MUKAT
"Kathy dear! What could you possibly be doing on such a fine night as this?" Sirius bounded up to the dark haired girl, a grin plastered across his 16 year old face.
Kathy sighed. If she had known when Lily started dating James that it would leave her all alone to deal with the bubble of boundless energy that was Sirius Black, she would have transferred to Beauxbatons years ago and been done with it. "I'm patrolling, Sirius."
"Siriusly? -pun so intended!" The boy cracked up at his own joke.
"…"
"…"
"…"
"Black, are you done laughing yet? You do realize you've been going on for the past ten minutes! Some of us have prefect duties, you know."
"…"
"…"
"…"
"AHAHAAHAHA! HEEHEEHEE! HA… ha… ha… heh. Okay. I'm done." Sirius announced. Taking Kathy's arm, he dragged the girl down the hallway at a frantic pace. "But you! How can you be patrolling all alone, tonight of all nights? Come on, you do know that it's Valentine's day! The most romantic night of the year. Surely you have a date?"
Kath rolled her eyes, pulling herself out of the doggish marauder's grip. "No Sirius. I do not have a date tonight."
"Oh the horror! The sadness! The pain! However can you, the most stunning of all Hogwarts' roses, not have a date on Valentine's day?" The boy reeled around, pretending to fall into a dead faint.
Opening the door to an empty classroom, Kathy peered inside. "Because."
Sirius decided to look inside too, poking his head through the crack of the door and resting his chin on top of Kathy's, he asked. "Because what?"
The 6th year prefect ducked out from under Sirius, sauntering over to the last broom closet on the 3rd floor. She smirked slightly, before replying. "Because Valentine's day was last month. Today is the 14th of March."
"WHAT? But I bought gifts for you all! What can I possibly do with all the chocolate I bought for you, and Lilykins, and Prongsie, and Moony, and even Wormtail!" Sirius danced about the hallway in panic, waving his arms about. "WHAT CAN I DO WITH ALL THAT CHOCOLATE?" He suddenly stopped wind milling as an idea entered his head. "Chocolate… Padfoot… Alone… Together…! Oh Kathy darling, I just had the brilliantest idea!"
"Congratulations. I'll buy you a card to commemorate the occasion. Now I just have one more broom closet to check before I'm done patrolling, okay? I promise I'll play with you after that. Now sit still. Good boy." Kathy grabbed the handle and yanked the closet door open.
"AHHHHHHHH!"
"AHHHHHHHH!"
The prefect turned around, slamming the closet door tightly shut, and started running about the hallway waving her arms much like Sirius had just a few minutes ago.
"What? Why are you screaming? Is it a surprise? For me! Aww… you shouldn't have." Sirius clapped his hands together like a six year old who had just been presented with a boatload of ice cream, before prancing over to the broom closet door and flinging it open.
"AHHHHHHHH!"
"AHHHHHHHH!"
The poor, innocent marauder banged the door shut once more before running around the hallway after Kathy, bumping into her whenever she wasn't bumping into him.
"That's not a nice surprise! That's not a nice surprise! My eyes! My eyes!"
The broom closet door flew open, and out spilled a very dishevelled Lily and James. They were both blushing furiously.
"James!" Kathy rounded on the marauder, shuddering as she remembered the sight of her two best friends all snuggled up in that broom closet…
"Kathy!" Lily screamed, mortified.
"Lily!" James put an arm around his girlfriend, trying in vain to calm her down.
"… Sirius!" The boy who was sometimes a dog screeched his own name out at the top of his lungs. The other three teenagers stopped their screaming and stared at him. "Sorry… I felt left out of all the drama." He grinned guiltily. "What were you doing in that closet with Jamesie-poo anyway, Lilykins? I never knew you were so wild!"
"Sirius!" Lily face now matched the colour of her hair, an impressive feat. She seemed incapable of doing anything other than staring at Sirius, a horrified expression etched on her features.
"YAY! Somebody finally called out my name. You know I was waiting for that to happen ever since you three had your little scream fest and left me out all by myself. Calling my own name just isn't as satisfying. I know you're all thinking 'how could that be possible? I would love for the dashing Sirius to call out my name!' but let me tell you, when you're me, being with me all the time is a lot of work. Sometimes I like to interact with other people too. You know, mix it up a little… Ow! What'd you do that for?"
James smiled innocently. "Who, me? I didn't do anything. My shoe just err… accidentally wound up smack in your face is all. I had nothing to do with it."
Kathy cleared her throat. "Back to the matter at hand. Would you two like to explain to me just why you were snogging in the broom closet? And Lily! You were supposed to patrol with me tonight. Neglecting your duties and running off to hide in dark broom closets with James for innocent little prefects to find. What's gotten into you?"
The red haired girl gulped. "I'm sorry Kathy. I'm so so so sorry. I don't know what came over me! One minute I was eating dinner in the great hall, and the next James and I were making out in a broom closet. I knew I should've stopped, but his lips just felt so-"
"Too much information! Too much information!" Both Kathy and Sirius resumed their frantic running around the hallway, waving their arms in the air.
"That was like the 50th time I've caught you two snogging. I never want to see two of my best friends like that again! Ew!" Kathy pretended to gag.
Sirius nodded fervently, his entire body bobbing up and down. "Me too! It's disgusting how they just jump each other everywhere with no regard for other people's virgin eyes."
"Wait a second… did I just agree with Black? Ohhhh no. This is getting to be too much. First I am privy to a free show in which Lily and James play tonsil hockey, then I end up agreeing with Sirius Black. I think I need to go back to the common room and lie down." Kathy turned around and started walking in the opposite direction, muttering to herself.
"Awwww… come on Kath-a-licious! I'm sure I'm not that bad. Besides, I've got a brilliant plan. Just wait until you hear it, you'll be kissing my shoes like there's no tomorrow." The amazing Mr. Black winked merrily at the bemused couple still standing in front of the open broom closet before waltzing merrily down the hallway.
XOXOXOXOXOX
"Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch!"
"Honestly Peter, just go see Madame Rosemart if you're in that much pain." Remust, the third member of the Marauders, brushed his shaggy blond hair out of his eyes and grinned down at his friend.
Tiny Peter shook his head. "No. I can't. You know Rosemart's apprentice, that Pompfrey girl is there. She'll laugh at me and call me a klutz for falling down that trick stair three times in one week."
"Oh come on, Poppy wouldn't laugh at you. You know she's not that kind of person." Remus suddenly stood taller as an idea came to him. "Unless you're scared of seeing her for different reasons. Does wittle Peter have a crush?"
Peter refused to meet the werewolf's eyes, choosing instead to limp along steadily while a rosy blush coloured his cheeks.
"Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. OUCH!" The little rat-boy was too busy sulking to notice a shoe lying directly in his path. Of course, Peter being Peter, he trod upon it rather ungracefully with his bad foot and slipped. Arms flailing about, the boy managed to snag hold of a doorknob that belonged to a very particular door that opened to a very particular broom closet
Unfortunately, Peter was not as light as he thought he was. The sudden weight of his falling put too much strain on the poor doorknob, and it turned very suddenly. The door opened soundlessly, leaving Peter to crash into the wall behind it and crumple to the ground.
Remus was on his knees, paralyzed with laughter.
Peter glared reproachfully at his friend, then carefully pushed himself up off of the ground. Casually, he glanced into the broom closet and froze.
"AHHHHHHHH!" Peter screamed.
"AHHHHHHHH!" Lily responded.
"Woah. Déjà vu." James rubbed his ears grumpily, having been woefully subjected to three bouts of screaming in the past ten minutes.
Remus laughed even harder, gasping for breath.
"Peter, what are you doing here?" Lily somehow managed to make herself heard, despite the fact that her entire face was currently hidden somewhere within the folds of James' shirt. Only one very embarrassed looking eye peeked out.
"I… uh… trick stair… Poppy… shoe! AHHHHHHHH!"
Having finally subsided in his laughter for the moment, Remus dragged himself up from the ground and quirked an eyebrow at the scene before him. "What Wormtail means to say, of course, is that we had finished dinner and were on our way back to the common room when he tragically fell victim to the trick stair on the 2nd floor. Due to his unwillingness to see the ravishing Mademoiselle Pompfrey, he decided to bravely walk up to Gryffindor Tower with a badly twisted ankle. Of course, neither he nor I could have foreseen the shoe that just happened to be lying in the middle of the hallway, making poor Peter trip and crash into the broom closet door, pulling it open and revealing the rather disturbing sight within."
James grimaced. "Moony, did I ever tell you that you talk too much?"
"Why don't you tell me something else, Prongs." Remus grinned a very werewolfish grin. "For example, why is there a shoe in the middle of the hallway? And why are you coincidentally missing your left boot?"
The lead marauder rumpled his hair sheepishly. "Um… Sirius?"
Remus laughed. "Yes. The explanation for everything that's crazy in this world."
"Hey, where's Peter?" Lily stepped out of the broom closet, casting her bright green eyes about confusedly. "He was here just a second ago."
The three looked at each other before shrugging and deciding to head back to the common room. James' left boot lay forlornly on the ground, waiting for its next victim to come by.
XOXOXOXOXOX
"AHHHHHHHH!" Peter burst through the portrait hole, looking as if he'd just seen the devil.
From the corner in which Kathy was huddled with Sirius, the girl looked up and winced sympathetically. "Let me guess… Lily and James?"
The frightened boy nodded furiously, plonking himself down into a seat next to Sirius. "The most horrible sight to ever befall my eyes!"
Sirius chuckled. "And I've devised a devious plan to never ever have to be subjected to it again. Go ahead Wormtail, tell me I'm brilliant."
"You're going to break up Lily and James? Excellent!" Peter rubbed his hands together evilly.
Kathy frowned. "Actually… no. I would never allow Sirius to do that. Haven't you seen how happy they are together?"
Peter blushed. "Hehe… I was only joking. Of course I don't want them broken up." He laughed nervously.
Sirius, ignoring the two, jumped up onto the table. "Behold, my dear little Wormtail, Sirius' master plan!" He spun around on the table before revealing a grimy sheet of paper.
Before Peter could question his sanity, Sirius jumped around on the table and waved furiously at the portrait hole.
"Padfoot, do get down from there. You're going to break the poor table." Remus rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, Padfoot. Get down." James laughed, shoving Sirius off the table and onto the ground.
Glaring up from his position on the floor, Sirius pouted. "How could you ever go out with a brute like this, Lilykins. You should dump him, and then watch him cry."
"… No." Lily smiled, before sitting herself down in James' lap.
Huffing furiously, the wounded boy pushed himself up off the ground and back onto the table. "Behold, my greatest achievement. The MUKAT!"
Kathy glared. "I thought we agreed that MUKAT was a horrible name and to never ever mention it again."
Sirius wheeled around on top of the table, dismissing the brown haired prefect with a wave of his hand. "The name isn't important. What's important is just what this map does."
"And what does it do?" Questioned a very amused Remus.
"Funny you should ask, Moony m'dear. This map, once it's completed, will show the location of every single person on the Hogwarts grounds. That way, we can just check the map and know if Lily and James are in a broom closet together, and avoid that closet if they are!"
Red hair and a fantastically rosy blush clashed together, making Lily look like a glowing Christmas ornament.
Of course, the other member of the aforementioned couple was not at all abashed. "Why, Padfoot, that's actually a pretty good idea."
"I knew you'd see it my way, Prongsie." Sirius beamed proudly down at his best friend and jumped up and down on the rickety table.
Peter followed Sirius' bouncing with his eyes. "You know, Padfoot, if you keep on hopping like that the table's going to break soon."
The bouncing did not cease. "Nonsense!"
Remus leaned forward, "You know, I really really like this idea. Congratulations Padfoot, you finally had a good one." Remus and Kathy locked eyes from across the table, exchanging an exasperated look at Sirius' bragging. "One thing though, I think we should add all the secrets of Hogwarts that we've discovered over these past years. You know in just one more year we'll be graduating. Somehow, we've got to record all of our secrets."
"Yeah! The Room of Requirement, all those secret passages to Hogsmeade. We should put them all down in the map. Great idea, Moony." James' hair stuck out at all angles as he ran his hand through it in excitement.
"Hey! It was my idea. My idea! Stop giving Remy all the credit. Hmph." Sirius jumped up and down even harder.
"Sirius…" Green eyes frowned up at the marauder. "You're going to break that table."
"Nonsense, Lilykins. This is a very sturdy table. It won't break."
Remus leaned forwards. "Anyway… Let's come up with a name for this map, seeing as MUKAT obviously won't work-"
Sirius interrupted. "Oh come on. MUKAT! Map for Us to Know About Them. Us being the rest of us, Them being Lilykins and Jamesie, and About being where they are!"
"Yeah, Padfoot, that is the worst combination of letters I have ever heard in my life." James made a face.
Peter put in his thoughts. "I second that opinion."
"So, what about… the Marauder's Map? We are the Marauders, after all, and this map is going to sum up all of our achievements in our years at Hogwarts." Remus said, nodding at the two sane marauders and frowning at the insane one who was still jumping on the table.
"But what about Lily and Kathy? They're not officially marauders. They should somehow be included, shouldn't they?" James glanced down fondly at his girlfriend.
Kathy quickly shook her head. "Oh no, no no no. Not us. We're prefects, we can't be caught with such a silly rule-breaking map. You can count Lily and me out."
"I agree. There's no way you're getting me involved in this." Lily shook her head at Sirius' puppy face.
"Come on Lilykins! And Kath-a-licious! It'll be fun, I promi-"
Sirius had jumped on the poor table one too many times.
Five pairs of very amused eyes peered down at the unfortunate boy. Lily shook her head and grinned. "I have to say it. I just have to."
"Say what?" The doggish marauder pouted.
"I told you so!"
Something I whipped up for one of my best friends. Enjoy!