A/N: This is a really old fan fiction, dug up from the recesses of my old notebooks. After taking a few days to consider it, I decided it was time to give it a post. Give a thanks to WindChaser0001 for being the appointed beta for this project...without whom, this fiction would have likely not have seen the light of day. Only meant as a little one shot.
I don't own Sailor Moon.
Undertow
She had always thought she was fighting to protect those she cared about. It came as a great pride, to consider that very notion.
A warrior with a blade. That was her calling, even if she knew the sword was not able to draw blood. She walked a very fine line, and she'd been okay with doing that. It wasn't always easy, but, it was a sworn duty. Be it from an omnipotent being, or an order from the winds of fate, Haruka never had any idea. She was happier not to know. Still, she was fond of the very idea that she could break away from the chains that bound her to this world. She envied the birds that took flight, going wherever they damned well pleased.
She had always been such a complexity, it was in her very nature. Between all of the emotions of a woman, and the fixture of what she felt she should be, ripped away at her every day. She was also torn, cut deeply by the warrior that she was and the person that she wished to be. The ends, without a doubt, justified the means. It wasn't any question to her, that the same rules applied to an unrelenting future. They knew the stories and, although they lacked foresight, Haruka never questioned what she felt was right.
After each and every battle, she grew tense...and that was the part she hated the most. They all did, waiting futilely for something that was so fleeting that it might not even come to them, not even in their dreams. This night was a replay of every other horror. Even if their enemy had been reduced to speckled dust, she could not deny she felt bitter at her own imperfections.
She was soaking wet, with hard earned sweat dripping down her brow. It stung her eyes in angry despair as she cursed in utter dismay. "Damn." Her breath was ragged and she could do no more than fall to her knees, feeling as though on pins and needles. It was always the same. Barely there answers gifted by Setsuna, a woman who was cold outwardly. She was unreadable by the best of them. Haruka often wondered just what might go on within those crimson eyes. Still, that wasn't what plagued her unto the cover of nightfall.
Not this time.
Once again, her heart felt awash from all the emotions she refused to let spill from her eyes. Guilt weighed her down. She could do no more than pick up her lover who nestled instantly into her embrace with a soft hum of approval. It was all so taxing. She could see the fluttering of pain across her lover's features. "Michi, I'm sorry." Haruka murmured, angry at herself. "I'm just not strong enough yet."
"It's alright, Haruka." Even raw from pain, her voice was gentle. "Things like this happen." Fingertips that brushed through moist strands of blond hair, made themselves into a soothing remedy.
"They shouldn't." Even while carrying her, she could not look down. It was bad enough that Michiru worried at all for her. Haruka knew that the woman in her arms would not be dissuaded, so she allowed the action all the way home. It was not a long way and they were no strangers to comforting silence, shared breath the only lullaby. Yet, what was a warm breeze to Michiru, was a cold frost to Haruka. When the blond could endure it no longer, she stopped mid-step, looking down at the woman in her arms. "I should be stronger than this."
"We should be many things, but you must admit, we are not." Always cool with her soft retorts, she paid no mind to the flickering rage that continued to dance upon weary features. "In another lifetime, maybe we were...or perhaps we will be later on." For Michiru it was that simple. So easy, that she didn't deny the future what it was. "Haruka, I've told you this several times. Don't be bothered by our transgressions. Hating ourselves for our duty will cause trouble for others."
"Don't we already do that?" Haruka asked self-deprecatingly. "Think of how many people worry about us every chance they get."
Michiru merely shook her head. "Being angry at our fate will only destroy us from the inside out." After a deep sigh, she went on to say, "There's no reason to do that, Haruka, none at all." It was always the same, trying to comfort a woman who could become worse than any storm. "You carry a burden that you do not have to."
"Odd way to put it." Haruka mumbled. "You're wrong about it though." She chanced a glance down, into the swirling pools that only Michiru could offer her. "I do have to carry it, Sailor Uranus is my sin."
With a short laugh, hidden behind her hand, Michiru felt at peace. "You frown so deeply when you think about it." Almost as if she wanted to dismiss the claim entirely, she allowed her smirk to show through. "Is that my Haruka talking to me or is Sailor Uranus being troublesome?"
"We're the same person." Avoidance...that was the easiest way to deal with it. Avoid the problem, and hope it would flutter away. "It doesn't matter who's talking to you at that point, does it?" Like a skittering bug running away before it could be squashed, Haruka tried her best to dart her eyes away from that beseeching woman who insisted on seeing right into her very core.
"Haruka's gentle, and she always means well." Michiru shrugged. "Sailor Uranus can have a pretty bad temper and she causes a lot of damage with her wind attacks."
"What's wrong with that?" Haruka started walking again, eager to get home. The night sky wouldn't cloak them for long.
"There's nothing wrong with clearly showing how you feel." Michiru knew those words weren't going to be a bit of help, but she was ruthless in that way. "At least you are strong enough to do so."
"It's weak." Haruka muttered. "It makes people falter in the worst of times."
"It offers strength as well." Michiru reminded the tall blond. "Don't forget some people gather power because of it."
"We can't all be Usagi." Haruka bit out, her voice quiet.
"No, I suppose not." Michiru agreed in a soft tone. "It's not your job to be Usagi."
"It's my job to protect the people I care about." Harsh, both in the way the answer slipped off her tongue and how her voice wavered, Haruka merely growled her lament. "I can't do that if I can't take down every single enemy I come across. I've got to do it effortlessly. The fact you got hurt tonight only proves that I'm falling behind in both my job as a Senshi, and in my feelings for you."
"If you feel that way, you truly are a lost cause." Michiru told her then, the amusement still shimmering in her eyes. "Even so, that's alright too."
Once again, it was a checkmate in Michiru's favor, and Haruka didn't reply. She merely kept on walking, her eyes facing froward as she tried to keep the scowl off of her face. Once they reached their not so humble abode, Haruka carried Michiru upstairs, beyond the two closed doors, where their fellow Senshi in arms were resting. The master bedroom belonged to them, and when they entered, Haruka placed her lover, who had already lost her transformation, upon the fluffy comforter. "I'll get you something better to wear."
She couldn't move in spite of her fondest wish to do so. Michiru gripped her tightly by the shirt collar and she couldn't back away.
"No, you're not going anywhere." The murmur was soft. "I won't let you get out of this so easily." With resolve that was so familiar, she began to unclasp the buttons on Haruka's shirt. "How many times do we have to go through this?" Her deft fingers made quick work of them. "How can I help you to understand, Haruka?" Even as she pushed the white shirt beyond the blonde's shoulders to kiss the nape of her neck, she didn't let go of the fabric, thinking Haruka might pull away. Instead, Michiru didn't give her the chance. She slipped her hands around to Haruka's back, ridding the woman of her bra while she was at it.
"I don't know." The utterance left them at a face off, and Haruka thought it might be a good idea to push away from the softness of the bed. "That's what I've been trying to figure out, but you know just as well as I do where our loyalties should be." Just like that, she'd shoved space between them.
Michiru was the first to cross the border. "Our princess favors actions of a questionable nature." She let her eyes fall on the door that was left open from across the room. "Hotaru's very breath is proof of that, is it not?"
"It is." Haruka found herself saying. "This is different, Michi."
"Not in a way that would welcome exile." Michiru's lips found Haruka's in a heated kiss, swallowing the soft sigh she drew from the woman above her. "You can let your guard down, it isn't going to hurt you." When she broke away for a moment, Haruka tried to flee, but to no avail. Haruka found herself toppling onto the mattress, and Michiru held her down. "Stop running away from what you can't escape. Learn to brave the current, love." When she finally let her palm cup Haruka's cheek, she leaned in further. "That's really all that anyone can do."