Ficlet. Crossing Jordan. Small Gods. 2K. PG. Woody/Lu, Lu/Jordan. No copyright infringement intended.
Small Gods
the entire time, while she was dying, all you could think about was that you had sent her out there and it was Your Fault
"It takes something special," Woody says to you after what seems like an eternity of silence and tears, lifting his head from your shoulder and staring you straight in the face, his eyes not looking away until you lift your own to meet them. "It takes something, someone special to die like that."
You open your mouth to speak; lick your dry lips with your dry tongue and get as far as "Woody, I-" before he lifts a hand into the air to stop you.
"I'm not finished," he says. Pauses, then continues. "She loved you a little, I think. She was fascinated with you, Jordan, from the start. And tonight," he pauses again to suck in a shaky breath of air and finally breaks that terrifying eye contact, laying his head onto the back of your office couch.
You don't say anything when it doesn't look like he's going to continue; you can't think of anything to say. What Woody is saying doesn't make sense. Lu's dying words were about Woody and she's always seemed to hate you except once you came back from D.C. and- and-
It's apparently just fine you don't have any words because he still has plenty of them when he regains composure, interrupting you mid thought pattern.
"It's... she was so scared. Just after she was shot she was so scared. And I know, I know I'm not making sense, I know it's the grief talking, first stage is anger or something like that, but she didn't show she was scared until you arrived. She went out there so sure, she had so much faith in you, and she died the same way. You're like the morgue deity, Jordan Cavanaugh. Everyone's got faith. But what about me? What about the one who doesn't anymore?"
After this he pauses, because this seemingly wasn't what he wanted to say. "It shouldn't have been her; the woman I... loved, the woman who, as crazy as it sounds, probably loved you. It was your fault, Jordan. You're Mulder and you got Scully killed. It shouldn't have been anyone but if it had to have been it shouldn't have been her."
With that he gets up and exits the room, leaving you on your couch with a lot more to think about than a deceased coworker.
End.