Sailor to Venus
By Sharan McQuack, Launchpad's wife.
Based on" Interplanetary Postman" in Gladstone's Ducktales #10.
I tried to rewrite this story before, but my first attempt was too much like the original story- just with Launchpad flying the rocket. This second attempt is more unique.
Still nudging Disney/Gemstone to print the rest of Disney's Ducktales and Gladstone's Ducktales in book form, along with "Scrooge's Quest" and "The Gold Odyssey".
Guess what! Another story starring Donald Duck!
Honest, Daisy, if YOU want him, as far as I'm concerned, you can have him with my compliments.
Donald Duck was happy. Donald was working as a letter carrier for the Duckburg Post Office.
"Why didn't I think of working for the US government as a civil servant BEFORE? I don't have to work for Flinty- or beg my Uncle Scrooge for a job! My "Uncle Sam" hired me and not in the Navy this time! The pay is good, so are the benefits." Donald thought.
" And I don't even have to worry about losing my temper! I deliver my letters at the crack of dawn- the rest of the world is asleep- even if I "lose it"- no witness! Nobody to get angry, scared or over-react!" Donald mused.
And Donald then thought about a certain Miss Daisy- every time he asked her to marry him, she had always given him the same answer:
"First, keep a steady job for more than two years. THEN, we'll talk!"
Donald never could keep a job for longer than a year because of his temper.
That was part of the reason Donald had joined the Navy- he figured he had to keep that job for at least 4 years. But less than 2 years later, he was almost court-martialized.(1) Then, the Navy gave him an honorable discharge. I think that was the Navy's way of apologizing for accusing him of being a spy. And Donald so hated the Navy he was glad to accept it and scram.
" THIS job I like! Maybe I can keep it!" Donald thought.
But one fine day, a probe-rocket landed in the lawn of the Duckburg post office.
And a pre-recorded message played:
"Attention Earthers! We, the people of Venus, have discovered you have mail addressed to US that you are withholding! You will deliver these letters to us as soon as possible- or it will be our unhappy duty to declare WAR on the Planet Earth! We do NOT wish to do this. Please deliver the letters addressed to us- swiftly!" the probe said.
Naturally, the officials thought it was a joke. But when they examined the rocket to find out who made it, they found it was made with materials not found on Earth! And they couldn't figure out how the fool thing flew.
So they finally came to the conclusion that it was legit- and they better deliver those letters- or have a War of the Worlds on their hands. And nobody wanted a Battle of the Planets.
"But those letters were written by kids and kooks!" One Official objected.
"That's THEIR problem!" Another replied.
Now, a letter carrier from Duckburg had to deliver those letters. Since Donald was the letter carrier most recently hired, guess who had to go?
They called DASA who prepared a spaceship. DASA needed an astronaut to fly the spaceship and all their regular astronauts were busy on other missions, so they asked Launchpad, who agreed to go. I tagged along as photographer/reporter. I didn't like the new astronaut suit I had to wear.
"I haven't been this uncomfortable since I dressed like a blue vixen in that play we put on for Valentine's Day." I said.
"How do you think I felt? I had to dress up like a rooster and lip-sync to an Elvis song! But it was fun- and it was for charity" Launchpad replied.
Donald was not too keen to go.
"Do you want to lose your job?" Launchpad asked him.
"NO!" Donald said.
"Will they fire you if you don't go?" Launchpad inquired.
"YES!" Donald admitted.
"Are you coming?" Launchpad asked.
"OK, OK." Donald said.
But Launchpad had to pick him up and carry him to get him on board the space ship. I managed to board with my dignity intact.
We strapped ourselves in. Donald prayed and cursed Ben Franklin(2)in turns.
We blasted off thru the atmosphere to the wild BLACK yonder.
Rocket Science is apparently more advanced in Earth-Disney than "Here". Not only has DASA sent Launchpad to Mars (3), Launchpad, Mr. McDuck and Giz went to the Planetoid Punkus where the Robot Aliens dwelled.(4)
So after a short trip, we approached a planet. And landed. Donald, in a hurry to get this over with, ran out of the ship with the bag of mail.
"No, Donald- not yet!" yelled Launchpad.
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL!" DONALD SCREAMED.
Seeing an alien carrying a large bag. It looked like a letter carrier with a mailbag. Donald handed him his mailbag. It looked thru the letters, then said in perfect English:
"I say, old man, you seem to be quite lost. These letters are addressed to Venus. This is Mars, not Venus."
Donald just stared at it.
" I TRIED to tell you that, Donald- this is Mars, not Venus." Launchpad said.
"What are we doing on Mars if we're going to Venus?" Donald asked.
"It's kind of complicated, but the only way to get to Venus this time of the year is to make a "pit stop" on Mars. It has to do with the alignment of the planets- something is blocking a direct trip to Venus, so we have to stop on Mars to avoid it. I'm still learning about that sort of thing at the Duckburg Flying Academy." Launchpad explained.
"Don't you understand it?" Donald demanded.
"Do you have to understand why there is a roadblock up ahead- or is it enough to know you have to make a detour to get where you are going?" Launchpad replied.
"But we got to hurry back to our spaceship or we'll miss our launch window." Launchpad said.
So we hastened back to the ship and blasted off again. Another short trip later, and we approached another planet.
"Now that's Venus!" Launchpad said.
As we landed, Donald rang a "doorbell" twice.
"Why did you do that for?" Launchpad asked.
"Tradition. The Postman ALWAYS rings twice." Donald explained.
There was an alien city right near to where we landed- but nobody was around. and the city had no doors and no windows.
"Are they hiding from us?" I asked.
"Why would they insist we bring them their stupid mail and then hide from us?" Donald replied.
"Wait a minute , look here. A road leading down. And storm drains on either side of it. Know what? I think they get a lot of weather here, so their city is enclosed. No windows or doors to let the rain in- and the entrance is underground someplace." Launchpad commented.
That made sense, so we followed the road down. When we got to the bottom, some Venusians were waiting for us. They were VERY tall and they looked mean.
"Have you FINALLY delivered our mail?" One asked.
"Yes. But we never said it was worth reading. Everybody on Earth thought Venus had no life- certainly no intelligent life. These letters were written by children and kooks!" explained Launchpad, hoping to keep them from getting angry when they read the nonsense in the letters.
"Is THAT why you never delivered our mail?" One inquired.
"Because we didn't think there was anybody here to read it? Yeah, that was the reason." Launchpad replied.
The Venusians looked thru the letters.
"These are silly! Wait- this one interests us. It is from a young man on Earth. He says he is 17 and lonely- because he is 7 feet tall. He wants to know if there are Venusian girls he could date." One commented.
"I know how he feels- I was too tall for my age, too! But he's got it a lot worse than I did!" Launchpad thought.
"Please bring this young man here. If he marries a Venusian girl, they can be a bridge between our two planets and insure peace between our world." One said.
"But he's just an ordinary joe- not a Prince or King!" I protested, seeing the address on the letter.
"All the better. Kings get overthrown, Princes get killed by younger brothers, countries get conquered- an "ordinary joe" is safest for an ambassador- which is what we want this young man to be." One said.
He gave us some photos of some young single Venusian girls to show to the young man and we went home to fetch him.
Using the return address on the envelope to find Tall Teen, we showed him the photos. The pretty Venusian girls impressed him very much and he gladly agreed to come.
Tall Teen boarded the spaceship with us.
"Where shall I sit?" he asked Launchpad, for Tall Teen was too tall for the chairs.
"Anyplace you want to?" Launchpad joked "But how's about on the life raft?"
That made sense and was comfortable.
We arrived on Venus soon after. Tall Teen brought them a gift: a special computer/transmitter that could send "e-mails" and internet signals from Venus to Earth and receive same from Earth to Venus.
Tall Teen stayed on Venus, the better to get to know pretty Venusian girls. After we got home, we soon received word via e-mail that he had married one of them. So peace was thus insured between Earth and Venus.
The End.
(1)In the "Spy in our eyes" episode
(2) Ben founded the US Postal Service.
(3) "The Right Duck"
(4) "SuperDucktales"