Title : Makoto
Author : Dùlin
Pairing : Hijikata Toshizou/Okita Souji
Fandom : Peace Maker Kurogane
Rating : PG-13
Warnings : Post-Ikedaya (around episode 23 in the anime), SPOILERS, angst to the bucketload, blood.
Disclaimer : Peace Maker Kurogane belongs to Kurono Nanae and TV Asahi. Toshi and Souji belong to themselves, and they're probably spinning in their graves, poor honeys. All this to say, I don't make money, but I'm drooling. Quite a lot. I might actually need that bucket.
A/N : As I mentioned to several people, I'm more of a Shinsengumi fan than a Peace Maker Kurogane fan per se, but this bunny came to me after I finished watching the anime and while the characters will be colored by my other perceptions, there's a clear enough PMK tint to it to say it's in that fandom. Just to warn you, though, it's probably not going to make a lot of sense if you don't know what the Ikedaya Massacre is.
On another note, "makoto" was the Shinsengumi's official motto and appeared on their banners. It roughly translates to "fidelity, faith, loyalty, sincerity".
O.O.O.O
Souji held onto his sword as the Shinsengumi marched back to their base through the streets of Kyoto, bloodied and battered and watched with a mixture of fear and awe by the passer-bys. His grip on it tightened as he tried to keep up with Kondou-san and Hijikata-san without revealing just how out of breath he was. His knuckles were hurting by the time Matsudaira-sama's envoy left the base after conveying his master's praise and thanks.
It escaped his grasp as he closed the door to his room and his legs gave way under him, his body shaken by a new coughing fit.
He could only stare at it as he struggled to breathe, tasting blood in his mouth again and choking on it. The blade had been broken off at the tip at one point during the fight. There was no way to repair it, and Souji could probably use the monetary reward he would receive from Matsudaira-sama to get himself a new, better one, but still ... You didn't leave a bloodied blade in the scabbard. It damaged the steel.
He inched closer to the sword, his mind set on the familiar task of cleaning and polishing it before he allowed himself any rest, but he didn't reach it in time. Seemingly out of nowhere, someone all but snatched the sword away from his hand.
He hadn't even heard the door open.
"Hiji ... kata-san ?"
"Just what the hell do you think you're doing ?"
Souji managed to sit down, but doubled over in pain as his cough started to act up again.
"I have ... to clean it," he wheezed, "or else ..."
"Later."
"But ..."
"I said later, Souji !"
Hijikata flung the sword away to the other side of the room, out of Souji's reach. He completely ignored Souji's weak protest as he walked to the door and called out.
"I need some hot water and clean clothes over here ! Move it !"
He didn't wait for an answer before he firmly closed the door again, knelt down next to Souji, and set to removing the stained vest and unbuckling the crushed piece of chest armor. The younger man gave him a surprised look but docilely gave in to his whim.
"You didn't ... even get changed, Hijikata-san," he said, attempting to suppress another fit of coughing.
"I am not hurt," Hijikata said through gritted teeth.
"Bloodstains don't get off easily if you don't wash them quickly," Souji insisted, obediently holding out his hands for Hijikata to untie his wrist guards before the vice-commander even thought to ask.
"And whose fault is it they're here in the first place, huh ?"
Hijikata just knew what Souji was going to do next. He was going to shrug, smile that helplessly innocent smile of his, and drop the subject in that way that made Hijikata want to just bash his head into the wall, hard, in the vain hope it might help beat some sense into him. And he just wasn't in the mood for it tonight. Not when he was fumbling with the clasps of Souji's uniform because he was trying to prevent his fingers from shaking so damn much.
The soft knock on the door interrupted him before he said something he might have regretted later.
"Who's there ?" he barked.
"The water is ready, sir. I'll leave it here and be back with some hot tea in a moment."
It shocked Hijikata into sudden stillness to realize he had expected to hear Ayumu's voice. She'd been the one to take care of everyday ailments as well as more serious injuries before ... Ayumu was dead, he knew that. On a mission he'd assigned her to, no less.
Susumu was probably one of the most reliable spies in his network, but he was the last person Hijikata expected to fill in for his sister, especially in such mundane duties as taking care of someone else's injuries.
"Hijikata-san ?"
Souji was looking at him with a puzzled look on his face, and Hijikata realized he had no idea of just how long he'd been staring at the door. He covered his sudden embarrassment with a shrug and a frown.
"Where's Ichimura when you need him ?" he grumbled, getting up to open the door.
"He was hurt. I think his ear might need some stitches," Souji said matter-of-factly.
"Hn. Whatever. Let's get you cleaned up."
Susumu had left two basins filled to the brim with steaming hot water, a small bowl, clean towels, and a fresh kimono that had obviously been taken from the winter reserve and was warmer than the flimsy one Souji usually wore in this season. Hijikata carried everything inside and secured the door closed.
"Let's start with your hair," he said.
It took some time to wash all of the caked blood away, but Souji didn't complain once, kneeling in front of one of the basins and turning his head this way and that under Hijikata's hands. Hijikata used the bowl and some of the water from the second basin to rinse the last of the grime out of Souji's hair. Souji's shoulders were shaking from the exertion by the time Hijikata helped him sit up again and wrapped a towel around his head.
"There's a comb in the drawer over there," Souji whispered as he did.
"I know. Take off the rest."
For a moment it looked like Souji would balk. He crossed his arms around his chest a bit defensively and looked away. Hijikata's only answer was to sit down next to the younger man once more and gently remove his socks. Souji remained unnaturally still and tense, stubbornly avoiding Hijikata's gaze as Hijikata untied his hakama and pushed it out of the way. Then Hijikata started on the sash closing Souji's kimono, with slow and precise movements, and all of a sudden Souji sighed and moved his arms out of the way, allowing his last garment to be removed without so much as a fuss.
The bruise was a blueish purple color and took up at least half of his ribcage, and there were small grazes where the broken armor had cut through the skin, but it seemed that Souji had been truthful and that most of the blood wasn't his. He stilled hissed in pain when Hijikata's fingertips brushed against the edge of the bruise.
"Souji ..."
"It looks worse than it is," Souji said, but his voice was saying that it was, indeed, as bad as it looked.
Hijikata went to sit behind Souji and made the younger man lean on him.
"It's gonna hurt a bit, but I have to check nothing's broken."
Souji nodded and bit his bottom lip, closing his eyes and resting his head against Hijikata's shoulder. Hijikata was as cautious as possible, but Souji whimpered once or twice when he prodded a particularly sensitive point.
"We'll have to wrap it, just in case," he eventually said, picking up a clean washcloth and soaking it in hot water.
Souji was shivering both from the cold and from exhaustion by the time Hijikata finished wiping the last of the blood from the corners of his mouth. The vice-commander still took the time to bandage Souji's chest as tightly as he dared before allowing the younger man to slip into the fresh kimono. Souji's hair was almost dry now, and his eyes were drooping.
"Can you sit up by yourself for a minute while I get your futon out ?"
"Hijikata-san, you don't have to ..."
"Just shut up for once, Souji !"
Souji blinked once , unperturbed.
"You need to get some rest as well," he said, completely ignoring the glare aimed at him and the way Hijikata's hands were clenching on his knees. "Matsudaira-sama is going to want to see you and Kondou-san tomorrow, and we still have to make sure everyone is accounted for. With Yamanami-san down for the moment, you're the only one we can count on, Hijikata-san. And ... I can take care of myself," he finished.
"I know that !"
"Do you ?" Souji asked flatly, his eyes guarded.
Hijikata gulped. Souji stared. Hijikata was the first to look away.
"Why do you always have to make things difficult, Souji ?"
There was a moment of tense silence, neither men moving, Souji's still slightly wheezing breath the only sound. And then Hijikata heard a rustle, and there were arms around his shoulders, and the collar of his vest dampened as Souji tucked his head in the crook of his neck and whispered "I'm sorry" so low that Hijikata would have sworn he had imagined it, except he had felt Souji's lips moving against the skin of his neck.
It didn't feel so hard to close his arms around Souji then.
This time, Souji didn't protest when asked if he could sit up on his own for a while. He just tucked his legs neatly under the kimono and watched as Hijikata laid the futon out and chose one of the warmer comforters instead of a light blanket. Hijikata then went to fetch the comb in the drawer and knelt at the head of the bed where he should have put a pillow, unfolding one of the dry towels to cover his knees. He rapped the comb against the tatami when Souji just stared at him quizzically instead of tucking himself into bed.
"Come on. I don't have all night, you said it yourself."
Souji smiled weakly and complied, making himself comfortable and nuzzling Hijikata's thigh as drowsiness began to overcome him. He didn't complain even when Hijikata had to tug a bit hard because of a particularly vicious knot, and tried not to giggle when the vice-commander cursed under his breath every time he encountered one of those.
"Hijikata-san ?"
"What now ?"
"Could you make sure that someone feeds Saizou and the others tomorrow morning ? I'm not sure I'll be up to doing it myself.
"Ichimura can do it," Hijikata snorted. "The piglet's taken a liking to him anyway."
"Now, Hijikata-san, that's just mean," Souji said with a muffled yawn.
"Hey, don't fall asleep on me now. Yamazaki-kun is going to bring your tea, and you need to take your medicine."
"I'm not sick," Souji mumbled sleepily.
Hijikata didn't answer. Souji's hair was completely dry now.