Sharon could almost call tonight tolerable before she saw Andrea walking towards the crowded bar just behind the tall and lanky form of the newest ADA, Tonya Martin. The two women made a striking pair as the younger red-head pushed forward to place an order as Andrea seemed to navigate the linked couple with a hand on the other woman's lower back. Even from her distant vantage point Sharon could see several men attempt to distract their course with winning and decidedly charming smiles but the lawyers weren't swayed and laughed intimately with each other every few steps. Upon reaching the bartender ADA Martin leaned back and spoke a few words to the DDA while Andrea looked at her with such openness that Sharon's heart hurt.
Turning sharply away Sharon could feel the heat of embarrassment and helplessness coursing through her body. After months of turning down the tepid invites to join her team at the local watering hole Sharon finally felt both secure enough in their respect and stressed out enough to take up their offer. There were the usual murders, lawlessness, and corresponding lack of humanity to make it preferable to drown the memories of the last few days. Not to mention the anxiety of Rusty's last-minute class projects and periodic track meets to keep her constantly on the move in her supposed free time. Any of these might be the impetus that got her team to get the normally formal and reserved captain to stand in the bar faking a laugh over the blare and the noise. But she doubted that any of her talented crew had any idea that it was the pain from a horrible argument with the younger blonde currently ten or fifteen feet away that she was trying her best to numb.
The annual policeman's ball was in three months and it was a pretty big deal both in the law enforcement community and the city. Last weekend Andrea leaned over as they watched Downstairs Abbey to get her opinion of the gown that she was eyeing and a slight misunderstanding morphed quite quickly into loud and caustic break up. Unbeknownst to either woman they both had vastly differing views of that fateful day. For Sharon it was to be like any other ball when she arrived impeccably dressed but alone. Andrea was quite vehement in her outrage that her girlfriend of almost five months did not think it appropriate that they attend the public event together. They had not spoken a word to each other since that did not occur at the office and include references to an active case.
It wasn't that Sharon couldn't see Andrea's side of the situation but the normally warm woman's complete freezing of emotions was startling. Sharon wasn't the type to need anyone especially after pulling a life together after her beloved husband curtly informed her of his displeasure with their marriage as his bags lay packed in his running car more than twenty years ago. In the DDA Sharon found a companion that caused delicious possibilities of physical attraction and mental intrigue that lovers of years past never impressed. But even with those growing ties she hadn't expected their affection and chemistry to evolve into love. Seeing Andrea wrapped around another woman less than a month after their break up was too much and Sharon quickly excused herself to the bathroom. For the first time of the night she was glad that Amy hadn't been able to join the group because no doubt the chipper detective would feel obligated to join her.
With her head down and cool wet paper towel resting on her neck Sharon tried her best to think up a subtle way to slip out before being spotted by her ex when every prayer she'd sent up to a hopefully merciful God was cast aside with burning fury as both Andrea and Tonya walked in laughing. "Oh my God does he even know that every woman here has heard him say that line at least once?" Tonya laughed as she checked her makeup in the mirror and turned to walk into a stall.
"Well maybe he keeps saying it because it works just that good." Oh my God please. Please. Please don't let this be happening Sharon kept repeating in her head as Andrea leaned up against the sink facing away from the mirror. How the hell was she going to get out of the bathroom without that horrible awkwardness of seeing the woman she fully expected to be love of her life already moved on to a younger more attractive option. Just as Sharon was resigning herself to wrapping her face in wet towels another group of slightly inebriated women came offering a distraction but just as she hurried out Andrea pulled her arm to hand her back the compact she'd forgotten. "Hey you forgot…" Andrea started but the words died as their eyes met.
"Okay here's the deal if short creepy guy gets a girl with that line I'll buy you dinner and if not you owe me?" Tonya said as she moved towards the sink completely ignoring the tension between the silent women. It was enough of an opening that Sharon slipped out without another look back and as she said her goodbyes to her guys she kept a sharp look out for Andrea. Her only thought was making it to the car before she fell apart but just as she reached to pull open the door a familiar hand was grabbing her shoulder. "I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me." Sharon said as the scent of jasmine wafted forward enveloping her.
"Sharon"
"Don't. I'm fine" The older woman responded again without facing the blonde but she could not hide from Andrea's concerned stare reflected in the Audi's windows.
"Can't we please talk?"
"You're busy and I should be getting back to Rusty." There was no warble or shake in her voice but Sharon knew that the breaking wasn't that far away. For years she'd cultivated an image of a cold-hearted bitch without any feelings and for the next ten seconds Sharon was determined to maintain that façade for the one person who probably knew better than any her deceit. "I didn't mean to pull you away from your…" struggling with another deep breath the mask almost fell "…I just need to go." Righting the mask and clearing her eyes Sharon turned around and smiled before she pulled the car door open.
"Please I'd like to talk to you. It'll only be a second and it's important." What in the hell could suddenly be so fucking important because for the past few days Andrea hadn't felt the need to speak a single word to her Sharon thought to herself as the blonde looked down at her with a frown. Nodding her head of course Sharon was suddenly enlightened. Andrea was going to give her the speech about them not working as a couple but they could become friends. Of course. As the newest DDA Andrea would dread making noticeable waves at major crimes especially if they spilled out in front of her colleagues. If anyone could be professional under difficult circumstances it's me even if it fucking kills me Sharon mumbled to herself as Andrea climbed into the passenger side. "Thanks for not peeling off" Andrea said with a slight but forced chuckle into the darkness.
"So?"
"I know I'm" Andrea started and then paused to rub her hands across her face. "I'm probably the last person you want to see right now but I just had to say this to you." With each word that fell from the blonde's lips the ache in Sharon's heart grew but she remained silent hoping that the official breakup would at least be quick. "You have every reason to never want to speak to me again but I'm hoping that you'll give me a chance to explain and maybe make things right." At the unexpected words Sharon's mouth fell open but she remained silent and cautiously looked at the younger woman for the first time tonight. Andrea had no idea that her preface left Sharon shook because she continued speaking while intently looking forward. "When you said that you didn't want to go to the ball with me the only thing that I could hear was that you didn't really love me. That what we had didn't mean as much to you as it did to me."
"Drea I…" Sharon started but was shortly cut off with a soft finger brushing her lips.
"No please let me get this out." It was the first time that Sharon could hear pain in the other woman's voice. "I love you so much Sharon. I've not ever wanted a life with anyone as much as I wanted one with you." Cobalt orbs shimmered with rising tears as Andrea forced words through a tightening throat. "I didn't even give you a chance to explain before I started yelling and screaming at you. I cannot tell you how sorry I am. We have always been able to talk out whatever problems we had. I completely disregarded that and you. I'm sorry."
Immediately the vise on Sharon's chest loosened as she had to physically restrain herself from taking the lawyer's hand although the confusion bled through as she responded. "You don't have to"
"I do. I was acting like an insecure teenager until Tonya got me to see how you were probably just used to keeping your private life completely hidden from years of hostility from working IA. You had to do that just to protect your family from any dirty cop with a score to settle." Because of the dark Andrea couldn't see the tears that were freely falling down Sharon's face. For the first time since landing in internal affairs someone else understood the constant struggle she faced. Every other cop could talk proudly about their loved ones to brothers in arms but for Sharon even a brief mention could be used to target those she loved most. It was such a constant and overwhelming burden that she had forgotten how to even express its weight. That there was finally someone who could acknowledge this even if it was because of another person's explanations was beyond amazing. "I know I messed up and doubted you. You never hid me from the people that mattered so if you need to keep your professional part of your life separate from us than I can accept that. I hope that there can still be an us. Can you please forgive me?" Andrea looked at her with such pain in her eyes that Sharon could barely stand to hold her stare.
In that moment Sharon could see all that they could both have if they were strong enough to move beyond past mistakes. Yes it had been necessary to use her rank and position as a barrier between herself and the rest of the world but as strange as it seemed those days were over. She was now part of a team even if that was a painful adjustment for all concerned. Why shouldn't she be proud to walk into the convention center with the most beautiful and successful DDA in Los Angeles. Moving to lean closer Sharon stroked Andrea's cheek and whispered "I would be so proud and honored if you would be my date for the policeman's ball" just before a gentle kiss.