Disclaimer: I do not own Legolas, Gimli, sharpies, or any other concept in this fic, however, Legolas's middle name belongs to me...so read and enjoy!
Legolas and Gimli were enjoying the midday meal in the halls of Minis Tirith, all battles, wars and obnoxious telephone marketers set aside for the moment so as to be able to eat their roasted pork in peace. They sat, just the two of them, in the dinning hall with the sun's light streaming joyfully through the open windows as Gimli helped himself to another slice of bread. "This is quite the fortunate time where we can sit at a table and not worry about orcs and goblins springing up from all sides. Though I must say, all this peace is making my ax restless," said the dwarf as he managed to fit a large piece of meat into his mouth. "Bfft wom kum cumpln?" he said, his mouth full of pork.
"Come again?" said Legolas as he paused in the process of lifting a dainty slice of pear into his mouth in the utmost politest form.
"But who could complain?" Gimli repeated, his mouth having been emptied of it's obstructions. "The only bothersome thing that has happened in the past month is one of Merry's friends insisting that he had a third name! Bah! He spoke of nonsense and 'middle names' for a long while before I simply gave up on him and played along. Poor fool, must not have been right in the head!" he pounded a thick fist on the wooden table for emphasis and looked up at the elf to await his response.
But rather than nodding and agreeing, Legolas looked puzzled at Gimli, his brow furrowed in a confused expression. "Is that strange to you? To elves, it is not an uncommon thing to have a third name. I myself have a complete name of Legolas P. Greenleaf," he said, almost matter of factly.
Gimli's eyes widened, his hidden mouth opening wide under his thick auburn beard. "So what the Halfling said was true! By George that is one of the strangest things I have heard since I was a young lad and—wait…Legolas P. Greenleaf? What does the 'P' stand for?" His voice rattled off the first things that popped into his mind, and his last comment dissolved the smirk of 'I-knew-something-you-didn't' look on Legolas's face. The elf quickly grew silent and averted his gaze to his pear that had still yet to make it into his mouth. "Come now, tell your friend what your third name is!" chanted Gimli when his question was not answered.
Legolas, instead of staying to endure Gimli's continuous questioning any longer, picked up his plate and left, taking his pear bits and geometrically cut pork slices with him. The dwarf was left in the dinning hall in a terribly flustered mood, and he quickly started off to find his friend shouting "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't know it was a secret!" as he went. Quick were the feet of elves, though, and he spent a long fruitless chase hobbling on his short legs to find Legolas and apologize. His quest led him to the outside where Legolas was sitting in a tree that dangled its branches over the river, the plate that the elf had taken with him sitting on the ground partially obscured by the grass.
Gimli waddled up to the foot of the tree and called up to his friend who refused to take notice of him as he panted with his hands on his knees. "Oy! Legolas!" he shouted when he was able to, which resulted in Legolas startling and slipping into the river. There was a terrifying moment where Gimli thought that he had accidentally killed his friend when no figure surfaced the water for some time. That was, until a small blond head popped up from beneath the water, the elf gasping dramatically for air as he flailed his hands around to find a grip. He soon caught a protruding root form the tree and he pulled himself up, Gimli too overcome with joy at seeing his friend alive to help.
Once back on the ground, Legolas flopped over and gasped for air, his arms and legs splayed out as if he had been deprived of air for too long. "You all right, lad? Didn't mean to scare you like that!" fumbled Gimli as he hobbled over to his friend. "I came to say sorry…so sorry lad!" In response Legolas coughed and rolled over into a sitting position, his first two fingers rubbing his temples.
"Do you know how much oxygen deprivation gives you a headache?" murmured the elf, and then paused for a moment before continuing. "I accept you apology," he said as he proceeded to strip his shoes and pour out the water that had accumulated in them, exposing his very wet socks underneath. Gimli sat down on the grass and watched his friend in silence before he noticed that on Legolas's socks, written in now slightly smudged Sharpie, was the elf's full name.
"Legolas PhenorburtGreenleaf?!" snorted Gimli once he read it, the round dwarf soon rolling around with laughter. Legolas became white when he saw that his secret had been revealed, and he quickly shoved his boots back on, demanding that no one was to know. But to little avail.
Only a few seconds later Gimli burst into the council hall yelling "Legolas Phenorburt Greenleaf! Legolas Phenorburt Greenleaf! Legolas Phenorburt Greenleaf!" as he ran through, avoiding the arrows that pursued him through the room. Before long Aragorn, Arwen, Elrond, and assorted other elves/men of importance were laughing as the handsome blonde elf chased after Gimli. 'Tis the story of Legolas P. Greenleaf.
Author's note: Short and hopefully funny. Reviews are welcome, and yes, i do know that this is out of character (For one, Greenleaf is the literal translation for Legolas's name, but i chose to use it as a last name). It was intended to be so, so flames are a worthless space of time that could be spent learning molecular physics. Hope you enjoyed this!