She went down the staircases slowly, holding Sybill's pudgy hand fondly but firmly, trying to hold back the little girl's urge to rush out to join the others in the Great Hall. As soon as they reached the last step, she let the little hand slipped from hers, letting her youngest daughter go running all excited to meet Rosamund, who received her with a big smile and open arms. She took her niece in her arms lovingly and gave her an ornament for her to hang on the huge Christmas tree they were decorating the center of the big room.
Cora slowly approached them, watching all the excitement and movement around the big tree. There were smiles on everyone's faces and she knew that during those moments most of them allowed themselves to forget that they were at war. But mostly, she felt gratified to see the happy little faces of her daughters. Those smiles warmed her heart and soothed the pain that seemed to have settled so deeply into it.
The girls were completely absorbed into the mission to help in decorating the tree this year, and Cora's eyes rested lovingly on the Edith's focused face who carefully placed some ornaments at the bottom of the tree, the tip of her tongue in the corner of her mouth with concentration, in the very same way Robert used to do when he was focused on some task. And she let out a small smile with the remembrance.
Her attention then turned to Mary who perched on a ladder under the watchful eyes of Mr. Carson, was proudly distributing the adornments he handed her on a higher part of the tree. She probably had convinced Carson and all the others to let her climb the ladder, even against the advice of them all, as easily as she used to persuade her own father. So Mary tilted her head, her soft brown eyes looking at the result of her own work without hiding a small smile of satisfaction. And Cora recognized the very same smile that used to curl the corners of Robert's lips when he was pleased with himself.
Sybill then clapped her hands and let out little shrieks of joy when one of the servants came up with another box full of colorful adornments. And Cora once again could not help but smile at the sight of her youngest daughter sweet blue eyes shining with joy and excitement. Everyone said Sybill had her eyes, but she never thought so. To her, those were Robert eyes, with the same brightness and the same softness.
As the days went by, she discovered more and more resemblances between Robert and their daughters, in every little gesture, in every nuance. In recent months, it had been comforting and painful at the same time. Just like now.
Then the three girls looked at her, their happy little faces showing the smiles she loved so much. Edith approached her and took her by the hand making her join the others, where she should be if she were not feeling so discouraged at the prospect of spending Christmas without him.
Since he had left for the war, Cora had been trying to be as strong as possible, particularly for the girls. And it was only at night, in the silence of their empty room, that she allowed herself to falter and cry his absence.
But there were moments, like that, that was so hard to pretend that everything was all right, that was really hard to pretend everything was normal. Simply because it wasn't. Things could never be normal while her beloved Robert was thousands of miles away, in a strange country, fighting a war, a bloody and violent war that she simply could not understand.
Almost two years before, she had begged him not to go, but despite the glare of tears she saw in his eyes that day, he was adamant. He had a duty to fulfill with his king and his country, he had told her. She could understand his motives and will always respect his courage and determination. But her heart had never accepted the fact that he chose to leave everything and everyone he loved to risk his life in that war when he simply could have stayed safe and sound at hers and their daughters' side. And Robert's decision to go to war had hurt her deeply.
She noticed the concerned eyes of Rosamund and Marmaduke upon her, and forced a smile trying to reassure them, but failed miserably. Robert's prolonged absence was just defeating her slowly, so she gladly accepted when Rosamund and Marmaduke anticipated their coming to the Christmas festivities in almost two weeks. It was comforting to have their company, even if she had to endure the occasional discussions between Violet and Rosamund. But the always irreverent Rosamund's company and the affectionate and reassuring presence of Marmaduke had been the only thing that had prevented her from crashing down completely. That and the hope that she fed on her heart that Robert could return home for the holidays.
But his letter had arrived two days earlier, and put an end to all her hopes. As always, she had opened it in the safe of her bedroom, away from the eyes of everyone, her hands cold and trembling. Fortunately he was unharmed and seemed to be well, or at least the best that he could be in a situation like that. He had not mentioned a single word about coming home, which had left her completely heartbroken.
And now she was trying to be strong once again, because the three little girls who were there needed her more than ever. Then she pushed away her sad thoughts, and tried to focus on her three jewels, and all let herself to be involved by the happy Sybill chatter while she was trying to help her older sisters. That distracted her enough so she did not realize Marmaduke look at his watch once more, nor she could see the exchange of glances between Rosamund, Marmaduke and Carson, or noticed Marmaduke and Carson leaving the room quietly, while Rosamund joined her and the girls.
Later, she was surprised by the fact that Rosamund didn't appear to the afternoon tea, but accepted without any suspicion when her brother in law explained her absence due to a strong headache. So, after tea, she retired to her bedroom, decided to read a book and try to not think of Robert until dinner. But the empty bedroom just awakened in her the longing she felt for him, and she ended up crying until she felt sleep, holding his pillow to her chest.