Okay this story is slightly different then what I'm used to. Set back after the fall of the farm between Seasons 2 and 3. Also has a bit more of a darker theme focusing on self-harm. if you don't like that and -or- don't care to read that then don't. Daryl also is a bit more rough around the edges, sort of like he was in season 2 when he tried to cut himself off from everyone, trying not to care. That being said, he is going to be rougher then what most people would expect toward someone with such a problem. Like I said, don't like it. Don't read it.

For those that do care to read further, hope you enjoy and please comment and review. I would love to know what people think about this story. If it's liked at all. If not, I'll let it fall to the wayside and focus on other stories. I'm just playing out some thoughts here.

Chapter. 1

Daryl took a quick glance around the group. Hearing everything that Rick said as they huddled around the truck, pouring over the map for what felt like the hundredth time. They were running in circles now. He knew it. Rick knew it. The whole fucking group knew it. Yet, here they stood, a huddle mass of people on the roadside trying to decide their next move.

"There's a smaller town a few miles out, could be something there, " Maggie said, pointing to the small area on the map. It was a nondescript town, barely eligible before their eyes. One that could have easily been missed by some other people. Daryl looked to Rick first, then to Hershel as he nodded his head.

"Use to make some house calls out there for a few people. It's small but there might be something."

Rick nodded, taking the old man's word for it as he leaned closer to the map, already mapping out a route for them to take. Daryl looked over the group one more time, noting Lorie in the truck with Carl standing next to the door, Carol not far behind and one other no where to be seen. He looked behind him, squinting into the sun before turning back around to look at Hershel and Maggie, who seemed to not have noticed one of their own missing.

"Shit," he muttered, heading over to Carol and Carl while the others continued discussing the next move. "Where's Beth?" he asked Carol, squinting at the woman as she nodded toward the trees.

"Said she had to go." The woman shrugged, acting so unconcerned about the whole thing. Maybe it wasn't that big of a deal. Maybe he was just being paranoid, but when he noticed the oldest Greene looking around the space. Searching for his youngest, Daryl shook his head, disappearing into the tree line where Carol indicated Beth had gone.

Remaining silent, not to alert any walkers, or Beth. Didn't need to be scaring her off when all he was trying to do was check on her. A shadow leaned up against a tree nearby, small and thin, telling him it was the girl, but she wasn't kneeling like she would be if she were actually going. So he didn't feel any hesitation when he moved toward her, remaining silent until he could see through the tree line. Taking in her small frame as she held her shirt up and pulled the waist band on her jeans down, just barely revealing an inch of flesh that she dragged something across. Daryl froze, his eyes taking in the small red line that formed, watching as she pressed down on it. Her head falling back against the tree, looking just as relieved as a heroin addict getting their first hit of the day. Her fingers dug further into the narrow cut, her eyes clenching closed for just a moment before relaxing again.

Confused, Daryl took a step back, his grip tightening on his crossbow as he tried to understand what was going on. Why someone would intentionally cause themselves harm. Especially in this day and age when everything else was out to kill them. He tried to wrap his mind around it. Tried to see the world from her eyes, and came up empty. His own experiences with pain telling him that no one in their right mind would do such a thing. Maybe that was the problem. The girl wasn't in her right mind. Hadn't been since the incident with the barn when she attempted to kill herself. He took another step back, not focusing on where he was going and inadvertently stepping on a branch, catching Beth's attention.

Their eyes met for a moment. Her big blue one's widening in fear as she stared at him. Trying to understand his reaction, what he was going to do. He gave her one hard look, his eyes moving from hers to the small razor blade in her hand and back again as his frown deepened. Shaking his head at the sight of the young girl before turning away. Feeling every bit of her own hard stare on his back as he headed back to the highway. Telling himself that he didn't care if the girl lived or died. At least it would be on her own terms. He was just at the edge of the woods when he came face to face with Hershel. The old man's eyes going from him to the girl shuffling along behind him. Daryl didn't look back, unable to look at her again without staring at the just healing skin on her arm. The evidence that she didn't even want to be here.

"Just checking on her," he mumbled, shoving past the man without another word. Wondering if the old man knew what his daughter was doing, and if he did, how he could just sit by and let her. Closing his eyes, he bit on his lower lip and decided it wasn't his business. Wasn't his place to judge someone for their stupid choices, or rat them out. Even if they needed it. The girl already made her choice. Already showed the whole group that she was more a liability than anything.

xXx

That night they found themselves in some run down house in the middle of nowhere. Its windows already boarded up and the people inside long dead. As evident by the bodies lying next to the front door. Daryl stood outside on the porch, his crossbow in hand as he stood against the wall, doing his best to keep awake until someone relieved him from his watch. The day been long. Longer than he thought possible, doing his best to keep his attention focused on the road before him, and not look back in his rear view mirror where he could see Hershel and Beth sitting in the truck behind them. Still puzzling over why a girl like her would resort to self harm.

Kept telling himself it wasn't any of his damn business. That he should leave well enough alone and focus on bigger problems. Like where they were going to get their next meal and sleep that night. Now he sat on the front porch, still starving even though he managed to come up with some squirrel and Carol and Beth cooked it up nicely.

Footsteps echoed behind him, heavy but slow, telling him it was the old man coming over. Allowing him time to brace himself from whatever he wanted to talk about. Hershel stopped next to him as Daryl straightened up, taking in a deep breath as he looked at their surroundings. Noting the quiet outside for a moment before releasing the breath and said, "so Beth told me what you saw in the woods today."

Daryl frowned, his hands clenching together as the old man basically confirmed that he knew. He knew, and he didn't make any move to stop her. Almost like he didn't care.

"I know what it looks like. From an outsider, anyways. And I'd stop her if I could, but I take comfort in knowing she's not looking to die. Not anytime soon."

Daryl shook his head, clenching his lips together as the old man basically read his mind. "How do you know that's not what she's working up to? She did it before."

Hershel shook his head, his eyes staying downcast as he said, "she didn't mean to do that."

Daryl glanced at him, his brows furrowing as he waited for an explanation. Hershel looked at him with sad eyes. The eyes of a man that seen far too much. That lived through too much. "She said she was numb, that she just wanted to feel something. Said that she didn't realize how much more pressure it was taking to feel before it was too late."

Daryl stared at him, his mouth gaping open as he took in the man's implications. "She'd done this before?"

Hershel nodded, again, his gaze remaining on the ground. Unable to meet Daryl's eyes. He bet the man thought he was condemning him and her. "I've taken her to doctors, therapists. Had her committed twice." He held up two fingers to emphasize the point as he shook his head. "Her mama and I doin everything we could to help her. To understand."

Daryl shook his head, looking out at the forest around them as the man paused. Taking a moment in his explanation. "Doctors explained that something in her brained wasn't wired right. Something didn't allow her to process her feelings like a normal person. For Beth, it started at the beginning of high school, when she and her best friend were in a car wreck. Beth survived, the girl didn't and Beth blamed herself. Instead of talking about it, she cut herself. Said it made her feel better. That it helped, even gave her a sense of euphoria."

Hershel shook his head, sighing as he rubbed at his forehead. Looking even more tired than usual. Daryl looked at him, still not fully understanding how. "So guilt, self loathing, unable feels anything even. Alright. I've seen that. Can grasp at that, I guess, but euphoria."

Hershel nodded, finally glancing at him. "She found she liked the pain. Found she felt lighter, happier even."

Hershel shrugged, his gaze back to the forest. Not able to say anymore as he gave Daryl a moment to process the information. "Maggie knows what Beth did, does. Even if she's fooled herself into believing that Beth stopped. That the near death experience woke her sister up to the parallels. She knows, just refuses to see it. Don't know if she told Glenn or not, so aside from them, you are the only other one that knows about Beth's addiction."

"You call that an addiction," Daryl said, stunned by the choice of words. Scoffing at the man as he rubbed at his chin.

"Yes, because it is. At this point, it's how she gets herself to feel anything. How she makes herself happy again. She's broken and I can't do anything to fix it." His voice trailed off, the first hint of the uselessness he felt slipping through as he looked at the younger man. Daryl nodded, barely meeting the man's gaze as he felt the weight the man carried. The feeling of hopelessness slipping into Daryl, making him wish he could shut off his own emotions. For even a moment so that he didn't have to feel himself caring about this old man and his daughter.

"Why you telling me all this? Why do you even think I would care?" Daryl asked, going back to his usual cynical self to cover up what the man was making him feel. He didn't want to feel for them. Didn't want to care about any of them really, but why else would he be sitting here at this house. With this group, listening to this old man explain why his youngest cut herself.

"I told you so that you wouldn't think I was just letting my daughter die. So that you wouldn't believe that she wants to die. Because she doesn't. She does it for the exact opposite reason actually and I know it sounds stupid and unbelievable, but she does it to feel alive. To remind herself that she is alive and if I could make her stop I would. If there was anything I could do to make her feel alive and happy without the self harm, I would."

Daryl nodded, chewing the nail on his thumb as he took in Hershel's words. Still not able to meet the man's eyes. Hershel took a step back, looking ready to turn back into the house before he paused for a moment. Gaping like he was going to say something else. Daryl wished he wouldn't. Wished he would drop the subject and move on. Said so himself there was nothing to be done. It was only a matter of time before the girl slipped again, and this time there wouldn't be any antibiotics or stitches to fix her up.

"I don't want the others to know, Daryl," he said, making the young man look up at him. Stare into his eyes a little harder than necessary. "I don't need them looking over her shoulder every time she leaves the group. She don't need that. She needs people to see her as a capable person."

Daryl grunted, almost wanting to say "fat chance" after the farm but he remained quiet. Thinking about Hershel's word. His request that would only put another weight on Daryl's shoulders every time Beth disappeared into the forest, went around the corner of the house, or some other shit. He looked into the window, spotting the young girl sleeping on the floor on the other end of the building. Laying next to her sister who was curled up next to Glen.

Thought about his own abuse at the hands of his father. The number of times he forced himself to go numb just to stop feeling it. The nights he spent in a drug induced stupor, just so he could forget his life and every horrible detail. Yet, there was a girl inside, hurting herself to feel it all. The pain, the anguish. Finding a way to release it so she could live it and here he was condemning her for it.

"Yeah, alright old man," he muttered, closing his eyes to the sight of the girl lying in front of him.

xXx

Days passed, could have been weeks even, none of them would know the difference. They knew the nights grew longer and colder. Food getting scarce as the animals hid away from the elements. All of them huddling closer to keep warm as they ran from house to house. Praying they would find somewhere that would last longer than a couple of nights. That would allow them a certain amount of protection so that they could rest. Regroup and figure out their next move. During the time Daryl kept his eyes on the small blonde. Noting when she would go into the woods to 'relieve' herself for longer than a few minutes. Looking her over when she did return and narrowing his gaze at her when she turned up with no new marks. Every now and then she would slip up, a scratch appearing on just above the waistband of her jeans, or just below the edges of her sleeves. Leaving Daryl to question rather it came from her or the woods.

One such mark went noticed by Carol as the girl reached up to grab some drying clothes off of a tree branch. Her shirt rose up and Carol gasped, almost moving to touch the long stretch of cuts along her hip bone. "What happened?" she asked, looking at Beth with such concern that Daryl felt his own stomach twist at the lie that was already forming on the young girl's lips.

Beth looked down, her eyes going wide at the exposed mark before she covered her own surprise and said, "must have been the thorns in those bushes earlier. Wasn't paying too much attention."

Carol brought her hand to her lips, eying the spot that Beth quickly covered for a moment before nodding her head. Beth turned, meeting Daryl's glare with her own sheepish look before ducking toward the small pile they made.

Daryl frowned at the words, shaking his head as he read the doubt and hurt that flashed across Carol's face. The woman wasn't stupid. She lived through her own version of hell long enough to know a lie when she heard it, but she didn't say anything either. Her gaze lingered a moment longer on Beth than necessary before looking to Hershel with a sadness in her eyes. Daryl's jaw tightened even more before he turned away and focused on the animal he was supposed to be prepping for dinner that night. His mind not really into the task as he thought about the all the damn trouble he was going through to keep the girl along with the others alive. How each day they all broke their backs to ensure the likes of her, Lorie, Carol and all of them were safe and there she was, not giving a damn about any of it.

Doing what she felt she had to because it made her feel better. No matter the pain it caused her father, or the lies she had to tell to the others. The others weren't as stupid as she believed them to be, some of them -like Carol- were already starting to see through her.

He fumed about it all day. So much so that he was barking at the others by the time the evening sun began lowering in the sky, and Daryl got his chance to talk to her. It wasn't the perfect timing admittedly. They'd been sitting around the small campfire, huddling around its warmth as they ate rabbit and some cans of fruit. Maggie was digging through her bags, going somewhat ballistic before turning toward her sister. "Beth, what happened to that yellow shirt I had packed away?"

Beth gave her a wide eyed glance, catching the attention of just about everyone in the small circle as she looked over to the small yellow cloth that Lorie was using to wipe down some of the plates before packing them back away.

Maggie followed her sister's glance, her own eyes going wide as they flicked back to her sister. "You tore it into rags!"

"I-I'm sorry, Mags. It was practically shredded and I just thought-" she stammered, her hands going up to ward her sister off as Maggie stood up.

"Of course it was ripped, Beth. It's was my favorite, old, Ripped, shirt.! Gah, can't you just-" her words were cut off by Hershel as he stepped forward, pulling his oldest daughter around with a glare that even made Daryl look away. Though the damage was already done. Maggie realized the words she was about to spew when Beth's face turned to stone, her gaze going hard as she stormed off into the forest, completely unaware of her father calling for her.

Hershel moved to follow his youngest when Daryl stood up. Motioning toward a distraught Maggie before saying, "I'll go find her."

Daryl found her not far from the camp, crouching against a tree near the creek they used for water, fiddling with something in her hands. He stepped closer, being sure to let himself be known this time as he drew closer. Beth stared up at him, her eyes watering as she looked back to her arm. With the days getting colder they all found themselves pulling on more layers, covering whatever flesh they could to keep warm and Beth was no different. Though now she had her sleeves pulled up and a newly made red mark standing stark against her pale flesh.

She didn't say anything and Daryl still didn't have any words to say about this madness. Could barely comprehend it, though he had time to accept it. It pissed him off, and he wondered how Hershel tolerated it so much without screaming and shouting at the girl. Cause that's exactly what he wanted to do at that moment. Tell her how ignorant and selfish she was being. Instead, he remained standing for a moment longer, just staring at her before she said, "I'm being stupid, right?"

Daryl shrugged one shoulder, swallowing as he shifted on his feet. "You said it."

"But you're thinking it. I can read it on your face every time you look at me." Beth glared at him for a second longer before going back to the bleeding flesh. Watching it like an insect crawling across her skin, almost fascinated by it. Making him feel sick as he watched her finger run across the old and new cuts, almost reverently before he took a step forward. "Give me the blade," he said, holding his hand out as if he expected her to comply so easily.

"No," she snapped, standing so that she could walk back to camp. Daryl stood in her path, forcing her to walk past him. Her shoulder bumped into him and Daryl grabbed her arm, pulling her back to face him. Their eyes locked together, blue firing at blue before she yanked on her arm, pulling away from him at the same moment she said, "let me go."

"Not until you hand over that blade," Daryl barked back, his fingers tightening around her arm as he pulled her closer, using his other hand to reach for the hand still holding the razor blade. Beth held it back, doing her best to keep him away from one hand, and attempting to fight free with the other.

"Stop it," she shouted, turning so that her back pressed to his front, inadvertently giving him a better hold on her as his arm wrapped around her waist, pinning one wrist against her stomach, while his other reached for the other hand. Beth attempted to pull away from him, using what movement she could to bring her arm forward and slam her elbow into his gut. Daryl tilted away from the hit, only getting a nudge as he finally got a hold of her other hand.

"Let me go!" she hollered again, attempting to step away from him only to trip them both onto the ground. Beth fell face first with a thud, Daryl barely managing to keep from crushing her as he straddled over her, using his body weight to hold her down while wrestling the blade from her hand. When he did so, he sat back up. Throwing the blade far enough into the nearby creek as Beth tried to shove him off.

"Get off me," she said, breathless now that her attempt to fight him failed. Daryl pressed a hand on the center of her back, holding her there as he leaned over her.

"You done bein a spoiled ass brat?"

"Screw you," Beth said, breathing heavier as she tried to pull air into her lungs. "You don't get it."

Daryl snorted as as he leaned closer.

"You're right. I don't." He brushed her hair back, removing anything that blocked his view as he forced her to look him in the eye. "What I do get is the look of fear in your father's eyes every time you walk away, alone. Your sisters denial of the whole situation, and the look of hurt and suspension from Carol and the others every time you lie to them. That's what I get."

Tears slipped down her face, that hard glare set somewhere off in the distance as Daryl loomed over her, waiting for some kind of response from the young girl.

"So?" he prompted, putting a bit more weight on her back. "You done?"

Beth's jaw tightened, her eyes closing for a brief moment as she whispered, "get off." Daryl nodded his head, his eyes burning into hers as he used his free hand to grab the knife off her belt before shoving off her, maybe using a bit more force than necessary as he did so, but not finding it in himself to care as the girl stood. Her eyes blazing as she looked from him to the her knife in his hands, already forming a sentence when Daryl shook his head, "You get this back when I get a straight answer."

Beth gaped at him, her shoulders slumping as she stared at him for a moment longer before saying, "fine, I'm done."

"Bullshit," he muttered, grabbing his crossbow and heading back to the camp. Leaving it up to the girl rather or not she followed.

"How the hell am I supposed to defend myself?" she hollered, still standing there, staring in disbelief as Daryl disappeared into the woods.

"Maybe you could find some of those damn thorns," he barked back, barely glancing at her as she let out a heavy groan that echoed throughout the forest. He did stop then. Glaring at her for a moment before the realization dawned on her that her outbursts might draw some on wanted attention. She returned his glare with one of her own, mumbling "I so hate you right now." as she walked past. Daryl gave her a short, "good," as he followed along.

When they reached camp, they received several stares. Most of them curious and a tad bit confused as to what happened. He took one glance at Beth's disheveled hair, and dirt stained clothes and flinched. Unwilling to look at his own clothes as he approached his sleeping bag and backpack to shove Beth's knife inside of it. Carol sat next to him, her eyebrows going up at the weapon disappearing into the bag but didn't comment when Daryl gave her another hard stare. Daring her to say one word about any of it. The woman didn't. She was smart enough to know when to be quiet and when to put her two cents in. Something Daryl was more than grateful for as he glared at the others in the camp. Daring them to say anything about what they thought might have happened in those woods.