A/N: Just a little something I wrote while I couldn't sleep at 5am this morning, so if it isn't any good, blame my constant lack of sleep over the last few weeks. But I guess it is hard to sleep when you're plagued with nightmares every night. Enjoy, Jarrad
I can't believe I'm doing this, but here goes nothing. I hope this doesn't come across as stalker-ish but I don't have to the courage to just come out and say this to your face.
I have noticed that you have been a little down lately, so I wanted to write a little something to try to help cheer you up.
You're the most wonderful, caring, generous, compassionate and sweet person I have ever had the good fortune to meet, not to mention the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on.
Your toned swimmers body,
Your flawlessly gorgeous tan skin,
Your long voluminous raven coloured locks,
Your cute little dimples when you smile,
Your perfectly plump and rose-coloured lips,
Your dark chocolate eyes,
Your butter couldn't melt sweet angelic voice.
I could go on forever about your sheer beauty, but I don't want to take up much more of your time.
I admire you from not too far away as I'm someone you know well, so please don't think for one second that you're not wanted or worthy. I would give anything to call you mine. Who knows, one day that fantasy may become a reality.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I just want you to know,
I think the world of you.
Your Secret Admirer
To be honest, I thought that you would read my note and throw it in the trash, so I was taken completely by surprise when I saw you blush profusely as you read it and then place the note in the back pocket of your skinny jeans. In that moment I thought I might go into cardiac arrest and die a happy girl. I know what you must be thinking, is there actually a girl in this school who has a crush on you, or is this just someone playing a cruel joke. Rest assured I am the former.
Until recently I was so far in the closet I was basically a citizen of Narnia, so I'm still trying to find my feet when it comes to accepting my sexuality. I thought admitting I had a massive crush on the hottest girl in school ought to do it, but me being me, I decided to take it one step further by writing you that note. Honestly though, dropping that note in your locker was like a weight was lifted from my shoulders, regardless of the outcome.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
When you smile at me,
My heart beats faster for you.
Your Secret Admirer
Seeing your face light up when you see I have left you another note, makes me beam with pride, knowing that I am the cause of that moment of happiness. When you read my notes you seem to have a bit more pep in your step and a hint of a smile on your lips all day.
I find it hard to not just walk up to you and tell you how I feel, but I fear you will reject me, so I remain hidden. If only there was some way of finding out if you were interested in this becoming more than a one-way conversation. I will just have to think of something that doesn't involve revealing myself.
Sometimes I catch you looking around the halls and the rest of the school like you're trying to figure out my identity, but I hide in plain sight. You obviously can't get any clues from the notes, typed not handwritten, I can't risk you figuring out who I am because you somehow recognised my handwriting. I will give you a hint, I'm not on the swim team but I'm at every swim meet regardless, in the bleachers, cheering you and the rest of the team on. Go Sharks! Did I mention, you look smoking hot in your swimsuit ;-)
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
To see your smile,
There's nothing I wouldn't do.
Your Secret Admirer
You were smiling wide when you saw I had left you another note, I was even close enough to see that cute little indentation above your eyebrow that you only get when you're concentrating, while you were reading it. I thought of a way for you to let me know if you're interested in talking back so I have enclosed a smiley face sticker. If indeed you do want to open up the communication channels, put the sticker on your locker. I will then leave you a note with a dead drop location. If you don't want to talk to me then, do nothing and I will take the hint and stop the notes. I just want you to be happy, so if that means what I'm doing must stop, then so be it.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I'm telling you I like you,
So, what are you gonna do?
Your Secret Admirer
I'm so glad that you decided to put that smiley face sticker on your locker. It means you must want to talk to me and I'm excited to say the least.
You can ask me whatever you like in your correspondence other than my identity of course and I will try to answer as truthfully as I possibly can.
Go to the library and find The Virago Book of Love Letters by Jill Dawson and place your letter in there. I will check after school tomorrow and drop my reply in your locker as usual.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
You writing back,
Is like a dream come true.
Your Secret Admirer
Dear S.A.
I wish I knew who you were so I could thank you in person for making my day every time I receive a note from you. I didn't think it was possible to get butterflies from reading a letter from someone whose identity is a mystery before this all started. All I know about you is that I know you well, and that you go to all my swim meets but you aren't on the team. So unfortunately, that doesn't really rule out many people, a lot of people I know go to our swim meets to cheer me and the others on.
Thanks for calling me the hottest girl in the whole school, even though that is so far from the truth. I'm so flattered that you would take the time to write all those kind words down. I have re-read all the letters quite a few times, trying to find some clue to who you could be, but I always come up blank. It's weird though because I find this whole secret admirer situation to be kind of hot, I guess it's because you are being so mysterious. I even catch myself smiling and thinking about you could be. You are very sweet.
I have a few questions:
When did you realised you liked me?
Am I the only girl you have had a crush on?
How long has it taken to come to terms with your sexuality, or leave Narnia?
Are you scared that your friends and/or family will disapprove of your sexuality or will they accept you with open arms?
Let's end on a lighter note, tell me one thing you like and dislike, and something nobody else knows about you.
Mermaid
Dearest Mermaid,
I still can't believe you responded. I kept thinking I was going to wake up at any moment back in Narnia and this was all going to be a vivid dream. Your letter was wonderful. Has anyone ever told you that your handwriting is simply beautiful?
I can see why you chose mermaid for your pen name, you seem to be completely free when you're in the water. You glide like it's no effort at all, not to mention you're beautiful to watch when you're in your element.
While I was reading your letter, I couldn't help but notice I could smell your perfume. It's one of my favourite scents and I always feel slightly light headed, in a good way of course, when I inhale your perfume.
In response to your questions:
I'm not exactly sure when I realised that I liked you more than a friend, but I would say about two years ago. I always knew there was something different about the way I felt about you, but I tried to deny it and pass it off as I admired you, that you were just a nice person and someone I wished I was more like. But one day I saw you walking down the hall and when you smiled at me my heart instantly melted, and I knew that I wanted to be with you and it was then that I realised I had fallen for you wholeheartedly.
I have been coming to terms with my sexuality for a few years, but not until recently did I leave Narnia. I realised I wasn't doing myself any favours by denying who I really am, I was just hurting myself by trying to hide my true feelings.
You're the only person I have had a real crush on, a crush so deep that I constantly think about you and I imagine revealing myself to you. Yes, there were other girls but all of them pale in comparison to you and how I feel about you.
I'm scared to tell my friends and family, but I know my friends will be one hundred percent supportive of me. I'm not quite sure how my family will initially react though. I don't think my family will disown me or anything like that, I just have a feeling they might freak because it will crush the perfect dream my parents have for me. You know, go off to a great college, get a good job, eventually marry a successful man and have kids, all while still having a successful career. I think it might take them a second or two though to realise that I'm the same person, and it will be a wife by my side not a husband, but I believe they would still love me all the same.
Hmm…likes and dislikes, well I like to read, a lot, anything and everything, but I like the classics the most, Shakespeare, Edgar Allan Poe, Charles Dickens etc. I really dislike having to sit on my hands, I hate being idle, I always need to be doing something whether it's physical or mental, I have energy to burn.
As for something nobody knows about me, I'm a total sucker for you. No seriously though, nobody knows I have a crush on you. I highly doubt anyone has even the slightest inkling that I'm gay. No one knows this because it's so embarrassing, but I am a sucker for kid's cartoons, my absolute favourite is Dinosaur Train, it's cool but also educational, so it's not completely mind numbing for a teenager. Not to mention the theme song is so catchy. I just hope you don't think I'm a huge dork for admitting that I like little kid shows. Promise me if or when you decide you want to meet your secret admirer you won't hold it against me, especially because it's so out of character.
I have a question for you, have you told anyone about our notes to each other? It's okay if you have, I totally understand if you did, of course you would want the opinions of your friends.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
With one simple look,
I fell head over heels in love with you.
Your Secret Admirer
Dear S.A.
I can honestly say I was a little overwhelmed by the openness of your letter. I'm glad that you have started your journey to leave Narnia behind forever. I for one can tell you it can really bring you down emotionally and mentally, feeling like you're not being true to yourself, or you are hiding behind a mask. It's so good to hear that your friends would be supportive of you, and that your family would be too. I hope you know you will always be able to talk to me about things like that, even if it continues to be anonymously. If you do decide to publicly come out, just know I will be in your corner 100% and I will be by your side through it all if you want me to be.
Don't worry, I haven't told anyone about our little exchange of letters. In a previous letter you said that I know you well, so I think it would be awkward if one of my friends or myself somehow found ourselves talking about you to you, or you overheard us talking. But mostly I want to keep what we have all to myself, at least for the time being. I really do want to meet you in person, but only when you feel ready. I know it couldn't have been easy to write that first letter and to continue to do so, it took a lot of courage, and I would never pressure you to do anything you weren't ready to do. But I want you to know, I'm ready whenever you are.
Don't feel embarrassed about watching kids cartoons and I would never hold that against you. That would be cruel to ask you to tell me a secret and then turn around and use it against you. I have seen a few episodes of the Dinosaur Train, and it's a good show. I like Don, he is a sweetie. I haven't told anyone this but I love watching Strawberry Shortcake, the new one, it's so cute, and their hair looks amazing. Also, they remind me of my best friends and I, obviously I would be Plum, I love to dance and being active, the other girls would be Blueberry because she loves to read and is an aspiring writer, Raspberry because of her love of fashion, and Strawberry, we all look to her in a crisis because she knows exactly what to say and do, also because she never knows how to ask for help herself.
You could smell my perfume because I spritzed the letter before I left for school that morning, so I'm glad you appreciated it. To show me how much you liked it, maybe you could give me another clue? Pretty please?
Mermaid
Dearest Mermaid,
Watching you read my last letter sent shockwaves through my whole body. But unfortunately, one of your friends, Blueberry cut it short, as you quickly wiped the smile from your face and shoved the letter in your back pocket. And may I say, that outfit just happens to be my absolute favourite. Those ripped skinny jeans and that grey tank top with red plaid shirt over top really show off all your, uh, assets well. I have a really hard time not drooling in the halls and in class when you wear that combo.
I really do want to introduce myself to you as your secret admirer but I'm not quite ready yet. But it will happen soon, I already have the reveal planned out, I just hope it doesn't affect the friendship we have now. Thanks for saying you will back me one hundred percent when I step out of the closet and into the light, it really means so much to me. When I read that, I let out a few tears.
I think it's cute you watch Strawberry Shortcake. I binge watched it last night, and I must admit, its pretty good. I can see what you mean about seeing yourself and your friends in the characters. I think your assessment was spot on too. I have a theory that Strawberry and Cherry are having a thing, but I might just be looking into it too much.
Okay here is another clue because you asked so nicely, I'm in your year at school and I have a class with you this semester.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
With every new letter I receive,
I will reveal to you another clue.
Your Secret Admirer
Dear S.A.
Thanks for the newest clue, I have whittled the list of suspects down quite dramatically, but still a few left. I can't wait for your big reveal. I didn't mean to make you cry, that was not my intention, I just hope they were happy tears.
I'm sure you totally saw me blushing and grinning like a fool while I read your latest letter. I'm sorry if my choice of clothing is making it hard for you, but I might just have to keep wearing similar outfits, so I can meet my secret admirer sooner ;-) It frustrates me sometimes knowing that you watch my reaction to your letters, but I can't watch yours. As for checking me out, I wish I knew who you were, so I could return the favour. Who knows though, I probably already have, I have been looking at everyone I know differently since your first letter. I find myself sitting in class wondering if you are in the same room as me at that moment.
Mermaid
Dearest Mermaid,
I did in fact see you grinning and blushing profusely, but that only makes me find you even more adorable. Over the last couple of weeks, I have been happier than I have been in years, and that's all thanks to you. Even though you don't know who I am, you make me feel so special, like you truly care about me. I feel like I could tell you anything and you wouldn't judge me, I have opened up to you about my sexuality when I didn't think I could.
Don't think I haven't noticed you have been wearing tighter clothing lately, since the day I complimented you on your outfit. Those jeans you wore yesterday, damn, and with that printed, off the shoulder shirt hiding under your letterman jacket, those boots were a nice touch, you looked as gorgeous as ever. If I didn't know any better I would assume you were flirting with me through your outfits. I'm not complaining though, far from it, it means you want to be thinking about you and my eyes travelling up and down your body. Oh crap, now you probably think I'm some kind of pervert, but I'm not, I swear, I just know to appreciate the finer things in life and a beauty like yourself is definitely one of them.
Here is your next clue, I have been inside your house more than once, with you of course, I'm not sneaking around breaking into your house or anything.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
When you wear those jeans,
I only have eyes for you.
Your Secret Admirer
Dear S.A.
You catch on quick, I have been dressing to catch your eye ;-) So you have been in my house, have you? Hmm…a few more suspects drop off then. I'm so close, I'm so excited for your big reveal. I have had two people on my radar for a while now, and they are both still on my list, but I'm leaning more towards one, and if I'm right I will be extremely happy with your identity.
My friends have noticed over the last few weeks I have been acting a little strange, often daydreaming and smiling to myself, sneaking off (to my locker so I can see if you left another note or to the library to drop one off for you). They decided I must be seeing someone, Strawberry didn't really want to pry, Blueberry soon gave up, but Raspberry wouldn't let it go, I eventually told them I was talking to someone. Raspberry even went as far as stealing my phone to check to see if I had any texts from this mysterious girl, but little did she know, your latest letter was in my other jacket pocket.
I'm not looking forward to tomorrow with it being Valentine's Day and all, it's just a reminder that I'm single. And why put all that pressure on people to be in a relationship? Also, why only dote on your loved one on one day of the year? If you love someone you should make them feel loved and special every day, not just February 14. I'm sorry, I'm rambling on about Valentine's Day when for all I know you may love it.
Mermaid
Dearest Mermaid,
I'm in total agreement with you about Valentine's Day, if I were lucky enough to have you as my girlfriend, today would be just like any other day, I would give you flowers and gifts just because, take you on spontaneous and romantic dates, and tell you I love you every single day of the year. But if your perfect night consists of cuddling up on the couch in our sweatpants, eating takeout and watching reruns instead of going out then so be it, I'll be right next to you on the couch, ordering your favourite pizza.
I would do anything to make you happy so that's why today is the day I come out of the shadows.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
It's Valentine's Day,
I reveal myself to you.
Your Secret Admirer
As I see her folding the letter, I approach and tap her on the shoulder. I must have frightened her because she quickly shoves my letter in her pocket.
Turning around she says, "Holy crap, you scared me."
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. Here, this is for you, I know it's your favourite, happy Valentine's Day." I hand her a two-tone peach and pink rose.
"Oh, it's beautiful." She raises the rose to her nose and inhales in its scent before placing it in her locker.
I lean in to her and whisper, "Your secret admirer told you they would reveal themselves today. So here I am." I take a step back to see her mouth slightly open.
"You're the one who has been writing me all those letters?"
I simply nod, "Were you expecting someone else? Did you not want it to be me?" I clear my throat of the lump that suddenly appeared as I look at the lockers, the ground, anywhere but her. I can't handle looking her in the eye as she rejects me, but instead of speaking she takes my hands in hers.
"Of course I wanted it to be you. I have loved you from the moment I saw you all those years ago. I have wanted this for so long it's not even remotely funny. So many times, I have wanted to tell you how I felt, I have honestly lost count of how many times I wanted to kiss you."
I gently squeeze her hands, "May I?" She nods in response, I lean forward once more, my lips brush against her perfectly soft lips. Both of us closing our eyes, our lips moving synchronously as I step forward and cup her face with my hands, her hands resting on my hips. When we part I rest my head against her forehead.
"I love you Emily."
"I love you too Spencer."
I place a chaste kiss on her lips before I speak again, "Will you be my Valentine Em?"
"I thought you would never ask."
"Another question, would you go out with me on Saturday?"
"Yes of course. But why wait? Cuddling on the couch eating a pizza while watching reruns tonight sounds pretty good to me."
"Nothing would make me happier." I gently kiss her again.
"Nothing?" I shake my head, "Well I thought hearing me say yes to your next question would make you happier, but I must be wrong."
"I'm confused. What next question?"
"I thought you were going to ask me to be your girlfriend, but I guess not."
"What? Of course I want to. Emily Catherine Fields, would you do me the honour of becoming my girlfriend?" I let out a sigh of relief when she kisses me.
"Yes Spencer, a thousand times yes. Now let's go find the girls so we can tell them the good news."
We intertwine our fingers as we walk down the hall towards the courtyard.
A/N: Please leave a review and let me know what you thought. Did you think it was going to be Spencer or someone else? I didn't know who it was going to be until the last letter. I was tossing up between Spencer or throwing in a curve ball with Mona.