Why do I love you?
Severus Snape thinks about his hate and love for Lily Evans; a freeverse poem for Severus/Lily. Warning: adult language and rape
For the Freeverse Promote Challenge - again - but this time for the prompt 'I hate you, why do I love you?' and focusing on Severus Snape
(*)
From the first moment they met
He knew that she was something special
And not just special for having powers where her sister did not
(Isn't magic a wonderful thing?)
Severus knew that this red haired girl with the stunning eyes and frightening temper and love of flying off swings
Was too g/r/e/a/t for this world
(*)
When they're eleven the Hat sorts them in different Houses
- GRYFFINDOR! SLYTHERIN! -
And Lily insists that nothing will change
But Severus knows that her mind will be poisoned by those Lions
And she'll come to hate Snakes like him
(*)
It takes her five years and a /shattering/ second to realise that maybe
Just maybe
Those Lions were right about those Snakes
(*)
Lily hates Severus
Severus loves Lily
That's how they have become and he's given up following her around and begging for forgiveness
(Whatever happened to "Best friends forever, Sev!"?)
And he focuses on Dark Magic and blood purity and the Dark Lord
And Lily focuses on James Potter, James Potter and James Potter
(*)
Severus thought that Lily would one day forgive him
It was a brilliant dream
But a dream, none the less
And if turns into a nightmare when Lily walks down the aisle
Past him
And into the waiting arms of James Potter
Even though he's polyjuiced into a muggle
He will swear until his last breath that the smug grin on Potter's face was directed at him
(*)
He convinces himself he doesn't love her
Why would you want the fiery red headed mudblood
When you could have the calm dark haired Pureblood?
So he fucks and kisses and hugs the Pureblood who loved him
In a way he never would be able to do with Lily
It takes him ten minutes before he apologises to his memory of her
And he pretends the Witch underneath him has red hair and green eyes and is groaning his name with love
(But he knows in the back of his mind that it's Potter's name that comes out that way)
(*)
His fiancee dies by the hands of Mad-Eye Moody
And Severus doesn't care
Because she's not Lily
(*)
The Dark Lord has taken to keeping muggles for amusement in the cellar of Malfoy Manor
And the Death Eater's enjoy having some sort of amusement
Severus is disgusted until he sees a woman with a lean frame and sharp features and those fucking green eyes
The hair is the only thing missing
But he ignores that and tells Avery to give her to him
And he takes the shaking woman into a bedroom deep in the Manir
And charms the hair red
And fucks the muggle until she gives up screaming
She's still crying but Severus tells himself it's with pleasure and eventually finishes with a moan of her name
(*)
They have a son.
Potter has a son.
Lily has a son.
Potter fucked Lily.
Lily fucked Potter.
Lucius finds his friend another muggle
(*)
This war has been happening for years and he sometimes hates the mark on his arm
Almost as much as he hates Lily
He looks in the mirror sometimes and hears the teasing voices of the Marauders from their school days
Murderer
Rapist
/Sick bastard/
Every single thing is true
And Lily was the one who drove him to this
(*)
They name him Harry
Severus bets he has her eyes
(*)
Eighteen months later, he finds himself in front of Dumbledore
Begging for help
Because they are going to die
Sheis going to die
And Dumbledore looks at him with those knowing blue eyes
And every murder and rape and torture runs through his mind and he weeps with regret
Forgive me, Lily
(*)
He doesn't hate her.
How could anyone hate someone as perfect as Lily?
(*)
When she dies, he tries to kill himself
(*)
Multiple times
(*)
It almost worked once
(*)
He didn't try again after he promised to protect her son
(*)
Sometimes, Severus hates Lily for everything she made him do.
Mainly, he hates her for dying
For leaving him
(*)
Severus loves Lily
Always
(*)
I hate you, Lily Evans, so why do I love you?
He'll never have an answer
But he'll never stop