THE BEGINNING – An Esme & Carlisle Fanfic
CARLISLE POV:
My eyes wandered over the motionless body of the woman in front of me. I knew her instantly when I had come across her in the morgue three long days ago. She was the same beautiful girl, now woman, that I had treated ten years ago for a broken leg. When I saw her lying in the morgue, heart barely beating, I knew he had to save her. Now, as she lay in front of me, occasionally screaming or writhing, it broke my heart. Though she had just a few hours left, I couldn't stand it.
I picked up the delicate woman and held her close to my chest, hoping my ice skin would ease just a bit of the searing pain she was going through. I smoothed her hair back and pressed my cool lips to her forehead. "I'm so sorry," I whispered, covering as much of her burning skin as I could.
"Carlisle," Edward sighed, leaning against the door frame. "Please, she only has a few hours left, let me take over. You can't do this..." He said.
"I'll be fine, Edward, promise," I forced a smile before turning back to Esme. "Only a few more hours," I said, more to myself than her.
ESME POV:
It was a horrible, aching, writhing pain. It spread through my veins, slowly moving, almost like it was honey. It certainly didn't feel like honey, though. It was too hot, too scorching, too fiery to be anything as sweet as that.
I had no idea what it was. I had jumped off a cliff, hadn't I? My little baby... the only thing I had been living for... had died. What else was there for me on this earth? Everything I used to have had fallen apart, left me, been destroyed... And so I jumped, intending to kill myself.
Was this hell? Was I being punished for committing suicide? Maybe it was because I had left my husband. Women weren't supposed to run away like that. I was condemned, wasn't I? This surely was hell. The deepest, hottest, most fiery pits of it.
This must be something I would have to endure for the rest of... well, forever. At least, that was what I had thought. I had convinced myself of this. The fire then started to fade from my fingers and toes, though. Was it going away? Was I being forgiven for my sins? I didn't dare to hope.
"Only a few more hours," I heard. It was the most beautiful, charming voice. I had heard it somewhere before. That voice was burned into my memory ever since I had first encountered it ten years previous.
It felt like days, weeks, years, before it ended. I felt my heartbeat speed up, pumping and fighting, almost as if it was trying to keep away the scorching, honey-like substance that was slowly creeping towards the organ. My heart lost the battle, though, and it gave its last beat.
Too terrified to open my eyes, I listened and smelled and felt. I was being held by someone with the softest skin I'd ever felt. They smelled wonderful. I soon noticed, however, the pain in my throat, a duller burning mirroring the pain I'd gone through moments before. There was also a soft breathing in the room, but unaccompanied by a heartbeat.
It took me another few minutes before I gathered up the courage to open my eyes. The first thing I saw was the most beautiful man, the one I'd dreamed of for years. Dr. Carlisle Cullen, the one who'd treated my broken leg at sixteen. He hadn't changed at all. Was I dead, as was he? It couldn't be.
CARLISLE POV:
I hadn't realized I was holding my breath until Esme had opened her eyes to look up at me. If I thought she was beautiful before... well, it was nothing compared to how she looked now. It was like getting hit in the face with a truck. It took me a moment to regain composure to smile softly down at her, keeping her in my arms until she was ready to leave, which I hoped was never.
"Welcome back," I said, pushing a piece of her caramel colored hair out of her flawless face. "I'm-,"
"Dr. Cullen," she whispered.
"That's right. You remember me," I couldn't hide the grin. It was like something 'woke up' inside of me when she spoke, her voice like music to my ears, the sweetest sound I'd ever heard. "I suppose you're a bit... confused at the moment seeing as three long days ago you hurled yourself off of a cliff," I paused to fidget a bit, growing nervous. Would she react the same way Edward did? Would she leave? I don't think I could bear it if she left... "You see, I found you when you were in the morgue and... well, I... I turned you into a vampire," I didn't take my eyes off of her blood red ones as I spoke, I was waiting for her to laugh, roll her eyes, hell, even hit me! But nothing came. She just stared at me. "You see," I quickly went on, "You saw me ten years ago, but I still look the same, vampires don't age, they don't change at all. Which is why we have to move around so much. And, I turned you because, well, you were slowly dying and... I couldn't just... let you die!" I went on, pausing to remember to breathe and bite my lip, waiting for her reaction.
ESME POV:
I nearly flinched away at his touch. When men were this close to me, it was always in a threatening way. It had been that way ever since I'd met Charles. I shuddered as I thought his name. He would forever be my greatest fear.
I remembered, however, that Dr. Cullen wouldn't hurt me. He was gentle, kind, caring. It also felt wonderful to be cradled in his arms. I had never been held that way before; in fact, I hadn't been held since I was a child. It made me feel... loved. Wanted. Something I hadn't felt in ages.
A... vampire? Is that what I was? Was that why I had gone through such a horrible fire? Vampires were damned creatures; maybe the pain was punishment for being turned. I stared up at him. I couldn't comprehend it. Wouldn't that mean I would burn up in the sun? Would I be repelled by garlic and crosses and holy water? Would I turn into a bat? What about sleeping in coffins?
But then I realized that he had to be joking. The doctor was much too lovely to be anything so evil. He was too kind and sweet. He couldn't be an eternally damned thing like that.
"Dr. Cullen," I muttered. "I can't be a vampire. You can't be one, either. You're too beautiful. Tell me the truth. Am I in heaven? Was my punishment lifted? I was burning in hell, I swore it... and then it was gone. Did He decide to forgive me for my sins?" I gripped at his arms. If I really was in heaven, then he had to be an angel. I couldn't let him leave me.
CARLISLE POV:
I chuckled faintly as she spoke. "No, we're not in heaven, sadly that is a goal far, far out of our reach," I grimaced faintly. "But you are a vampire. We are damned creatures, I suppose if you listen to the legends and such. But if you listen to me, love, I can explain all of the questions you have."
I looked down at her and smiled again, wishing I had Edward's talent so I could see what was going on in her mind, though, it was probably obvious. The usual 'coffins, garlic, crosses' nonsense. It was such an interesting myth, the reasons they put that we couldn't go out in sunlight. We'd 'burn' to death? From the sun? I laughed to myself. Sure the only way we could be completely killed is if we were set on fire but no, nothing of the myths is true. I pulled myself out of my thoughts and focused solely on Esme.
ESME POV:
Was Dr. Cullen telling me the truth? Were we really... vampires? It felt so odd to think such a thing. I was a vampire. It wasn't probable, wasn't possible, and yet... it had happened.
It also wasn't possible to live through my jump, but I had managed that. Or, at least, sort of managed it.
"If we really are... vampires..." I gulped, and realized that it just made me think of my burning throat even more. "Will we die if we go outside in the sunlight? Or if we get pierced by a wooden stake? What about garlic, crosses, coffins?"
I perked up a bit as something else came to mind. "And, Dr. Cullen, what happens when I need to... eat?" Or was the proper word drink? "I can't just kill a human! I don't want to hunt human beings. I'd rather die! They're living creatures with hearts and brains and they have feelings! I can't just kill one. I'll go without blood if I have to. I'm not going to go and murder someone just so that I can live in their stead. That's wrong. So, so wrong." I had moral values and I wasn't about to break them. I would not kill anyone.
On the other hand, if I were to see someone about to kill Dr. Cullen, I would have to retaliate. That would be a natural reaction. It was self-defense. Or rather, just defense. I would have done the same for... my baby...
"Oh, my goodness," I whispered. It was the first time I'd thought of my baby since I'd opened my eyes as a vampire. "My baby, my little baby." I closed my eyes tight, trying not to think about it. I found that task impossible, though, and broke down into sobs. The familiar moisture on my faces from the tears was absent, but I was too upset to wonder about it. I wanted my baby, I wanted my child.
CARLISLE POV:
I chuckled again. "No coffins, no garlic, no wooden stakes, no sunlight. The only true way to... would are kind is by setting one of us on fire. That's the ultimate death, really. We can go out in daylight, it won't hurt us. But it would draw attention to ourselves, I'll have to show you sometime," I smiled.
Esme started to go on about how she would never kill a human, no matter what. I was astounded, I'd never met someone so... like me before. It was amazing how opposed she was to killing humans, just like I was. I pressed a finger to her lips to quiet her, it wasn't necessary getting more worked up than usual, I didn't want her to go into overload. "There are other ways to survive without human blood. I've found an alternative source of nourishment. It's animal blood. Humans hunt for food, right? So technically we're doing the same thing, and it's not as horrifying as taking an innocent life.
I froze and held my breath when Esme started to sob. "My baby, my little baby." She whimpered. I pulled her into my arms once more, an action that felt natural, and cradled her to my chest. "I'm so sorry," I whispered. I'd heard about the accident, it happened in the very hospital where I worked. It was an awful, awful thing to happen to such a innocent young woman. I didn't know what to do other than gently rock us back and forth and whisper any soothing word I could think of in her ear. It broke my heart to see her like this, I just couldn't stand it.
ESME POV:
Dr. Cullen cradled me in his arms, and I wrapped mine around him, sobbing hysterically against his chest. I had been in such shock before I had jumped. I had never taken the time to actually become sad, hysterical, broken. I hadn't thought of it. I just wanted my baby, and the only way to do that was to kill myself. Now, though... now I had the chance to remember. I wouldn't die now. I wouldn't see my baby. And that fact devastated me.
It took me quite awhile to calm down enough to pull away from Dr. Cullen. My breathing was still labored, and I felt almost as if I was hyperventilating. My throat was thick, making my voice sound odd as I said, "I'm sorry."
I didn't mean to inconvenience him. I hadn't wanted to break down on him, but I just couldn't help it. It was as if as soon as I had thought of my baby, I couldn't control my emotions. I couldn't do anything except for cry.
As a reflex, I reached up to wipe at the skin under my eyes. There wasn't any moisture there, and that confused me a bit. I wasn't crying? But hadn't I just been sobbing against Dr. Cullen? Did I not... have any tears anymore?
My thoughts were shifted almost instantly as a scent passed the window. It was a delicious smell, not the best in the world, but good nonetheless. I lifted my nose to sniff at the air, wondering what it was. The scent made the burning in my throat intensify ten-fold, and I felt myself tense up instinctively, pulling away from Dr. Cullen and crouching on the floor. I wanted whatever that was. I could feel my mouth water with the desire.
CARLISLE POV:
I watched as she stiffened in my arms, going rigid and the smell reached me just after. She flew from my arms into a crouch beside the window, her instincts taking over, though, she hadn't been taught how to hunt yet. Hunting was basic instinct, but, if you were a newborn, it's a lot easier to get sidetracked onto hunting a human.
I watched her, getting up and gently crossing to her, a smile on my face. "Jump," I calmly said, pointing to the window. She looked at me with wide eyes, probably convinced I was insane for telling her to jump out of a three story window. "Trust me," I smiled, touching her arm briefly before jumping out the window and landing lightly on the ground. I looked back up at her and smiled an encouraging smile. She stared at me in shock before walking to the ledge of the window.
That was when it hit me, when a gust of wind blew her hair in all directions. I stared at her, unable to think of anything else. Suddenly, it felt as though I couldn't be apart from her, ever. I needed her beside me, I needed to feel her in my arms again. I watched her, a new feeling rising in me, one I didn't recognize. In all my years I had never seen someone like her. She was the most beautiful thing I could ever imagine, perfect in every way. She completed me. I remembered stories from other vampires I had come across about finding a mate. They had said, "once you find her, you will see everything differently. You will realize that this person is now your future and you cannot go on without them." I now understood what they meant. Esme was destined to be my soul mate.
ESME POV:
My mind was cleared by Carlisle speaking. "Jump," he said, his voice calm. Wait, what? I straightened up, staring at him, my eyes wide. Jump? Out of the three-story-high window?! What sane person would do that? They would die! I had just jumped off a cliff and almost died; he expected me to jump out of a window now?
I trusted him, but... was he all there? He seriously wanted me to jump out of the window? A shock ran through my body as he touched my arm and then I watched as he jumped. He landed gracefully -- and safely -- on the ground below, smiling up at me. I was shocked. I cautiously walked over the to ledge of the window, getting ready to jump myself. If Carlisle could do it safely, then I could, too, couldn't I? He wouldn't ask me to do something dangerous like jumping out of a window if I could get hurt doing it.
I stared down at Carlisle, trying to gain confidence. He looked so... wonderful, standing there. It awed me. I couldn't believe the beauty of this man. I also couldn't believe that he'd saved me -- me, a dying, broken woman! -- and was keeping me around. He was the same man that I'd met at sixteen, and I still felt the same for him, if not even more intensely.
A gust of wind blew at me, my hair flying in every direction. I brushed it out of my face, the smell hitting me again. In a split second, I had jumped, landing next to Carlisle soundlessly. My eyes were wide at the feat I'd accomplished. I had jumped three stories down and survived! I looked over at Carlisle with a smile. "I did it," I said softly. I would've spoken louder, but as I looked into his eyes, my strength seemed to leave me. My knees wanted to give out underneath me. I was almost willing to let them, if only to be in his arms again. I missed that feeling.
CARLISLE POV:
I pulled myself back to reality with difficulty as Esme landed gracefully beside me. "That was perfect," I smiled, resting my hand on the small of her back. "Now," I spoke softly. "Give yourself completely over to your senses," I instructed, stepping back a few paces.
As I watched Esme close her eyes and let her new senses overpower her, I realized what I wanted to do. I wanted to grab her, pull her to me, and kiss her. I shook my head and laughed to myself. Good going, Carlisle. I shook my head and sighed. I wasn't usually like this, it's just... her. In my 200 years I have never met or seen anything like her. She was like a goddess who had graced me with her presence, graced me by staying here. I was pulled back to my senses when Esme suddenly took off running. I caught the scent too, it was a deer. I smiled as I ran after her, catching up with her surprisingly easily.
ESME POV:
I felt an almost imperceptible shiver run the length of my spine when he touched me. It was a wonderful feeling, one that I relished and wanted to have again. By now, though, the burning in my throat was becoming more intense every second, and it was difficult to concentrate on much. I had a lot of room in my mind for thinking, but the burning was becoming bigger and bigger, requiring more attention.
I did as Carlisle told me, and closed my eyes, breathing deeply. I could smell the trees -- the water and oxygen in them. I could smell the wood and the little insects and creatures crawling through it. I could hear them, almost see and taste them. It was amazing.
And then I caught a different scent, one that completely assaulted me. It make the burning in my throat take over my entire mind and I took off in the direction of it, not even aware of Carlisle accompanying me. I spotted the deer in the distance -- was that the smell? -- and pushed myself faster, wanting to reach it as quickly as I could.
In the next few moments, the deer saw me and started to run. By the time it had taken two steps, I had attacked it, my teeth sinking into the spot on its neck where the blood smelled the strongest. I drank swiftly, dropping the body when I was done. I stared down at it, a bit upset that I'd just killed it so brutally. What could I do, though? I had eaten meat in my previous life, and had no issues with it. I believe it was just watching the animal, feeling it die in my arms, seeing the dead body lying there... It was much different. I would have to get used to it, though, if I was going to live this life.
CARLISLE POV:
As I watched her hunt, pride overpowered me. I couldn't wipe the grin off of my face, even after I'd hunted. I was so amazed with the perfect woman I'd created; she was everything I could have asked for and more, much, much more. I saw the pain flash in her eyes when she disposed of the deer carcass. I winced slightly, at least it wasn't a human. I thought, leaning against the tree, waiting for her.
When she walked over to me, if my heart were still beating, it would've beat right out of my chest. How could she do this to me? I let it drop, it was the best feeling I'd had in over two hundred years, and I was glad, whatever the reason was.
"I'm very impressed," I smiled as she reached me, pushing a stray strand of her caramel colored hair behind her ear, my hand lingering and sliding down her cheek. I looked into her eyes and smiled, letting my hand drop to my side. I was about to continue telling her how proud I was, but something caught me off guard, the way she smiled made my breathing hitch in my throat. My gold eyes widened and I very slowly leaned in, pausing to see if she would run or not.
ESME POV:
I turned back when I felt the presence of Carlisle -- or, rather, felt, smelled, tasted, heard his presence. He was beaming. It made me wonder what he was thinking. Was he smiling because of what I'd just done...? It confused me, but I didn't say anything, instead just standing up and walking over to him. He was leaning against a tree, and his absolute beauty made my breath catch. He was just so... astounding.
I wished he could feel what I was feeling. My heart could burst with this feeling. It filled my entire being, taking over everything thought and emotion. He was so beautiful, so amazing, so... perfect. It nearly made me cry when I thought of how awe-inspiring he was.
His voice interrupted my current thoughts. I was sure I looked stupid, staring at him with a dreamy, dazed expression. "I'm very impressed." He was impressed? By me? It was a trivial thing, something so insignificant, but it made a wide, ecstatic smile spread across my face. He paused when he saw this. I couldn't stop smiling, and then he stepped closer, leaning in. My eyes widened in awe and my mouth parted just a bit, watching as he drew closer.
CARLISLE POV:
I took that as an 'okay' as her eyes widened and she made no move to shove me away. She could have, very easily. I took an unnecessary deep breath as I closed the gap between us and pressed my cool lips very softly to hers. I couldn't explain the feeling that exploded through me in that instant. It was like every thing came into clearer focus, everything seemed to be right. In that one kiss, my whole existence made sense.
I had always felt like there was something I was waiting for, some reason that God didn't let me off myself when I first found out what I was. And now I found it, it was Esme. I finally found what I had been searching for my entire existence. My whole future was in my arms.
My lifeless heart felt like it would explode, my body was suddenly warm and her touch seemed to reach through my skin down to the very core of my being. I needed more, I needed her, I could never let her go.
I wrapped my arms around her delicate body and pulled her into me, kissing her passionately. My mind reeled with the concept of this. Of what was happening to me. Of finding my soul mate. YOU LOVE HER! My mind screamed at me. But... I kept that thought to myself, for now. I didn't want to completely terrify her. I couldn't lose her.
I had finally found my soul mate, and I was determined to do whatever it took to keep her with me, but it proved to be easier than I imagined.
ESME POV:
It seemed that my brain wasn't working correctly. It wasn't able to process that there was a light breeze blowing through my hair, that a small baby squirrel was hurrying off in the opposite direction of us, that there was the slight scent of sunshine, that Carlisle was kissing me...
Wait. The Carlisle Cullen was kissing me, Esme Anne Platt Evenson -- the childless widow, the woman who jumped off a cliff to kill herself, the newborn vampire. His lips were soft against mine, smooth and gentle.
I couldn't explain how I felt in that moment. It was as if my heart might explode, despite the fact that it wasn't even alive. My body seemed on fire, burning and tingling. My entire life made sense just then. Having to go through Charles and losing my baby... It all had to happen in order for me to be with Carlisle. The pain and suffering was going to be traded for happiness and joy with Carlisle.
My Carlisle.
That sounded wonderful in my mind. I wanted him to be my Carlisle, my doctor, my love. I wanted him, needed him, had to be with him. I wouldn't be able to continue on if we were separated.
I kissed him back when he pulled me close. Out of instinct, my arms went around his neck, holding him as close as was possible. He was kissing me. Kissing me, holding me, touching me... like he wanted me here. Almost like he needed me here. Was he feeling the same thing I was?
My Carlisle. My love. My soul mate.
CARLISLE POV:
To say I was thrilled when she kissed me back would be the understatement of the century. It felt like an explosion happened when she wrapped her arms around me, her lips moving with mine. It felt as though we were the only two people in the entire world, no one else mattered, nothing else mattered. The only thing that I couldn't live without was wrapped in my arms.
My lifeless heart swelled immensely as I kissed her for a minute longer, a minute too short. I pulled away softly, resting my forehead against hers and brushing a stray lock of her hair behind her ear with the back of my hand. We were in the middle of the forest, her clothes bloodied and tattered from hunting, her hair full of leaves and twigs, her eyes bright red, but she was still the single, most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
I smiled a smile that touched my heart, a genuine smile that hadn't touched my features since I was a vampire, and placed a kiss on her forehead.
"You don't know how long I've waited for you," I whispered, resting my forehead against hers and looking into her eyes. I felt myself get lost in her eyes, in her presence. I wanted nothing more than her, and a little part of me knew, before anything was said, that I would be with Esme forever.
ESME POV:
Carlisle pulled away, and I desperately wanted him to keep kissing me. I would have probably combusted if he had completely let go of me, however, and I was grateful that he kept me close, his arms still around me. I relished the contact: his arms, his lips on my forehead, his skin against mine.
It didn't matter how bloody my clothes were from hunting. It didn't matter that we were in the middle of the forest. It didn't matter that I had just been turned into a vampire. Nothing else matter except that Carlisle and I were here, together. He was with me.
He smiled, and it was brilliant. His entire face lit up and glowed. I couldn't take my eyes away from him, a smile stretching across my own face. He was gorgeous, and the smile only made it more glorious.
"You've been waiting for me?" I asked in response, just as quiet as he was. I couldn't keep my eyes off of his. "I've been waiting for you, too." I had admitted it, and I finally looked away, expecting a blush to heat up my face, but nothing happened. I didn't blush or cry? Well, being a vampire was definitely different.
I looked up at him, questions burning in my mind. "Carlisle," I said, his name feeling like honey on my tongue, "are there other vampires like us? Do you live with any others...?"
CARLISLE POV:
My heart swelled when she told me she had been waiting for me too, it made me feel like I could float. I was in awe of having her to myself. Mine. Esme Cullen.
"Are there any other vampires like us? Do you live with any...?" Her musical voice asked me, pulling me out of my thoughts.
"There's a clan up in Denali, Alaska who are 'vegetarians' as well, but yes, there is another that lives with us," I smiled at the word 'us'. It was a great feeling. "His name is Edward, he's my.. son so to speak," I smiled. Esme and Edward would get along famously, I just knew it.
"He was seventeen," I explained, a hint of sadness touching my eyes. "The Spanish Influenza got to him and his family. There was no hope for his mother or father, but his mother made me swear to do everything in my power to save him. I did just that. I'm very glad he's part of our family," I smiled, kissing her forehead again.
ESME POV:
"There's a clan up in Denali, Alaska who are 'vegetarians' as well, but yes, there is another that lives with us." I felt my heart swell at the word "us." It was so small, so insignificant, but it meant so much to me. "His name is Edward, he's my... son, so to speak."
Edward? What a wonderful name. I loved it. I wondered what he was like, how old he was, how long ago he was changed, what he enjoyed doing. I wanted to know about this "son" of Carlisle's. Maybe he would accept me as his "mother." I had a feeling that I would like that very much.
And there was another clan who fed off of animals. That pleased me, but also slightly disappointed me. I had been hoping -- only a bit, but it was still there -- that Carlisle and whoever lived with him were the only ones who fed from animals. We would be the only ones on the planet who did that. I would've been the only one with Carlisle who he could love and relate to. Well, and Edward, of course, but that was a different sort of love.
I listened to Carlisle explain what had happened to Edward, and felt instantly saddened. To go through such pain, such sudden death... It must have been horrible. I felt for him, though, and knew what he must have been going through with that sickness. He had lost everything -- his father, his mother -- and then was saved by Carlisle. I had lost everything, too -- my family, my baby -- and then was also brought back by my Carlisle.
"I would like to meet Edward very much," I told Carlisle. "What is he like? How old is he?" Just like with Carlisle, I wanted to know everything about Edward.
CARLISLE POV:
I ran my hands through Esme's smooth caramel colored hair and kissed her forehead. I couldn't get enough of her. A new thought coursed through my mind. I was two hundred years old and a virgin. I almost choked out loud. I shoved that thought from my mind, I wouldn't think about it now, I would wait until the time came... part of me hoped it was soon but there were more important things like having her meet Edward and showing her around the house... all those seemed very unimportant in my mind though, it was hard to shove them away. I wanted her and only her for hours on end.
A new sensation was starting to spread throughout me, one of a burning desire. I didn't know how to register it, I didn't know what to do. A good portion of me wanted to have my way with her right now, the other part, the confused part, was just standing there like an idiot. Quickly, miraculously, I managed to regain composure, pushing the desire aside, it was still there, but not nearly as fierce.
"Edward is... well, he can read minds. I'd better warn you incase he answers one of your thoughts out loud, it was alarming at first. I thought I was going crazy, not remembering what I'd said and what I hadn't," I chuckled softly, twining my fingers in her hair. "You'll love him though," I smiled, kissing her nose, her eyelids, her forehead, and finally her sweet lips.
Love. What an amazing feeling, really. I didn't know how I had gone so long without it. But it was worth the wait if I got Esme forever.