Disclaimer: Star Wars is not mine; please don't sue. You won't get much anyway.
Summary: Luke learns his true name from Obi-Wan.
Feedback? Yes, please.
A/N: This my first attempt at both a SW and humor fic. Be gentle. :p
If anyone is named any of these names, I'm not trying to make fun of you. Honest. : )
Takes place during ANH in Obi-Wan's hut, a few moments after watching Leia's plea for help.
(Updated to try to get rid of dodgy formatting…)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
By Any Other Name
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Luke's head was spinning. He had gathered so much information in so short a time... the Force, the Jedi, his Father's death... it was overwhelming. And now Obi-Wan, who for years he had thought was nothing more than some strange hermit who lived out beyond the Dune Sea, wanted him to go to Alderaan?
"She needs your help, Mervin! I need your help! I'm getting too old for this sort of thing."
"I can't get involved-" started Luke, before he noticed something odd about what Old Ben had just said. "Wait, I'm sorry, could you please repeat that last thing you said?"
"I'm getting too old for this sort of thing?"
"No, no, before that."
Obi-Wan suddenly looked very uncomfortable. "I said, 'She needs your help, Luke'."
Luke looked at him suspiciously. "I don't think that was it."
"Er..." Obi-Wan shifted, trying to avoid looking at Luke. This was not going at all how he had planned it. "I might have, perhaps, called you Mervin."
"Mervin?!"
"Well, pregnant women can be very unreasonable..." he mumbled.
"Are you telling me my mother named me MERVIN?!"
"You must understand, she was under a lot of stress at that particular moment! She was giving birth, and your father was-"
"What about my father?"
Sithspit. That was another thing that the boy shouldn't know about. Obi-Wan quickly thought up a semi-truthful explanation.
"He wanted to name you something much worse." There. While that wasn't why Padmé had been particularly stressed, it certainly was true...
"Yeah? What could possibly be worse than Mervin?"
"He wanted to name you Ethel."
Luke/Mervin stared at him in horror.
"Please tell me you're joking."
"I wish I were."
"But I'm a boy! Didn't he know I was going to be a boy?"
"Er, yes, actually. Your father always did have the strangest ideas about appropriate names."
"Great. Just great! This day just gets better and better. You know, I could have gone my whole time knowing you without knowing my real name. My whole life, even!"
"I am very sorry," Obi-Wan said, and in truth he did look apologetic. "I tried to talk her out of it, but as I said, pregnant woman are not very reasonable. Besides, my name is Obi-Wan, and I turned out all right!"
"You're a hermit."
"Don't judge!" Obi-Wan sighed. No, definitely not going as planned. "At least your Aunt and Uncle decided to be kind and call you by a different name."
"Mervin," Luke/Mervin muttered, paying no attention to Obi-Wan. "And Ethel." He scuffed the bottom of his boot on the floor of Obi-Wan's hut. What could he have possibly done in a past life to deserve either of those names?
"Well, maybe we could pretend your name is still Luke." Obi-Wan suggested helpfully.
Luke/Mervin brightened. Pretend his real name was still Luke? Yes, he could do that! No one would ever have to know... and if someone did find out, perhaps he could use some sort of Jedi mind trick to make them forget. He looked up at Obi-Wan.
"All right. I will go with you to Alderaan, if you will teach me the ways of the Force."
Obi-Wan breathed a sigh of relief. Perhaps it would turn out as planned after all.
--------------
Comments, suggestions, and constructive criticism are all welcome. : )