A/N: Hola peoples! This is Leah posting this random fic. On Rayane's account. I need to get my own account some time. Eh. Too lazy.
Well, anyhoo, this fic is actually a dream I had a couple days ago. Boy do I have REALLY strange dreams. Hope you enjoy reading it! And if you don't, I feel bad for you because this made me and Rayane laugh. A lot.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Except the fact that I often have crazy, random and completely amazing dreams. :D
The Random Old Man of Wisdom (henceforth known as ROMW) was sitting on a rock, waiting for the person he was supposed to meet twenty minutes ago. I hate when people are late, ROMW thought to himself, getting very impatient. Suddenly, the late person FINALLY showed up.
"Hello, ROMW," Naraku said, nodding towards the man.
"Geeze, Naraku!" ROMW scolded. "If you are planning to take over the world you need to have better timing. Otherwise you'll be too late to bring it under your control."
Naraku ignored this quip, getting straight to business. "I came to discuss that with you."
"I will answer your questions," ROMW told him, "but I have one question of my own first."
Naraku raised an eyebrow. ROMW's job was to answer questions. He had never heard him ask a question.
"Why do you want to take over the world again? It doesn't seem to me like you really want to."
Naraku pondered this for a second. "Ya know, I'm not really sure," he admitted. "It seemed like a good idea in the beginning, but now I really don't know about it. It seems like it would be more of a chore than a privilege."
"Oh well," ROMW said dismissively. "So what do you want to know?"
"Well, I think I've done everything I was supposed to do in order to take over the world. I just wanted to run through the list again and make sure I can do so now."
"Let's see," ROMW mused, "What all did you have to do. . . . Ah! First, you had to acquire the Shikon Jewel."
"Right here," Naraku pulled out a black jewel, about the size of a walnut.
"Good," ROMW approved. "Once you have done everything else you need to, you will use that to wish for control of the world."
"Of course. What else did I have to do?"
"You needed to defeat all of those who would oppose you if you ruled the world. Those who would try to usurp your power."
"Who were all of them? I think I took care of everyone."
"Hmmm, let's see. Koga is one."
Naraku pulled Koga's leg-warmers out of nowhere, throwing them on the ground in front of ROMW. "The wolf is no more."
ROMW studied the leg-warmers. "Very well then. Sesshoumaru is another. He would definitely try to take you down."
Naraku produced a giant pile of fluff, throwing it in front of ROMW. "Gone."
"InuYasha, Kagome, Miroku, and Sango," ROMW listed. "They would be a huge problem."
Naraku threw down a giant boomerang, a staff and a bow. The last thing he threw to the ground was a bead necklace. "Those nuisances are disposed of."
"Very good, Naraku," ROMW said. "Now you only have one more obstacle."
Naraku gave ROMW a questioning look. Hadn't he done all that he needed to? What else was there?
"You have one more person to face," ROMW went on. "You must fight . . . The Fullmetal Alchemist Edward Elric!"
"What?!" Naraku yelled.
"What?!" Ed echoed, appearing out of nowhere. His normal red coat had been replaced with a red and black feudal-style robe. For some reason, he was holding Tetsusaiga. He looked at the fluff-hilted sword and his new geddup, befuddled. "What the heck is going on?!"
"You have to fight Naraku," ROMW supplied, always ready with an answer. Ed just gave him a confused look.
"So be it," Naraku said, turning to face the alchemist. Ed looked at Naraku, still not quite sure what was going on. He saw that fight was eminent, so he gripped the hilt of the sword as the blade rested on the ground.
Naraku began the fight, figuring it couldn't take too long to defeat the boy. He sent a tentacle towards Ed, intending to kill him quickly and move on. Ed attempted to lift up the giant sword to block the attack, but the sword was simply too big for the tiny alchemist.
"Don't call me small!" Ed screamed at no one in particular, enraged by the fact that he couldn't lift the sword. Naraku gave him a questioning look, his tentacles still making their way towards Ed.
"Funny," ROMW said to himself. "Those tentacles seem to be going so fast, yet they haven't reached Elric yet. Weird."
"Screw this!" Ed yelled, throwing the sword aside and holding up his right arm in defense. The tentacle finally made it to Ed, hitting his arm straight on. Naraku laughed, the tentacle should go straight through an arm. But it didn't. Instead, it bounced off the automail. Naraku stopped laughing and stood in shock.
"What?" Ed snickered. "Never seen a steel arm before? Well, then you probably haven't seen alchemy either."
He clapped his hands together and smacked the ground at his feet. Huge stone spikes flew out of the ground, reaching Naraku in no time. Naraku was too stunned to do anything, so he was impaled by several giant spikes.
"Annoying child," Naraku growled, unharmed by the spikes because, well, he's Naraku and that is just how he rolls.
"Shaddup!" Ed screamed. "I am not a tiny midget dwarf! Besides, I just killed you while fighting you for no explainable reason! So you have no right to say anything!"
"I didn't say any of that," Naraku pointed out. "And besides, I'm not dead. I don't die that easily."
"Huh?" Ed was used to fighting homunculi who had issues dying, but this guy couldn't be one of them. Why didn't he die?
"It's Naraku," ROMW answered the question in Ed's mind. "He just doesn't die. Don't ask why." Ed was officially creeped out by ROMW who could apparently read minds.
Naraku broke out of the spikes so Ed focused his attention back on his opponent. Naraku sent more tentacles at Ed, officially put out with him. Ed had some time to think as the tentacles moseyed on over at earth-shattering speeds.
"Those seem organic," Ed decided, studying the tentacles. "This should be easy."
He clapped his hands together and grabbed the nearest tentacle, deconstructing it to its original elements. The deconstruction continued all the way up the tentacle until Naraku himself started being deconstruction. Naraku gave Ed a furious glare as he was reduced to his elements, disappearing in a cloud of dust.
Ed walked over to where his opponent once stood. "That was really weird. I wish I knew what the heck happened. I am so confused." He looked over at ROMW. "Well?"
"Yes?" ROMW looked at him with an old dude smile.
"Aren't you supposed to answer all my questions?"
"You didn't ask one that time. So I didn't have any question to answer."
"Whatever," Ed looked down, annoyed. Something caught his eye. "The Philosopher's Stone?" He was shocked. He picked up the dark jewel. "Nope," he sighed in disappointment.
"I could have told you that," ROMW said.
"Shut up and leave me alone you creep!" Ed yelled at him. He turned back to the jewel. "This has been so weird. I just wish everything was back to the way it used to be."
Suddenly, the jewel glowed white, all the darkness gone. It flew out of Ed's hand. All the people Naraku had killed came back to life. The jewel returned to Kagome who went back to modern Japan. InuYasha returned to being stuck to a tree and unconscious. Sango, Miroku, Shippou, Sesshoumaru and Koga all returned to their lives as well. None of them would remember the adventure that had cost their lives.
Ed suddenly awoke, sitting up with a start.
The suit of armor that was his brother looked over at him. "Morning Brother," Alphonse said. "How did you sleep?"
"I slept fine," Ed told Al. "But I had the strangest dream!"
"What was it about?" Al asked.
Ed opened his mouth to answer, but no sound came out. "Uh . . . " he finally managed, "I honestly can't remember."
"Pity," Al said. "Oh well. You should go get some breakfast."
"Yeah," Ed agreed, still confused by his dream. "Breakfast."
A/N: Hope you liked it! Please review! I'll try to have more strange fic-worthy dreams, but no promises! :P