Author's notes:
As a fan of the TV show The Mentalist and its related fanfics, I've admired the work of writer Hayseed Socrates. A new project by Hayseed is to produce one or more haiku summaries for each of The Mentalist's episodes.
Hayseed Socrates' project is titled, "The Mentalist in Briefs," and it's a fun exercise that has inspired my own effort here. I appreciate Hayseed blessing my use of the concept for Frasier. I've favorited "The Mentalist in Briefs" in my profile and encourage you to read it - it's one of the most creative approaches to fanfic I've seen. And it's handled by the writer with skill and wit.
Some episodes have more than one haiku. Also, traditional haiku focuses on nature; these do not. A writing note: I cheat on the word "Frasier" - it's either two or three syllables depending on what I need; I use "Fras" when I need one syllable. Although I've checked and rechecked, some of the haiku below may still violate the 5-7-5 syllables per line rule.
*****Frasier Haiku for Season 1 Episodes*****
Episode 01x01: "The Good Son"
Martin? Comes to stay.
Daphne? "I'm a bit psychic."
Eddie? Quit staring!
Episode 01x02: "Space Quest"
"And you are?" "- Daphne Moon."
"Egghead! Egghead!" Go fetch beer.
My privacy? Gone.
Episode 01x03: "Dinner At Eight"
Niles meets Daph - epic!
Boys meet steaks - gastronomic!
Ties meet end - tragic!
Episode 01x04: "I Hate Frasier Crane"
Let's eat together
Like a family, and I'll
Say a long prayer.
-or-
Why do you hate me?
Lines are open; call me now.
Fisticuffs at noon.
Episode 01x05: "Here's Looking At You"
I spy Irene. Whoa!
Irene spies me. Can we talk?
Telescopes are fun.
-or-
Some people are weird -
Aunt Patrice trees 'nother one.
Has she had a stroke?
Episode 01x06: "The Crucible"
This painting is fake.
Really? So what? Deal with it.
'Peachfuzz' shatters glass.
Episode 01x07: "Call Me Irresponsible"
Christmas: dog antlers,
Sweatered brothers on Packard,
Octob'r 21?
Episode 01x08: "Beloved Infidel"
Crane first date, you ask?
Collapses in tears, says Niles.
Frasier confirms it.
-or-
Things appear one way,
When the truth lurks somewhere else.
Ask Martin, he knows.
Episode 01x09: "Selling Out"
Call it Lullubelle?
Or Intrepid? You decide.
Boats don't name themselves.
-or-
"I am an agent,
Not a pimp," says Bebe G.
Humph! How can you tell?
-or-
You've got a bright future,
Says Bebe Glazer, agent
Extraordinaire.
Episode 01x10: "Oops"
Therapy burden -
Multiple personal'ty
Name tags. Niles fills out.
-or-
Scent-marking devan?
Maris' musicale group should
Never perform "Cats."
Episode 01x11: "Death Becomes Him"
In event of death,
A Crane crafts plans to prepare.
What could go awry?
-or-
Fras attends a wake.
After consoling, what's next?
A gal hits on him!
Episode 01x12: "Miracle on Third or Fourth Street"
Fras and Roz exchange
Gifts. Roz gives brief case - classy!
Fras? Toy mike - poor choice.
-or-
Hazing for new hires:
A designated driver
For drunk Bonnie Weems.
-or-
Sad Christmas stories?
Call Frasier Crane now - he's there
To listen to them.
Episode 01x13: "Guess Who's Coming To Breakfast?"
Dad goes on a date -
And Elaine's still here? Now that's
Something to discuss.
Episode 01x14: "Can't Buy Me Love"
Bachelor auction -
Frasier Crane participates.
Doomed to fail? Of course.
Episode 01x15: "You Can't Tell a Crook By His Cover"
Frasier's well-honed mind
Can deduce the crook, often
By the third attempt.
Episode 01x16: "The Show Where Lilith Comes Back"
The "peach" that got away
Comes to wreak havoc on Fras.
Killer headaches start.
Episode 01x17: "A Midwinter Night's Dream"
Niles and Daph alone.
Storm brews - by that I mean Niles.
Thoughts stray but chimes change.
Episode 01x18: "And the Whimper Is…"
Brad McNamara
Can't make his date with Roz Doyle.
Paging Noel Shempsky!
Episode 01x19: "Give Him the Chair!"
Hide Maris' necklace.
How about down Daphne's blouse?
She will never look there!
-or-
Repair Martin's chair?
Use duct tape to seal the breach.
But don't let Fras see.
Episode 01x20: "Fortysomething"
Father and son shopping.
Does that girl like me? Oh, my!
It won't work - so sad.
Episode 01x21: "Travels With Martin"
The Winnebago -
What sign should we put on it?
"Whoopin' Cranes" says Niles.
-or-
Green cards, border stops -
Travel is complicated.
Let's see Yellowstone!
Episode 01x22: "Author, Author"
Bro and bro - pen book…
Writing goes way, way too slow…
Bro v. bro - a fight!
Episode 01x23: "Frasier Crane's Day Off"
Fras sick? Fears rivals.
Fras as patient? Worst ever.
Fras on meds? Amuck.
-or-
Signs of spring - new growth,
Warmer temperatures, and
First floater in Sound.
Episode 01x24: "My Coffee With Niles"
Fras and Niles talk 'bout
"Sports, chicks, monster truck rallies"?
Nah. "Are you happy?"
-or-
Here's a question, Niles:
"Are you in love with Daphne?"
Don't spew your coffee.
Author's note:
Thank you for reading this project.
My profile page includes a guide to all the Frasier, Mentalist, and Grantchester stories I've written.