A smile from Heaven
Disclaimers:
I just used the characters from the show pacific blue. I didn't steal them, so please don't sue me! The song 'Tears in Heaven' is from Eric Clapton…Author's note:
English is not my native language so I'm sure I made a lot of mistakes. It's not that easy to write in English…I hope you're going to enjoy this story… let me know what you think about it please!
9pm – Santa Monica
TC was sitting in his couch lost in thoughts. It was already a year ago that his wive, Chris, left him to be able to join the FBI… That time he was willing to sacrifice his own career to follow her, but she didn't want him to. He still didn't understand what he did wrong so that she wouldn't want him to be with her. It was all so strange… if she really didn't love him anymore, then wouldn't she have filed divorce papers yet? But she didn't, so he held on to the thoughts she still loved him and she would be back someday. At least he knew he still loved her, he tried to go on with his own live, and everything went quite well during work hours. But as soon as he came home from work, memories started comming to him and didn't end until the next morning. He was tired, some nights – this tonight one of them – he just wanted life to end. Without Chris to him it wasn't worth anything anyway. Yeah ofcourse they were still his friends… they tried everything to make him feel better but he didn't want them fussing over him! He figured they already knew he considered to kill himself, that's why every evening at least one of them came to his house with some lousy excuse… If he would only have the courage to shoot himself, then everything would be over in a split second. Maybe tonight, maybe tonight he would find the courage. He stood up and walked through the living room to a shelf in the back of the bedroom… there he immediately found what he was looking for. He sat down on the bed and opened the book he was holding. It was a photo-album with pictures of Chris and himself starting at there first date and ending a few weeks before she left him. That was THE DROP… he didn't want to live any longer. But could he just go that way? Just without some kind of explanation? No, his friends deserved more then that. And what about Chris… what if she would come back to him… no better not think that, she won't she really won't. She probably rebuilt her life, with some other guy…
Then a long silence followed… You could call it silence before a storm. Because suddenly it was broken by a short but loud BANG.
1am – Santa Monica
She awoke suddenly, not immediately realizing why. But after a few seconds she knew. It couldn't be true, not now, not tonight… She grabbed the phone and dialed a number:
'Hello?'
'Cory…it's Monica here'
'Monica, what's wrong'
'I heard a gunshot, it was comming from TC's house… I'm scared'
'Oh my god… I'll be there in a sec.'
1.15 am – Santa Monica
Cory and Monica entered the house afraid of what they would find there. Nothing in the living room nor in the kitchen. But entering the bedroom they grabbed eachothers hands. The sight before them was just horrible. On the bed next to a photo-album they saw their friend, he shot himself in the head…
'Monica…go call an ambulance and the police departement I'm going a bit closer to see if I can find anything that says why he did this, a goodbey note or something…'
'Cory, we know why…'
1.35 am – Santa Monica
While cops and paramedics where doing their work, a taxi stopped in front of the house and a woman got out of it. She walk to the front door, but was held by an police-officer…
'Sorry ma'am, you can't go in here…'
'But I live here … I mean I haven't been here for a long time, but my husband still lives here'
'What's your name ma'am?'
'Chris Kelly … or Call'
She stopped in the middle of her sentence when she saw Cory comming out of the house …
'Cory!'
'Chris, what are you doing here'
'What's going on here…this officer wouldn't let me in my own house'
Just at that moment the paramedics carried a plastic bodybag out of the house. Chris couldn't believe what she was seeing…
'Please tell me that's not TC, it can't be'
'I'm sorry Chris, I …'
But before Cory coud finish, Chris rushed to the ambulance while screaming TC's name…
Cory silently followed her with tears streaming down her face.
'Come on Chris, come with me, I will explaine you everything'
'No I want to see him…'
'I will make sure you can later, but please first come with me…'
Together they walked to the beach and sat down in the sand. The first few minutes the only thing heard was the waves craching down on the beach. Then Chris broke the silence:
'Who killed him Cory?'
'He killed himself…'
'NO that can't be…'
'I'm sorry'
That moment the always so calm Chris Kelly, broke down. She started sobbing uncontrolably, every minute louder and through her sobs always whispering that it couldn't be. Not now, not ever.
Cory didn't know what to do to console her friend, so she just put her arms around Chris' shoulders and held her tight… They sat there in silence for at least half an hour just comforting eachother until Cory broke the silence…
'He left some letters behind…for me, for Monica. There was also one for you, here it is. Maybe if you read it, you will understand better what was going one…'
'Thank you … I just wish there was more then a letter reamining…'
'Me too, believe me…………… I'll leave you alone now, I'll be at the house come and find me if you're ready alright?'
'Yeah, I'll come find you later'
After this promise Cory left her friend alone and went back to the house to wait there for her… In the meantime Chris was still sitting at the beach with the letter in her hand, scared for what she would find in there when she opened it.
2 am – Santa Monica beach
The first thing she found when she opened the letter was TC's wedding ring. It rolled out of the envelop… the next thing that was in the envelop was a picture of TC and herself holding eachother and laughing on the very same beach she was on right now. She couldn't help smiling at the memory of that day. It had been a Saturday a few months after their wedding. The sky had been ocean blue and the had decided to go and take a walk on the beach. They had taken their shoes off and had walked through the water. She had jumped on his back and they had fallen down in the water. Later that day they had asked a man to take a picture of them together. And that was the picture she was holding now. But it would never be that way anymore, TC was dead…
She looked further in the envelop but the only thing remaining was a letter adressed to her…
Santa Monica, 24 – 09 – 2001
My dearest Chris,
If you asked me a good year ago I would never have thought I would write you this letter someday. But now I am, and I'm sorry for it, I just didn't see another way out anymore. The picture I included is one from our photo-album. It reminded me so much of the good times we had together, you remember that walk on the beach that ended in the water? I do very much. I was so happy those times… but those times ended a year ago. A year ago, my world turned black. You left me and all I had from then on were those photos and my memories… And I never forgot about them. Every night after work I would sit on the couch in our house thinking…dreaming about those times I was so happy. But as I said those times where gone. And every day it became harder to cope with the reality. I was alone in our house and I would always be alone from then on. I kept myself going by making myself believe you would come back soon… but tonight I can't do it any more. I don't believe myself anymore. It's been over a year that I've heard something about you, and I won't hear anything about you not tonight and not ever. And knowing that, everything about my life is worthless. The only thing remaining is pain, and I don't see the point in living that life anymore.
I always wore my wedding ring, until this last moment. Now I give it to you. You can do with it what you want. You can trow it away if you want to break all links to me. You can put it away somewhere if you don't want to forget everything or maybe you can wear it on a chain around your neck if you still want to remember me. But if you want that last thing, than remember me the way I was while we were together and not the way you now know I was right before I left this world…
I love you Chris, I still do and I always will. I'm yours now and forever (at least if you want me to be yours). Be happy Chris and I'll always remember you and look down at you to make sure you are alright. I know you like the song I'm going to include here in this letter, and the answer is yes… I will know your name when you come to heaven. How could I ever forget?
Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong
And carry on
'Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven
Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way
Through night and day
'Cause I know I just can't stay
Here in heaven
Time can bring you down
Time can bend your knees
Time can break your heart
Have you begging please
Begging please
Beyond the door
There's peace I'm sure
And I know there'll be no more
Tears in heaven
Don't cry Chris, I'm happier now than I was last year.
I LOVE YOU!
Yours only and always,
TC
'Oh my god, what did I do… Its all my fault.'
She lifted her eyes up to heaven as if she were watching her late husband
'I never forgot about you my dear, NEVER … I didn't leave to take care of my own career. I left because I was hurting to much to stay. No, you didn't hurt me in any way, it's just that … I had a miscarriage while you where on that assignment in Hawai. I felt so hurt, and I also felt like I let you down… I couldn't look at you without feeling guilty, I knew how much you wanted to have a family and I couldn't give you that. So I thought the best I could do was leave…I konw now that I was wrong. I'm still not totally healed, but I thought it wuld be better if we did it together. That's why I came back tonight. But I wasn't on time…and again I let you down. I'm so sorry.'
After those words she stood up and walked towards the water, while standing there watching the horizon she felt a slight breeze against her cheeck. That moment she knew TC was still with her and always would be. Just as she would always carry him in her heart… Until they could be reunited. She hoped soon, but knew her time wasn't there yet. But when her time came her husband, her only true love would come for her and take her to a better place. Where they would be happy together for eternity…
EPILOGUE
5 years after her husbands dead Chris Kelly would be reunited with him. Only a couple of months before she was diagnosed with leukemia… a variation that no doctor knew how to treat yet. But she wasn't sad her last days. She told her friend Cory that she didn't cry because she felt thet her one true love was comming for her, to take her with him for their eternity together. And after a goodbye she went with him. Leaving her friend sitting by the bedside watching her body and especially the smile that was resting on her face… feeling a bit sad, but also feeling content because the smile that hadn't showed for 5 years was back. So Cory wasn't sad, ofcourse she missed her friend, but she knew she was happy now. And that was the only thing that mattered…
The end
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