Animal I Have Become by xoxsavvyjoyxox

Disclaimer: This wasn't my idea. I do not own the characters. If I did I would go buy that sweater I want . All plots and characters belong to the amazing Stephenie Meyer

CHAPTER ONE: Hunt or be Hunted

I was nervous tonight. Tonight we were going to hunt that group of vile sewer vampires and burn them!

I had been searching for weeks and weeks for a coven of vampires or a group of witches, just something to prove myself to my demanding father. Then, one night I saw a very good-looking man emerge from a sewer on the street. Of course I was suspicious. It was very plain that he wasn't actually a man, but I didn't want to jump to conclusions and end up bringing a perfectly human innocent to conviction, so I went back for five nights and discovered that every night the man would come out, sometimes bringing more with him, and scatter the streets of London. Tonight I gathered all the willing men I could find and we stood waiting in the dark damp London streets, like I had on that first night waiting for the first to emerge from the sewer. I was nervous because tonight I would put an end to all the complaints my father always threw at me. I would give my frail father hope in his son, and this made me nervous as any man is nervous before a discovery or great accomplishment.

"There!" one of them men surrounding me whispered, interrupting my thoughts.

I looked up to see the foul creature emerging again from his hole. He was so disgusting me, the knowledge of his evil, knowing that the animal before me took human lives nonchalantly made me sick. But still I hesitated in my command to attack the creature. My father always called me weak, and vulnerable I was slow to do anything harsh and didn't act immediately when I probably should. I had compassion upon any human being or animal alike, no matter how wicked.

"Go" I managed to say.

The men rushed forward with the pitchforks and torches, creating a blazing swirl of black and orange chaos around me as I ran after the vampire too.

The creature ran, calling out in Latin as he did, presumably a warning for the others. I ran with all my strength after it not noticing much else around me. This vampire was so fast! I looked around to see I was in the lead of the pursuit, a blaze of torches following behind. As soon as I turned my head back towards the vampire in pursuit, he was mid leap, I barely had time to yell out before he was on top of me. His cold body slammed me to the stone ground with titanic force. I tried to struggle against the force holding me down but it was a useless toil. Then the others came and started throwing the torches and hurling various weapons towards the vampire, who was sucking at my neck thirstily. He turned to defend himself against the violent attack, but with a stab of fear I realized it was too late. I was infected by the vampire and probably had his venom flowing in my veins already.

I sat up, and two things registered in my mind, the vampire was running at an impossible speed away from the street, with a man hanging in his mouth, and two bodies and a path of blood lay behind him. The second thing was that my throat was bleeding critically but I couldn't seem to feel the wound. I watched as the rest of the mob left me behind and went in pursuit of the monster. With a stab of fear and grief I realized my life as I knew it was over. I was going to die tonight one way or the other. The disgusting monster had infected me, and I knew the rules my father had strictly laid down. Anything or anyone ever infected by vampire,witch,or any other evil creature must be disposed of in fire.

I didn't doubt for a second my headstrong father would even hesitate that rule for me, his only son. He would burn me as soon as I was found. I didn't think explanations would help reason my father out of burning me alive, so instinctively I crawled to the cellar a few feet from me to hide myself. To save my life.

Then an intense burning pain rocketed through my neck spreading violently through my body. The pain was unbearable, It was hard to think at all but I thought it must be the venom killing me. If I had been more able I would have prayed the prayer my father had taught me since youth, but the pain made me forget everything that was ever important or unimportant to me. I writhed on the stones, miraculously continuing to move towards the cellar. The fiery pain continued scorching my body as I entered the dark cellar. It was a deep cellar, and in the corner there was a stack of rotting potatoes. I couldn't think enough to look for any other kind of concealment so I fought against the pain and dived into the pile, covering the parts of my body that still showed, hoping that someway, somehow I would be rescued from this torture. I kept expecting it to stop but the fierce pain only grew and grew. I stopped praying for rescue. I started praying for death. Death was all I wanted, it would end the pain. Even if I had displeased God, the burning fires of purgatory would be better than this. Maybe I was dead. Maybe this was purgatory. The barbaric fire went on, and on. For what felt like eternity. Endlessly fire went through my veins, burned me inside and out, Endlessly I fought against yelling so that the noise wouldn't bring anyone down to the cellar. Surely I should be dead by now. The fire drove me insane. I started whispering nonsensical prayers. Things like "Send me to the dogs gracious father" and "Send away the dragon lord". Another time this may have amused me. But there was nothing humorous about this endless fire. This inescapable hell.

Finally the pain started to subside. And after what must have been a few hours, stopped all together. The relief was so intense I found myself laughing as I emerged from the pile of potatoes. I hadn't even realized the smell that came from them. After a minute it occurred to me that I was not in fact dead. I was walking in the same cellar I had come in. No. No. The euphoric laughing faded abruptly. I realized what I had become. I was a monster. I was the very thing I had tried to kill only a while ago. I fell to the floor in my shock and despair. As I sunk the cellar seemed to grow darker, and I noticed a stake lying by the far wall of the cellar. I was insanely encouraged by this. I was overjoyed that I could end myself. Rid the world of the animal I had become. I lurched towards it, and a determination I had never experienced before raged through me, and I drove the stake at the heart of my pale body. Thud. I looked down, and the stake hadn't even pierced the skin, despite the crazed force I had attacked myself with. I tried again. The same thing. It didn't work. I wasn't dying. I hadn't even felt the stake's stab.

So I couldn't be killed. Maybe I didn't have to die after all. Maybe I could live peacefully with humans by choice. My hope rose as I thought this and I climbed up out of the dark cellar to find it was day. How long had I been here suffering? I walked out into the now populated London street.

I was quite recovered from my suicidal urges. I was feeling quite uplifted, there should have been a sun shining to match my mood, but the sky was a typical London gray today.

I knew I still couldn't be discovered by friends or relatives so I ducked into a carpenters to figure out my next move away from the busy street. The carpenters was a small room, cramped with various workspaces. I sat down in a chair by the counter and closed my eyes to think. I heard the door open, the creak much more definite than it would have been to human ears I suppose. And then the thirst. I jumped from my seat, my eyes instantly open, reasoning forgotten. I saw a young woman with a small child next to her staring at me in alarm. I fought back the raging urge to sink into the woman's pulsing neck with great difficulty. I was no longer Carlisle. I was a monster. I had to leave the room, running I couldn't take it one more second. I didn't even take time to apologize to the startled woman. I ran away from the carpenters, running from the streets,running from people, running from myself. Soon I saw that there were no people around. It had taken a minute for me to reach the woods, a mile out of town! Clearly I had been naive about my situation. There were many things I didn't know about this evil world I had been cruelly thrown into. There was no co-existing. I still remembered the scent of the woman's blood in my head and I had to fight the urge to go back. Imagine! I even wanted to hunt down an innocent mother just for her blood. I had to end myself. I refused to harm anyone because of what I was. In my mind I possibilities of ending this world. Ending the animal inside me.

Please Review-It only takes a minute and the next chapter doesn't come until I get at least one review guys!! lol. So please just take the time to post a little review.

CHAPTER TWO: Suicide

London was the best place if you were planning a suicide, I thought perversely. My mental list consisted of jumping from the tallest building in the city, Drowning, Burning, and Starvation. All of these things easily accessible in London with tall buildings, A big ocean right by it, many witch burnings, and plenty of people to not eat. I'm sure some sort of stabbing would be on the list, but I was sure if a stake wouldn't do it, not much else would. It pained me somewhat to dwell on such masochistic topics, it wasn't in my nature to dwell on evil or bad thoughts. But this situation was dire, and required that I have the strength to end myself and my thirst for human blood. It was more helpful knowing how much I needed to avoid people, but after that first scent the thirst stayed no matter where I was. My throat was dry, and if I so much as thought of the scent venom would flow in my mouth. It was abominable.

The first thing on my deranged list was jumping from a great heights. I was staring at the tallest building in London. I just had to climb it. I didn't want to go inside where there were people around, and climb from inside. But scanning the outside I could see I was just going to have to use determination to get me up the building. I walked in the doorway holding my breath, so that the scent might not enter my head. After a minute I didn't get short of breath still so I just kept holding it. Not breathing. I climbed up the rickety staircases inside that led to the top and hoped there would be some kind of trapdoor leading to the roof. I was still able to hold my breath by the time I got to the last staircase. I no longer needed to breathe in this unnatural life either. I scanned the ceiling for a sign of a trap door, and found one lying a little way from the staircase. Why had they chosen to place it there of all places? They should have known a foul newborn vampire would come looking to kill himself from the roof. I checked below. To make sure no one was watching from below, the prepared to make a jump for the string and then haul myself from there. It was surprisingly easy for me to do that, actually, so when I was on the roof I walked to the south side-less people- and thought joyfully, this sick and lonely world is over now, no human or animal could survive this fall. I jumped, well leaped really, from the side of the building and just enjoyed the fall. I hit the ground with a thud. Why? I was in despair. I was indestructible, and I hated it. I was perfectly unscathed, and I was disappointed. I devotedly followed my list of suicidal possibilities, and all were useless. I was impenetrable even in the hottest of fires, and I didn't need to inhale and exhale like anything normal in this world so drowning hadn't worked either. The last was starvation. This had to work. Vampires needed blood. There were some things I knew absolutely about this world. I'd been studying it for years. I need blood to survive. I can't live in sun...That was it! No vampire can survive sun. I just had to wait for a sunny day here in Britain, and walk out. All this turmoil, when it was really that simple!

It was one week before the sun shone. Typical of this land. I was happy with just the meek rays that the sun gave today. I came out from the cellar, which I had made my dwelling place, and beamed at the sun as I came as directly under it as I could in the alley. I didn't feel any pain, so I looked at myself. I was on fire! So this was it. This was the kind of fire that would kill me, a strange glittering fire that wasn't even hot. I stood there waiting for the end. I smelt the blood before I heard the gasp. A man with shabby clothes, taking his horse on a shortcut through the alley, stood their with his mouth open in surprise. I smiled at him as encouragingly as I could. He looked even more frightened now than before.

"Don't be alarmed! This is just errmm an experiment" I said.

The man's mouth shut closed and his expression became slightly more composed.

"Err. Right. Good Day Sir." he responded walking hurriedly along.

That was a disaster evaded. Thank god his stench had somewhat covered the scent of the blood I thirsted so. I was glad I had determination because otherwise this thirst would be unendurable. The thought of my condition brought me back to the fire that was supposed to be killing me. The sun still shone in the alley, and the fire was still there, but I wasn't feeling anything. I was, obviously, not going to die.

"Arrrr" I yelled to the sun in frustration. I started to kick the wall in front of me continuously until I had calmed down. How was it so hard to kill myself, my blood thirsting, foul self? My ears picked up the sound of footsteps approaching so I rushed back into the cellar, out of sight. The footsteps got closer and louder, and then a pale man, dressed in blackened clothes stepped into the cellar.

"Hello." He said before I had the chance to react, or run.

"Don't worry. I know the secret. I'm like you. I'm a vampire too." He continued in a sleek voice. It was the sort of voice I imagined a high offense prisoner would have. I looked again at the man to get a better look. He was pale, with black hair trailing in his eyes. And his eyes were red. It was obvious that he was speaking the truth. But was he really like me? Did I really look so malignant? Was this my mirror image? Yes. I thought. This is what I must look like now. I look like what I am.

"I've been watching you ever since you emerged from the cellar changed." he continued

I looked at him in surprise.

"Tell me, why do you not eat. Surely you know...how?"

I hated him for brining it up. I hated the creature for following me, acting as if he was my newfound parent in this life.

"How do you know I haven't eaten. I could've while you weren't watching." I challenged

"I am an avid watcher, Friend. And your eyes do not glow a healthy red as they should." He answered.

So my eyes did not glow red as his did. How had he put it? A healthy red? The red I saw in his eyes was far from healthy.

"Ah. Well. I don't eat because I refuse to. I can't do that to innocent men and women" I said.

The man laughed at me. A wicked laugh. A vampire laugh.

"Well. I also see you jumping from buildings, disappearing in the ocean, and jumping into burning fires. I can only make the assumption you intend to kill yourself. Maybe you will stop resisting your natural diet if you knew that starvation doesn't work either?"

I was horrified. All I knew, all I'd learned, was a falsehood. I needed educating. I needed to know from someone who had the experience how I could kill myself.

"Will you teach me how?" I asked the man

"To kill yourself?" the monster laughed. " Well it'd be extremely difficult for you to. First you'd have to cut yourself into tiny pieces with a sword, or something equivalent. Then burn those pieces. Like I say, Impossible. If you feel like joining are coven, you can follow me though."

How could the monster be so nonchalant about his state? How did he laugh at me for even thinking of not succumbing to my 'natural diet'. I wasn't alike with this animal. He was uncivilized, and as foul as vampires are described. And he wasn't even fighting against it. This vampire was not, after all, my mirror image

"I don't think so." I said bleakly.

"Very Well. I shall leave you. Farewell, Friend." He said, and with that he disappeared out of sight.

My head was swimming with the painful information I had discovered. I was alone in this world, just as much as I was alone in the human world. I wouldn't be able to kill myself, like he had said. The grief was driving me insane. I wanted so badly to sleep. But many nights of lying awake on the cellar floor had proved to me that that too was impossible. Impossible. Everything I'd hoped for in this life was impossible.

I ran out past the streets, past the woods, past everything I knew. I must have wandered for days. It felt like going insane. I longed for contact with another person, but the wraiths in London did not share my world, and they would only convince me eventually to be a red eyed fiend like them. The humans would all suspect my identity. I had never experienced loneliness to this degree. I wandered around in the wild, thirsty and deranged. I had experienced loneliness when my father shunned me from his sight. I had experienced loneliness when all men lost their faith in me as a vampire raider. But never had I been so alone and desperate as I was now.

One day, or night, it was hard to tell, my senses tinged and the venom flew, and the scent of blood clouded my head. Why would a human wander so far? It was unbearable. Then I heard the pattering of hooves against the wet grass. It was animals. I crouched instinctively and watched as they came into sight. The thirst was all I was thinking of, so without a doubt or hesitation, the animal inside me pounced. As I sucked the blood from the animal, my mania lessened. With each rush of blood my mind became more controlled. So this was my answer. My compromise with the bloodthirsty beast inside me. Veal had been considered a fine meal in my human life. Was this not too considered as a humane meal? These were terms I could live with. I couldn't harm innocent humans. The creature couldn't not drink blood. Yes. We thought. Animal blood. Yes. Thats a condition I can live with. If this life is living at all.

Please Review!! It will take a minute-just go to the box below and click go. The type out what you thought...easy eh? Thank you.