Spiderman 3 parody
Peter: You are about to see a deep psychological film in which the hero will encounter his inner darkness and battle his demon… Just kidding! Hi. I'm the narrator and of course, your friendly neighborhood Spiderman! And guess what, people like me now!
Jameson (jumps into view): Spiderman is a menace! A monster, I tell you, a-
Peter (shoves him out of the way): As I was saying, guess what? People like me!!
(Peter goes to MJ's show)
MJ (sings):
Bugging you
Is easy 'cause you're buggable
And bugging you
Is all I ever want to do-oooooooooooooooooooo
Bugging you
Is more than just my dreams come true
Lalalalala Lalalalala Lala-
Audience (both movie and theatre): STOP! Please stop!!
MJ: How was I?
Peter: You were amazing! Fantastic! Bombastic!
MJ: Tell me again!
Peter: Spectacular! Enchanting!
MJ: Again!
An hour later, MJ continues to listen as Peter's voice from a tape recorder praises her over and over again.
Peter: I can understand if you asked me once or twice, but this is ridiculous!
MJ (seeing Harry): Harry! How'd you like the play?
Harry: It was sooooo gooood!
Peter: Harry-
Harry (slaps him and leaves): Shut up! (Oh wait. That was in the second movie.)
--
(Marko enters his house. Wife sees him.)
Wife: What are you doing here? Get out!
Marko: I'm here to see my daughter.
Daughter: Daddy, I feel so sick.
Marko: Don't worry. I'll rob some banks and get enough money so we can afford a cure for your fever.
Wife: You're a criminal. You-You even killed someone!
Marko (exiting through window): I'm not a bad person. I just had bad luck.
Wife: Um, you're not going to say that for the rest of this story, are you?
Marko (walking down the street and chanting loudly): I'm not a bad person. I just had bad luck. I'm not a bad person. I just had bad luck.
Wife (sighs): Too late.
--
(Peter and MJ are in a park.)
MJ: Don't you think someone would see this giant web, which could only be made by Spiderman, and become suspicious?
Peter: Um, hey look! A meteorite!
(Meteorite falls from the sky and parks, er I mean, crashes right next to Peter's bike. Symbiote crawls out.)
Symbiote: I suck at driving. I'll just hitch a ride instead. (It attaches to Peter's bike.)
--
Peter: I want to marry MJ.
Aunt May: A man must put his wife before himself and a woman must put her husband before herself. When two people in a relationship respect one another and have an equal- Wait just a second. Sorry. Let me start over again. A man must put his wife before himself. Can you do that?
Peter: I can do that.
Aunt May: Of course. All you do is give and all she does is take. You're a spineless wimp. Why did I even ask you that question? Anyway, here's the ring.
Peter (awed and holds it carefully): It is a gift. A gift to the foes of Mordor. Why not use this ring? Long has my uncle, Ben of New York, kept the forces of Mordor at bay. By the blood of our people are your lands kept safe. Give NY the weapon of the enemy. Let us use it against him.
Aunt May: You cannot wield it. None of us can. The One Ring answers to…What the f- Did we just read from the wrong script?
(Peter looks at the script and laughs sheepishly)
--
(Peter is going home on his bike. Suddenly, Harry flies down and attacks him.)
Peter: AAAHHH!! Surprise attack! Wait, what happened to my Spider-sense?
Harry: You killed my daddy!
Peter: You're-
Harry: You killed my father and were even treated like you were his son!!
Peter: Why are you-
Harry: You killed him!!
Peter: You decided to become some kind of airborne surfer?
Harry (calms down): Oh. I'm the New Goblin. This is my costume. Now, where was I? Oh yeah. (Yells again) You took away my father!
(They fight and Harry hits his head.)
Peter: Harry? Are you alright?
Harry (speaks with British accent): I've got to fight Voldemort!
Peter (freaked out with wide eyes): ……..what?
Harry: I'm a wizard!
(Peter slowly looks around to make sure no one is looking and then hits Harry on the head. Harry falls down unconscious.)
Harry (wakes up): Peter! Buddy!
Peter: Are you all right? How does your head feel?
Harry: Sooooo gooood. (Notices what he's wearing) Why am I dressed up as some kind of surfer from outer space?
Peter: You know, if that costume was silver…
--
(Marko is being chased by cops and dogs.)
Marko: Ha ha. Run, run as fast as you can; you can't catch me, I'm- (He falls into a hole filled with sand) crap.
Scientist 1 in control center: Time to begin our experiment.
Scientist 2: Wait! There's something in there.
Scientist 1: Oh, it'll go away.
Scientist 2: We can't be careless and what is the point of this experiment anyway?
Scientist 1: This is how Sandman is created.
Scientist 2: Um, we don't know that. That's not our intention.
Marko: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!! I'm melting. I'm melting…into sand!!
Police: We have entered this poorly-secured field where a highly dangerous experiment is being carried out. We can't find Marko anywhere. Oh well, let's just go home now.
--
MJ: Look at this review. I suck!
Peter: You want to talk about your feelings and how you are hurt by this review, but let me talk about Spiderman.
MJ: Me! Me! I'm hurt and vulnerable and I just want to talk to someone, but I keep coming across as a self-centered brat.
Police Scanner: There's trouble, Spiderman!
Peter: The Spider-Signal! What's wrong?
Police Scanner: A crane has gone wild!
Peter (confused): A crane went…wild?
--
Gwen (like a kid): Look! A crane!
Supermodel with common sense: Don't just stand there, Gwen! Run!
Gwen: Crane! (The next second, she's hanging from the remains of the building's floor)
Capt. Stacy (casually): Hey look. There's my daughter.
Gwen (looks down): Hi daddy! (She waves at him and almost falls down)
Brock (casually): Oh look. There's Gwen.
Stacy: Who are you?
Brock (shakes his hand): I'm her boyfriend.
Gwen (yells down to people below): I'm getting scared now!!
Stacy: Hang on, kiddo. So, what do you do?
Gwen: Help!!
Brock: I'm a photographer and I'm a huge fan of Star Wars and Spiderman. I even have Spiderman bed sheets and learned some moves from him…Why did that sound so familiar?
Gwen: I'm going to fall!
(Spiderman saves Gwen)
Guy in wild crane: Hey! What about me?
Spiderman: Sorry. You're not a good-looking supermodel.
--
Brock (in Daily Bugle): I want a job.
Jameson: What do you have on your resume, dumbass?
Brock (looks spooked): Um, my name is Brock, sir.
Peter: I worked here longer. I should have the job.
Jameson: Dumbass! Parker! The first one of you to get a picture of Spiderman committing a crime wins.
--
Gwen: Spiderman, we would like to present you with the key to the city.
Some people (to Spiderman): Kiss her! Kiss her!
Some people (to Gwen): Kiss him! Kiss him!
Other people: Kiss it! Kiss it!
Gwen: Really? Is it okay if I kiss you?
Spiderman: Well, I do have a girlfriend and even though this is my first relationship, it's obvious that she would become upset. Eh, what the heck? (sees Marko robbing an armored truck) I'm the sheriff in these parts. Who are you?
Marko: I'm not a bad person. I just had bad luck.
Will Spiderman defeat the sympathetic Sandman? Will Eric Foreman, I mean Eddie Brock, get the job? Stay tuned for more. Please review.