents?"
James was one of those really rich kids Remus liked to see struggle at summer camp, but he wasn't uppity or snobby or anything like that. Remus liked him a lot, actually. But it was definitely possible that James' parents and Sirius' parents, who were very clearly very rich, had bumped into one another at some fancy function or other.
"What's your surname?" Sirius asked, still scrutinizing James' bespectacled face.
"Potter," James replied. "Yours?"
Sirius nodded in comprehension. "Black," he replied. "I have met you before. A few years ago at a charity dinner. Our parents sat at the same table. I shook the champagne bottle your dad opened."
"My God! I forgot all about that! Well done, mate!" James threw his head back in laughter. He did love practical jokes, Remus knew only too well. Sirius inclined his head in thanks, a small laugh rumbling out of his chest.
Remus and Peter glanced at each other and at Sirius and James. They had hit it off easily, making things pretty awkward for everyone else, considering Sirius was Remus' Miserable, not James'.
Remus cleared his throat, cutting off James' laughter. "I think it's time for lunch."
James nodded, leading Sirius out of the cabin, leaving Remus and Peter to trail behind.
Director Dumbledore always hosted a special lunch for the Miserables' on their first day, leaving the tutors to eat together on their own. Remus was very much looking forward to that. He really needed to talk to James. Just James. When Sirius and Peter were given trays of food and ushered away, Remus made a beeline for the empty table James was sat at before he could decide to chase down Lily again.
"I need to talk to you," he said, setting his tray down forcefully before plunking into his seat.
James looked at him quizzically. "What's up, mate?"
"I can't tutor Sirius," Remus said in a quiet rush.
James laughed until he saw the pained expression on Remus' face. "What's wrong with Sirius? He's a great kid, from what I remember of him."
Remus nodded, waving his hand dismissively. "Yes, that's great, I'm happy you think so. But I still can't tutor him." He looked at James hard, willing him to understand. For such an intelligent bloke, James could be really thick sometimes. So Remus continued. "For starters, he's got no reason to be here. He says he knows Calculus and he only failed that class to make his mum mad."
James nodded again. "I remember her, too," he said, taking a massive bite out of an apple, and continuing to speak, spraying Remus with sugary apple bits. "She's a right fucking bitch, Remus. Horrible, horrible woman. Makes you feel bad for the kid." And he did look like he felt bad for the kid. And maybe Remus felt bad for the kid too, but that was completely off topic.
"Shouldn't you be happy he knows his shit?" James pressed on, looking at Remus curiously. "Makes your job a hell of a lot easier."
Remus rolled his eyes. "That is not what I'm getting at here." He gave James a meaningful look before dropping his gaze down to his own trousers.
"Oh," James said in surprise, his lips curling into a wicked grin. "Oh. You like him, don't you? Or your cock does at least."
Remus brought his hands up to cover his eyes. "This is a fucking mess," he declared.
"Sure is," James replied helpfully. "Off limits, remember?"
"Yes, I remember," Remus snapped at James' taunting tone. "Now what am I going to do about it?"
"Control your animal urges?" James suggested in a light, teasing voice.
Remus dropped his hands to glare across the table. "Thank you for your help and understanding, James. It's been so useful."
James laughed, raising his hands in surrender. "Alright, alright, Sensitive Sally, but what can you do? He's your Miserable. And he's gonna be your Miserable for the next two weeks. Nothing to be done, mate."
"You don't think Dumbledore will let me switch, do you?"
"Not a chance."
Remus dropped his head to the table with a groan. It looks like he's going to be the miserable one for the next two weeks, not Sirius.
The first week passed largely uneventfully. Except for the fact that Remus had to spend every second with Sirius, and every second he spent with Sirius made him feel like an awkward fifteen year old with a crush. He felt like everything he said was stupid, everything he did was strange, and Sirius must think he was a goddamn idiot.
They didn't have much to do, since Sirius really did know Calculus, so actual tutoring was a waste of time. They went to all of their scheduled functions and pretended to work on math-related things, while Sirius actually played with the mobile phone he's not supposed to have and Remus tried not to stare at him. Those goddamn cheek bones.
They spent nearly all of their free time in James and Peter's room partly because Remus didn't trust himself alone with Sirius for very long unless they were both sleeping, and partly because Sirius and James got along so well. They would laze around on James' bed talking about everything and anything while Remus took over tutoring Peter. Remus didn't mind. He actually saw it as a bit of a win-win. It almost felt like he really did switch Miserables. Just like he wanted.
Until it's time for lights out, that is. At that time, he had no choice but to get into bed with Sirius right directly above him. He couldn't help but think about the boy up there and it make his cock ache. Which made him feel like a fucking pervert, but apparently internal shame was not enough to make his libido slow down.
At the start of the second week, Remus found himself trying to rationalize a relationship between himself and Sirius. The boy hadn't shown any interest in anyone other than James, even though every female in the camp had shown an interest in him and his gorgeous cheekbones. So, maybe he's not interested in girls, Remus thinks hopefully. But honestly, it feels like a long shot, even in his own mind.
He found out (by listening to James and Sirius talk while Remus tried to explain the basics of algebra to Peter) that Sirius turned eighteen recently. So, he's also legal, Remus thinks to himself with a hidden smile. And again, Remus felt like a bloody pervert for getting excited about the fact that the boy is old enough to legally have sex with. What was happening to him? Sirius was turning his mind to mush.
"Remus, you got a sec?" James asked, peeking his head into Remus' room. Their Miserables were at a mid-camp progress meeting with Dumbledore, leaving the tutors free for a few hours.
"Sure," Remus replied, tucking a bookmark into his novel.
James came in the room, sitting in the empty chair at the desk across from the bunk bed. "So, I was talking to Sirius yesterday," James began mysteriously. When Remus doesn't respond, he clarifies. "About you."
Remus raised an eyebrow. "What about me?"
James picked at his nails, avoiding eye contact with Remus. "I may have told him you're into blokes."
Remus could feel the blood pumping in his ears as his heart picked up. "What?"
James finally looked at him, holding his hands up in surrender. "It's not like it's a secret, mate," he said defensively. "I guess the kid's been talking to Fabian, and he wanted to know if it was true."
Fucking Fabian, Remus thinks as he closes his eyes. He took a deep breath before opening them again. "Was he angry?"
"No, not at all," James replied. "That's, ah, that's what I actually wanted to talk to you about. He was, well," James paused, running his fingers through his mess of hair. "He was pretty happy about it actually."
Remus perked up considerably at that. "What do you mean? Happy how?"
James laughed at Remus' sudden enthusiasm. "Slow down, boy," he said, still chuckling. "Now, I don't really know how it all works with you shirt-lifters and whatnot, but –" A pause for dramatic affect "– he sounded interested, if you ask me."
"James, that's not funny," Remus deadpanned, debating lobbing his book at James' stupid face.
"I'm not joking, mate."
"Then you obviously misinterpreted," Remus said, steadfastly denying. Sure, there was that small sliver of hope that Sirius was interested in blokes, but being interested in blokes and being interested in Remus are two completely different things. He's not even sure if they're related, that's how different they are.
"Dunno," James said with a shrug. "Don't think so, though."
"James," Remus said firmly, swinging his legs off the edge of the bed to stand in front of him. "Have you seen him? He is bloody gorgeous. And likeable and – and cool. He's not – he couldn't possibly be interested in me."
James stood from his seat as well, clapping Remus on the shoulder. "Come on now, mate. Don't be so hard on yourself. You're all those things, too." Remus gave him a pointed, skeptical glare. "Maybe not at the same level as Sirius," James clarified, "but still."
Remus shook his head solemnly. "No, nope. It's just – it's not possible. Thanks, James. I appreciate the heads up and everything, but you're wrong."
"We'll see," James chimed as he exited the room.
Remus sank back down to the bed, his head in his hands. He didn't know what to do with that information. And he had no time to figure it out either, because Peter and Sirius arrived back in their cabin just a few minutes later. Needless to say, Remus didn't sleep well that night.
Another few days passed, and Remus had been nothing but a great gangly ball of awkward and uncomfortable. Instead of making him feel better, James had only made him feel worse. He felt like even more of a perv as he started paying even closer attention to Sirius, wanting to see whatever James thought he saw that made him think Sirius was interested.
Remus did find Sirius staring at him a lot more often than he expected to, and that only served to increase his feelings of discomfort. He didn't know if he should act on what James told him or not, and he was quickly running out of time. He was afraid he would regret it if he never said anything to Sirius about what James told him. Because Sirius never brought it up to him, and that only worried Remus more.
Thank God he didn't actually have to tutor this kid because there was no way he would have been able to do it. And that, Remus believed, was the only comfort he had in this whole ordeal.
Thursday comes quickly, and the Miserables are set to leave Friday afternoon after one last group session with Dumbledore that will take up their entire morning. Remus never did act on what James said, and now that he's out of time, he still can't find the guts to broach the subject.
Luckily for him, Sirius does it for him.
When they get back from dinner, Sirius goes into their room, instead of hanging out with James in the entry room, like they normally do. James gives Remus a wicked smile when Remus shoots him a confused glance.
Great, Remus thinks as he takes a deep breath and makes his way to the door Sirius closed behind him. James is in on this, too. That can only end in disaster.
Sirius is lying on Remus' bed when Remus enters the room, closing the door behind him and immediately regretting the loss of safety that comes with it being open. No one can see them, no one can stop Remus from doing something very stupid. Not good, Lupin. Not good.
The boy beckons Remus over with a wave of his palm. Remus sits on the edge of the bed, not daring to be any closer to Sirius until he knows what's going on.
"I know that James talked to you," Sirius says, looking at Remus meaningfully. "He told me he did."
Well, that's lovely. They really did get on much better than Remus could have ever hoped to get along with a Miserable. Remus swallows thickly, nodding his head because he can't deny it, and there's really no point in trying.
Sirius sits up, coming closer to Remus. "I know the rules," he says, placing a tentative hand on Remus' shoulder. "I know this is your job, but…" He trails off, leaving Remus shivering like a leaf, and Remus isn't sure if it's because of the hand on his shoulder or the words coming out of Sirius' mouth. "I really like you," Sirius finishes quietly, and his voice sounds like it's coming from somewhere very near Remus' ear.
His heart speeds up because Sirius must be right behind him, just waiting for Remus to turn his head. Remus wants to resist the temptation because Sirius is right: this is his job, and there are rules that he's not supposed to break. But God, he wants to, and he really doesn't know if he can avoid it with Sirius so close, offering Remus what Remus has thought about – dreamt about – since this whole bloody session started nearly two weeks earlier.
"James won't say anything, if that's what you're worried about," Sirius continues. "I won't either. Promise."
Remus closes his eyes, breathing deeply, trying to get his heart back under control. He can feel his restraint slipping, and suddenly, he wants it to because this is a dream and he wants to take it wholly and greedily.
He turns his head, eyes still closed, and nods once.
That is all Sirius needs. His arms come out to wrap around Remus' waist, tugging him back on the bed and lying him down against the pillow. Sirius finally faces him, hovering over him as he places his knees on either side of Remus' thighs, their bodies only just touching.
Remus is struck once more by how gorgeous he is, especially now, with his hair mussed and his eyes bright with lust. Remus feels another shiver slide down his spine, and he embraces it, lets it give him the confidence he needs to reach up and tug Sirius' lips down to his.
As they connect at the lips, their hips jut against each other forcefully, and Remus groans into Sirius' mouth, Sirius lapping it up eagerly.
Sirius' hands tangle into Remus' hair as Remus' hands settle on Sirius' hips, drawing him in closer, pressing himself against him so he can't ignore how much Remus wants this.
Remus quickly gets swept away in the kiss, as Sirius deepens it, swiping into his mouth and sucking his lips between his teeth. Remus scrabbles at Sirius' shirt, pulling it over his head in one sweeping motion that finally breaks their kiss. Remus is stunned by the flesh before him. Sirius drops his lips to Remus' neck, ripping a moan from Remus' throat as Remus admires Sirius' lovely, lovely chest and lovely, lovely shoulders with his eyes and hands.
Remus allows Sirius to tug his shirt off as well, and when Sirius looks at him meaningfully, a hand on the button of his jeans, Remus nods again. He gives Sirius whatever he wants because Remus wants it too, and when he thinks maybe things are going too far, he ignores it because this is okay. It might be against the rules of some stupid summer camp he works at for eight weeks of the year, but it's not wrong. And it definitely doesn't feel that way when Sirius pushes into him with his fingers and then his cock, whispering promises about a relationship and future contact and any other manner of things that Remus doesn't care about right now. All of his attention is focused on here and now and thisthisthis.
When they've finished and Sirius is sleeping tucked up in his arms, Remus feels nothing but satisfied bliss. He feels like he could do this forever and it would never get boring. It would never be less than amazing.
And when morning comes, and Sirius reluctantly crawls out of his grasp and into the showers, that feeling hasn't faded. Even when they're packing their things because they're leaving this camp and going back to their separate homes and separate lives, Remus doesn't mind because he has Sirius' phone number and address scribbled into the pages of his book, and those promises of a future Sirius has spoken the night before feel like more than promises. They feel like reality.
As Sirius grasps the door handle, with his trunk beside him, he beckons Remus forward, and Remus obeys. They kiss until their breath is gone and their fingers are tangled in each other's hair. They kiss until James is shouting at them that Sirius is going to miss the bus. Only then, on the edge of too late, they break apart with matching smiles. Sirius exits the cabin, and Remus watches him go from the doorway. He watches him get smaller and smaller until he is a blur boarding a bus. Then he turns and retrieves his own things, clutching his book to his chest like a lifejacket as he heads to the parking lot and his car. He puts the key in the ignition and sighs contentedly.
Camp may be over and summer may be winding down, but it doesn't feel like the end of anything to Remus. Instead, it feels like a glorious beginning.