Mortal Coil spoilers.
"Ready to help clean up society, Sanguine?" Apollo Downs asked as he dragged a tired and frustrated me down a hallway. "That was nice of you to volunteer to help with this project. There's that saying where it takes a con to catch a con, really. I'd say that applies to you. You're not particularly a conman, but you come close enough."
I gritted my teeth and kept repeatin' in my head that I'd be out of here and be rid of this moron within a few hours.
Three years. THREE YEARS.
I'd been here THREE YEARS. I'd been here in this stupid disgusting hellhole for three years. My, how time flies when you're rottin' in a jail cell!
Downs pulled me into a narrow room with a neat little table and a few chairs. A very large file with all these papers and records was sitting nicely there by a chair. Downs sat me down forcefully in one of the chairs and released one side of the handcuffs.
"The Grand Mage and your new babysitters'll be here soon," he said and left the little room promptly.
I groaned and slammed my head onto the table a few times. "They'll keep me waitin' for an hour," I muttered angrily, knowing exactly how the dumb ol' Sanctuary worked.
And true enough, about an hour later the door opened and the recently appointed Grand Mage walked in, followed by my "new babysitters."
"Ah, hell no!" I shouted, standing up and pointing a finger. "I ain't going with them! They put me here in the first place!"
Meak and humble little Ghastly Bespoke, the Grand Mage, shrugged and sat down casually in one of the chairs. "You deserve it," he stated calmly.
Valkyrie Cain that little (well, she's a bit bigger now) brat sat down next to him, and Funny Bones leaned against the wall behind the two. Neither looked very happy, either.
"And since you very eagerly volunteered yourself for this position, knowing full-well we'd take the next available employee," Ghastly continued, "we will not change your circumstances."
"You're just bitter 'cause I stole your girlfriend…"
I looked up through my sunglasses in hopes of angering the Grand Mage. But no. He just sat there, calmly, a sick, twisted smile plastered on his face.
"I am not bitter. But know, Mr. Sanguine, if the other elders hadn't outlawed executions previously, I would have happily watched you be killed. However, now that Miss Low with the Remnant inside of her cannot and does not wish to be found, we have forgotten about her. When she resurfaces and causes havoc everywhere, we'll put you in the very middle of it all. Maybe you'll be caught in the excruciatingly painful crossfire."
I smiled. "You don't scare me," I said, leaning back. My eyes slid over to a grown Valkyrie Cain and surveyed her cautiously.
"May I help you?" she asked sweetly.
"Just lookin', that's all," I replied just as nicely.
"Ah, good. Well," she said and leaned forward in her seat, "the next time I see you staring at me for no reason, you will be cut." On the last word, her hand popped from under the table to reveal my trusty straight-razor. Its blade was out and shone in the light brightly.
Ghastly chuckled once and nodded towards the file. "Skulduggery?"
"Yes?" Funny Bones answered.
"His file has contact numbers for relatives, partners, and most importantly, the guys out looking for him. If he's causing trouble, just dial that Russian mob and they'll get him taken care of."
"Whoa, whoa," I held up my hand and laughed a little uneasily. "I'm squared away with them. I don't owe 'em nothing."
"They think differently," Ghastly answered. "And who am I to tell the scary Russians they're wrong?"
I frowned and sat back. "Fine," I said quietly. "I'll cooperate. As long as those two don't abuse me or somethin'."
"When you've been a good boy we'll give you a cookie," Skulduggery answered dryly.
"All right," Ghastly said abruptly, "debriefing. You're first going after Colonel Red. Caucasian, green eyes, green hair. He-"
"Why's the name 'Colonel Red'? Why not 'Colonel Green' or something?" I interrupted, feeling delightfully clever at my little joke.
"We'll ask him when we get him," Valkyrie answered icily, her eyes big giant gaping holes.
"He's been shipping out a whole ton of guns to a bunch of rogues," Ghastly continued. "Naturally, he needs to be stopped before they go crazy and start killing everyone. He was last known to have his base in the east part of Kilkenny, in the appropriately named East Kilkenny Warehouses in Warehouse #62. He should still be in Kilkenny if he's not there in that warehouse, though. He has been known to move around locations sometimes."
"And we bring him back here when we've got him?" Skulduggery asked, grabbing my file as they all stood up, except for myself. Heck, I wasn't ready to leave.
"Yes, do so," Ghastly affirmed. "William-Raymond Sanguine: get up. It's time for your first day of the job. Ready to be a good guy?"
"Oh yeah, sure am, Grand Mage," I sarcastically replied. "May I have my razor, pretty Valkyrie?"
She stared at me. Oh God, I'm gonna have fun pissin' her off. But she suddenly chucked my precious knife at me without warning. I caught it a little shakily, and thankfully it didn't cut me. I sheathed it and stuck it in my pocket, glarin' at her.
"After you, Sanguine," Valkyrie said pleasantly.
"Ah, nah, ladies first, pretty Valkyrie."
Her eyes turned sharp at my perfectly obnoxious little nickname for her. She straightened and exited the room. I politely shut the lights off and slammed the door. And yeah, of course, I shoulda known they wouldn't just let me go walkin' free. No. I'd be handcuffed again. Bratty Valkyrie cuffed both hands and pulled on the chain and began draggin' me like an old dog.
"Come on, be a good boy now," she said like a cheerful little bit-
"Valkyrie, no abusing him," Funny Bones intervened. Oh, I never thought I'd be thankin' this guy. Maybe he was nicer than I thought…
"Oh, that's hardly abuse, Skulduggery," stupid Ghastly said, laughing slightly.
All right, I think I'll have to kill him pretty soon.
"Thank you, Grand Mage," Valkyrie laughed and smiled. I kinda thought she might let go, but she didn't. She just kept happily pullin' me along, and I do gotta admit: she's strong. Damn, that's a problem.
They led me to the front doors where a tiny little receptionist sat.
"Ha, have fun," she laughed as we four passed through the doors. Valkyrie undid one side of my cuffs and opened the back door to that ancient car Funny Bones drives around. She gestured silently for me to get in, and I finally did, because she sure wasn't gonna relent. She shut the door and stood talking to Bespoke for a few more minutes. He waved and strolled back to the Sanctuary building. I watched Funny Bones fish the keys from out a pocket of his creeper-coat, and he slid into the driver's seat easily, while Valkyrie took to the seat beside him.
"All right, Sanguine," Funny Bones said as he started the car, "it's about an hour to Kilkenny. Do whatever you want back there, but don't make a mess and don't make too much noise."
"Will do, Funny Bones," I said and gave a salute with my free hand. I buckled myself for safety and leaned back against the cushioned leather, deciding on sleepin' away this car ride. Hopefully these two would have the decency to let a man get his sleep.
But, ya know, probably not.
Evelina A told me to write a certain pairing, and I was like, "BUT I WOUDN'T KNOW HOW" but then the idea popped into my head, so it's cool~
I don't know how far this story will take me. Normally I HAVE to plan out the whole thing before I allow myself to begin writing it, but I dunno. We'll see if I can make it far without setting up the whole thing. Also, the poll I have: this isn't the story I was talking about. This is entirely different. Just in case you were wondering. This is actually a really fun idea for me. I'm really excited to get to writing a lot of itttt!
Thanks for reading and sorry for any mistakes! :DDD