Doodlez: Hey all here I am with the first fic I promised to make up for my lack of updates! If you like angst and Whump then this is the story for you! It's a one-shot and a partner story to my other fic Misundestanding. I know it's been ages but there are more updates to come! So stay tuned. Ugh I oughta stop ranting and give you all what you've been waiting for!
Disclaimer Doodlez1996 does not own Fullmetal Alchemist though she wishes...
Am I too late!?
I can try to feel nothing at all as I see you in the hallway with some other man in your arms. Roy is walking down the corridor in the Central library finding Ed in there hugging Havock close as the other man cries. Smiling comfortingly at the older man before him. Ed rubbing his hands down his back. In a moment of pure shock Roy's eyes fill with tears and his heart breaks and he quickly runs from the room. Roy keeps running until he makes it back to his office and sits in his chair. He looks up at the severely worried Hawkeye. "Colonel, what's wrong?" Hawkeye asks worriedly
"Nothing Hawkeye, I'm just not feeling well at all." Roy says looking up at Hawkeye with tired and pained eyes.
"Colonel, why don't you go home?" Hawkeye asks looking over at Roy a concerned expression on her face. "I'll tell Edward, where you are." Hawkeye says watching the Colonel get up casting her a thankful look.
"Thank you Riza, it means a lot to me." Roy says leaving the room and walking home.
Is all I know a lie? The pain I feel deep inside I've kept hidden from you all the time. Ed why did you have to hurt me like this? I suffered through beatings for you taken numerous wounds for you. Put my entire career in jeopardy bringing you in. I gave you my heart and soul you threw it in the trash! You may not realize it but now you've brought it back up into the world we live in. This morning when I said I love you why did you say not now? Are you keeping something from me?
Are you cheating on me with Havock? My heart hurts.
Back to the pain I felt when I thought you loved me, to know you left me alone in the world with no one to hold. I remember when I stopped two murderers from killing you and Al. When I stepped in when you kept trying to transmute Nina. I remember when you thought I was cheating and you went to runaway and I nearly ended my life. Because I was so upset I ignored the clear pain in my wrist and read your every single line of that poem which broke my heart.
What do you feel now is it anger, remorse, or guilt?
"Hey Lieutenant, I'm going to go home and check on Roy. I know he hasn't been feeling well. I also need to shop for his birthday too. His birthday is today and I want to give him something special. Please Hawkeye!" Ed pleads happily looking like a puppy to her.
"Fine Ed, but you may want to be careful." Hawkeye looks at Ed thinking about Roy's clear expression of hurt, betrayal, and agony. Ed wanders about picking up supplies and gifts for Roy's birthday. He wanders home finding the living room empty and the bedroom empty. He finds a note scrawled in the Colonels clear handwriting. He begins reading and starts sobbing silently.
Tell me this before I go, are you happy?
"Roy, I don't know where you are or what you think you're doing but I am not happy I am worried and concerned about you." Ed says getting panicky. Truly happy in this world you made for yourself.
"No I'm not Roy, I'm scared and worried for you!" Ed starts full out panicking. Looking for his lover anywhere possible. He begins tugging at his shirt collar worriedly.
How does it feel to know you hurt someone you said you truly love?
"Roy, I don't know how I hurt you!" Ed thinks for a moment and then realizes what Roy meant. He said I love you I said not now'. "Roy, I didn't mean to be grouchy this morning!I'm not a morning person I never was! I'm sorry please come out!" Ed cries worriedly.
Does it burn you? Does it sizzle when you look at this paper?
"Roy, of course it burns me! You didn't deserve that anger! I feel like shit for hurting you this badly!" Ed cries continuing his search for his distraught lover.
Did it make you feel better cheating on me like this?
'Cheating? What does he mean?' Oh When I was hugging Havock earlier!' "Roy, I wasn't cheating! Havock's sister died of cancer this morning!" Ed cries continuing his search desperately.
When I said I loved you did you feel anything?
"Of course I did Roy! I love you more than life itself. I'd give my life for you even if you were doing something incredibly stupid!" Ed cries running through the livingroom and up the stairs.
A spark or even simple pity?
"Roy! I felt a swarm of electric shocks course through my body when you say that it feels like millions of butterflies are flying around in my stomach! Like I can fly!" Ed cries tears now cascading down his face as he runs around the second floor.
Did it feel better when you said something so hurtful. To some one who loved you as much as me?
"Roy, I swear I didn't mean it that way I LOVE you please come out!" Ed cries grasping at his chest in agony as he falls to his knees sobbing.
I hope you're happy, because deep down inside you hurt me.
"Roy, I will not be happy until I know you are safe and sound your face against my chest and my hand resting in your black waves!" Ed cries getting up trying once more to find his one and only.
You made me cry more than when I 'lost' my parents.
"I did? Oh I never intended to do this! I just wanted to make your birthday special and I woke up in a grouchy mood because I put off your birthday till the last possible second!" Ed cries in anguish running down the stairs tripping and falling to the bottom.
I hope you're happy Ed very happy without me.
"I'll never be happy without you Roy, I'd rather kill myself than be without you!" Ed cries pushing up hard and getting himself to begin running again.
Because when you read this I'll be gone.
"Roy, I don't know what you mean! Are you leaving? Please don't leave I need you!" Ed cries continuing to run until he gets to the last possible spot.
One last thing how does it feel to know it's your fault the one who truly loved you is dead?
"Roy! Please don't kill yourself because of me!" Ed cries slamming through the locked door of the bathroom where Roy has a knife trained on his heart. Roy brings the knife down his hands trembling knowing he is ready to feel the pain and agony of the knife piercing his heart. Only he doesn't feel looks up finding that Ed had blocked his blow with his side. It was stabbed through the front. Blood shoots from his lovers mouth as he lands on his knees doubling over his human hand holding the knife in place and his automail arm bracing him.
"Ed!" Roy exclaims with worry and regret in his eyes. "Roy, you idiot! Trying to kill yourself! You may as well kill me instead!" Ed cries stubbornly. Roy stands up grabbing a first aid kit some disinfectant and a bottle of antiseptic. He lays Ed back on the top of his thighs and begins to disinfect the wound around the knife.
"Ahhh!" Ed cries out in agony as Roy pulls the knife out putting pressure on his young lovers side. "Roy, you're all you're an idiot for trying to kill yourself." Ed states weakly looking up at Roy wincing.
"Why do you say that Ed?" Roy asks curiously.
"Roy,the same thing happened three months ago when I misunderstood the same thing with you hugging Falman. Remember we discovered that neither of us would ever cheat on each other, because we love each other too much." Ed explains looking at Roy a small smirk on his face as a look of dawning comes onto Roy's face.
"I am so Sorry Ed." Roy's eyes fill with tears as he finishes stitching up the large wound in his lovers side.
"Roy, it's okay love. Just remember I would never cheat on you." Ed sighs wincing at the sharp pain going through his side.
"I'm still sorry Ed, I love you." Roy's tears begin flowing down his cheeks as he wraps Ed's stitches.
"I love you too Roy. Always and forever." Ed sighs wiping the tears from Roy's cheeks. "Happy Birthday love."
Always and forever...
Fin
Doodlez: Wow I really cranked the Angst and Whump meters this time around. Well I hope you all enjoyed it it took me forever to write this. Angsty with a sort of crazy happy ending... Though I did enjoy writing it. If you're curious about new stories check out my profile! Don't forget to review! :) Next on the update list is two chapters of How Things Came To Be! See ya later peeps! ~ Doodlez